Hiya! :D
Alright...so I've been bored and didn't feel like writing like anything.
But lo and behold when this week ended I started writing like crazy!
And this was the first I finished editing...or er trying to make sense of. Tehe~!
Well then...here you go. :)
Actually I'm almost done with this cause it's all prepped beforehand
it being a movie and not my original story. But I've tweaked it
a tiny bit to make it more of my version. :)
And an exercise to stop my control-freak writer tendency. :D
Enjoy. :)
Disclaimer: Kubo Tite (you dork!) owns Bleach (tm) I'm only using his
characters for entertainment purposes and I am making no money
from this at all. :D
P.S:Thanks to Notorious B.I.G. for inspiring me to write the beginning of this chap.
So yeah, when I said the hiphop thing got lost...
I think I just found it. :D
NieveDrop- Hi! Yeah, thank you. :) I just installed my MS Word
and it totally butchered this chapter. :D I also misspelled a few things. tehe~!
But it was fun writing without a constant grammar-magistrate a.k.a myself and MS Word! :P
WordPad just ain't cutting it in the proper grammar and spelling department.
I re-edited this the right way so I hope the coast is a wee bit clearer.
Hey, thanks guys for all the reviews/comments/favs & Alerts so far.
Means a lot. ^^.
Only two more chappies to go. So look forward to them.
Much love. :)
The Whackness f.f. ver. 1.2
June, 1994
This lonesome loneliness could definitely kill. So will the temperature that just kept rising and rising. The man on the news just said a hundred degrees today. I could feel it without taking a single step out of my apartment. This ain't the day to be getting out there but my alarm blares out and begs to disagree. I reach over and slap it off and the silence creeps out of its hiding place.
Sorry but lone boy can't stay in today. I got a hot date with my supplier.
It's cool the place where he holes up. One of the clichéd gangster types: a warehouse. Steel doors, henchmen with AKs looking down at you from the tip of their noses, muscles bulging, doing jumping jacks. 311 blaring from the boom box. I go in for more supply and I go out with a new mix thrown in.
All the method to madness shit and I am trying to undo all my fucking issues. But I got no time for my own shit cause I have got to deliver to people who needs for something to take care of their own shit. So I make my rounds of the city.
We shake hands to effect the exchange and I feel more than a little self-serving that I was in a somewhat better place than they were: on the other side of the looking glass.
I almost forget that I was the same as vital parts, limbs, loosing feeling.
And then I am back in that room and I'm facing Dr. Bucket Hat's rare thoughtful expression. And I lose all feeling of fronted self-satisfaction. The cracks on the side of the glass shatter revealing the illusion as a vision. And I'm back in my fucked up reality.
Today we are facing each other without the customary desk between us. We are facing each other with me stretched out on the day bed near the book shelf where his arguably more stressed-out patients lie down to relax while Dr. Bucket Hat sat on my usual leather chair with his fingers steepled lightly; tips to tips.
"Dr. Bucket Hat, do you prescribe medicine and shit?" I almost hesitate in asking but I have to. I have to get more variety to liven up the market. But he doesn't need to know that. No, no.
"Of course. Why do you ask, Kurosaki-san?" his expression was a sort of a blank but not quite. It was a little bit of earnest like; 'I'm listening well so tell me the problem' sort of look. Just with the way his forehead is bunched up, he's asking for a lot out of me today. Or maybe it's just my guilty conscience.
"What's for me?" I ask with as much innocent curiosity as I could pack without cracking under the pressure of his gaze.
"No shit." he still had on that look but now his eyebrows are raised. Surprise, surprise!
"I think recently I've been depressed." I make direct eye contact, then letting my gaze flit here and there to affect the disturbed, drug dealer. "I don't sleep good...I think too much."
Dr. Bucket Hat inhales noisily. "Kurosaki-san you ever hear the saying: 'The unexamined life is not worth living'?" He's unusually somber with brows furrowed as he leaned forward from the chair.
"Yeah, maybe the examined one isn't either." I was too involved with this asking and not asking that I could probably forget that I was in there to be asked myself.
"Oh no, come on. Don't talk like that." He sounded almost solemn as he shifted on his seat and fell back against the backrest. "Is this something to do with Kurt Cobaine?" He was actually serious but I cut him short.
"Look the point is...who says it's all got to be fucking sad like that you know?"
"Is there...something going on with you?" Now he sounds concerned more and more leaning forward to me.
"Yeah, of course something's going on. Isn't this what you get paid for?" I didn't mean for it to sound like I was auditioning to be a ten year old and he got the balls to look a little embarrassed for even asking it out loud. I've got to give him that.
"Man do the things they want to do to become the man they want to be. Do you understand?" He was trying to be patient with the patient and my mouth is once again hanging open with that reply. Now that I never would've seen coming.
"Sure." I said lamely.
"And that includes asking for help." He leans back farther onto the chair, waiting. Waiting, waiting. He isn't expectant, just calmly sitting. I even forget that he doesn't have his notebook and probably not jotting down this shit that had a stink all on its own surpassing all other unsavorable shit that ever hit the bottom pile.
"It's my...it's me." The reluctance was thick in the sound of my voice. But it was all out in the open now. And I wanted it to be the truth as far as I can recognize it. Because I almost lied and said I did not want to be a teenage drug dealer anymore. That I wanted to cleanse the impurities from this young adolescent body and be one with the faithful. But who the fuck am I kidding here. I sure can't lie that well to myself.
"There you go." He not quite jumps from the chair but he looks more energized than I've ever seen him in any of our previous history together in this room. "Life has a funny way of turning you into the one thing you don't want to be."
I did not want to hear sage sayings that hits too close for comfort. Everything stings.
"My life sucks." I state. "I swear it sucks."
"Kurosaki-san!" He exclaims my name with surprise and something I couldn't recognize. "Do you have any idea what I would give to be you again? Not you specifically but me at your age. Doesn't get any better!"
"Tell me that's not true." I start to shake my head. I was getting even more confused than if he just suddenly declared he was cheating on his wife with a man. Incredulous but still up for debate.
"Ah, you're fucking living, Kurosaki-san. It's great! Living!" He punctuates every exclamation mark with a tightening of a very threatening-looking fist. "Get your heart broken, find yourself face down in the gutter. Get your balls up, make a real mess of your life, son!"
"Is this what you tell all your patients." I don't say it like a question but it could be.
"You're sad. There's a difference." He says it like there really was supposed to be a difference. He's looking at me like he knew exactly what that difference was.
"No. I'm depressed. I'm totally depressed." I couldn't tell anymore who I was really convincing at this point because the slab of marble that I've visited in my dreams last night was back again. The name and the words below them was a non-stop running commentary in my head. Soon I'll have to come face to face with it, incense smoke making me choke.
He stares at me like he's disappointed with the words coming out of my mouth. But I don't have all day to talk him up to it and I am quickly losing every inch of equilibrium I've managed since I sat down. "Just give me those happy pills and we can call it a day!"
He stands up abruptly without bothering to spare me another glance. "Sorry, Kurosaki-san. I can't do that."
I have my mouth hanging wide open now brows furrowed on a full on frown. "And...and how do you suggest I deal then?"
He's made his way back to his table, both palms flat over the surface. "I suggest you talk about it with a friend."
"Like I said I don't have any friends." The words come out with a sneer. None left that would even look at me now.
He looks away for a moment then finally locks eyes with me very steadily. I should've seen this one coming.
"You have me."
My mouth stays open, "Great."
. . .
I march out the front door but not fast enough and knelt down in front of the cart I was fronting for my business. I was just unlocking the chain keeping it parked near the side walk when I hear my name called. I didn't even notice her approaching. I stood up quickly, brushing stray hair off my eyes and my gaze fell on the leash on her hand and to the little fluffy white dog attached from its collar.
"Yo, Ichigo." She stops in front of my cart, the dog sitting obediently on the pavement next to her feet.
"Yo, Rukia." I smile a little before pointing to the dog. "Who's this?"
"This is Jesus Christ. A Registered Emotional Companion." she said it in her usual matter-of-fact tone of voice with a little smile. I nod along with every word she uttered and forget about the part that the dog is a registered E.C. which ought to speak for itself. I should rent me one of those.
"But I can guess what you're doing here." Now she's the one shaking her head immersed with a different thought entirely.
"Yeah, he paged me." I jerked my thumb to the direction of the house I just came out of.
"The dude smokes more weed than I do. It's pathetic."
"Do you like him?"
"Urahara-san? No, not really." She smiles a smile that totally contradicts her earlier statement.
I just keep nodding. I was too busy staring at her smile I never even saw her next words coming.
"You should hear about the crazy people that come into the guy's office." Her voice was light, casual even. She was just making conversation. But I freeze all over. My shoulders tense, my neck muscles practically bunched up as I wait for her next words. When she didn't say anything I had to make my mouth move so I can ask her how she knew about that.
"He tells you about that shit?" I applaud myself for the calm way I was speaking.
"Yeah."
"I mean...he's not like supposed to tell you, right? Like there's confidentiality or whatnot?" I could not believe this shit. Fucking Dr. Bucket Hat just tells random people about his fucking crazy patients. And I just had to hear about it from Rukia of all the possible random people.
"Yeah. He told me about this one guy who-Jesus Christ, no!" Before she could finish what she was saying we both heard it. The sound of pee hitting pavement and then we saw where it was shot: the tire of my cart was now glistening with fresh warm dog pee.
"I'm sorry about that..." she looked flustered now as she gently tugged on the leash urging the dog to move away from the cart.
"It's all right." I was still staring at her sheepish smile.
"Is this yours?" She was taking a closer look at the cart while keeping Jesus Christ away from it at the same time.
"Uh...yeah. This is my summer job." I did not fucking sound like the loser that I am-at all.
There was a pause as she tried not to burst out laughing or bust out a rude snarky comment. She opts for polite incredulity. "You sell ices?"
"No. That's my cover." A grin spreads across my face as I approach the cart. "Check it out." I opened the top while cautiously looking around if anyone was nearby as she peered in.
She gasped before quickly looking up at me. "Oh shit! That's a lot of green!" She was grinning now. "So you just...how does it work?"
I look at her for a moment and decided she actually was curious. "Can I show you?" A hopeful smile betrays my cool.
Her eyebrows rose but the smile never left her lips. "Sure. Let me drop the dog off."
"Sure." I watch her go still not believing what was happening, what was about to happen. I lick my lips unsure somehow. But anticipation just covers it up.
. . .
We take the route through the park. She walking beside me and me pushing the cart all casual like I was actually selling real ices. Its funny how being this close to her makes me so relaxed I haven't even lit the spliff of the day yet.
"I'm not gonna get arrested am I?" Her voice jerks me slightly from my perch cause she actually sounded worried.
"Just act calm and follow my lead." I look her in the eye with a smile and after a second she smiled back. "That's her."
I keep pushing the cart over to where a tiny girl was dancing to the beat of tribal drums. Long strawberry red pig tails flying off every direction as her arms made slow arcs above her head, round and round on sandaled feet.
"Hi, Ichigo."
She stops her wild dancing to stand beside the guy still beating on the drums and gestured with her cigarette wielding hand, "This is Shinji. We just ate mushrooms." The guy gave them a nod of greeting as he pounded on his drums with a wide predatory grin.
"So how much did you guys need again?" I ignore the words she just said and she does the same to me.
"We met at the sea side." she stopped dancing all together and took a long drag off her cigarette. "And it felt like...when you take ecstasy when you're with somebody really...meaningful to you..."
"Euphoria." Rukia called out from my side as she carefully watched this slideshow unfolding.
"What?" the girl turns to Rukia with a half-surprise look on her face as she exhales smoke into our direction.
"It's called euphoria." Rukia repeats a little more clearly.
"Euphoria...eu-pho-ri-a!...euphoria!" the guy called Shinji started beating his drums a little louder as he punctuated each beat with every syllable of the word he uttered. The girl beside him started her dancing again and made a heart-shape in the air with her fingers as she smiled languidly.
Rukia and I exchange glances.
"Did you do something with your hair?" The girl asks as she pointed at me then to her own hair.
I shake my head ruefully not changing my expression of masked confusion. "No." As far as I can tell it was still the same shade of orange it was the day before and the same messy spikes it's always been before. I blame the damn mushrooms. She's way, way, way over the rainbow.
"You look cuter." She gives me a full blown flirty smile.
I give the girl a perfunctory smile as she took another drag off her cigarette. Rukia's voice reminds me to get back to business. "There's like cops around. So...can we do this?" She looked carefully around, face serious.
After the exchange the girl started dancing around again. Spinning in crazy circles, cigarette held aloft. The sound of tribal drums and straw slippers slapping the pavement drowned by the traffic as we walked farther away.
. . .
The next stop I should've issued out a warning to Rukia but I didn't realize I had to. I usually just slip in and slip out during these transactions. But then again the start of this day wasn't exactly how my usual runs go by way of normalcy.
I had to knock a few times just to be sure she heard me from whatever haze she was in on the other side. Then finally her voice came out, slightly muffled by the door. "Ichigo? Who's the girl? Is she a cop?"
"No." I leaned down to peer at the peep hole. "This is my friend, Rukia." I glance at her for a moment. "Rukia this is Lisa."
"Hi. Nice to meet you." Rukia does a little wave.
There was a muffled "Hi..." as the locks gave way and the door finally opens."Come on in."
I can't help the bemused smile from showing as I step first into the room. Lisa stepped further in to let us pass and gesturing with her cigarette she waves it to Rukia's direction. "She's hot."
I just let my smile widen just a little bit.
The room was bathed in soft light. It was very vintage 80's chic, record player near the door with the records all stacked neatly. A guitar sitting on the corner reading chair by the window shaded with gauze-like curtains.
"I'm sorry about the cop stuff. You know...the stories you hear. You can't be too careful." She kept talking as she settled back on the bed in the middle of the room and adjusting a tiny black holey cardigan over her silk nightie. We just stood there side by side as we wait for her to finish telling us all the shit she just has to get out.
"So I had to do this today though because I have this guy coming into town tomorrow. And we don't have anything to talk about unless we're stoned." She paused to take a drag. "But if we're stoned in bed he's like...he's a really nice guy." She smiles a crooked smile as she adjusts her eyeglasses higher the bridge of her nose.
My smile is already almost at its limit and it already hurts to keep it in place but I stand there just humoring her. I glance at Rukia behind me and caught her averting her head as she tried to stifle a laugh and bit on the grin spreading on her lips. When she looked back up she had on a blank look on her face.
"Ichigo, can I ask you something? Just for a sec..." Lisa apparently did not notice anything amiss. She just kept right on talking. I nod for her to go on. "Why are men so complicated?" She pauses for a moment. "Is it because I'm intimidating? Am I intimidating because I play an instrument?"
I watch her take another careful drag off her cigarette and consider what I was going to say to that.
"No..." I falter for a bit as something she said actually registered. "You play an instrument?"
"No, I know...I forgot you don't know anything about me." She was looking at her lap as she spoke with a tiny corner smile on her lips.
"I mean...I don't even need to know anything about you, Lisa."
But like she had been doing since we came in, she completely ignored what I just said and kept right on talking. I just stay silent fidgeting just a little and wondering what Rukia must think of all this...
"I played in a band in the 80's." She still wasn't looking up even as she kept smoking. "Well in '82 we were really big."
I had just opened my mouth not really knowing what to say anymore when she directed the conversation to Rukia who was looking around the room. "What about you...uh, Rukia right?"
Rukia turned at the sound of her name.
"You must have some insight to the mind of men. I mean he must be a handful so..." Lisa was gesticulating with her cigarette again.
I gave a vigorous shake of my head, blinking a few times to clear the sudden image that popped into my mind."Oh...we're not...that."
"No...we're not like that...that." Rukia had that smile on her face that says: What the fuck?! But I won't be a bitch that's why I'm smiling at you real nice like this right now.
"I think you're really beautiful and you have really good chemistry. Don't you think you should try it once and just see how it feels?" Lisa had on that look like Dr. Bucket Hat often has. That eerie calm and reasonable look. But the situation just got way off the rails and I even wonder that we're having any kind of conversation at all.
"Lisa. I could just like sell you some weed. We can leave it at that." I offer just so she would just stop. Not embarrassing at all. I could already feel my cheeks burning.
"Oh, yeah. Okay." She pauses again to think how much she needs. "A quarter of bubblegum."
My smile returns as I reach into my bag and Rukia and I share another stiffly awkward glance. "Yeah."
We exchange weed for money. "Okay, we're good."
"Thanks." Lisa murmurs. "Yeah...and the door when you shut it it just locks." She was already preoccupied by a paperback as we hurriedly made our way to the door and I don't bother to not slam the door on the way out in my haste to put distance between me and that beyond awkward atmosphere brewing in there.
Lisa took another drag as she turned a page, "Thanks you guys."
. . .
Back in the streets as we neared Rukia's apartment walking in less than ideal silence, she offered the one thing I've never actually got the balls to ask her before.
"Ichigo, you should take my number. Okay. Call me some time."
I turn to face her as she rummaged inside her bag for pen and paper but her words hadn't registered yet so I'm in the middle of looking like a complete idiot. "Call you?"
"Yeah."
Then something clicks but not quite. "You mean for weed?"
"No, man. To hang out." She clears that out by staring me right in the eyes before she continued to write out her number. "The city can get so lonely when there's nobody to talk to."
I just look at her like finally I had a chance handed out to me. I couldn't help but smile at that. Then she dropped the bomb.
"I think we could be friends."
She was still busy writing so she didn't see my smile slip as I look away for a bit. "Friends?"
"Yeah, friends. You know like homies, buddies, amigos." She rips the paper from the pad and handed it to me. "Just take my number okay?"
I look at it with my smile starting up again. "Alright. I'll definitely call you." When I look up again the doorman was already letting her inside her building. I pocket the piece of paper securely and hurriedly left. No point in prolonging the mixed agony and ecstasy by ogling empty space in front of a perfectly respectable neighborhood.
Still I'm not quite sure I should be trusting her words nor what she does actually mean by us hanging out...together...for the summer.
Thanks for reading! :)
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