"Thanks for driving me to the pool, puddin'," said Harley the next day, as Joker helped her out of the car in front of the indoor swimming pool.
"That's ok, pooh – I got time to kill before my meeting," he replied.
"What meeting?" she asked.
"For the baby's room, pooh, I told you," he said. "Jervis Tetch recommended this gal called Jenna Duffy, who calls herself the Carpenter – she apparently specializes in designing bespoke furnishings, particularly for our kind of people. He said he gave her specs for this Wonderland room, and she built it perfectly. I thought maybe she'd be good for doing a clown theme for Joker Junior."
"Yeah, sounds like a plan," agreed Harley. "So…what's she look like?"
"How should I know?" asked Joker. "I've never met her. But here's her card…"
He handed her a business card with the picture of a very attractive young lady on it – blonde haired, blue eyed, and petite, just like Harley used to be. She was instantly jealous.
"You wanna…maybe wait until my class is over, and we can see her together?" she suggested.
"Well, I'd hate to reschedule – she's pretty in demand and pretty busy," said Joker. "This was the only opening she had for weeks, or of course I would've invited you along to talk to her. But I'm sure I can handle it, pumpkin pie. I'll call you before I decide to give her our business though, how about that?"
"Yeah…ok, Mr. J," said Harley, trying to calm down. There was no reason for her to be jealous – this was just the pregnancy hormones getting the better of her. And she was just feeling a little insecure about her weight and attractiveness, but there was no reason for her to feel that way, she reminded herself. Mr. J had never strayed before, and he wouldn't stray now, especially not for some knock-off version of her…
They entered the indoor pool's reception and headed over to the desk. "Hi, Miss Quinn is here for her water aerobics class," said Joker.
"Of course, sir," said the receptionist, an attractive young woman with brown hair and glasses. "If you or she could just fill out these forms, she'll be sent right in."
"Thanks, sweetheart," said Joker, taking them from her. Harley's jealousy flared up again, for no reason. They headed toward the chairs opposite the desk, and the Joker accidentally knocked past two women who were leaving the pool, dripping wet and dressed in bikinis.
"'Scuse me," he said politely, and then sat down. Harley glared after the women, who giggled, looking back at Joker flirtatiously.
"I don't like you looking at other women," she snapped.
"What?" asked Joker, looking up at her, surprised.
"I don't like you looking at other women," she repeated. "Stop doing it."
"I was looking at this form..." he began.
"You looked at those women when you ran into them," interrupted Harley.
"I ran into them because I wasn't looking at them!" he retorted.
"Yeah, but then you looked at them to say 'excuse me'!" she snapped. "I want you to stop that!"
He stared at her. "So…I need to stop being polite, and if I see a woman, any woman at all, I need to stop looking at them and immediately cover my eyes, is that it?" he asked.
Harley was about to respond when another attractive blonde woman in a bikini came over. "Excuse me, but do you have the time?" she asked.
"Sure, sweetheart, it's…" began Joker, glancing at his watch.
"Get the hell outta here!" shrieked Harley, instantly furious and shoving the girl away. "Don't come over here all barely dressed with your toned body and your flat stomach and your pert boobs and pretend like you wanna know what time it is! He's taken, all right?! I'm carrying his baby! And I know I don't look great now, but he don't have any interest in other women!"
"Harley, what the hell's the matter with you?" demanded Joker.
"Nothing's the matter with me – there are just too many attractive women everywhere!" snapped Harley. "And you're dumping me in this water aerobics class while you go off to meet another one…"
"I thought you wanted to go to the water aerobics class," he protested. "You said it would relieve your backache and your swelling…"
"I may be swelling, but I'm still an attractive woman!" shrieked Harley. "And I don't…want you to cheat on me!"
She burst into tears, and Joker just stared at her. And then he grew angry. "You stupid girl," he muttered. "You stupid, stupid girl! You're lucky you're pregnant, or you'd get the beating of a lifetime for saying something like that! What, you think I'll just instantly jump into bed with any nice-looking gal who shows me a little attention?! You think I'm easy?! Is that what you think?! Because you of all people know I ain't!"
"No, puddin', I just think…I feel really unattractive," she murmured. "And my mind and feelings are all over the place, because of the baby, and I just…think that life's too perfect for me right now. So I'm paranoid something's gonna go wrong. Nothing this wonderful can last..."
"Harley, if there's one thing I can't stand, it's a pessimist!" snapped Joker. "Now stop all this crying nonsense! I am going to have a meeting with a woman, and we are going to talk about our baby's room, and that's it. Our baby, as in yours and mine. You are going to go to this class so you can relax and relieve some stress, and stop saying stupid things and living up to the stereotype of a dumb blonde! Understand?"
She nodded. "I just…y'know, Mr. J, she's a young, pretty woman, who looks a little bit like I used to…and I've read somewhere that guys…when they start having kids…well, they sometimes get mid-life crises and hook up with younger women…"
"What the hell do you think you were, Harley?!" roared Joker. "How old do you think I am?! You were my mid-life crisis, you little brat – I already had one of those, and look how it turned out! I got some nagging, clinging dame who won't let go stuck with me for life! I ain't crazy enough to have another one! Now if you say one more stupid word, I swear I'll hit you, pregnancy or no pregnancy! Just get in there and enjoy your class, you got it, you dumb broad?!"
Harley nodded, taking the form from him. "I love you, puddin'," she whispered, kissing him. He stormed out of the building and Harley took her form over to the receptionist.
"Y'know, I had an abusive boyfriend once," she said. "You should get outta that while you can. Just some friendly advice."
Harley stared at her. "What?" she whispered.
"I know it's hard," said the receptionist, nodding. "Especially now that you're pregnant and all, but you deserve better, y'know. If you have the courage to break free, you'll never regret it."
Harley just looked at her contemptuously. "You just don't get it, do you?" she muttered.
"Get what?" asked the receptionist. "He's an abusive creep…"
"He's the Joker!" she snapped. "Of course he has to be an abusive creep to me! He's got like a billion enemies! His abuse protects me! It makes people think I'm not special to him, so they don't target me to hurt him! His abuse keeps me safe. It's the reason I'm still alive. But you're too stupid to get that, just like everyone else," she muttered, heading into the pool. "At least I ain't gotta worry about Mr. J showing any interest in you – he don't hold with stupid people."
Which at the moment included her, Harley reminded herself. She had to get her head together and relax – Mr. J loved her, and only her. He wasn't going to have anything to do with any other woman, and she needed to stop being so paranoid.
It was about to become much easier said than done.
