Slipped away

Epilogue

By Zeldagurl

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or Kagome or Buyo.

(Begin)

Death is one thing that no living creature has ever been able to conquer.

All of us, every single creature on this earth will die someday. It is a fact that all of us knowingly accept, but we don't really understand until it comes, glaring at us in the face. It doesn't have to be a person, it can be an animal, and any being that has ever taken a part of our love...

Once that being is gone, most of us realize how puny we really are.

We realize the fragility of life, and the lives of the people we know and love.

But also, we realize how lonely life can be without someone, or something.

I sit on my bed, thinking in the quiet of the twig light, gripping the soft cloth of my comforter in my hands as time passes me by. I look up at my dresser,

It's been nine months since we put Buyo to sleep...

It would hardly seem like it to me and it rarely ever does. It feels like it was just a month ago, or just a few weeks ago. The grief is still fresh in my mind, and I can still touch the feelings that I had the day we went in, and I watched him die.

I've slowly healed over the time it's been, struggling with my grief and wanting to forget, and yet not wanting to. It was a long ordeal that now seems to have passed in the blink of an eye. It's so ironic, that the pain that I thought would last forever, now seems so far away and long ago, that I no longer clearly remember how it feels. I think that it began to go away a month after it happened, the fresh, hot, blinding pain began to cool down inside of me to become something else entirely different.

Now, the only thing that I have left from that day is an aching pain that comes back now and then. When I look at his cat carrier, or see another cat, or even look at his favorite spot to sit in the kitchen, I remember him, and the pain comes crawling back to me...

And now, here I am, waiting for Inuyasha to come and get me. I'm all packed and ready, and I'm just waiting for him, even though I should probably spare myself the strife of being yelled at for being late again. I wait anyway, and I think, in my spare time, about my little Buyo.

I've done some things that I look back on now, seeing that they were kind of foolish to do. I don't know if I regret doing them or not. I'm not sure if they were part of the healing process, or just a silly bid to hold onto what little of Buyo that I still had left...

I was in my room once, pulling a box of pictures out from under my bed, when I spied some white hairs on my floor. I stopped what I was doing immediately and looked at these hairs, wondering if they could possibly be... Buyo's. These hairs were white, with a little brown at the tip of them, just like Buyo used to have. I scooped these hairs up, overwhelmed at the physical things still left behind from my cat. I put these hairs in a bottle and sealed it tightly, putting it on my dresser for safe-keeping.

I look up at my dresser now and look at the little bottle, sitting next to a picture of Buyo sitting there and staring at the camera nearest to my mirror. I never touch these things, except sometimes just to look at the hair and remind myself that Buyo did once exist.

I never really told anyone about the hair, not even Inuyasha. I kept it my own little secret, maybe because I was ashamed that I was doing things like, keeping a dead cats hair, and looking at it from time to time. I just couldn't see everyone thinking that doing something like that was normal, much less Inuyasha, who was always very supportive to me with all the while, but always still walking on eggshells around me when Buyo was concerned.

I wrote songs, and poems, and I even picked out a song that I listened to that described the situation I was in now perfectly. I would put that song on, and sing, and cry, and imagine that I was still with him. I even wrote a couple of letters to Buyo, telling him how sorry I was, and how much I really missed him. I drew pictures of him, made up stories, and found many creative ways to grieve for him in a way that I could hold onto.

But most recently... We were pet sitting a cat that belonged to my aunt. She was such a sweet cat, affectionate and loving, even to people she didn't know. She liked me especially, and would always rub against my legs and come and sit in my lap, purring as I pet her for hours on end. She reminded me of how lonely I had become without Buyo.

I had gotten so used to being without him, that I forgot how soft his fur was, and how warm he was, and how good it felt to have a creature that would never push me away. I had missed that for the nine months I had been without him.

Sometimes, as I was sitting there petting this cat, I would close my eyes and imagine that it was Buyo in my lap again. This cat's fur was softer, and she was not as fat as Buyo once was, but I caught myself believing for just a moment that I WAS actually petting Buyo. But then I would open my eyes and see the real cat looking up at me with cute green eyes, purring and loving me insanely as an animal always does.

"Kagome?" I looked up out of my stupor to see Inuyasha climbing in through my open window.

"Hi Inuyasha." I smiled at him from where I sat.

He moved over to where I sat and sat down next to me, taking a neutral expression while most likely trying to determine why I was late, and if it involved me crying or being upset in any way.

"You're late." He said simply.

"Yeah, I know." I peered out from under my black bangs at him, only to see that he was oh-so-discreetly doing the same thing, analyzing the situation. He blushed as his eyes met mine and looked away, getting that look that he always got when he was wholly uncomfortable.

I smiled and looked away myself, caught up in the warm feeling that I got when I realized that he had been worrying about me.

Inuyasha had been more than accommodating in my time of grief for my cat. He had always been the first to understand why I wasn't feeling so well at a given moment, or why I just didn't feel like celebrating with the others from time to time. He would change completely from the insensitive jerk who I'd once known. He would often leave, and stay, according to my wishes. He would hold me when I was scared or lonely, and comfort me when I was angry at myself for letting Buyo die. He never hesitated when it came to Buyo, and he never asked any questions, or pulled away uncomfortably when I was upset.

"Is it Buyo?" He said quietly, managing to avoid my gaze with expert grace.

I looked up at him and smiled brightly,

It had been nine months, and he still didn't expect me to get over this anytime soon. I was amazed at the change that Buyo had unknowingly wrought in Inuyasha -and maybe even me too-, maybe kind of bringing us up to speed with each other, at least on some smaller level.

"Not so much anymore, Inuyasha." I said quietly, looking down at my feet resting on my pink carpet.

He peered at me once more, probably trying to see if I was crying, or close to crying. I smiled at him and shook my head,

"I'm okay Inuyasha." I said, almost forcefully.

"Are you sure?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah."

We were silent for a moment or two, both look down and around, doing anything to avoid looking each other in the face and saying something that we would regret.

I just realized that I was so grateful to him for caring to understand.

Some people just wouldn't get it when I told them that my cat had died, they didn't understand why that was cause to be so upset so frequently. They probably thought I was wasting my energy on something that theoretically compares nothing to a human life. But, I never understood them either...

All of the time that we had Buyo, I didn't think of him as just a little cat, part of the background and nothing else. I thought of him, as a part of my heart, my love, and my life. Cats and people aren't all that different where love is concerned. I was just so glad that Inuyasha understood that...

"Inuyasha, thanks." I looked up at him with the utmost seriousness in my eyes.

"For what?" He blinked at me and set his mouth in that I-don't-get-you expression.

"You've been here for me when I've needed you to understand, and you didn't get mad or frustrated because I wasn't always up to getting up every morning and hunting for shards. I'm glad that I had you there with me, to help me through all of this." I said, scooting over closer to him and lifting his arm for a hug. He blushed deeply and looked away, letting me do as I wanted with his arm as I placed mine around his middle.

"Don't worry about it." He said roughly, bringing his arms awkwardly to wrap around me as well.

I snuggled into his warmth and closed my eyes, breathing in his musky smell and feeling more at home than I ever had with anyone else, even my little Buyo.

And so, in my head, I prayed a small prayer, not knowing if Buyo would hear me, or if it was even going to go beyond the parameters of my mind. But I prayed with all of my heart, and all of my soul,

'Buyo, I hope you can hear me. I want to tell you that I miss you, and that I still love you, a lot. I pray that wherever you are, if you are anywhere, you are happy, and that you are content where you are. I know that I'll always miss you, and feel your absence always, but I'm beginning to heal, and I hope with all of my heart that you know that too. It's only because of this guy right here...'

I looked up at Inuyasha, who was now looking down at me with one of those rare, beautiful smiles that I get to see from time to time, directed at me.

'...that I'm able to stand. I'll miss you always baby and I'll never forget you, until the day I die.'

I swallowed tentatively and smiled back at him, lifting a timid hand and bringing it to rest on his tanned cheek. He took my hand and held it there hesitantly, obviously not sure if he should even be doing something like that. His fingers twined with mine, and I basked in the warmth of his clawed hand, warmed by his radiant smile.

Maybe I would never find closure, or a way to completely get over losing one of my best friends. Maybe this was one of those things that I would never truly conquer. Maybe it was a thing... Maybe HE was a being that I would never forget...

And for a moment, I remember that I never want all of the pain to go away, simply because to stop feeling the pain that he's gone, would be to forget about him, even all of the good times that I know we both shared. So in a way, I didn't want the closure that I had craved months and months ago.

Not any more...

'Thank you for everything, Kit... I love you and I... Goodbye.' I sighed with the end of my little prayer and smiled contently for the moment, feeling in my heart, deeply and truly, that Buyo had heard me, once more.

And for just a second, that feeling flooded through me, the feeling that I used to feel when he would look up at me and purr at the very sight of me, at the feel of my hand, and the smile on my face.

I felt it... And I knew that he heard me too...

(End)

Authors note: Thanks for reading!

I wanted to write an Epilogue to slipped away, because the story really wasn't over when I typed the last few words in the story. I've gone on, and I've been sad, happy, angry and all types of things ever since. I'm at the point now, where I remember my kitty once in a while, and I still get sad when I remember those feelings, and that day.

But a lot of those things have passed in these last nine months without her, and I've grown up a lot, mainly because I've been so lucky to have friends that really understood, much like Inuyasha did in this story.

(Thanks Jessica Kay and Jessica May, you really helped me to get through all of this, I'm grateful that both of you are my best friends!)

If anyone who reads this story wants to tell me their story about their pet, I would be glad to listen. I know how it feels to think that no one gets how you feel about this special part of your life that has suddenly gone away. When I first posted ch.1, I got so many saddened reviews and beautiful stories, I'm so thankful that a lot of you trusted me enough to tell me.

Thank you for reading!

-Zeldagurl