Harry's eyes widened considerably with shock. He thought Sirius hadn't escaped Azkaban? Everyone knew had escaped from there. His picture had been pasted up on every available window for months. Then again, the man was claiming to have been in the Malfoy Manor cellar for sixteen years. With revulsion, Harry realized that, assuming this man was telling the truth, the Death Eaters wouldn't have wanted him to have any hope, no matter how small it was. And, if he was James Potter, as unbelievable as it was, he would probably care for his friends' lives even more than his own. At least Harry did, anyway, and Harry was supposed to be just like James. Ron, seeming to take pity on the man's lost expression, said in an almost soft tone,
"That's not true." The man just stared up with his dark, dark eyes; he was clearly not even allowing himself to hope. Harry swallowed hard; exactly how twisted with paranoia was this man after sixteen years? Even if it wasn't James Potter, he was a prisoner; Harry's gut told him that. It also, as much as he didn't want to recognize it, said that the prisoner would never be the same. Anyway, why would a Death Eater plot against them after they had been captured? There was no real point, unless it was just to spite them.
Suddenly, there was a shriek from upstairs. Seemingly unable to hold it in, Ron yelled back, as if it could help her,
"HERMIONE! HERMIONE!" The man flinched back at the yell, ever-so-slightly. Still, no emotion flashed in his eyes. There was a rustling sound from deeper within the cellar.
"Harry? Ron? Is that you?" A shadow emerged into the faint light. It was Luna.
"Luna?" Harry said, incredulously.
"Yes, it's me! Oh no! I didn't want you to get caught – oh." She let out a gasp of surprise at the man whom both boys were crouching next to. Her expression became even grimmer as she bit her lip and said in a lachrymose tone,
"Oh dear. He's getting worse…" Worse? Had Luna befriended this man? Harry relaxed slightly. As eccentric as she was, Luna was a startlingly good judge of character. The man showed no reaction to her words, and as the conversation continued, he only watched, uninterested, as if it wasn't about him.
"Worse?" Harry questioned. Before Luna could answer, another one of Hermione's screams echoed off the walls.
"HERMIONE!" Ron yelled again. Luna, after looking up to the ceiling sadly, fixed her eyes of the man and said,
"He doesn't want to live anymore." Luna clarified. The man had no reaction, not even a flash in his hazel eyes. Harry felt goose bumps rise on his arms; Luna's words echoing though his head, as if mocking him. It made a terrible amount of sense. The dead look in his eyes; the almost longing way he spoke of his own death… He wanted it to happen, needed it to happen. It was one of the most appalling things Harry had ever seen. Never, not even in Sirius' eyes less than a year after his escape from Azkaban, had he seen this man's expression. It was horrendous, gruesome, unspeakable, and it made sense. Finally, the man spoke. The words seemed to be trying to defend his reasons, but the tone was so exact, so definite, yet so tired. It was as if a moiety of his soul was gone, and it would never be recovered.
"I have nothing to live for." Another voice materialized from the gloom.
"That's not true, Mr. Potter." Mr. Olivander came into sight from the cellar's shadows. When the man showed no signs of responding, his interest in the conversation solely about him fading, Harry asked in a low tone,
"Is it really him?" Mr. Olivander fixed his unnerving gaze unblinkingly on Harry, and Harry was immediately reminded of his vision of Olivander being tortured by Voldemort.
"I recognize every wand I have ever sold, Mr. Potter. The wand that Mr. Pettigrew was using belonged – belongs – to James Potter." Ron looked at James in pity, which James didn't notice, his eyes already fixed on something only he could see
"Why does Wormtail use his wand?" he wondered. Before anyone could answer, another one of Hermione's screams echoed through the cellar. Ron raced to the door, but of course, it wouldn't budge. After a moment, he came back, realizing he was no help to Hermione. Besides, they were going to escape, right? And the more they knew about this man; the more they could trust him; the more likely it was that they'd have his help to escape, too. He clearly understood exactly how Malfoy Manor worked after being there so long. They needed to make James trust them. When he returned, and Hermione's screams fell to muffled sobs, something that broke Ron's heart, James answered, surprising, seeing as his eyes were still focused on nothing,
"To ridicule me. One day, though, he'll kill me with it." James' voice adopted a soft tone as he spoke of his death, as if the topic was delicate, as if it was a wish or a dream, rather than a nightmare. Harry shivered slightly and said,
"You still have something to live for! What about Remus?" James refused to bring his eyes off the ground. With revulsion, Harry noticed for the first time that it was slick with James' blood. That was when he truly realized how terrible James looked. His hair was past messy and hung down past his shoulders. He had a mustache and a beard. They were caked with dirt and blood. Scratches and scars, some new, some old, were on his arms and legs. They were from when he was under the Cruciatus curse, and the pain was so great that he had tried to claw his own skin off to stop it, to numb it. He was shivering, and the clothes he wore were in tatters. Under his eyes were dark rings, and his lips were split in more than one place. One of his arms was broken harrowingly. Most of the blood had probably been caused by it. The bone seemed to have tried to heal itself, and only managed to heal the incorrect way. It probably ached as though it had been run over by a horde of Thestrals.
"Remus is dead. They killed him. I'm the last one left, and I won't be for much longer," James said lugubriously. Luna responded quietly,
"Oh no, James. Professor Lupin is alive. It's all right." Of everyone, James appeared to trust Luna the most, though not much. He glanced up at her quickly, before returning his eyes to the cold stone. After a moment of silence, he looked up and met her eyes fully.
"Professor?" he asked quietly.
"Oh yes!" Luna said with an expression bordering happiness. "He was the best Defense Professor we ever had." James eyes gained a sparkle in them, as he thought of his old friend. Against his own will and better judgment, he had begun to hope – wish – that it would be true. James smiled ever-so-slightly. The first real smile, not bitter, not sardonic, that Harry could remember from his father.
"That sounds like him," James breathed, "Did he know Padfoot was innocent?" There was a strange emphasis on the word 'Padfoot'. It hit Harry why right as Ron answered, still clearly worried about Hermione,
"After third year he did!" Harry almost groaned aloud with frustration. That had been a test. To the best ofJames' knowledge no one but he, Remus, Sirius, and Wormtail had known their nicknames. For Ron to recognize them, it would mean to James that Wormtail had told them. Harry was right for James' eyes immediately lost their gleam and returned to their dead state, but they seemed even more lost than before. That was why James was so leery as to trust them. Each time he had hoped, his hopes had been crushed into nothing, leaving him even more broken each time. And he was almost at rock bottom with no way back up.
Hi! Sorry for how angsty this is. I've read too many stories that have James never die or come back to life that are all happy and cheerful and don't seem very real. I have finally decided if James will get better or not!
Please review! They make my day! 22 for the first chapter was AMAZING!
PonygalBlack0911: Thanks! Sorry, though. I'm afraid this chapter doesn't make James any more animated.
PoppyECM: Thank you! Here's the next chapter! Another might be up by Monday, too!
Golden Snitch : I already know how the Priori Incantantum worked! I made sure to find a way for that to work before I posted the first chapter because I didn't want the fanfic to lose quality.
WeasleyTheAgent : Thanks! I love you for reviewing!
HorseMagic17 : Oi! No threatening to get an update! ;) I'll try to make it so you don't have to!
Jullla : Glad you think so, and here's an update!
TheAngelOnYourRight: Thanks! Here's more!
Ulimo: Thanks! I pride myself on my originality!
JamesFreakingPotter : Asdfghjkl! Here's more!
: Thanks! Here ya go!
the red ape: Luna and Olivander are in this chapter! This is even sadder, but it's an angst for a reason, so…..
Jannafrancine : Thank you! Here's more!
Anora Blaze Trueheart: Thanks! I can feel my ego growing!
Dndchk: Thanks! Here's more! And I wanted to thank you for the continued support you show to me as an author! I don't think you've missed reviewing one chapter of anything I wrote! Thank you SO SO SO SO much!
Mythomagic-Champion : I'm glad you think so!
Anele1996: Thank you1 Here's an update!
HogwartsDreamer113: I'm glad you think so!
horselovr171: They will eventually. They'll be rescued next chapter.
Fino-Lilian: Sorry, not that exciting yet, but it's coming up soon… I go into exactly how messed up James is in this one…
demigirl606: I'm happy you think so!
