Author's note: Thank you all for your feedback! I'm so glad you all enjoyed the first chapter. Here's the next one, from Kíli's POV - I think it will explain some of the things that the last chapter left unclear.
One word on research: I always try my best to get the facts about Elves, Dwarves and other inhabitants of Middle Earth right, but I am no Tolkien expert. So I apologize for any mistakes that I might make along the way. Also, the circumstances of Tauriel's condition might seem a little off to some of you right now, but I promise to address all that at some point. I do have a plan ;)
Enough rambling, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit.
Chapter II
Sleeping outside, exposed to the elements, had a great many disadvantages. The ground, no matter how soft the grass covering it, could never be as comfortable as a proper bed and you would always wake up to a slight pain in your neck and back or find that one or several limbs have gone dead from lying in the wrong position for too long. Your clothes would feel slightly damp from the morning dew or, worse, be soaked completely after a rainy night. The chirping of the birds in the early hours of the morning, while quite enjoyable if you only heard it from time to time, would begin to get on your nerves eventually, robbing you of your sleep when mind and body were telling you that it was still much too early to rise. Not even to speak of the various bugs and spiders that you would frequently have to contend with. All in all it could be a very tiresome business compared to having a roof over your head and soft, clean, dry (!) bedding to curl up in.
What Kíli would never tire of, however, was lying under the wide sky in the wee hours of the morning, waiting for the first rays of sunlight to creep across the lands, watching the golden and auburn reflections they would create in Tauriel's hair once they reached the pair of them, marveling every morning at the way the break of day seemed to light a fire inside of her, making her come alive together with the world around them.
Although, lately, he had to admit that she sometimes looked tired and weary in those moments he treasured so much, a slight hint of dark shadows under her eyes. And this despite the fact that she had taken to actually sleeping on a much more regular basis than when he had first met her. Aside from the days that she had withdrawn into her dream world with the help of that devious little Elvish tincture, obviously.
Now, as he watched the light of the morning sun illuminate Tauriel's face, causing her to scrunch up her nose in the most adorable way and roll onto her side, burying her face in his chest, he could not help but wonder whether those changes in her might be the result of her possibly changed condition. Not that he knew much about childbearing in the first place. He knew how children were conceived – obviously – but that was just about where his knowledge of the whole matter ended. But, given the fact that he could not remember ever having seen a dwarven woman that was with child, he supposed that during that stage they had to be somewhat fragile, resulting in them being protected from the turmoil of day to day life.
Whether that served as an explanation for the fatigued state he often found Tauriel in recently, he could not really say. While his knowledge about procreation amongst dwarves was limited, it was really nonexistent when it came to Elves. He had never even seen an Elven child, despite the fact that he had recently – and not exactly of his own will - spent quite some time in two major Elven dwellings – Rivendell and the Halls of Thranduil. So, in summary, he barely knew anything about Tauriel's condition, all he had were some very vague speculations.
Mahal, he would never even have thought that Elves and Dwarves were able to conceive children together in the first place. Any yet, when his mother had said those parting words to Tauriel, he had known immediately that it was true. He had felt it in his heart. And somewhere, deep inside of him, he was convinced that Tauriel had felt it, too. Which was why it worried him even more that she had rapidly transgressed into a state of denial, never allowed for the topic to be discussed.
He had seen through her act all the while, had always been aware of her diversions when they were still with Bilbo and later also Gandalf. Had known that when she demanded to, once again, hear Bilbo's story of how he had come face to face with the dragon, that she really only wanted to fill the long, cold evenings that might otherwise have provided ample opportunity to talk about what was happening to them, what was happening to her. When she would draw him away in the middle of the night to make love to her under the cold, often starless skies, he had known that she was trying to take both of their minds off the matter at hand, was desperately trying to make him – and herself - forget about everything during the heights of their desire for one another. And sometimes she had succeeded in this, but come morning he had always been back to worriedly watching her go about her business as if everything was as it always had been.
But he had allowed her to continue like this for as long as they were with the hobbit and the wizard, telling himself that once they were alone, they would talk, find a way to work this out. What he had not expected, however, was for her to go as far as to turn away from him when that time came, to deliberately try to keep him at a distance, get him to leave her alone. And this had hurt. Badly. And while he knew that she loved him fiercely despite the way she acted towards him, a little voice at the back of his mind had begun nagging him, asking whether maybe this was not how she had pictured their life together, whether she was regretting the choice that she had made.
Then, finally, he had gotten through to her the night before, had seen her resolution and her denial crumble before his eyes, had seen what he had known all along, namely that she was terrified by what was happening to her, to them. But he had also seen that she was still not ready to discuss their situation and so he had let the matter rest once again despite the fact that it was killing him not to know how she was feeling, not to be able to discuss everything with her. Because he needed to if he was going to protect her, keep her safe from harm. And he needed her, too, to finally acknowledge the life that was growing inside of her, needed to know that she would not put herself or their child in any unnecessary danger.
Kíli lightly wrapped his arms around Tauriel who was still curled up against him, his heart beating wildly in his chest as it always did when he actually thought those words. Their child. He had no idea whether he was ready to be a father. Probably not, given his current choice of lifestyle. But for that child and for Tauriel he would do anything, go to the greatest lengths to ensure their well-being. And while his mind would often tell him that something like this was not supposed to happen, that it was not right for Dwarves and Elves to have children together, in his heart he knew that no result of the love between him and Tauriel could ever be wrong. And he hoped that someday soon, Tauriel would allow him to convince her of the truth of that because he was sure that, putting aside any other thoughts that she might have about that matter, her fear that they had created something that was not meant to be was very prominent.
He would wait. What he had said the night before had been true - as long as she let him be with her without restraint, he found it much easier to handle this situation. And from the way she had touched him the night before, had allowed him to be with her without inhibitions, and the way she was pressed against him now, it seemed that she was truly done pushing him away. He would just have to be particularly watchful, make sure that nothing happened to her until she found the strength to confront the matter herself.
He smiled when he felt her stir in his arms, craning her neck to softly kiss the base of his throat. "I can hear you thinking," she said sleepily.
"I am quite certain that this is impossible, despite the way you sometimes seem to read my mind," he replied, the smile on his face widening.
Pushing herself off the ground slightly, Tauriel propped her head up on one arm, looking down at him. "That may be true. But I am sure that if I could, the noise of all the things passing through your head would rob me of my sleep."
She had said it lightly, her manner teasing. But her face grew more serious as Kíli gazed back at her, wondering how he should respond to this, whether he should tell her, that yes, his thoughts had been running wild for a while now, and his heart was heavy with concern for her. Trying to shake off some of his worry, he attempted a grin and shrugged. "Got a lot on my mind, 's all."
From the way she looked at him for a long, silent moment, the way her lower lip trembled ever so slightly, he could tell that she actually tried to bring herself to say some of the things he had been waiting for her to say for a long time now. But in the end she faltered, averting her gaze when she said, "Have you put any more thought into how we are going to go about the next step of this journey?"
He forced a small smile, telling himself that she just needed a little more time. "We should prepare ourselves for an encounter with the Rangers any day now. At least if what Gandalf said is true and they have not moved out of the Angle as of yet. When that happens, I suppose we will talk to them, tell them what has happened on the other side of the Misty Mountains and see how they react. I cannot come up with a better plan right now."
"Have you ever met one of their kind? A Dúnedain of the North?" Tauriel asked as she sat up, her face lighting up with that open, natural curiosity that Kíli loved so much about her. In light of the intimidating number of years that she had walked this earth already, he would often forget that she had never really left Thranduil's halls and the forest surrounding them. Not until she had met him.
"I did see one from time to time on my own travels," he said. "They do not exactly make for entertaining company though. Grim fellows, most of them. But they are extremely skilled in everything that they do, hunting, tracking, fighting. Once, I remember, me, my brother and some others were attacked by a band of orcs north of Bree. To this day, I have no idea what they were doing there. Anyhow, we were fighting them off – and, mind you, would have succeeded in doing so either way – when in swoops this Ranger, striking them down within a matter of minutes."
He paused and smiled at the way that Tauriel was looking at him, eager for more stories. He had missed those moments with her in the most recent past. "And?" she demanded, quirking an impatient eyebrow.
He shrugged. "And nothing, really. We offered our thanks to him afterwards, would gladly have given him some of the goods we were carrying. Nice things, excellent craftsmanship. But he would have none of it, simply disappeared without even really speaking to us."
If Tauriel was vaguely disappointed at the anticlimactic turn in his narration, she did not show it. Looking into the direction where they supposed they might come across a camp of the Rangers, if not a permanent settlement, where they were hoping they would find some kind of a leader of their kind, she frowned. "That causes me to think that it will not be very easy to win them over as allies. After all they do not seem to be particularly interested in treasures or other goods that your kind is trading in."
Kíli sat up, too, and followed her gaze. "You could be right. However, there might be other ways to convince them that an alliance with the Dwarves could be beneficial for them. That depends on the kind of life that they lead here, and I do not really know anything of that. Yet. That is why we are here."
Tauriel nodded. "From what you told me, I can clearly see why Gandalf insisted that it is of great importance to go and speak to them. They seem to be great warriors and might be of crucial importance at some point in the future."
She shuddered slightly, causing Kíli to scoot over and wrap an arm around her shoulder. He could understand her uneasiness. In the days that they had spent in Gandalf's company he had more than once given them to understand that the defeat of the dragon and the enemy's armies was not the end of evil in this world. Not by far. And while the wizard had always remained guarded when it came to what it was precisely that he feared, the urgency with which he had spoken to both of them had left them without a doubt that those were more than the ramblings of an old man. Also, he had taken great pains to assure them that the task they had set for themselves was of utmost importance, that the peoples of Middle Earth could not be allowed to live in isolation from and in ignorance of one another if they wanted to stand a chance at survival. And for some reason, Gandalf seemed to firmly believe that the two of them, together, would be able to give them this chance – something Kíli had always found comfort in during those dark hours when his restless mind tried to conquer his heart once again and tried to cast doubt about whether they were headed down the right path.
And so here they were, scouting the lands for the elusive Rangers of the North. While they had had plenty of time with the wizard, who had joined them earlier than expected during their journey west, Kíli was beginning to feel that it had not been enough, that he should have tried to gather more information about the descendants of the Dúnedain before they had parted with Gandalf and Bilbo. He was many things, but a skilled ambassador was not among them.
During their journey they had never really discussed what exactly would happen when they reached the other side of the Misty Mountains, but once they found themselves just outside of Rivendell, Kíli and Tauriel had suddenly realized that this was where their path diverged from that of the wizard and the hobbit. Kíli had seen conflicting emotions pass over Tauriel's face, the desire to see Rivendell and surround herself with some Elven customs for a while struggling against the many fears that the prospect of an encounter with other Elves had to stir in her. Kíli couldn't know for sure, but he assumed that subconsciously her fear of how her kin might react when they found out about the existence of the child inside her - which even she herself was still denying – were what had made her rise one morning and announce to Bilbo and Gandalf that they were going leave them to head south that day, greatly surprising the wizard and the hobbit. Kíli, on the other hand, had not hesitated to begin gathering their things. He had no desire to see Rivendell or its unsettlingly stoic inhabitants again.
Now, without the valuable advice of the wizard, he could only hope that somehow they would be successful in this first part of their task. That he would not have to disappoint Gandalf, who had such high expectations in him. Or Thorin, who, despite everything, still occupied a spot in his heart, a spot that would often hurt, but was healing ever so slowly.
Noticing the way that the sun warmed his back, Kíli realized that they had been sitting there together for quite a while now. He jumped up, offering a hand to Tauriel, and tried to shake off some of his doubts and worries, telling himself that this might just be the day when things would begin to look a little brighter once again. And if it was, he did not want to let it go by idly.
"Come," he said, pulling her up. "Let us go and find out if we are really as close to the Rangers as I suspect we might be."
Tauriel smiled in agreement, but hesitated, looking slightly embarrassed for a second. Kíli stopped in his tracks, wondering if he had done something wrong. "What is it?" he asked.
She cast her eyes down. "It's just…," she smiled shyly. "Can we have breakfast first? I believe I really need to eat something."
Kíli suppressed a smile at that, wondering if this was a sign of her acknowledging that she had not just herself to look out for anymore, but someone else, too. Another life. He tried not to sound too eager when he replied, "Right, of course. As a matter of fact, I am starving myself."
As he said that, he realized that it was actually true and he was very hungry. That was when he remembered that they had not eaten the night before, too consumed by their emotions and he wanted to hit himself – had he not sworn to himself that he would take care of her, no matter what? This had to change. Thorin, Gandalf, the rest of the world – they could wait for a little while longer.
