Katniss awoke with a hard jolt, grasping her bed sheet in tight fists and feeling her body shudder in the darkness. The small green clock next to her bed blinked 4:54AM. She raised a hand to wipe her eye and froze in her movement. Everything felt off. Her skin felt tight and cold and her hair...

Right. She was inside Johanna's body so the little curls she had were matted to the top of her head. That's why her dreams, usually of Rue in the field or the one with her father in the mines, were different. A fire crackled ominously in the distance and a wall of flames similar to the one she had been victim to in her first Games began tumbling toward her. She could hear screams, voices she didn't recognize but felt were familiar to Johanna, before everything turned to ash and she awoke with the smell of sulfur still burning in her nostrils.

Reasoning she'd have to be awake in an hour anyway Katniss threw her standard issue itchy cotton blanket off of her and stretched her limbs. She had never noticed how tiny Johanna was. Her presence was so imposing it belied her stature. The uniform hung off her shoulders even though they were supposed to be fit to size. Even considering she had lost weight since her time in the Capitol, she still seemed unbelievably small. Katniss ventured into the bathroom, deciding she'd take a shower before Johanna woke up.

She stripped out of her uniform, tossing her undergarments on the floor with everything else. The water would run cold this early in the morning, but Katniss hadn't had time to get spoiled by the warm water in the Victor's Village anyway. She turned on the faucet and felt her chest constrict painfully. What? The water poured into the drain, wastefully, but Katniss felt herself pressed back on the tile wall. She felt like she was back in the woods with Gale, jostled after shooting down the prey, seeing Marvel fall to his death at her arrow.

Quickly she shut off the tap, feeling Johanna's body tremble. Cautiously she ran a small towel underneath the water and rubbed her skin with the abrasive material. It still made her shudder but it was manageable. Surely this was something wired in Johanna. These physical reactions seemed so disconnected from her thoughts: it's just water. But her body was reacting as if it was pure acid. But Johanna had swam in the Quell, hadn't she? Finnick had dunked her in the water just after Johanna had slapped her across the face. Back when she was one move away from sinking an arrow into Johanna but she had saved Beetee and Wiress. Katniss smiled a little because deep inside she heard herself wanting to call them Nuts and Volts. As much as Johanna had tried to disguise it, even Katniss could see her anger at the loss of Wiress. It was brief, but it was there. She remembered seeing Johanna's face, slightly forlorn, as Finnick apologized for the loss of Blight. Johanna had brushed it off, as she did with all emotions, with a mumbled "he wasn't much, but he was from home." She recalled touching Johanna's wrist gently, urging her not to go into the jabberjays section. That memory caused a flood of warmth spreading through her veins, which made Katniss smile again. Johanna remembered.

Once she deemed herself clean enough, and had successfully dodged a mirror to not ogle Johanna naked (she had embarrassedly done enough of that during the Quell and in the Training Center), she returned to her room to find Johanna, or rather herself, still in a fitful sleep. You never get to see yourself in real life; you see photos of yourself or your reflection or your image up on a screen. But to see yourself in person... Katniss found herself staring at her own sleeping form. She sat down on the edge of her own bed and stared across the room. She barely recognized herself.

Katniss watched her stir until she awoke, blinking a few times into the darkness. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness she narrowed them, somehow looking impossibly like Johanna despite being in Katniss's body. "Were you watching me sleep?" A sly grin came on her face. "Were you watching yourself sleep? God, Everdeen, all this catering to your every whim has gone to your head, hasn't it?" Johanna got up and stretched her limbs, running her fingers through her hair. Her fingers lingered in her locks a few more moments longer than necessary. "I guess it would've gone to mine too. Had anybody ever given a fuck."

Katniss frowned sourly. "You know, that's not really fair. A lot of people care about you, Johanna." Katniss watched her own eyes flick up at her incredulously. "Finnick?" Johanna rolled her eyes. "Haymitch. Beetee, in spite of everything you've said about him, he cares. Even Peeta has asked about you."

Johanna scoffed. "All of us on the island of misfit toys, right? All of the broken people, we care about each other. That's why you're not one of us, Twelve. You're not broken."

"I have lost, too, Johanna! You think that just because I'm the 'Mockingjay' that I don't feel loss?"

Johanna stepped forward, using her height (for the first time) to tower over Katniss. It was strange to look into her own face and see Katniss in her eyes. "What have you lost? Really? What, because your district is in ruins? Big deal. Let me lay some fucking truth on you, kid. Snow would have destroyed it anyway. Twelve was in no fucking shape to withstand a war. Less casualties? Sure. But this is a fucking war. Atrocities happen."

"Don't you dare. You don't understand for a moment what I -"

Johanna lifted her hand and slapped Katniss on the cheek. "You have your mother, your sister. You have your mentor, your escort, your prep team. You have your body." Johanna's voice broke on the last sentence but her stare was unwavering. "You have both your boyfriends, although Peeta's a little worse for the wear, admittedly. You have a legion of people waiting to lay down their lives for you. And you want to cry because what? Because of Rue? Because you couldn't save a little girl in a situation she would have died in anyway? Get off your fucking white horse, Katniss. You're no goddamn hero." Her voice softened. "You're just a girl."

Katniss went from enraged to perplexed as Johanna continued her spiel. "Why are you like this?" Katniss asked, taking a step away from Johanna. Being so close to her had sent a nauseating wave of emotions through her that she had yet to really identify. She didn't know if she wanted to identify them. "Why do you hate me so much?"

Johanna grunted in frustration and tossed her hands in the air. "You really are fucking brainless, aren't you?" A small flash of confusion went through Johanna's eyes but she shook it off and stared back at Katniss. "Just forget it." Johanna stalked over to the wall and got her arm stamped. Meeting with Plutarch, training with Soldier York. Lunch. With a grumble Johanna disappeared into the bathroom.

Katniss placed her own arm in the wall and received her duties for the day: session with Dr. Aurelius, meeting with Beetee, Lunch. Katniss immediately felt her stomach fill with dread. It felt unethical to go to Johanna's doctor appointment. However it was just as unethical for Johanna to continue to strip down naked and stare Katniss's body.

They didn't exchange any words as Johanna dressed. She combed Katniss's hair out, tossing the brush on to the bed and walked out the door without even looking at Katniss. Katniss stood in the room, alone. There would be no expectations when she walked out that door. Nobody would look to her for support or for answers. Maybe they'd look at her with a little bit of fear. She grinned at that thought. It felt almost like a relief.


Her grin turned into a frown as she went to breakfast. Johanna was already there ...well, she was already there, sitting between her mother and her sister. Her mother was braiding her hair, and she was playing some sort of sing-songy hand-slapping game with Prim. Gale took in bites of his oatmeal as he watched on amusedly. An overwhelming jealous chord struck deep within her chest. It was near impossible to separate her feelings and the ones leftover inside Johanna so she elected to ignore it.

All of the broken people, we care about each other.

After the oatmeal was placed in her bowl she turned around to see Finnick waving her over to his table. Beetee had rolled over to the end and Annie, as usual, was attached to Finnick's side. Katniss and Finnick had gotten close while the others were in the Capitol, but nowhere near the closeness she imagined he and Johanna shared. The nature of their relationship was a mystery to her. She hadn't given it much thought except during the Quell but there has been more pressing issues then. And she wasn't comfortable with either if them knowing she had been curious. Narrowing her eyes she walked over to their table, trying to scrutinize her feelings as she sat down. The only thing she felt as she looked into Finnick's seafoam eyes was a small amount of comfort. Something like what she felt with Gale. Maybe they were just friends. Finnick's eyes then mirrored her own. "Is everything okay Jo?"

Jo. Katniss wondered what would happen if she started calling Johanna that. It seemed cute. "Peachy." That sounded like a Johanna answer. Sarcastic but truthful. Finnick seemed satisfied and nodded his head, returning to his meal. Beetee looked over with raised eyebrows and Katniss gave him a small nod. "Lucky Volts gets to hang out with me later. Any idea what we're doing?"

Beetee hid a smile as he cleared his throat. "I believe we're going to be working on your axe-throwing skills. I've got my hands on some technology for these aerodynamic axes that fly through the air with less friction. Quicker deaths. I figured you'd be the best person to test them."

"Damn right." Beetee couldn't help but laugh as Katniss dug into her oatmeal with a wiggle of her eyebrows. She figured if she didn't raise any alarms around Finnick, she was doing a good job of being Johanna. Nobody here knew Johanna better than he did. They ate their meal in a comfortable silence, save for the whispering between Annie and Finnick. The sandy-haired boy looked up at her and smiled.

"How's it going with Katniss?" Katniss nearly choked on her rations as she looked up at Finnick, who was staring back at her in earnest. She had no idea to what lengths Johanna had discussed their dynamic. There was a long beat after he asked before he slowly raised his eyebrow. "I mean, at least now you know she doesn't hate you." His smile, so genuine, made Katniss smile back. Ha! Johanna had been worried that she hated her?

"Well why should she hate me? I did save her life. More than once. She can't be that brainless." She had no other answer. She really didn't ever hate Johanna, she only hated the way Johanna pushed her buttons. When Johanna purposefully prodded her and tried to make her feel guilty about Peeta or the rebellion, even then she didn't hate her.

Finnick chuckled. "True, but you better be on your best behavior. She went out on a limb for you to get you into that compartment. And you know how you get." Katniss raised her eyebrows in agreement but said nothing in response. She did know how Johanna got. They had done nothing but argue themselves into exhaustion since the moment Johanna had gotten into the compartment. Save for the few moments between them where they spoke about training, they were constantly on edge. She tried to turn her face into displeasure and Finnick merely smiled back. "Don't make this harder on her, okay? She's had it pretty rough."

Katniss wanted to smile to appreciate Finnick defending her, especially to Johanna, but she couldn't. Johanna certainly wouldn't take to being chastised about her behavior. She shot a look back at Johanna who was busy bonding with her little sister. "Yeah, must be tough to be the center of attention 24/7 and have your every whim catered to. All your family still in tact."

Finnick glowered at her. "Jo, please. She's suffered. We all have. Comparing pain does nothing to lessen your own."

She whipped her head back toward him. "What are you, my head doctor now?" Beetee looked surprised over the rim of his glasses. She saw Annie's eyes begin to widen and she knew the poor girl was about to teeter over into a void that only Finnick could retrieve her from. Katniss didn't know what it said about her that she was almost glad she didn't have to care about Annie and her mental fragility. Instead she rolled her eyes as Finnick murmured into the redhead's ear.

"Don't be like that," Finnick chastised as Annie removed her hands from her ears.

Katniss shrugged her shoulders as she scooped another helping of the oatmeal into her mouth. "So you're on her side now?"

Finnick sighed. "I'm on nobody's side. We're all on the same team."

Katniss puffed out a long stream of air in an exaggeratedly exasperated movement. She was totally nailing being Johanna, at least in her own estimation. Combative, mean, sarcastic. "Some of us just have more cheerleaders than others." With that she lifted her tray and left the other victors there in her wake.

So far, being Johanna was pretty liberating. As she cast a glance toward her family, happily embroiled in conversation, her smile dropped again. Liberating, but lonely.


Dr. Aurelius was Katniss's head doctor as well but he pretty much napped during their sessions. Which wasn't a problem for Katniss, she didn't enjoy to share anyway. She didn't know how Johanna behaved so she went into the room expecting much of the same. It wasn't.

"Miss Mason I'm glad to see you." He was not only awake but particularly chipper. She lifted a surprised eyebrow and sat down in the long chaise, propping her boots up and clasping her hands over her stomach. "How are your new living arrangements working out?"

Well apparently that was the talk of the town. "Fine." Katniss rapidly grew uncomfortable under his gaze. He was staring at her so intensely with his gray eyes that she was certain he expected more information.

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I know your feelings for Katniss have been a bit complex at times." Katniss snorted. He smiled kindly at her. "As we've discussed, I sincerely hope you've begun to let go of your anger and jealousy. She is not the target of your rage."

"That doesn't stop her from being irritating." It was bizarre to feel how easy it was to "become" Johanna. She hadn't any clue about the concept of the soul other than the spirit comment Cinna had made before her interview. But from what she had felt inside Johanna's skin, it must be pervasive in your body. It was almost too natural.

He chuckled good-naturedly and leaned against the edge of his desk. He got the look on his face that Katniss had seen on Finnick's just before he tried to reason with Johanna. Johanna was hard to peg in terms of reaction so Katniss was positive he was attempting to tread lightly. "Have you tried telling Katniss how you feel?"

How she feels? Oh sure, she's said plenty of times how useless Katniss is. How privileged and childish she is. Johanna is many things but dishonest or quiet are not among them. But she wasn't sure of exactly what he was talking about. Which feelings? The jealousy? The hate? The indifference? "And what would I tell her?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Miss Everdeen is very practical. I'm sure if you approached her without your usual caustic tactics, she may respond positively to you."

What? Katniss blinked a few times in massive confusion. "I wouldn't know what to say."

"That you want to be friends," he explained calmly. Oh. The constriction in her chest loosened. Also a strange pang of disappointment. She must've said "oh" aloud because he stepped closer to her, a look of care in his eyes. Katniss didn't know what Johanna was griping about, Dr. Aurelius was much better with her. "Perhaps if she accepts this friendship, it will help in your recovery. I do think you need to come outside of yourself. Learn to rely on others."

Well that was stupid. Any victor would be able to tell him how impossible it was to trust anyone. When you're left to fend for yourself for your life? Trust is as rare as diamonds in 12, never mind among the broken trail of victors. "People have a habit of disappearing on me."

He nodded, rubbing his soft hands together. Of course he had no experience dealing with victors in this rabbit warren. She smiled at the term Johanna used for 13. But she couldn't really blame him for trying to go with some steady mental health advice. Johanna, like Katniss herself, did need to learn to open up to others. "That is in the past, Johanna. You can't change that so you might as well get on with things. Your best weapon against the Capitol is your ability to have a bright future."

"Or an axe and a rifle to Snow's head." Katniss smirked at the doctor who chuckled at her response.

"Perhaps. But more important than petty revenge is you getting better because eventually President Snow will be disposed of and Panem will move on. You will still be alive and dealing with the same trauma as before. I think Katniss can help you. I think she would want to help you."

"She doesn't owe me anything," Katniss mumbled. "I made my choices to protect her and join the rebellion." That was something Johanna had explained several times to her, after every outreach attempt she had made. Nothing personal, nothing to get all sensitive about. We all make our choices.

"That may be true, but you shouldn't shirk any potential happiness." Happiness? Being her friend would make Johanna happy? She could just ask like a normal person. But no, she had to be difficult. Katniss had a hard time believing all Johanna needed to be happy was for them to be buddies. It seemed to make her happier to prod her verbally. He walked over to her and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Just try it."

She exhaled an exaggerated sigh and nodded her head. "I will try. No promises, doc."


Katniss was thankful that a phone call from Coin had cut short the session. In the few times Dr. Aurelius had been conscious during their sessions, he enjoyed digging into her past and dredging up memories she'd rather forget. She didn't want to touch Johanna's memories if she didn't have to.

Typically when she walked through the hallways of 13 someone acknowledged her. Ever since the successful return of the victors and her agreement to be the Mockingjay, people were more open with hellos or nods. But not toward Johanna. The residents gave her distrustful stares, people even seemed to be actively avoiding her. It was ...incredibly lonely.

She made her way down to the dungeon to find Beetee. She found him wheeling through a simulation meadow, nodding as targets dressed as peacekeepers appeared digitally and disappeared into the air. "Johanna," he greeted, giving a sidelong look toward a 13 resident operating the simulation. "Your axes are on the table."

Katniss retrieved the axes, delighted to feel like she normally did with her bow. The axe felt like a natural extension of her arm. She twirled it around as she had seen Johanna do in the arena. "These are incredible."

Beetee smiled proudly. "I've been watching videos of ...your Games. I thought I could make the axes a bit more practical for street combat. Try it." Katniss hurled the axe at the digital Peacekeeper, burying the blade into his chest. "Retrieve it." Katniss went to the body and pulled out the axe. "Tell it to switch."

Katniss stared down at the axe and confusedly said, "Switch?" In her hands the axe transformed into a small rifle. Her eyes widened as another digital enemy approached and she quickly took him down with a few scattered rounds to the chest. Johanna wasn't a very good shot. "Wow."

"I haven't been able to make them retrievable like Finnick's trident yet. Not without potentially slicing your hand off." Beetle rolled over to a command counter and pressed a button. "That will be all, thank you." The 13 guard nodded and took her leave. Beetle rolled back to Katniss. "How are you?"

Katniss sighed. "Uncomfortable. I can't take a bath." Beetee winced and his face became more reserved as something Katniss was not privy to registered in him. "I have memories I can't make sense of. Dreams of voices screaming. A lot of fire." He frowned sympathetically. "Other than that, being Johanna has been pretty easy. Nobody's asked me to do anything."

Beered tipped his glasses down the bridge of his nose. "You know, maybe this will be cathartic for Johanna. She's so guarded, always has been. Perhaps now, armed with some knowledge of her, you could coax her back out. Once you're back in your own skin."

"I guess."

"I mean, she's certainly helped your reputation with Coin and Plutarch." Katniss's very surprised expression made Beetee smile. "Follow me." He wheeled over and out of the meadow simulation. Katniss followed with the axe in hand until they came to a small screen. With a few taps and swipes an image of Katniss was on the screen, surrounded by flame. "She did a propo with Cressida."

Katniss watched as she, or Johanna, rose from the flames. She gave an impassioned speech with such conviction Katniss almost believed she was really in the virtual flames and destruction they had built around her. Johanna was a natural. She had seen a glimpse of that during the Quell interviews. After easing Caesar in with the conversation about the "bond between the Districts and the Capitol" she had torn him down with her cussing out the entire system. Johanna was a manipulator, for better or for worse.

"I told her she could be the Mockingjay," Katniss said with a small frown as the screen went blank. Johanna was doing a better job of being Katniss than Katniss had done. Here she was telling off Finnick and upsetting Annie and Johanna was doing successful propos with Cressida. Maybe she should just stay as the Mockingjay until the rebellion was over. Katniss was better at loneliness than leadership.

Beetee must've sensed her thoughts as he placed his hand on her wrist. "I am working toward a cure. Trust me, as fascinating as this switch has been for me scientifically, I can't imagine what it's been like psychologically. They don't give me a lot of downtime here but I'm devoting every second to figuring this out."

Katniss nodded her head in understanding. "I know you are. Thank you."


The rest of Katniss's day went by slowly. She was alone at lunch; Finnick and Annie had gone to do some wedding preparation with Plutarch, and Beetee was probably working on the cure as he had promised. Johanna was laughing it up inside Katniss's body with Cressida and her camera team, looking happier than Katniss had ever felt in the district.

Katniss elected to ignore the rest of her day's activities in favor of retiring to their room; Johanna never adhered to the schedule anyway. As the Mockingjay she had felt so unbearably lonely, even with her family there. Before they had rescued Peeta, though Gale was a supporting presence and Finnick did his best, it was so thoroughly lonely. No one understood what it meant to be a victor, to be a failure in protecting the one person she had sworn to do so. The desolation and the guilt were debilitating. With time, with his return - though he was not himself - and the help of Cressida and Haymitch, it had started to feel less like a pressure. There was a new goal in sight: killing Snow. Eventually they'd lead an assault on the Capitol, she'd break from the team, and she'd kill Snow.

Johanna didn't have those goals. She had nothing. There was no light at the end of her tunnel to work toward. There was just this rage and indignity that filled her stomach like a heavy stew. And the crippling loneliness. There was nothing in her compartment to call her own, no real friends. Who knows what she had waiting for her in 7? No wonder she was so keen on stealing morphling; it dulled the emotions that stuck to her like sharp-edged thorn bushes.

Some time after dinner Johanna returned to the compartment, ignoring Katniss's presence until she had washed her face in the bathroom, rubbing off the make-up she had been wearing since the morning. She yawned, stretching her limbs as Katniss watched from her bed, her eyes narrowed and inquisitive.

"What, Everdeen?" Johanna asked tiredly, hoisting herself up on the edge of the bed.

Katniss blinked a few times before hardening her stare. "Seems like you had a nice day."

Johanna raised her eyebrow in confusion. "Did it? I did get to be the Mockingjay. And again, I don't know why you complain all the time. Seemed pretty easy to me."

"Maybe you're just used to being a liar." Katniss watched as Johanna contorted her features into shock, then annoyance.

"Maybe you're too tied up in your head game to realize this is a sweet gig." Johanna swung her feet up and laid down on the bed, sliding her hands under her head. "You think too much. I can feel it. Every time I have a conversation I can feel your brain working overtime. You analyze everything, everyone."

Katniss scoffed. "So I should just whip off my clothes in front of everyone? Hm? Live without a thought to how my actions affect others?"

Johanna rolled on to her side, propping her head up on her palm, bent at the elbow. "No, brainless. You think I just do whatever I want? Is that what you did today?" Katniss's eyes dropped to the floor. "I just don't turn everything into a guilt game. Even your sister, you -"

"Don't you try and lecture me on Prim. You have spent one day with her, you barely know her."

"You barely know her. You know nothing about anybody here. You're so wrapped up in yourself." Katniss was going to protest but her words died in her throat. Johanna had delivered the statement without any malice, which normally something like that would've been rife with. "They promoted your sister. They're training her to be a doctor."

"I know that," Katniss replied smugly.

"But do you know why?" Johanna raised her eyebrow. "Because she saved a man's life. Single-handedly. All the doctors were busy - some mental case had gone off the walls - and one of the older men here was having a heart attack. Your sister was able to keep him alive long enough to get another doctor. It was brilliant."

Katniss deflated into her mattress. She had no idea what Prim was doing; she never remembered to ask her about the hospital. She had been so focused on the rebellion, on Peeta, and then on Johanna, to remember her family. Her mother had been in better spirits but Katniss hadn't had one conversation with her longer than the small one explaining that Johanna would be her roommate. "She's really great."

"Never mind about Messalla, Castor, Pollux." Johanna narrowed her eyes. "Do you know how Cressida got here? She and the rest of them had to hitch rides, hide in districts until they were able to catch a hovercraft that wasn't the Capitol's here. It took them months." Katniss remained silent and she heard Johanna scoff. "No wonder they looked at me like I had three heads when I asked them about themselves. You really don't talk to anyone, do you?"

The lights above them cut off and Katniss heard Johanna rustle in her sheets, the mattress squeaking beneath her. "Maybe you should just stay as the Mockingjay. Since you're doing such a better job of it."

"Please," Johanna replied into the darkness. "Don't give me that pity party. Besides I am not convinced you want to be me. I know what it's like to live in my skin. I'll give you your pretty little body back as soon as Volts figures this out." There was a long beat of silence. "Then me and Cressida are gonna have a talk."

"You and Cressida? Why?"

Katniss heard Johanna turn over and face away from her. "'Cos she's the second-best looking person in this hell hole and I definitely want to get to know her better. Maybe I'll see if she'll dance with me at the wedding." Johanna waited before rolling onto her back and anticipating a response. Finally she heard chuckling, then outright giggling coming from the other side of the room.

"God you are such a pain in the butt, Johanna. A perverse pain in the butt."

"I'm a 'pain in the butt?' That's the best you've got, Mockingjay?"

Katniss rolled over to look toward Johanna's bunk in the darkness. She caught the whites of her own eyes staring back at her amusedly. "I'm not the Mockingjay anymore, remember? I'm just Johanna Mason, District Seven. I like to strip down in elevators and slap people."

"Not people," Johanna clarified with a grin. "Just you."

They fell into a less tense silence and Katniss stared up at the ceiling. "Hey Jo?" She tentatively tried out the new nickname. When she didn't get something hurled at her she smiled and waited.

"Yeah?"

"If Cressida is the second best looking person in here, who's the first?"

Katniss heard her own low laugh and then the squeaking of the mattress as Johanna turned over again. "You're the one inside my head, brainless. Figure it out."

Katniss knew she could live inside Johanna's brain for a hundred years and still never understand the snarky victor.