Of course, she thought. As if my night couldn't get any worse.
"Uh... h-hi, Naegi-kun," she stammered lamely. She blushed with embarrassment, acutely aware that Makoto might've overheard too much of what Kuwata said.
Makato walked in and sat on the coffee table in order to face Mukuro. "Are you okay?" he asked. His voice was laced with genuine concern.
Murkoro averted his eyes. "Um... how... how much of that did you hear?" she said softly.
Makato looked down a little. "Heh, well I only heard you screaming about a cockroach and '-chan'' and all that. Plus I saw Kuwata-kun running away like he thought you might seriously murder him."
Internally, Mukuro breathed a sigh of relief. He didn't hear what set me off — thank god. "It's tempting," Mukuro admitted.
Makoto chuckled. Presumably, he had mistakenly assumed that she was only joking. His warm smile still radiated as he said, "He's not worth it. But I have to admit... I've never heard you yell like that before. He must've really gotten under your skin."
That incredible smile. Mukuro felt her heart beating faster and her face go hot. She thought her heart might just fly out of her chest. Get a grip, she told herself. Junko would be DEEPLY disappointed in you.
The image of a disappointed Junko thought brought her heart sinking back to reality. She finally nodded by way of reply to Makoto.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Makoto asked gently.
Mukuro gently laid her head back to stare at the ceiling, and then she closed her eyes. It was an old trick she used to use when she wanted to speak to Junko without feeling too cowed by her intimidating presence.
Of course, Junko had long since shut that down. After only a few short weeks of Mukuro's new habit, Junko had demanded that she "LOOK at me when I'm fucking talking to you, dumbass." And so they quickly reverted to the relationship of a diva and her loyal servant.
Makoto intimidated Mukuro in much the way that Junko did, albeit for entirely different reasons. On a battlefield, I'm the dominant force, Mukuro thought. When speaking to idiots like Kuwata, I'm in control. And when speaking to my sister or Naegi-kun... I'm putty. Unbelievable.
"Uh... Mukuro?" whispered Makoto's voice. "Do you hear me?"
Oh, right, Mukuro thought. She'd gotten lost in her reverie without answering his question.
So as not to startle Makoto after his lengthy wait, she cleared her throat as a way of announcing her intention to speak.
Without opening her eyes, she explained, "Four years ago, I got cornered in a beachhead bunker. There were four enemies with flame units spraying fire through the aperture and two gunners waiting on either side of the back entrance." She licked her lips. "And I'd rather be back there than ever again converse with Leon Kuwata."
Makoto laughed suddenly, shaking his head. Mukuro finally opened her eyes and lifted her head so she could watch him laugh. The sight gave her butterflies in her stomach.
"Well," Makoto said, "Try to look at the bright side: If anybody else heard the end of your conversation with Kuwata-kun, they can never say you're 'emotionless' ever again."
Mukuro shook her head, finding little comfort in that notion. "They'll probably just think I'm a raving bitch," she said.
Makoto leaned forward on the table and reached out, putting his right hand on her left shoulder. Instantly, her pulse raced again — and this time, even thinking of Junko wouldn't calm her nerves. She felt like she was never going to stop the heat emanating from her face.
As he gripped her shoulder gently, Makoto told her, "No one will think you're a bitch, because you're NOT a bitch. You're our friend. You're MY friend, for sure."
Mukuru allowed herself to smile just a tiny bit more now. She lifted her right hand up, showing him the Fenrir tattoo on the back of it. "Counterpoint: I have a literal bitch permanently etched into my flesh." There was a slight, unnatural lilt of levity to her voice. "The evidence speaks for itself."
Makoto's smile expanded into a full open-mouthed grin, and he began to gently laugh. His hand fell from her shoulder, but she continued to smile and even giggled a little right along with him. It felt super-weird to her to laugh with someone like this, but it was a GOOD weird. She didn't even laugh with Junko anymore.
In fact, she wasn't sure she'd ever simply joked and laughed with a friend before.
As his laugh subsided, Makoto looked at her sideways and gave her a lopsided version of his earlier grin. "Isn't Fenrir a male, though?" he prodded.
She shrugged the point off. "She's mythological. I can make him or her into whatever will best inspire me."
Makoto nodded in satisfaction, then met her eyes with his. "You know, Ikusaba-san," he said, "If more of the class got to see this side of-"
"I don't need anybody else," she interrupted quickly, her tone level and firm.
Then she widened her eyes in shock again — but this time, she was shocked at HERSELF. Oh shit. Oh shit. I can't believe I just said that. What the HELL is coming over me?
Makoto looked away and blushed. "Ah... well I-I'm glad I get to see it, anyway," he said. He quickly stood up. "I... I really need to get going," he said suddenly. He turned and looked at the door. "Maizono-san is... she's waiting for me upstairs," he explained awkwardly.
Mukuro cast her eyes downward, and her smile faded. "O-of course," she stuttered. "Have a nice time."
Makoto nodded quietly moved towards the door.
"Naegi-kun?" Mukuro suddenly blurted.
Makoto stopped just short of the doorway and pivoted around to face her again. His face was still flush with embarrassment. "Uh, yes?" he asked.
Mukuro turned herself towards him and bowed her head. "I am deeply sorry for my outburst. I a-also apologize if I made things awkward for you." Her voice cracked a little as she continued. "I... I-I hope you will... still speak to me in the future?"
This time, Makoto's smile was full of compassion. "You don't have to be sorry for being yourself," he told her. "And OF COURSE I'll speak to you again. I care about you. That's never going to change."
As she raised her head to see him again, Mukuro couldn't help but smile with both affection and embarrassment. "Th-Thank you," she muttered.
His answer was a simple nod, and then he headed off into the hallway.
A few seconds after he left her sight, Mukuro Ikusaba buried her face in her hands.
The verdict is in, and Junko is right, she thought. She's ALWAYS right. I'm fucking useless. I've gotten attached to one of our classmates, which is bad enough in light of our plans. But then I damn near scared him away by blurting idiotic feelings without thinking.
I'm not just doing the wrong things — I'm doing the wrong things INCORRECTLY!
Hardass to some, stammering child to others. I'm a real piece of work.
I'm such GARBAGE.
Need to get a grip on myself. Try to salvage this debacle somehow.
Junko can help me. Junko always knows what to do.
Nodding to no one but herself, Mukuro reached into her back pocket and pulled out her cell phone.
Navigating to the texting app, she fired off a quick message to check on whether Junko was available.
"MUKURO: Junko, are you there?"
The rapid-fire replies came just as quickly.
"JUNKO: I AM EVERYWHERE
JUNKO: But rn I'm especially in bio lab. Wassup?"
As much as Mukuro loved to see her sister, she often preferred to communicate via text. It was the modern equivalent of her old "lay my head back and close my eyes before speaking" trick — a way for Mukuro to talk to Junko without completely falling apart under the weight of Junko's charismatic presence.
Mukuro paused to consider what she needed to convey first. I'd better start with the easy stuff, she decided.
"MUKURO: I thought you'd like to know that Kuwata came to ask me advice on winning your heart."
From there, the conversation flowed rapidly.
"JUNKO: OMG WTF
JUNKO: PUKE CITY
JUNKO: so did u give him hope or what
MUKURO: No. I shot him down.
JUNKO: i am disappoint
JUNKO: That is Despair101 hobag! give some1 hope so u can crush it later
MUKURO: I apologize. I didn't think he was worth the effort.
JUNKO: u ain't worth my effort either but i still put up w/ur shit
MUKURO: I am truly sorry. Please forgive my shortsightedness."
Mukuro felt her heart sinking lower and lower. This wasn't going the way she had wanted. She had disappointed her sister more than she'd anticipated, and she hadn't even gotten to the REALLY hard topic.
"JUNKO: at least u gave him a tiny despair when u told him to go screw
JUNKO: its something
JUNKO: i guess"
She sighed to herself, a little relieved by the last few texts from Junko. Maybe I should come clean about Naegi-kun now, Mukuro thought. I think it might provide me with additional relief.
Mukuro closed her eyes and concentrated. She needed to deliver the message exactly right, and that meant she was going to have to - sigh - plan it out. She'd never felt that great at planning, but maybe if she tried to think the way Junko would, she could find the right way to tell her how Naegi-kun made her feel.
Am I really ready to do this? she thought. She'll probably kill him.
The thought made her mouth go dry. She could feel her nerves fraying. Her mind began to argue with itself, struggling over her next move.
I can't disappoint her again. She has to know what I've done.
But I can't give up Makoto like that. Even if he's not mine, I need him in my life.
That's fucking idiotic. I barely know the man. I've only ever needed Junko. All other concerns are tertiary. He's just some guy - no different than countless others I've killed.
Why am I so uncertain of this?
If Makoto can see something in me, maybe there are others out there who could. Maybe the world doesn't deserve what Junko is planning for it.
You're supposed to help Junko destroy society. You're supposed to kill civilians for her. If you back out now, she'll never forgive you. You will LOSE YOUR SISTER. That is UNACCEPTABLE.
Is that the right course for me, though? It's such a waste of my talents.
The right course is ALWAYS Junko's course.
Gritting her teeth, Mukuro hung her head. There had to be some other way. Is there a third option?
Wait, what was I trying to do again? she pondered, suddenly lost. I was going to tell her the truth, that was it. And I wanted to do it the way...
A light bulb seemed to switch on in her mind. Do it the way Junko would do it.
Mukuro had been studying Junko's unique form of "logic" for years. All she really had to do was imitate that, and Junko would be ready to buy in.
Mukuro's mouth fell open a little as she considered the implications. Maybe her chances were low, but... If I do this right, she won't even mind my feelings for Naegi-kun. She... she might actually love it.
Three minutes of concentration later, Mukuro had formed the mental outline of her sales pitch. All she had to do then was lay it out via text.
"MUKURO: I have a confession to make: I've grown emotionally attached to one of our classmates.
JUNKO: ?!
JUNKO: WHAT THE ACTUAL F
JUNKO: I AM SO VERY VERY DISAPPOINT, MUKS
JUNKO: Every time i think u can't disappoint me more, u prove me wrong
JUNKO: And remember that ain't despair
JUNKO: that's just disappointment
MUKURO: I have felt ashamed for that very reason, but please hear me out. Upon further consideration, I believe this will prove beneficial to both of us.
JUNKO: whatevs bitch. listening i guess"
Mukuro took a deep breath. She was full of anxiety, but also full of anticipation. The next message would determine everything.
She glanced nervously at the door to the rec room. Please don't let her decide to confront me directly and come down here, she thought. She had no idea who she was imploring, but either way... Junko did not appear.
Instead, Mukuro sent off the most important text of her little gambit.
"MUKURO: I realized the benefits when I tried to see my failure as you would. My attachment to this individual will of course give you reason to doubt me. Your suspicions of eminent betrayal will give way to your despair as you realize that such a betrayal would leave you to do all of the work on executing your plan by yourself. Simultaneously, my own guilt in forming this attachment and disappointing you by doing so is already causing me despair in turn, and it will continue to do so. In addition, once this person dies as a result of our plan, I will truly be at the edge of an abyss of despair.
JUNKO: ...
JUNKO: whoa
JUNKO: ok that ain't bad
JUNKO: and here i thought u didn't do 'plans'
JUNKO: so who's the guy or girl?
JUNKO: (it's totes a girl, isn't it? ur such a dyke)"
Mukuro held her breath. She wanted to make Junko happy more than anything, but she was still hoping she could avoid selling Naegi out.
After a minute of additional concentration and "Junko logic," Mukuro had formulated the best possible answer.
"MUKURO: Following from what I said previously, I don't think it's wise for me to tell you who it is. I feel that your ignorance of the person's identity will increase your paranoia that you'll lose your only ally in your grand plan. Even better, the uncertainty surrounding the when and where of his/her final fate will make the sudden shock of his/her inevitable death even more despair-inducing for me."
She smiled to herself after re-reading her own text. Pretty good pitch, she felt. Honestly, she was even starting to believe she WASN'T just protecting Naegi from her sister.
New messages appeared on her screen.
"JUNKO: HO-LEEE SHIT SIS
JUNKO: Sometimes u actually remind me why u r my sis
JUNKO: This is EPIC and I am NOT disappoint
JUNKO: im already feeling the sick glimmers of hope still inside me gettin crushed thx to this
JUNKO: hell yeah!"
The endorphin rush from Junko's praise shot through Mukuro's mind like a bullet of joy. She even called me her sis, she thought. She's been so careful to never admit I'm her sister within earshot of anyone else or on any kind of electronic record like e-mail, and she just did it anyway!
"JUNKO: Wait, i got more
JUNKO: If i wind up having enough doubts on ur loyalties that i wind up killing u becuz i cant trust u anymore...
JUNKO: that'd be so FUCKING despair inducing for both of us"
Mukuro smiled warmly at the phone. Not only had her idea worked as she hoped, Junko was running even farther with it.
"MUKURO: That's as clever as I'd expect from you. I truly hope Leon Kuwata will die before you attempt anything against me, however. Kinda want to see that one go out. I love you, sister."
Mukuro finally felt like the whole night wasn't ruined. She could still salvage her evening, because she had made Junko rapturous with despair, and she'd even prolonged Makoto Naegi's life to do it.
One last text notification arrived:
"JUNKO: i no u do bitch but don't call me that. SPOILER WARNING"
Mukuro Ikusaba laughed quietly and continued to smile.
Everything was going to be okay.
Maybe Mukuro couldn't please everyone she wished to please. She wasn't even sure how to please herself most of the time, nor whether she should care to try. But Junko was always her first priority, and Junko was happy. Naegi-kun was her second priority, and he was likely to remain in her life for many months to come.
Taken together, those two things were enough for Mukuro to feel reasonably content.
For now.
Thank you for reading. This was my first Danganronpa fic, and I hope somebody out there enjoyed it.
If you did, please let me know. I'd love to do more with this universe (and maybe even more with Mukuro Ikusaba?) if there's any interest.
