Dear B,
It's Faith again. Its been a month since I sent my first letter. I ain't heard anything back. I'd like to think maybe you didn't get it. I did to begin with. Then Red called asking to speak to Fred. I tried asking Fred if Red mentioned anything about my letter to you but she got all fuckin' stuttery and shit. So I quit asking her questions. I hear things are progressing on your side though. You're thinking about working with military right? Just be careful B. The world around us is changing so fucking fast. We've been trying to beat the big bad on our side. Its fucking long and hard. Guess I missed out on this kinda shit when I was inside.
I think I know why you haven't wrote me back though, B. Well I know part of the reason. Fang told me about the bleached blonde wonder. You're dating him right? I want to be angry. I can see Spike's appeal. He's a good guy somewhere inside i'm sure. Angel told me he gave his blessing. i don't have any right to give anything like that, I'm not even sure if you fuckin' like me as a person B. I just want you to be happy Buffy. I never expected to get a letter back from you confessing your love or anything like that. Maybe, I just wanted something back. Somethings better than nothing right? Even if you'd just fuckin' spat on a piece of paper and wrote fuck you on it. Though i can't imagine you'd do anything like that. Spike's a vampire and we're hot chicks with super powers meant to slay them. I never understood the appeal but I want you to be happy. I don't think i could ever make you happy B. Maybe we might have had chance once upon a time. Maybe if i hadn't staked Finch. Maybe, if i hadn't become murderous and you were less self righteous (no offence), maybe we would have had a chance.
I felt you die, Buffy. When you saved the world and killed the hell God. Gloria? Glorious? Something like that. It was like someone had ripped out a part of my soul. I was laying on my bunk and then someone dug their hands deep inside me and pulled the most important part of my soul out. I never told anyone that. We always had a slayer connection. I could always tell how you were feeling. i could feel my body vibrate when you were close. I don't know if you ever could though. I don't know if its because you know, i love you or if its just because I was the official holder of the slayer line, since you died. I felt you coming closer to be when i came back to fight the first, when we met in the cemetery? I felt you walking up to me. i knew you were probably gonna punch me. I would have done the same thing.
I've never been good with feelings and shit, Buffy. My Ma wasn't the kinda woman who should have had a daughter and my fuckin' Dad was just useless. You know he actually came to find me a couple of months ago. Tried to get me to kill some guys who were after him. I didn't. Parents are supposed to make us who we are so no wonder I'm such a fuck up. Mrs Summers was the nicest person to me and I fucked her over too. i'm sorry Buffy. For what I did. i know i keep apologising and maybe one day you will get zapped her and you will beat me to death but I'm willing to take that chance. I heard about Dawn too. Sorry, Buffy. It must be hard to watch her going through all that shit. I wish I could help you. i wish i could. i'm trying to be better and i can't runaway from this fight. We're gonna beat this vamp fuck and we're gonna save London and the world. You do your part and I'll do mine.
But B, you know I'll come if you call. G-man rang me the other day and filled me in on everything, just say you know that its not Red telling Fred who's telling me like god damn Chinese whispers or something.
I hope one day maybe we can be friends B. Once again, you don't have to write me back. You don't even have to open the letter.
Just know Buffy, you need me, you call, yeah?
Faith Lehane
