A baby.
Leonardo still struggled to wrap his mind around that fact.
They had gone to take home their brother, but they came back with much, much more than that. Blue eyes turned back to where Raphael walked, slowly but stubbornly, behind him. He had refused help so vehemently, that none of his brothers had dared offer any support again.
Raphael was quiet, which, in itself, was worrying, but Leo figured they could work on that once they were back at home.
Only a little further and they'd be safe.
The way back home had been simple so far. With Raphael able and pretty insistent that he could walk, they had snuck back out the way they had gone in and by the time they heard the alarms start to blare, they were already in a safe distance.
By now, they were in the sewers and so close to their lair that finally, Leonardo's thoughts were sorting themselves back out. With the danger slowly ebbing away with each undisturbed step closer to home, there now was room for new worries.
There was a baby.
Raph was cradling the sleeping infant to his chest, despite his injuries and exhaustion, he insisted on walking alone, carrying the little bundle himself. Leonardo's eyes lowered to the bandages around Raphael's middle and the slowly spreading patch of pink and red spreading on them.
Sighing, Leo cast his eyes to his taller brother, whispering under his breath. "Donnie, once we're back-"
"I'll have a look at them, don't worry. He's probably been through a lot. He just needs some time to recover. We'll manage this." No word about the baby and Leo knew this little fact hadn't quite hit home with either Donatello or Michelangelo.
How much he wanted to believe his smart brother, though. But he had a feeling this couldn't be fixed with just a bit of rest.
Before his thoughts could darken and fester, thankfully, they rounded the corner to the lair's main entrance. Mikey immediately bounced to the front. "I'll go make dinner! Or order dinner. Yes, order! I want pizza!" He was sing-songing as he jumped over the turnstiles and towards the kitchen.
Despite himself, Leo had to smile, feeling a shred of normalcy in his youngest brother's excitement.
Next to him, Donatello sighed, looking at a still silent Raphael. "Raph, come to my lab, I'll look after your wounds, okay? And you can tell me what happened, hm?" He tried to reach for his shoulder, offer a comforting touch, something to support his heavy step, but the reaction was everything but favorable.
Raphael jerked away, baring his teeth at Donnie with a slight growl. "Don't touch me!"
"Okay! Okay... easy there, Raph. Calm down. Come to my lab, we'll work something out." Trust Donnie to keep his calm with this. Leo stopped when they had reached the living area, watching his two brothers.
"Donnie, you look after Raph, call me..." and he eyed his still silent brother. "If you need help. I'll go to master Splinter."
Donatello nodded and led Raph to his laboratory, relieved to see that he was following without much of a fuss. After ushering him to sit on the exam table, Donnie moved to pick up some scissors and fresh bandages, some things to clean wounds with and some painkillers, just in case.
Sitting in front of Raph, he cast chocolate-colored eyes up at him. "Raph... will you let me look at your wounds?" He started softly, knowing how delicate his brother was right now. "And maybe I should have a look at... at... uhm..." he gave a weak nod to indicate the tiny being, safely cradled in strong arms.
"No!" Again, the strange hostility, and Donnie lifted his hands in an appeasing gesture. "Alright! Alright, okay. I won't touch the... the baby. I promise, I won't touch it, okay?" Raphael watched him, green eyes searching his face for sincerity.
He seemed to find it, for after another moment, he relaxed again, lowering his gaze to the still slumbering baby. Donatello watched as he brushed the sheet from its face, thumb ever so softly caressing over one chubby cheek. "Nobody will touch this child."
Swallowing dryly, throat tight with the heaviness of his brother's voice, Donatello nodded. "I understand. I will not touch it. But at least, let me look at your wounds. You're bleeding. Please, Raph, just let me take a look."
Thankfully, Raphael gave another nod, leaning back to lie on the table properly, the baby safely resting on his chest.
"Alright, Raph, I'll be careful. Tell me when anything hurts." He reached for his scissors, starting to cut away the bandages carefully.
"Everything hurts..." The words were so quiet Donatello had to pause to hear them properly.
"I'm sorry, Raphie. I will try to make this quick. I can give you something for the pain, if you want."
"Won't make any difference... just get it over with, I want to go and sleep in my own bed."
Donnie wanted to protest that, wanted to tell him to take some pills and sleep here, where Donnie could watch over him, treat his wounds and make sure he was healing. But first things first. He needed Raphael's consent to at least have a look at his stomach wound and he went with that for now.
Cutting away the bandages, he peeled them away carefully. The sight that met him sent an icy shiver down his spine to settle heavy and horrible in his middle.
Surgery scars.
Right above and between the lowest scutes of Raph's plastron was a T-shaped, deep incision. It was fresh, but clean, precise, bleeding from where the stitches had opened slightly.
Donatello felt himself start to tremble, all the implications of those cuts running wild in his head. "Raph..."
"Shut up, genius. They didn't do anything. Still got all my organs, if that's what you're worried about." He sounded droopy, exhausted, and Donatello couldn't blame him. Yet, he couldn't get over the damage that had been done to his brother.
"Raph! It's not nothing! They cut you open!"
"I'm fine! Just patch me up and let me go to bed."
"Raph..."
"Donnie!"
The younger of the two gave a miserable little noise of protest, but caved in at the look Raphael sent him. His brother was dead tired, physically and mentally, and he was in pain. Questions could wait.
So, Donatello shook himself out of his moment of weakness and gave a soft nod. "I'm sorry, Raph. I'll fix you right up." Turning in his seat, he picked up a few wads of gauze, gently and as carefully as possible cleaning up the little droplets of blood that had seeped from between the stitches. Donnie sighed. "The good news is, these look really clean. I will leave the stitches as they are, for about a week, then it should be healed enough to remove them." he told him gently, equally carefully dressing the wound with fresh bandages.
Raphael just nodded.
A small, hiccuping noise startled them both, Raphael immediately repositioned the little bundle on his chest to have a better look and Donnie found himself genuinely surprised at the fact that he had completely forgotten about the infant right before him.
There was a moment of awed silence, as he watched his usually so angry brother's features smooth from a worried frown into a tiny, almost serene little smile.
It was so odd to see that Donnie was left staring dumbly as Raphael brushed soft fingertips over the baby's cheeks.
The moment was over soon enough, however, and Raphael began struggling to sit up. "Are we done?"
"Yes, for now. Uhm, Raph... shouldn't I have a look at... I mean, maybe the bab-" The harsh glare sent his way stunned Donatello into silence once more, the contrast to the smile just moments before frightening enough to make him draw back a bit.
"No. The little one's fine. There's no /need/ to do /anything/ to him." Raph's voice warped with the underlying growl in it and once again, Donatello could just nod, slowly rising and stepping away from the table.
"I understand, Raph... I-... I'm done, you can go rest now."
Gingerly, Raphael rose, gliding down from the table and making his way out of the lab and into his room with slow, unsteady steps.
Only after his door closed with a quiet click, Donatello unfroze, turning to clean up the used bandages and bloody gauze. His hands were trembling and he needed a few, steadying breaths. Okay. He was not going to be able to solve this dilemma on his own, so he stood and followed the scent of freshly fried potatoes and bacon to the kitchen.
It seemed like Michelangelo hadn't ordered pizza after all. Or he had simply decided something home-made was quicker and better for Raphael, instead of waiting for late-night pizza. Donnie found himself smiling at that. Mikey's cooking was the best and even Raph wouldn't deny the youngest if he worked his magic in the kitchen.
Sitting down at the table, he let his baby brother's happy humming ease his mind for a bit. The sheer never ending cheeriness and positivity was contagious and already, Donatello could feel himself calming down.
That was, until Leonardo appeared, stepping out of the dojo with a tight frown on his face.
The humming ceased and tension rose again, as Leo moved over to them, sitting down across from Donnie.
"Hey." Leo sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "How's Raph?"
"He's... ah..." There was no simple way to answer such a simple question, so Donnie shrugged weakly. "His wounds aren't threatening, from what I can tell. There's... they've... they've performed some sort of surgery on him. But at the very least they've treated the wounds properly. I can't say what they did. Raph says they haven't..." acid rose in his throat and the tallest brother had to pause and swallow, the implications of the wounds and the knowledge that he had been with those scientists for weeks too much to stomach. He gagged.
"Donnie, easy there..." Leo was next to him, pushing a glass of water into his trembling fingers. "Easy. Take your time."
Clutching the cool glass, Donatello closed his eyes, willing the sudden nausea to pass with even breaths. "I'm sorry, Leo... it's just..."
"Shh. Donnie. This is difficult for all of us. Take your time." Leo's even voice always managed to calm him as well and after a few sips of water, Donatello felt a little better.
"He... Raph said they didn't... remove anything. He said they didn't do anything, but I'm not so sure. Though, he seemed fine enough from what I could see. There wasn't much he let me do. And the-..." It felt so odd to actually voice it. "The baby... he wouldn't let me have a look at it. I don't know anything about it."
Leonardo nodded, sharing a small glance with Mikey, who had sat down by them as well.
Leo spoke again, calm, but both of his brothers could feel the slight tremble in his voice. This was hard on all of them. "I think we should let him rest for now. I'm sure Raph will tell us more when he's had time to recover and settle down."
All nodded. Mikey blinked, then smiled and bounced back to the stove. "I'll bring him some food. He's always so grumpy when he's hungry, I bet he'll feel tons better after a proper meal."
"Yes... but Mikey, don't bother him when he wants to be alone, okay?" The oldest smiled, but his words held a soft warning.
The youngest nodded eagerly, fully laden plate already in his hands. "I promise!" And then he was bouncing off, rushing to Raphael's room.
It left the remaining two brothers sitting at the table and blue eyes returned to Donatello's. The taller sighed. "So..."
"Try to keep Mikey busy..."
"And try to get Raph to talk and tell us what happened."
Leonardo nodded and reached over to smooth a delightfully cool hand over his brother's fevered forehead. "But first, Donnie, you'll go get some rest as well. We need you in best shape." Blue eyes softened to a sympathetic expression.
"I'm sorry you have to be so close to... that."
Donnie shook his head. "We're all too close to it. I'll be okay. I just can't stop thinking about the possibilities, you know? What they might or might not have done to him. With his wounds, there's just so much-... so many things they..."
"Stop." Leo sent him a firm, but gentle look. "Donnie, stop. They DID do things to him. But I want you to stop thinking about the what-ifs and wait for Raph to tell us. I know your mind and I know it'll be hard, but you can do it. If you want to, you can come meditate with me. Or you can try and just go to bed."
Before the younger brother could answer, Mikey returned, the full plate still in his hands but now accompanied by a sad frown. "Raph said he wasn't hungry." He said, putting the plate down next to the stove.
Donatello and Leonardo exchanged a look and Donnie smiled softly, rising to step over to comfort their baby brother. One arm came to circle freckled shoulders in a half-hug. "Hey, Mikey? I guess we both deserve a break. How about you and I play your new videogame. I bet I will double your score this time. One week of doing the winner's chores!"
Mikey just stared, confused, until slowly, his frown melted into a grin. "No way, dude! you'll do my chores for a week for sure!" Both chuckled and Leonardo watched them leave for the couch in the living area, to start up the game.
The oldest smiled a little, glad that they could at least find some momentary comfort with each other.
It was more than he would allow himself.
Instead of joining them, he stayed in the kitchen, only moving to prepare himself some tea. With things as they were, he knew he wouldn't sleep tonight. Not unless Raphael decided to come out and speak about what had happened to him. Speak about the little being he had brought home.
Already, Leo's mind was providing some very obvious answers and theories about the infant's origins.
None of them were very appealing.
He just hoped his brother would be able to relax, now that he was back home and safe. Raphael had always been somewhat aggressive around them, brotherly rivalry and his hot-headed nature had more than once led to fights and issues.
The uncanny aggression he now showed, concerning the baby, was different, Leonardo could tell.
Something about it struck a chord in him. It put him on edge and the only reason he wasn't yet in Raphael's room to demand answers was, that he still hoped it would be better in the morning.
After his brother had gotten some much needed rest and some time to readjust to being home.
A look at the clock told him it was already way into the early hours of morning. Without him realizing it, Donnie and Mikey had already retired to their rooms and were probably – hopefully – sleeping, and he suddenly had to swallow back a bitter taste rising in his mouth.
Sleep.
Shame filled him as he realized that he had slept nearly without troubles while Raphael was gone. Not at first, no, but after the first week, sleep had come as easy as ever. Looking back now, and realizing that there was a good chance his brother hadn't had an undisturbed night's rest for weeks and weeks on end, he felt a strange sort of guilt claim him.
Leo shook his head, rubbing at his burning eyes. He was tired and his mind wasn't functioning right.
A short, clicking noise spared him a descend into exhausted self-doubting and he turned his head towards the sound.
Much, much to his surprise, he found Raphael slipping out of his room, silently and slowly making his way over to the kitchen. It didn't seem like he had noticed Leonardo still sitting there.
It gave the oldest brother an opportunity for a quick once-over.
Raph was walking slowly, gingerly moving his limbs forward. He was still in pain, then. In his arms, he was cradling the infant, now wrapped in a far cozier looking blanket. Raphael still hadn't noticed him, because he stopped after a few steps, leaning against the wall to steady himself, instead of pressing on right away.
Leo waited until he was moving again, before he gave a soft little cough to announce his presence.
Unsurprisingly, Raphael startled, turning wide, glowing green eyes to him. He also instantly stood up straighter, putting back on his mask of strength and invulnerability. Despite the display, Leo could see his wariness and hesitation.
"Hey, Raph." He greeted softly, keeping his voice light and quiet as to not to upset his brother.
"...Hey. You're still up." It almost sounded like an accusation, but Leonardo knew better than to take it personally. Likely, his younger brother had waited until everyone was asleep so he could move around the lair without being bombarded by questions and stares.
"Yes... I couldn't sleep. And neither could you, as it seems. Do you need anything?"
There was a dark flash in otherwise bright eyes and Leo forced himself to ignore that and keep the other questions to himself for now. Patiently, he stayed on his chair, not moving yet.
Warily, Raphael nodded his head once, lifting the small bundle in his arms higher, giving it a gentle bounce. "He's hungry."
"Oh..." There was a sudden emptiness in his tired mind, he drew total blanks when he tried coming up with any sort of intelligent reply to that. Luckily, his brother went on and broke the awkward silence.
"Yeah. We got at least a few boxes of food... it'll last a while." Hesitantly still, step by shaky step, Raphael moved closer to the kitchen, never quite leaving Leo out of his sight.
"Do you want me to help with anything? I could-"
"Just stay over there. We'll be fine. No need to worry... it's fine. I just need some water and a cup." Not, that this behavior did anything to soothe Leonardo's worries any. On the contrary. This wasn't like Raphael at all, this skittish, nervous demeanor.
But, for now, Leo decided to sit back and let him have his way. Quietly, he watched as his brother pulled out the kettle and started to boil some water to prepare a meal for the baby.
Which, in itself, was odd enough that the older brother just knew he was staring at the scene before him like an utter idiot.
"We don't have a bottle..." he murmured, half to himself, but Raph heard. And the reaction to it was immediate and harsh.
"I KNOW we don't!" He spat, harsh anger making his entire body coil and tense and Leonardo jumped at the unexpected volume of his voice.
"I know we don't have any bottles! I had to nab a pipette from Donnie before. I can't simply NOT feed him, can I now?!" In reaction to the sudden noise around it, the little one gave a sad little hiccuping sound, followed by a thin wail and the anger in Raph's features evaporated into worry.
Leo didn't get a chance to answer, protest or apologize with how quickly he was forgotten in favor of the now squirming infant. "Shh, shh, shh... No, it's okay... Shh..." There was so much distress in the younger brother's face that it bordered on panic and Leonardo felt another stab of worry tightening his throat.
Ever so gently, Raphael tried lulling the little one back into calm, caressing the tiny face until the wailing started to fade into small mewls of displeasure.
"Raph..."
"Go away, Leo!"
Leo sighed and started to push back his chair to get up. "No, I won't. Raph, what's going on here? Look at you! You're-... I don't even know! And look at the- the baby! How did that even happen?" A large part of him realized he was definitely going too far and too quick, but the rest of him was exhausted and fed up with the entire situation.
His brother responded simply by giving a warning growl, a flash of teeth added for good measure.
Leo took a step forward and Raph took a step back.
"Raph, stop that! I'm not gonna do anything to you. Or the child." Another step and the younger grabbed the next best object, a frying pan, from the sink.
"Stay away, Leo. I swear, I'll..."
"You'll what? This is serious Raph, I just want to help you! So please help me understand what happened! There's a BABY with you! You can't just-"
The grip Raphael had on the pan tightened so much his entire arm started to shake. Normally, the oldest would know this was a sure sign to back off.
But not this time.
Not, when he was tired and worried and faced with a version of his brother he could not recognize.
"I can't just... what, Leo. I can't just WHAT?!"
"You can't just-... just... just pretend this is nothing! How do you think we should deal with a BABY and-" He had barely enough time to duck as the pan was hauled at his head, missing barely an inch. "RAPH!"
"YOU won't deal with ANYTHING concerning MY baby!"
By now, their shouting and the rather audible crash of the pan had roused the rest of their family and they came jogging in just moments after, Donnie already trying to move between them. "What's going on?"
Neither Leo nor Raph paid them much attention, still glaring at each other from across the kitchen. "What do you think you're going to do with the baby?"
Raph bared his teeth again. "I'll keep him with me!"
All but bristling, Leo threw his hands up. "Just like that? Are you insane?!"
Now, instead of an explosive reply, the younger fell silent, dead silent and it spread to the entirety of the lair. In slow motion, Raphael turned around, grabbing his long-finished water and made to return to his room. None of the younger two dared to move, too stunned to come up with any plan to ease the situation.
Slow steps, accompanied by the faint, but obviously displeased little wails of the baby, and Raphael was undoubtedly heading back to his room, no intention to keep this up any further.
"Raphael, stop! You can't be serious!" The oldest brother caught up to him, yet Raphael didn't stop, simply lowered his eyes down and away from him as he took step after step.
"Leo, don't." There was a tremor in his voice, which Leo caught, but he was in such a roll that he simply could not stop himself.
"Don't WHAT?! You want to keep it? It's not like having a pet, Raph! You HAVE to be serious about this."
The slight pause in Raphael's slow stride was the only warning he received, before the younger reared at him. The kettle went flying off somewhere to clatter and spill while Raphael's arm came flying out, backhanding him with such force it tore the Leo straight off his feet and sent him crashing into the wall.
Something within him snapped.
Raph was roaring now. "TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY?! You don't have ANY idea about how SERIOUS this is! You weren't THERE, /fearless/!" The last word was hissed with such venom that none of their shocked family dared to even twitch.
"You weren't THERE, Leo! You weren't there. You weren't part of any of it." A shaky breath and his voice dropped to a harsh whisper.
"You weren't part of THIS" and he ever so gently lifted the softly crying infant in his arms.
"You weren't part of any of it. You were merely a smudge of blood and cells, left on one of their weapons." Another breath and his voice was calm, now, deadly calm and quiet and yet, none dared to speak up. As awful as this situation was, they all knew Raphael needed to get this out.
"But I was there. I was there for WEEKS! I was there when they took cells and tissues from me. You weren't there when they stabbed me with tubes and needles, inserting artificial... eggs into my guts. Eggs they MADE from my cells and fearless' over there!" He paused to swallow, never once lifting his eyes to meet either of his brothers'.
"They made me grow them inside me. They made me carry the eggs with me for days. Like some sort of living incubator. They... They CALLED me 'incubator'! But... I FELT them grow in me, Leo! I- I was swelling with how big and how many they were. And then..." His free hand moved to the bandages covering the wounds beneath and Mikey felt Donatello sway next to him, reaching out to steady his brother, even while he started to feel faint as well.
Raphael showed no signs of stopping, though.
"They cut me open. To-... to take them out and then, they put them into glass tubes. Every time they made room in me, they put new ones inside. I... I had to watch. I watched as they grew in their little tubes. And then I watched as those people took them out and cracked open their shells." His voice still was harsh, but, at the same time too quiet, too serious. There was none of the emotion in it that the brothers knew should be there.
"Leo, you weren't there to see all their tiny, deformed bodies. DOZENS of tiny, tiny bodies, twisted and wrong. But... But they lived! My /children/ were alive and moving before they cut them open." Mikey's knees hit the ground hard, hands pressed over his mouth to keep in the strangled sound that wanted to escape.
Raphael still didn't stop, swaying where he stood, eyes glued to the ground as if he wasn't even aware of their presence anymore, even while he directed his words to them.
And his words answered questions neither of them had wanted to ask
"They mocked me, you know? They called me animal, beast, freak! They were bored with their work and used me to brighten up their dull work day. Dull, yes, cutting up my clones to find out how they work. To mess with their leftovers until they found something to alter and try again with a new batch.
"A few... a few were good. A few were viable and non-deformed. And they kept them. For a while at least. They kept them in warm containers. Treated them like real babies, feeding and cleaning them. Un-... until they were taken for tests as well and I was watching the entire time, breeding them new ones to take and kill." Raphael gasped, forcing down a shudder.
"When they had too much time, they came to my cell and showed me the leftovers. Or they made me watch... they..."
Now, it seemed, finally, the weird wall of detachedness Raphael had build around him seemed to crack, as did his voice. "They told me what they'd do to the ones that they kept alive. What they'd do to the eggs. To me.
"You weren't there... and I... I... in there, I was forced to have dozens of children. And ALL of them were taken from me. They were cut from my stomach and they were killed and dissected and I had to watch all of it."
Another deep breath, hitched and awkward, but Raphael straightened, still not looking at either of them. Instead, green eyes lowered to the fussy little being in his arms. "This one... this one lived. Only this one."
"So don't... don't you DARE...! To tell me to take this serious. You have no FUCKING idea how serious any of this is. None of you do."
With that, he started walking again.
Nobody moved to stop him.
