"And—ah—here is the fabrication section of the lab," Megamind says, "which is—where the big metal parts for the large machines are made. I've got basic molds for standard parts, of course, things that can be used easily in multiple machines, but the more complex pieces I design separately and we use wire and water EDM—that's, um, Electrical Discharge Machining which—it's—it's very good for complex shapes and easier to preserve detail—"

For approximately the thirty-seventh time, he attempts to force himself to stop babbling. This attempt, like the thirty-six attempts before it, is an utter failure.

"—that's the main EDM there, and you can see there's another smaller one beside that wall there," he says despairingly, "that's the brainbot EDM; that's where their parts are made. Most of them use a standard set of molds, but spikes and other customized parts like specifically shaped teeth can be designed and made as well, and of course there's a great deal of variation in, for example, the number of limbs the brainbots can choose to have—"

Roxanne makes an interested humming sound, trailing gloved fingertips over the surface of the larger machine, then puts both hands on the edge of it and bends forward, and the movement causes the blue silk fabric of her skirt to fall forward, framing the shape of her—well—

Megamind jerks his gaze up guiltily and, at long last, finally ceases to babble, mostly because he's now focusing very intently on not swallowing his own tongue.

Roxanne makes that sound again and straightens up, turning to face him. She's—there's a curve to her mouth, not exactly like a smile, but the maddening hint of one and he has no idea what she's smiling about and—

She leans back casually against the machine, practically lounges there, and Megamind has no idea where he lost control of this whole Make-Miss-Ritchi-Evil-Queen-for-a-Day plan, but he very definitely has.

Another shoal of brainbots flies by, led again by their queen, Zero, all of them strangely quiet as they make their way past Megamind and Roxanne, all of them turning their eyestalks around as they go, craning their eyepieces over their braincases like interested drivers going by the scene of a disaster, which is exactly what this idea is shaping up to be. Maybe the bots can sense that; maybe that's why they've been flying past in quiet little groups since he started Roxanne's tour, although you'd think they would help him in that case.

Fake an emergency! Rile up the crocodiles! Start a fire somewhere! Anything!

In absence of a rescue from either Zero or Minion, who has been conspicuously absent since the beginning of this whole debacle even though it was his idea originally, the duplicitous fish.

"Do you have any questions?" Megamind asks desperately.

"Where are your books?" Roxanne asks, as if this isn't a complete conversational hard right turn.

Megamind seizes on the question gratefully though—if he can just keep this tour moving, he won't have to deal with her staring at him like—like—like that.

"Ah!" he says, "Well—I do, of course have copies of all of the records, financial and otherwise, of all the organizations that fall under my authority as Overlord, both physical copies and electronic copies. Which—ah—which collection would you like to see?"

Roxanne's brows draw together even as she smiles a little bit wider, a look of bemused amusement.

"Oh, I'd be interested in seeing them both," she says. "But I meant where do you keep your books, Megamind—books you read for pleasure."

She lingers over the last word, drawing it out, making it into something almost indecently sensual, and Megamind feels heat flood his face.

"Um—I—why?" he asks.

Why does she want to know; why does she keep asking these kinds of questions; he was prepared for her to ask reporter questions, science questions, not—not—personal ones.

"Curiosity," she says. "So where do you keep them?"

"…in my bedroom," Megamind says, and at this rate his face is never going to be a normal shade of blue again, is going to stay fuchsia forever, a permanent blush of everlasting embarrassment.

He wonders, somewhat hysterically, if he could pass it off as some kind of sunburn, or perhaps a lab accident gone tragically wrong.

Roxanne makes a disappointed sound.

"That's too bad," she says. "You can tell a lot about a person, based on what their bookshelf looks like."

Megamind, thinking of the bookshelf in his room, the one full of romance novels, makes a noise which sounds something like 'ulp'.

Roxanne straightens up from the machine and saunters over to him, hips swaying, making the blue silk of her split skirt ripple like water.

"That's all right, though," she says, and slips her arm into his. "Bedroom tours are probably too—intimate—" again she draws the word out sensually, "—for a first visit. Although technically speaking, I have been here plenty of times before."

She begins walking, moving through the Lair as confidently as if she's the one who lives there, and Megamind helplessly allows himself to be pulled along with her, powerless and swept away by the force of her.

"I don't think it counts as a social visit if one of you is tied up," Megamind says.

Roxanne gives him a sidelong glance, dark lashes and curving mouth and sweetly vindictive amusement in her glittering blue eyes.

"You've lived a very sheltered life for a supervillain," she says. "Haven't you?"

Megamind makes a strangled noise and Roxanne's smile goes wider, like that of a very self-satisfied cat.

"Don't worry," she says. "I think it's sweet."

"Oh look at this door over here!" Megamind says loudly. "Doesn't this way look exciting?"

"It says 'exit', Megamind," Roxanne says, voice rich with amusement.

"Which stands for exciting! In this circumstance!" Megamind says. "It's the alligator pit; why don't we go look at the alligators wouldn't that be great—"

"Ooh," Roxanne says, and he follows her gaze to see her looking at—

The curtain which closes off the section of the Lair where he constructs his idea clouds and evil plans.

Well. It should close it off; Megamind remembers having closed it off before setting out to invite Roxanne to the Lair. It was pulled completely shut when he left, but now it's open—just slightly, just a crack, the red material at the opening swaying gently, as if from the breeze created by a passing brainbot.

There's a light on in the idea cloud section—that shouldn't be on either; what have the brainbots been up to? He wanted them to create a distraction but this is not what he meant at all.

Golden light shines invitingly through the opening, filtering through the hanging scraps of paper, twisting slowly in the air, staining the light different colors, making it flicker and change.

"What is that?" Roxanne asks, moving towards the curtain.

"That's—I mean—it's not—you probably wouldn't be—"

She turns her head and gives him a look, eyebrow arched, chin tilted. The light catches on the spikes of the crown she's wearing and why did he think it would be a good idea to put her in a crown?

Oh yes that's right because he is a fool, brought low by his own hubris, that's why.

"Megamind," she says. "You promised to answer any question I asked."

"…it's the idea cloud for the next evil plot," he says, too overcome to even try to argue.

"Really," Roxanne says, eyes sharpening with even more interest. "Let's go look at that, then."

"But—"

Roxanne gives him another of those looks, and Megamind subsides.

"Oh, don't look so miserable," she says as they make their way through the curtain. "Keep an open mind, Megamind; you might even enjoy this."

"Oh. What fun," Megamind says.


"An anti gravity beam?" Roxanne says, looking at the plans he brought out when she asked him to explain.

"Yes, exactly!" Megamind says, gesturing excitedly. "Isn't it brilliant?"

It really is; she's actually very impressed; she's never gotten to see Megamind's machines and plans being created; she's usually just here for the falling apart phase of everything. But—

"I mean, yeah, the anti gravity beam technology itself is genius," Roxanne says, "but—why?"

"Why—what—what do you mean, why?" Megamind says, gesturing at the idea cloud. "To defeat Metro Man, of course—"

"And rule the city as Overlord, Metrocity will be mine at last Miss Ritchi evil laughter evil laughter, yes, yes, I know the spiel," Roxanne says, waving a dismissive hand and ignoring Megamind's indignant sputtering at her imitation of him. "But why an anti gravity beam?"

"I—I'm not sure what you're asking," Megamind says.

"It's pointless," Roxanne says. "Why would you do this; it's never going to work!"

She sees an expression of hurt flash in Megamind's eyes, and then his mouth goes flat, his eyebrows drawing down.

"Yes, yes, your plans never work, Megamind; give it up," he says, "evil fails, good prevails; I know the schpiel as well, Miss Ritchi—"

"That's not what I—"

"—should have know it would be like this; should have known—"

"I mean," Roxanne says, "some of his powers work off of anti gravity, Megamind; why don't you reverse the polarity of the neutron flow or—whatever it is, I don't know—and turn it into a targeted gravity beam instead?"

Megamind halts in midsentence, mouth still slightly open, eyes suddenly very wide.

"…his powers do what, now?" he says.

"Work off of antigravity," Roxanne says. "Obviously?"

"Obviously?" Megamind says, voice rising with incredulity. "What do you mean, obviously?"

"Obviously!" Roxanne says, gesturing again, both hands this time. "Come on! Flight? Have you seen Wayne? He's huge! And not in any way aerodynamic! How the hell else is he going to get off the ground; I mean really."

"You—surely he didn't just tell you this!" Megamind says. "Even if you are his girlfriend, that would be—"

"—even if I was his girlfriend, that would be incredibly stupid," Roxanne says. "Which Wayne is. Just—not in this particular circumstance."

"You just—you just came up with this," Megamind says, and then blinks. "Wait. Was his girlfriend? Was as in—past tense?"

"Was as in entirely hypothetical, never going to actually happen because he is approximately as interesting and attractive as a lampshade," Roxanne says. "And—well, yeah, I just came up with it. You really didn't—I mean, it seems really obvious to me, and maybe I'm wrong, but it's got to at least be a hypothesis worth testing, right?"

Megamind takes a soft, sharp breath.

"It," he says, "was not obvious, Roxanne. You just happen to be extremely intelligent and perceptive."

Roxanne's breath catches at the compliment, at the ease with which he gives it, at the fact that he doesn't seem to know he's said something astonishing.

"And this," he says, "this is—"

He places the tips of his fingers together, steepling his hands, and then he smiles at her, slow and dangerous and very, very sharp.

"Oh," he says, voice dark and promising. "Oh, my dear, clever Miss Ritchi—this is a hypothesis very worth testing indeed."

Roxanne isn't sure if she actually says oh, or if her lips merely part, soundless with wonder because—

(my dear, clever Miss Ritchi)

—because he's said that before, called her that before, but she never realized before that he means it.

"Yes," Megamind says, fingers still steepled together, supervillain smile curling his lips, "yes, we will certainly be testing the anti-anti-gravity beam. It will be—"

"—anti-anti-gravity beam?" Roxanne cuts in, unable to help herself, in spite of the way her heart feels like it might never learn to beat normally again.

"—an evil plot to—" Megamind, who had begun to pace, as he usually does during evil monologues, stops in his tracks and mid-sentence, frowning at her. "Yes, of course, Miss Ritchi," he says, "the anti-anti-gravity—"

Roxanne gives him a flat look.

"It's a gravity beam, Megamind."

"Anti-anti—"

"Gravity beam."

"But—"

"Gravity. Beam."

"Oh, potato, tomato, potato, tomato," Megamind says, waving a dismissive hand as if he's trying to chase off a particularly annoying gnat.

Roxanne gives a snort of laughter and he grins at her, bright and triumphant and happy, so very happy.

"We should record it, too," she says. "So even if it doesn't work we'll be able to review the footage and see if we can work out what went wrong from there."

Megamind's expression changes from innocent joy to dark delight in an instant, and Roxanne—

Roxanne suddenly feels as if the air between them is filled with electricity, lightning ready to strike at any moment.

"What an excellent idea, Miss Ritchi," Megamind says, and Roxanne suppresses a shiver of something that she can't even come close to pretending is fear. "Yes, we should record it so we can review it later."

He laughs, low and beautifully wicked, and then—

"Really?" he says, in a tone that hovers between uncertainty and laughter. "A lampshade?"

"A beige lampshade," Roxanne says, and Megamind's evil laughter rings through the Lair.

(After a few moments, it's joined by hers.)


...to be continued.


notes: Day two of my birthday week celebration! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter!

(thank you to my dear displacerghost for beta reading this, and for originally giving me the story to finish as a present.)