Maybe I should start from the beginning. When I was four years old, It was My mum - Mary a beautifful loving lady, long flowing blonde hair, petite waist but the strongest woman I have ever known. Then there was my brother Dean, he was eight and already I looked up to him, admired him, he was my role model, I wanted to be just like my big brother. He had short brown hair and green eyes, he may have only been eight but he acted like he was already sixteen looking out and protecting his younger brother. Lastly there was my father John, he was a stong man, admired by others and he loved it. What can I say? If he wanted something he would get it. He didnt like someone? He would show it in the worst way possible... first hand experience. My dad he hated me... sorry I'm getting a head of myself here.I was four... and a half getting ready to start school at this point but I was already reading and writing ahead of anyone my age, safe to say I was a smart kid my mum used to say I shouldn't be afraid to be who I am, that I should rise to any challenge and prove I can do anything, I lived by that, at least I did until that last night before she left...
That night was the same as any night, I can remember it clear as day. Nine o'clock at night I just finshed reading my mum my bedtime story. 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit?' that was my favourite. She kissed my head and put on my night light, a batman nightlight, Dean's favourite superhero so obviously my favourite. I heard the usual fighting and shouting and things getting thrown about the room from downstairs, that was normal right? to hear your parents shouting and fighting everynight? of course not, but I didnt know that then, that was my life. I fell asleep just as easily as I did back then. A peaceful nights sleep, dreaming about Pirates and Ninjas batteling, the normal dreams for kids.
The next morning I awoke from my slumber, it seemed quiet. Too quiet. I couldnt smell the lovely smell pancakes and bacon getting cooked like every Saturday morning, pancakes and bacon. My stomach was rumbling I was hungry. 'Mom?' I shouted. Nothing, no answer, no reply not even her light pitter patter of her feet coming to my room. Nothing. So my suspisious mind got my up from my bed I took a step onto the hard wooden floor. It was cold, very cold, I hadnt felt the floor so cold on my feet before. I crawled under my bed to grab my Wookie slippers, I slipped my tiny feet into the fluffy warm slippers and got up walking to my door grabbing my Star Wars robe as I walked out of my room. I put the robe on as I wandered the house 'Mom?' Still nothing. 'Dean?' Nope nothing. I walked towards the top of the stairs I felt a breeze, the front door was open. I ran to the door closing it to heat myself up, at this point I started to panic. 'Hello?' I felt scared, terrified. I was alone completely alone in this giant house. Can you imagine? Four years old, alone, cold and hungry. All I wanted was to see someone anyone at this point. I walked to the living room 'hello..?' not a soul to be found, but it was different I saw glass everywhere, furtinure over turned, ripped wallpaper, smashed television and as if someone had punched a hole in the doors and walls. 'mommy?' I walked into the kitchen, it was worse everything was broken the windows were smashed in and this time even some blood on the doors. 'mommy?!' I started to cry, the tears were rolling down my face, I've never felt sadness, loss, confusion like this before. I ran to the stairs again, I tripped over the top step and scampered to my feet again pushing myself through the door of dean's room. He told me to knock before I went in but I couldnt stick with that rule right now, I just wanted my brother to keep me safe. I wanted to be in my brothers strong warm arms.
I stood that the doorway of Deans room, my breathing was starting to get heavy and I wasnt able to control it. 'Dean?' I tryed to say through each breathe I could manage, it hurt, my chest. It hurt it was tight. This panic was too much. I looked about the room the messy almost empty room. Deans bed was completely torn apart torn to shreds, his drawers were broken his clothes were everywhere, but not all most of them were gone. His room looked like no one lived there. I took a step inside Dean's room to where I saw something. a note in the middle of his room, so I ran over and picked it up and read it, it did have my name on the front. "Sammy, I'm sorry. Stay safe. We wil come back for you. Mommy and Dean xx" it was them mom and Dean. But where were they? 'Dad?!' I shouted as I ran out putting the note into my pocket 'Dad!' I ran into mu mom and dad's room, it was the same as dean's messy and almost empty. The tears were now streaming down my face and I fell back against the wall falling down to the floor now unable to control breathing or tears. Where were they? Why did they leave me? Will they come back for me? Where is dad?
'There gone' there was a voice from the stairs a gravley drunk voice. I looked up and saw him. 'They left us.' I ran to him, all I wanted was a hug and to be told everything was going to be okay. But that didnt happen. in fact I ran up top him and he threw me against the rock hard wall. I yelped out in pain. 'Its your fault! They left because of you! Why did you make them leave Sammy?'
I looked up into his eyes filled with hate. 'im sorry daddy... I didnt mean...' I couldnt finish my sentence he grabbed me by the hair and through me to the ground and smashed his not so empty beer bottle agaisnt my head. I felt glass in my head still. 'daddy ! stop' I cried more begging him to stop. But he didnt it got worse.
'If you werent born they would still be here you little shit!' He began kicking into my ribs, I was gasping for breath. Scereaming in pain. 'No one likes you no one loves you. In fact no one ever will' he kicked harder and harder until I passed out from the pain. I woke up a few hours later in my room, cold and bleeding. I looked around the room it was empty I hardly had a bed anymore. I wrapped myself up in my covers and hid in the corner of my room. Scared and alone. I cried myself to sleep and hid away from my father as much as I could. Little did I know that it was going to get worse, that I was going to have to go to school and talk to no one about my family. I didn't know my dad would do much worse to me. I wanted to belive so badly that it was one time, that my mom and Dean would come through the door to get me. Or even that it was one huge terrible nightmare. No luck, It got worse as I got older... It still feels like one horrible nightmare.
