Another day being the one who defeated death... I thought as I woke up from my slumber.

But I knew the day would probably be boring, unless I met some people I could fuck with.

Other than that, seriously, being a baby is boring as fuck.

All you do is lay down, sleep, eat, shit, and deal with weird fucks pinching your cheeks.

So, because of this, I began trying to walk and potty train myself at a very young age so I could run away and be able to wipe my own ass. Though it resulted in bruises, falling in, wetness, strange smells, and weird looks from my parents, it was something that had to be done.

Me, Umeko Haruno, the one who beat death, was not going to be beaten by something as measly as motor skills and bladder control. So, at sixteen months old I was walking, reading, but not talking. I was enjoying cussing at everyone in English and them just cooing at the superior cuteness.

"Okay, Umeko! Say Mommy!"

"Or Daddy!"

"Shut up, Kizashi!"

I decided I would say my first words the next day after this took place, on my mother's birthday.

I considered saying 'Mommy'.

But it would be more fun just fucking with her.

"Sakura, Umeko. Be good for the Genin team that's watching you!" Mother said.

I gave a smirk as Sakura just waved happily.

'Cute kid. Hope she doesn't grow up to be an annoying little fuck.' I thought.

"Hi there again, Umeko!" Iruka said with a fake smile as Mother walked out the door.

'Time for another day of fucking with canon characters. My hobby.' I thought as I smirked at the boy.

"Iruka, why do you hate Umeko so much? She's just a kid." Kotetsu said picking me up.

'Oh for the love of god, please tell me washed his hands. If he gets his pig like grossness on me, I swear to god once I turn into my god-like kunoichi self in the future, I will get my revenge!' I thought.

"I prefer Sakura. She's a sweetheart. Umeko is planning to kill me!" Iruka exclaimed.

"Riiiight... And Sakura here is the sadistic love child of Ibiki Morino." Izumo said holding up a drooling Sakura.

She burst into giggles at Iruka's face.

I pointed at Iruka.

"Fuck wad." I said.

All three boy's eyes opened really wide.

"UMEKO! WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT WORD?!" they all yelled causing Sakura to look at them with confusion.

"Iruka." I said with a smile.

"THATS BULL!" Iruka yelled as his teammates glared at him.

I gave him a glare and smirk, egging him on.

"I'm telling you guys! I never said anything like that in front of her!" Iruka said.

"Fuck wad! Bastard mother fucker! Bitch ass with shit! With a blimey bastard in the mists of mother fucker fuckery!" I sang.

"I tell Mommy you teach me song!" I said with a smile.

The three boys looked at each other.

"Oh please don't!"

"I'll give you candy if you don't!"

"Umeko, you really hate us don't you?"

'Oh fucking with people is a fine form of entertainment.' I thought.

"Sakura I teach words to!" I said wiggling out of the arms of Kotetsu to Izumo who had Sakura.

"Can see Big Sister?" I asked tilting me head.

"NO!" they all yelled.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I cried.

Me crying caused Sakura to cry too.

"Okay! Just NO, I mean, NO teaching Sakura any words." Izumo said putting down my older sister.

"Sakura!" I said pinching her cheeks.

She looked at me innocently not saying a word. Just giggling.

"Say Bitch."

"Bit-" two of the genin were instantly covering out mouths.

"No. No! No saying those words!" Kotetsu said.

"Mommy want words." I said.

"Not those!" Iruka exclaimed.

"I'M HOOOOOOOOOOME!" mother sang bursting in the house.

"My god, that meeting was boring! Where's my darling daughters?" she asked.

I ran to her grinning as Sakura crawled right at my heel.

The three boys looked so nervous.

"I trust you three took good care of my darlings while I was at the council meeting, right?" Mother asked sweetly.

They nodded.

"Mommy!" I said with a smile.

'Build her up to think she has a good child just to break it down to nothingness when I turn out to be a delinquent.' I thought. Seeing her heartbroken would be a fun, interesting journey.

"Umeko! You said your first word!" Mother said with a grin.

"Ruka taught!" I said.

Mother smiled at the surprised Iruka.

"Wait, that was her first word? Why was she talk-"

"Shut up, Kotetsu."

"Really!? Thank you Iruka! I'll be sure to tell your sensei about this!" Mother said.

"y-Yeah, right." Iruka said rubbing the back of his head.

"Bitch." Sakura said.

Our ecstatic mother's face suddenly dropped into a surprised expression.

'My god.' I thought as I began giggling like a maniac.

"S-Sakura? Where did you learn that?" Mother said with a fake smile.

"Ume." Sakura said.

I gave her a look that obviously meant, 'Thanks for throwing me under the bus'.

Yet she returned it with supreme innocence.

"Ruka taught!" I said with a giggle.

"IRUKAAAAAAA!"

All three boys yelled, "RUUUUUN!" as Mother chased them with me in her arms cheering her on.

Yes, fucking with canon characters was a true pastime for the superior god like beings like me.


I just wanted to do some filler, I call this the Chibi Arc! Since Umeko is just a baby. Next chapter will probably be a time skip and upmost fun for the Haruno Sister's first day at the park! More of Umeko's god complex and Sakura's total innocence and lack of knowing whats going on Umeko's strange head.

So, with that said, thanks for 12 followers on the first chapter! Means a lot! I plan on Umeko becoming a meaner, more narcissistic, and make her into her own person.