Caution Lights

Chapter 2- Buy/Bye, Baby

By BG and Reapergirl

"Mother … Shit… Fuck!" Donna cursed as she burnt her thumb taking the pizza out of the oven.

"Mothershitfuck" said a small voice from behind her. She wheeled around to see Kenny standing there. "Mommy, did you say mothershitfuck?"

"No! I mean yes, I did … but those are bad words – so don't repeat them, ever!"

Donna was running late on getting to the parent/teacher conference at the elementary school. Opie was supposed to be home a half hour ago to watch the kids and big surprise, she hadn't seen hide nor hair of him. She walked over to the sink and ran cold water over the throbbing burn.

"ELLIE!" Kenny shouted as his sister walked into the kitchen, "Mommy said mothershitfuck."

"KENNY! Stop it!" Donna chided as the phone began to ring. "I told you not to repeat those words." She picked up the phone and wedged it between her shoulder and her ear. "Hello?"

"Hey, honey." Opie said. "I'm sorry but I am tied up here at the shop and I'm gonna be a while."

"But you know I needed you to watch the kids while I go to their school. I even chose an evening time slot so you would be here to watch them."

"Well, what do you want me to do? They need me here."

Donna pulled her thumb out from under the water and twisted the faucet handle to turn it off. Looking from her burnt finger to her kids, she sighed. "You're needed here too, you know."

"Don't go all melodramatic on me, Donna."

She heaved an exasperated sigh, "What am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know. Take the kids with you."

"I can't! They specifically said no kid…"

Opie cut her off. "Do you really need to go? Isn't the year half over anyway?"

Donna wanted to slam the receiver down but it was a cordless phone so all she could do was push the off button as hard as she could. Unfortunately for Donna, she did it with the thumb she had just burnt and was now in worse pain than before. With another sigh, she quickly located and dialed a phone number.

"Parker Place." Vix's voice chirped on the line.

"Vix? Hi. This is Donna…Donna Winston?"

Vix laughed, "I know who you are. You're actually the only Donna I have ever known. Interesting, huh?"

In her kitchen, Donna closed her eyes and nodded, "Yeah... um, totally. Is your sister at home?" She did not have a lot of friends in town and she avoided women associated with the club at all costs but she had managed to make nice with Jaci during a recent club event and thought she might be able to get some help.

"You just missed her. She's taking Aunt Roxy to the airport."

Donna sighed, dreading having to ask for help from the wrong Parker sister. "Ok, I am in a bit of a jam. Opie is stuck at Teller Morrow and I have appointments to meet the kids' teachers. Could you maybe watch Kenny and Ellie for about two hours? I know you're recouping and all but I really…"

"No problem." Vix said brightly. "We just opened a bottle of Absolut and got plenty to go around." Vix waited for Donna to laugh but she didn't so Vix added for clarification, "I was just joking. You knew that right?"

"Yeah. Um, we'll be there in about 15 minutes."

Donna dropped Ellie and Kenny off at Parker Place and then raced to the elementary school.

As she drove home from the conferences later that night, Donna's mind wandered down a path that had become all too familiar as of late; her family life was going to hell on an express train and she was helpless to stop it. The loud screeching of brakes snapped Donna out of her contemplation and she starred in horror at the fast approaching car. She had just enough time to swerve out of the way so that it only grazed the rear bumper of her car.

Donna sat for a moment, trembling. The driver of the other car was standing on the side of the street waving his arms and yelling in her direction, "Hey lady… you color blind or something? You not notice you ran a RED light?!"

Emerging from her car, Donna apologized profusely for the accident and offered up her insurance information, all the while cursing at the thought of higher premiums. She shook her head and added this moment to her list of all the ways LIFE was currently fucking her.

Once back in her car, Donna took stock and realized that it was just a minor little accident and that she was ok. She sighed with relief that she was not hurt or worse. After all, who would clean the house? Pay the bills? Cook? Take care of the kids? Make sure they got their homework done? Take them to their appointments?

She was still running through the list in her mind when she pulled up to Parker Place ten minutes later. Juice opened the door and Donna walked into the living room to find Ellie and Kenny drinking Pepsi and munching on a huge pile of Oreo cookies and chocolate-covered donuts. She smiled at Vix, "I think I would've preferred you give them the Absolut. They are gonna be bouncing off the walls."

"Not to worry." Vix called from her seat on the couch, with a wink, "I spiked their sodas."

Donna laughed, "Ok, kids… say bye to Juice and Vix."

The kids gathered their things and said their goodbyes. Juice walked Donna and the kids out to her car. "So, were they good?"

Juice nodded, "As gold." Donna looked relieved. "Hey what happened to your bumper?"

"Little fender bender, no worries. Well unless you take into consideration the inconvenience the whole ordeal had to the other driver; total jerk."

Juice rolled his eyes. "You shoulda told him off. One word woulda been perfect."

"Really, what's that?"

Juice grinned. "Mothershitfuck!"

Donna gasped. "Oh God!" She glanced into the car where Kenny was sitting in the backseat of the car.

"That's classic!" Juice laughed. "Vix laughed so hard when he told us Mommy's new word that she needed to pop a pain pill."

Donna nodded in resigned embarrassment. "Well, thanks for watching them for me on such short notice and all."

Juice nodded. "Any time, they're good kids."

**

The next morning…

"Jaci went to Oakland last night, took Aunt Roxy to the airport. She's workin' from there today, why?" Vix said into the phone.

"We've been given a mission." Half-Sack replied and then added, "and there is no way of not accepting it. We'll be at your place in twenty."

"Can't wait." Came the reply followed by the line going dead.

Bobby sauntered out of the club house. "I'll meet ya at the Parkers." He said as he straddled his bike and adjusted his sunglasses.

"Um, Clay said to take the van." Half-Sack said hesitantly as he tucked his cell phone in his pocket.

Bobby raised his eyebrow and stared past the Prospect at the vehicle. "Seriously? The Loser Cruiser?"

Half Sack nodded. "You know, better for bringing home the stuff."

Bobby nodded. "Can't disagree with that logic... wish I could... but I can't." Grumbling he walked over and climbed into the passenger seat as the Prospect climbed in behind the wheel. "So who are we buyin' for again?"

"Abel."

Bobby slowly turned his head to stare at the dense Prospect. "Really?! No shit, Sherlock."

"Oh! Right. You meant… um, who all went in on the presents. Um, pretty much everybody. We got a lot of cash."

Chibs banged on the side of the van and stuck his head in the passenger's side window. "Ah, Bobby, Clay needs ya here. Looks like I'll be venturin' to O-Town with the shopping brigade instead of you."

Tig leaned in the driver's side window as Bobby chuckled, "Tigger going along for the ride too?"

Tig smirked, "The only stores I go in are parts stores, grocery stores, and liquor stores. No way in Hell are you dragging me into a baby store."

Half-Sack frowned, '"Uh I don't think Abel really needs a carburetor, beef jerky or Jack Daniels."

"Well he's shit out of luck then." Tig announced with a shrug and walked off leaving the rest of them staring at his back.

"What is his problem, exactly?" Half Sack asked.

Bobby sighed, exchanging glances with Chibs, "He has so many it feels unfair to pick just one."

***

Chibs leaned across the front seat, pushing the Prospect out of the way and slammed his fist into the car horn. He roared, "Come on Parker… we're burnin' daylight."

The front door of the house opened up and out hobbled Vix, followed by Juice. She stared at the van, "Seriously? You, me, Chibs and Kipp? Could they find anyone less suited for this job?"

Juice shrugged. "Probably not but Half-Sack says he practically helped raise his nephew and niece so he should have a clue."

Vix kept her doubts to herself as she climbed in the back seat.

"About bloody time." Chibs said over his shoulder.

"I am moving as fast as I can." Vix replied.

"Somehow I doubt that." Chibs countered.

"Shut up and drink your beer, Chibsy." She did a double take. "Wait, you're drinking beer, at noon, on Tuesday?"

Chibs smiled, "Yes, but not in a bar that faces a giant car wash."

"Chibsy gets mad points for picking up on the Sheryl Crow reference." Vix laughed.

The Scot chuckled and bowed. "Speaking of tunes, eighty six the hillbilly hoedown and find me some classic rock."

"Hey, I like this song." Vix says. "Blake Shelton has an awesome voice."

Chibs rolled his eyes. "This stuff grates on my nerves as much as that hippity-hop shite."

"I vote for hard rock. 95.1 will suit me just fine." Juice interjected.

Half-Sack groaned, "Come on guys, no radio wars today. Besides isn't the rule he who drives controls the tunes?"

Chibs, Juice and Vix all turned their heads and stared at the Prospect and then laughed.

"Yeah Right!" said Juice.

"Oook, well then Rock, Paper, Scissors." suggested Half-Sack. "We will Rock, Paper, Scissors for control of the radio."

"Gun!" Shouted Chibs.

"Um, that isn't one of the options, Chibs." Vix corrected.

"Oh, it most certainly is." Chibs replied pulling out his hand gun. "Both Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson would tend to agree. Now find me some bloody classic rock."

"Jesus Christ!" said Vix, "You're packing?"

"We are going to O-town." Chibs reminded.

"And you're what? Expecting a rumble at the Babies R Us?"

"Ah, Vix, love. It's better to have a gun and not need one then need a gun and not have one."

Half-Sack flipped though the channels and came across Foreigner's Jukebox Hero, Chibs turned and pointed the gun at the Prospect saying, "That'll do."

Vix shook her head and glanced at Juice who only shrugged. "God bless the inventor of the iPOD. Wake me up when we get there."

**

Bobby and Clay were sitting in the clubhouse enjoying a cold beer when Opie approached them. "Hey Clay, um…I know you got money tied up in the rebuild but I was wondering if I could get my payout for Hefner?"

The elder Sons exchanged a glance and Opie explained further, "Two mortgage payments behind."

"Ahh, you shoulda said something, man." Clay answered. "You know waiting for the money wasn't mandatory."

Opie nodded, "I know, I was just tryin' to help the club."

Bobby eyed Clay and then said, "That's alright. I'll pull it outta the treasury fund."

"Thanks, man." Opie replied as he turned to walk away.

"Hey, Op." Clay hollered after him. "You doin' ok?"

Opie stopped and nodded. "Yeah, just shit at home. I got it handled."

After watching Opie walk out of the clubhouse Clay looked at Bobby. "What's going on with him?"

Bobby shook his head and said, "His heart is in it. His head...his head is someplace else."

Clay sighed and stood up, "Too much of that shit goin' on lately."

"Mmm hmm." Bobby nodded.

**

"Are you gonna make it?" Juice asked Vix as she hobbled through the doors of the baby super store.

"I'll be fine." She said through clenched teeth, "Might've been a bit better without the five-mile hike though the parking lot."

"Sorry. I drove around for five minutes trying to find a closer spot." Half-sack answered in his defense.

"Yeah, yeah. If you're really sorry you'll go snag me one of those motorized thingies." When he hesitated, Vix continued. "Come on, Kipp… look at the size of this place. It's like five acres of every imaginable baby contraption. Now unless you three want to take turns carrying my ass by the time we reach aisle 5, I suggest you saunter over there to customer service and get me a god damned scooter." She smiled sweetly at him and added, "Pretty please!"

Half-Sack walked away towards the customer service desk. "So does anyone have a clue what we need to get?" Vix asked.

Chibs shrugged with Juice doing the same. Vix sighed and pulled out her cell phone. "Whatcha doin'?"

"You called me at work, Vix… what do you think I'm doing?" Jaci replied flatly.

"Um, workin'?"

Jaci laughed. "What's up, buttercup?"

"Oh just wonderin' when you're takin' lunch?"

Jaci glanced at the half-empty bag of gummy bears and the can of coke in front of her on the desk and sighed. "I am eating it right now. Why?"

"Well, we're sorta in need of guidance."

"What kind and who is we?"

Vix quickly explained the situation and once she stopped laughing Jaci agreed to meet them at the store as soon as possible. Vix hung up just as Half-Sack was pulling up on the motorized cart. She smiled, jumped on, and took off down the first aisle.

Things were going good. Well, if you took into consideration the amount of sensible baby loot that was piling up in the basket of Vix's motorized cart, AND if you overlooked the concerned glances from the staff and the double-takes from other patrons. Seriously they had to be a sight; three "biker dudes" with colors flying, accompanying a tattooed chick with pale-pink spiked hair motoring about on a scooter in a consumer wonderland of baby goods. So, things were going good until they reached aisle 8. Aisle 8 began the 'feeding section'. Bottles of very shape and size, bottle warmers, bottle brushes, bottle sanitizers, bags to keep the bottles in… dishes, spoons, forks, bowls, formula and breast pumps.

Breast pumps were where they lost Chibs. He was fascinated. So much so that he nabbed a passing sales associate to ask a few questions. He shot Vix a dirty look when she tried to point out that a pump was not a must-have item as Abel was on formula.

When the snotty young lady, appearing to be on the verge of an anxiety attack at having to "deal" with this lot, glanced at Vix with trepidation; Vix just smiled. In her best Pretty Woman imitation she said "You work on commission, right?" Before the girl could answer, Vix said "Chibsy, we'll meet up with ya in baby swings." and motored off followed by Juice and Half-Sack.

***

Chibs met up with the others in time to hear Vix say, "I think they missed the word under in underwear because walkin' around like with their pants like that, their wear is all out in the open and ain't under nothin'."

"Nothin' a staple gun couldn't fix." Chibs chime in and he walked up to the group. "And I thought you were gonna be in the swinging section, this look like clothes to me."

"Got a swing." Juice smiled, holding up the item slip.

"Didn't realize how long that chick would put up with ya. We were taking bets on how long it be until you were escorted out by security." Vix got distracted by a onesie and held it up for the guys to see. "Oh my god! Look at this. HA!" The onesie read "My goal is to be as charming and sophisticated as my AUNT."

"You know everyone is gonna think Jaci bought that." Half-Sack laughed.

Vix stood up and glared at him. "I am charming and sophisticated…so fuck you, Kipp."

She turned to sit back down on the scooter only to find Chibs had taken her seat. "Alright, out of my seat."

"You vacate it – you lose it. Besides my bloody feet are killing me and aren't you supposed to be building your strength back up and all that? Now show me how to work this thing." He pushed the controls and the motorized cart jerked ahead. "Woo!"

"I can't fucking believe you are gonna make me walk."

"It'll be good for you." Chibs said as he raced by on the scooter.

"Shhh shhh!" Juice hushed them as an older woman with the air of a boarding school head mistress approached them.

"Are you finding everything you need?" The woman inquired.

"Considering the fact that we don't know what it is we need, I think we are doing just fine." Vix replied. "Thanks for askin'."

"First time?" The woman nodded with presumed understanding. "Your selections are so important and your choices are vast and practically limitless." She motioned with both arms towards the far corners of the store. "You really should stop by our registry department for some professional assistance. It's never too late. How far along are you?"

Juice stared at the woman with his mouth hanging open and his eyes big as saucers. Half-Sack made a 'yikes face' and became instantly fascinated with his boots. Chibs sat on the scooter fighting back a laugh. Vix's eyes narrowed as she looked at the woman, "Excuse me? But you need professional assistance if you think I am knocked up. Seriously lady, bite your tongue…IN HALF!"

The woman stammered. "I… I apologize. I ... judging by your..."

"Judging by my what?"

"By your confusion and the interesting array of your purchases it looked like..."

Juice noticed that Vix was seething and shooting the woman homicidal level looks, so he interrupted, "We're fine. We'll figure it out; we aren't as stupid as we look, really. Well, he…" Juice motioned towards Half-Sack, "I can't speak for him, but…"

The woman nodded and hurried away. Vix exhaled deeply and turned on her heel. "I want to finish and get the hell outta this place. Chibs, give me the goddamn scooter."

Chibs stood up and climbed off the cart. "Of course… after all someone in your condition…" He laughed as he trailed off midsentence.

Juice glared at Chibs. Vix shook her head, "I am not vain but DAMN! She thought I was pregnant? What the hell?" She looked from one guy to the next.

Half-Sack shook his head. Juice shook his head as well, "You look hot babe. That biddy obviously needs glasses."

Chibs, however, puffed out his cheeks and made fatso expressions with his hands.

"Dude! What the fuck?" Juice exclaimed.

"You have to admit it's kinda funny. She has had a lot of people thinking she's pregnant lately." Half-Sack piped in.

Vix did a double take. "Excuse me?"

"They didn't tell you?" Half-Sack asked. "The doctors at the hospital thought you were pregnant, too... well at least until they ruled out that you weren't." Noticing the dumbfounded look on Vix's face and the murderous daggers that Juice was shooting at him, he shut up. He scratched his head with a sheepish look and then announced, "Oooh, look Diaper Genies." and rushed off in that direction.

Vix stared at Juice, who had a deer-in-the-headlights look.

Chibs laughed and in the most god-awful faux Mexican ala Scottish accent you've ever wanted to hear said, "Lucy you got some 'splaining to do!" He took off after the Prospect.

Juice smiled that goofy grin of his trying to disarm the situation. "Well, um... but you're not... you weren't... you know... ever. It's just they weren't sure at first... you know... but you're not."

Vix cruised off on the scooter at top speed to the bathroom. She dipped into the handicapped stall at the end of the row and pulled out her cell phone. On the third ring Jaci answered and Vix snapped into the phone, "Where the hell are you and why didn't you tell me I wasn't pregnant?!"

"What the hell are you talkin' about?!"

In a panic induced rant Vix spewed out the details of the last half-hour. At the end of which, Jaci replied, "Oh for the love of Christ, chill out and relax. I will be there in a half hour."

**

Back in Charming, Opie arrived home to find his house in a disarray of boxes with Donna in the middle, packing shit up. He tossed an envelope fat with cash onto the dining room table. "This should cover the mortgage… put a dent in some of the bills."

Donna continued packing and didn't say a word. Opie looked around, "Where are the kids?"

"Next door, Nina is watchin' them."

Opie looked around some more and motioned to her packing. "So I don't get a say in any of this?"

"I didn't get a say in that decision." Donna replied and nodded towards the envelope. "Did I?" She threw a stuffed bear into a box. "You know maybe that ATF bitch was right; maybe SAMCRO is tearing my family apart."

Opie was at a loss for words and just replied, "I'm sorry."

Donna waved off the apology, too little too late in her mind, "I'm movin' in with my mom; gonna find a place near her for me and the kids."

"Donna." Opie stepped to her, grabbing her arms to stop her from packing. She struggled away and he let her go. "Donna, why did you stay?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, when I was inside. Why the hell didn't you get out five years ago?"

"The kids...the kids were just babies and it..."

"Don't hang this on the kids. You knew I was gonna go back to SAMCRO. What the hell else was I gonna do?" He looked around. "I am not your brother … I'm not your dad. I can't be a good 'ol boy, chuckin' wood from 6 to 6. I earn with the club… that's how I support this family. I'm doing this BECAUSE of you, because I love you and the kids." He looked her right in the eyes and said, "If you can't get behind that… keep packin'. I'm gonna go see my kids." He turned and walked out of the house. A sob escaped Donna's throat as she stared after him.

**

Jaci walked across the parking lot and spotted the quartet waiting outside the store. Chibs, Juice and Half-Sack were all smooshed onto the quarter kiddie carrousel. The thing was barely turning under their combined weights. Vix was leaning up against the wall surrounded by a menagerie of bags and boxes.

When Vix spotted her sister she hollered, "Longest half-hour in history, man."

Jaci smiled with a shrug. "I had trouble getting out of work and the traffic was lovely as always. How's it goin'?"

Vix glanced at the trio on the carousel. "I feel like I'm babysitting but I'm not getting paid."

"I know the feeling." Jaci replied with a laugh. "So how'd ya do?"

"Got a hundred-fifty bucks left; not sure what else to get." Vix shrugged and handed her the receipt which Jaci scrutinized.

"I'll run back in with you." Jaci gave a stern look to the guys. "You three stay here and behave yourselves." A trio of yuppie-ish women walked out of the store, eyeing her suspiciously just as she spoke to the guys. Jaci knew she must look out of place, all dressed in office attire and talking to Vix and the boys. She sighed at the women's pre-conceived notions. She looked at the women in mock seriousness and said, "Being a probation officer is SUCH a thankless job. I really don't even know why I bother."

The women nod gravely at her and then walked away. The crew held it together until the women were out of earshot and then busted out laughing.

Jaci paused half-way into the store. "Hey Vix, go on ahead, I'll be there in one second." She turned around and ran back out to the boys on the carousel. She pointed her finger and hissed, "Ok, whose bright idea was it to bring up the hospital-drama-pregnancy-scare bullshit?"

Juice and Chibs both pointed toward Half-Sack, who sorta half-raised his hand. Jaci smacked him upside the head. "Ouch." Half-Sack protested. "What about Chibs?"

Chibs scoffed, "I just hinted at her being fat." Jaci shook her head and smacked Chibs upside his head. "Oh damnit." He yelled and laughed, "Police brutality!"

As Jaci started to walk back into the store she turned and smacked Juice too. "Hey, what's that for?" Juice yelled.

"You probably deserve it for something." She replied and then disappeared inside the store.

"I hate this fucking store. We need to hurry it up and get the hell outta here." Vix said.

Jaci smiled. "Ok, I just have to grab a gift from me. And I am thinking a stroller will spend the rest of that money for you."

"Sounds great, let's hit it." Vix tugged Jaci in the direction of the strollers. "So are you buyin' Tig's gift too?"

Jaci cleared her throat and frowned. "Um, I don't think we are to the tandem gift buying stage...or will be...ever. Surely he kicked into the pot you're spendin'. If not, then it's probably just par for the course with him."

Vix nodded and they made it to the stroller aisle and started browsing. "I don't like that one. It seems cheesy. How about the third one over? It comes in blue and black, too; could see a lil' Reaper logo slapped on that sucker."

"That would be precious." Jaci noticed the raised eye brows on the couple shopping near them and smirked.

Vix grabbed an item ticket and followed Jaci. "So how are things with you and Tigger?"

"God I wish you wouldn't call him that." Jaci replied. "Things are good, just haven't seen him much. I've been working too many hours and stuff. I'm so ready for things to get back to normal."

"Normal for us is pretty crazy, sis."

"I know. I just could do without hospitals or ATF agents or Nords for that matter. Take all of THAT out of the life equation and I'll be happy with whatever is left." Jaci replied.

Vix nodded, "True dat." The girls paid for their items and headed out of the store.

Vix smiled when she saw Half-Sack had thought enough to go retrieve the van from Timbuktu. He and the guys had all the purchases loaded up and were waiting for the sisters. "Just when I thought there was no hope of y'all being chivalrous."

Half-Sack laughed, "Please, we did this to avoid a loitering fine. If that rent-a-cop came back we were gonna drive away and then circle back around."

The Parker sisters looked at each other and cracked up. Jaci shook her head. "I am headed back to work. Catch ya'll later."

Vix started getting into the van but stopped and yelled at her sister. "Ooh, hey! What's for dinner tonight?"

Jaci turned and frowned. "I'm busting my ass all day at work AND have to cook when I get home?! This marriage sucks! Why don't YOU cook dinner?"

"You don't really mean that." Vix replied with a laugh. She quickly pulled a big smirk and a mock sad face, "Beside…I'm an invalid."

"Make you THINK invalid." Jaci mumbled. "Oh hell, just buy something. I'll cook it."

Juice smiled and invited himself to dinner. "Oooh, I am thinkin' that Chinese stuff, the one from the commercial where the panda bear dances around the living room."

Vix nodded. "Sweet! Let's roll boys!"

Chibs hung out the window and grinned and yelled, "See ya, Parker!"