Chapter 2
Birds, Leafs And Sloshing Water
Malia was utterly confused. She wanted to get rid of these thoughts, wanted to rip them out of her head using her claws and smash them into a million pieces.
She didn't really know how else to handle them. She understood what it was – kind of – she just hadn't felt anything like it before. I mean, it was obvious that she had a… thing, or whatever, for Kira. Or maybe just the way she smelled. Or how she moved… Or the way she smiled, oh God those lips… Her whole body shivered as she ran through the forest, not really heading anywhere. Parts of her brain went crazy in her presence and it wasn't natural. She knew that homosexuality was completely accepted in many parts of the human world, but the thought of her having an attraction towards another female was just… weird.
This kind of things didn't even exist in the animal world. There it was just so much easier. Well, it wasn't easy, but she learned, she got through it and mastered the art of being a coyote. But there, she practically didn't have to make any choices at all. It didn't matter what you felt or what you wanted, it was all about survival. There were no feelings involved. Here – in the, at least, almost human world – it was all about emotions. There was too much and, right now, she couldn't handle it.
Malia heightened her speed to supernatural.
And she was with Stiles. If she did something wrong she would break the fragile human, split his poor heart in half. She couldn't hurt him like that. It wasn't fair, after everything he'd done for her. She is supposed to be with him, a normal (almost), human, teenage male. Not some female fox with… swords and… stuff.
She hated herself for ever considering it as an option. She wasn't a lesbian. She was a straight, heterosexual female, and she should be with Stiles. She liked Stiles, most of the time, but the things she felt around the Kitsune was… simply extraordinary! She send chills all through Malia's body every time she opens that pretty little mouth of hers, she makes her think about nothing but her desire for the girl, but worst of all, she make her lose control. Tonight was a perfect example of that. Her heart had started pounding like crazy, and she completely forgot about the supernatural hearing that Scott and Isaac possessed. Also, she was pretty sure that they, or at least Scott, could smell how horny she'd been. But she sincerely hoped he hadn't. If he had, he would eventually figure it all out – since Scott could be quite the retard from time to time – he would most certainly tell Stiles, Stiles would bitch about it and he probably wouldn't shut up either, which means Lydia would find out as well, or anyone else, and in the end Kira would too. Basically, all hell would break loose…
She slowed down and stopped running completely once she reached a small lake. There was a slight fog all around the forest, but somehow not around the lake. It was beautifully lit by the rising sun which made it possible to see all the way across to the other side, where she saw nothing but more dim forest. Malia's face cracked up in a wide smile and she felt, for a short second, as if all of her troubles were simply gone, taken by the wind. She took a deep breath and inhaled the fresh air. This was her happy place. She'd come here all the time as a coyote, whenever she needed to get her mind of things, or just relax. It felt more than suiting for this moment.
She walked right up to a giant, round rock. She dragged her finger along the old scratch marks around it, the ones she'd made the first two, three years as a coyote, when she was still extremely angry about the… incident with her mother and sister. She'd been angry for a long time, at herself, for doing what she did. That's another thing Stiles has been helping her with, control her anger, made her focus on other things, hell, she could make a never ending list of thing he'd helped her with – and is still helping her with, since she wasn't in full control at the full moon yet – but that just made everything even harder…
She sighed before she jumped on top of the big stone and took a comfortable seat at the edge of it, letting her legs hang loose and leaning back on her arms, hands pressed against the smooth surface. She closed her eyes and took another deep inhale, not being able to describe the scents as anything but wonderful. This was so much easier, life in the forest, so quiet. No complicated humans, no difficult emotions, just the calming sound of birds in the morning, the light sloshing of water and leafs rustling in the wind as the trees bend, following the fluid motions of nature. This was her one true love. She could never love anything, or anyone, as much as she loved this. This made her forget, made her calm, and she wished that she could stay forever.
