"Are you naturally this bitchy or is it just me?"
.
"Damn it, damn it, damn it!"
Another datapad smashed against the wall, the glowing blue from the used biotics quickly vanishing.
Miranda buried her head in her hands, placing the elbows on her desk. Not only had she lost control last night, she also hadn't managed to fully put on her outfit during the elevator ride down to the crew deck. That damn zipper! And of course Jacob had to be waiting in front of the opening elevator door, just returning from a short breakfast and a chat with Garrus. His jaw had dropped. Yeah, that's right. Like you've never seen that before...she'd thought as she'd pushed past him, hissing, "Not now, Jacob!" The poor man had watched her enter her cabin, the green lock on the door quickly turning to red, indicating that its occupant didn't want to be disturbed. Jacob had sighed while he'd stepped into the elevator, shaking his head. "Damn tease..."
Miranda's head shot up as a thought crossed her mind. The Illusive Man! She quickly opened her terminal, scrolling through data, tiping in commands from time to time until she'd found what she was looking for.
Maybe it's not too late... she thought as she hacked into the surveillance footage. It certainly had its advances, being genetically modified to not only being easy on the eye but also very smart...
There it was! As she'd expected, the Illusive Man had ordered to install video surveillance throughout the entire ship, including Shepard's private quarters. As she deleted the compromising video, she cursed herself for being so careless. Surely Cerberus didn't monitor the entire footage of all the surveillance cameras at all times but sooner or later someone would have found the video and Miranda wasn't willing to take that chance.
A soft snicker escaped her as she came across a video showing Jacob doing his daily crunches down in the armory and her mood lightened up just a little.
As the elevator came to a soft halt, Shepard was greeted with an almost empty mess hall. Kelly immediately spotted the commander and waved her over. Shepard had actually come down to talk to Miranda but since she didn't spot the Cerberus operative in the mess hall and Kelly's waving seemed to grow more desperate by the second, she sighed and sat down beside the smiling yeoman.
"Good morning, Commander. Did you sleep well?"
Shepard almost choked at the sip of coffe she'd taken from the cup Kelly had pushed over to her as soon as she'd sat down. She rubbed the nape of her neck.
"Uhm, well... Yeah, I guess..."
Kelly giggled.
"You guess? Well, if that's the case, maybe from now on I should make sure you do..."
Before Shepard could answer, she heard the familiar clacking of high-heeled boots and turned around just in time to see Miranda turning the corner from her office. Their eyes met for the fraction of a second and Miranda immediately spun around and stormed back into her office.
"Well, it seems to still have too many people in here for Ms. Lawson to eat her breakfast in peace... I haven't quite figured her out yet. She certainly isn't the easiest person to get to know but I'm sure even she has her weak spots. You know, I think the only chance to get to know someone is through love," Kelly mused as she leaned a little closer to Shepard. She was surprised to be greeted by Shepard's belly as the commander quickly got up from her chair and followed Miranda.
"We'll talk later, Kelly."
"Sure thing, Commander," Kelly sighed as she leaned back in her chair. "Later."
"Commander. What can I do for you?"
"Hm... where do I start?" Shepard smiled sheepishly as she sat down on the chair in front of Miranda's desk.
Miranda simply shook her head.
"If you don't need my help regarding the mission, I'm afraid I can't help you, Commander," she answered coldly.
Shepard's smile dropped and she leaned forward in her chair.
"Listen, Miranda, I wanted to talk to you about-"
"-There is nothing to talk about, Commander. It was a simple mistake, nothing more. You were confused, I needed a little distraction, we both needed to blow off some steam, that's all. It happens all the time, even Jacob and I..." She bit her lower lip, collecting her thoughts before continuing, "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got work to do and so do you, I believe."
A simple mistake...
Shepard nodded and rose from the chair.
"As you say, Ms. Lawson," she murmured and left the office.
As soon as the doors closed again, Miranda sank back into her chair, her heart still racing.
That wasn't so hard, she mused. But then again, what did she expect? Did she expect the commander to fall on her knees, begging her to tell her what was wrong? Shepard still had feelings for that asari and it was best to stop whatever was going on between them as early as possible.
Whatever's going on... Did she really dream about that asari after sleeping with me?? Miranda wasn't used to feeling uncertain, and having to doubt herself just felt wrong.
Was she a simple replacement for the asari? Did that mean that only Miranda had those feelings towards Shepard?
At first, the Lazarus project was a simple job but as soon as Shepard had entered the human-looking stage again and she'd lay there on the table in a coma, Miranda had felt herself drawn to the woman in front, or rather underneath, her.
Underneath... Stop it, Lawson! No time for daydreaming!
"Miranda, are you just standing there or do you intend to help me here?"
Miranda spun around on her heels as Wilson entered the room, waving a datapad with the newest results on the commander's recovery.
"Do you think she'll wake up soon?" he asked while Miranda studied the datapad.
She didn't look up as she replied, "It's still too early, we can't risk anything until we're completely sure. I'm the one in charge here, she's ready when I say she is!"
Wilson shook his head as he turned towards a monitor, hissing something unintelligible.
Miranda turned around to see what he was doing but then stopped in her movement.
"There, on the monitor. Something's wrong."
What did you do? It's too early...
"She's reacting to outside-stimuli, showing an awareness of her surroundings. Oh my god, Miranda, I think she's waking up."
Miranda quickly dropped the datapad on a table nearby and walked over to the now moving woman on the table, already forgetting about Wilson's strange behaviour.
"Damn it, Wilson, she's not ready yet! Give her the sedative!"
Shepard raised a shaky hand, looking at Miranda in fear and confusion. It took her a second to shove the feelings welling up inside of her aside and stay focused, but as she finally managed to, she pushed Shepard's searching hand down softly, trying hard not to hold on to the soft hand and never let go of it again.
Perfect timing for feelings like these, Lawson, she thought bitterly. She couldn't let herself getting distracted, not now anyway.
"Shepard, don't try to move, just lay still, try to stay calm."
"Heartrate's still climbing. Brain activity is off the charts."
Miranda took her eyes off the commander's and walked over to Wilson, almost thankful for the sudden interruption.
"Stats pushing into the red zone, it's not working," he informed her, while standing in front of the monitor uselessly. Miranda rudely shoved him aside, quickly scanning the monitor. She turned to Wilson and ordered, "Another dose, now!"
The fast beeping that had filled the room for the last couple of minutes started to slow down again and Wilson sighed audibly.
"Heartrate dropping, stats falling back into normal range. Huh, that was too close, we almost lost her."
Miranda turned back to the commander and stood beside her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder as she watched Shepard's face relax and her eyes close slowly. She shot a infuriated glare at Wilson as she said in an accusing tone, "I told you your estimates were off. Run the numbers again."
Wilson simply nodded and Miranda faced the commander again as soon as he'd turned his back on her. She wasn't able to hide the slight smile as she waited for the commander to lose conciousness again.
She stood there even after Shepard's breathing had become deep and peaceful again, still resting her hand on her right shoulder.
Damn it, why do I get this nervous around you?
She'd tried to put those feelings aside just like she'd done so many times before. Maybe she had even overdone her cold act a little, judging by all those suspicious looks Wilson gave her while she was trying to stay as professional as possible around the comatose commander. Not letting the concern show on her face too often, not resting her eyes on the commander's exposed skin for too long...
"Is this a bad time? I heard loud voices and..."
Miranda turned away from the commander and recognised Jacob stepping into the room. She shook her head.
"There were some complications but I took care of it. I'm sure Wilson can take it from here..."
She sat down on a chair next to the sleeping commander, Jacob stepping next to her. Suddenly, a thought made her nodd towards the door and she got up quickly. She didn't even wait for Wilson's response as she grabbed Jacob's arm and shoved him out of the room. She needed to get out of here, clear her head, blow off some steam, distract herself, forget about her confusion, whatever you want to call it and there was only one way she knew and had used many times before already.
"My room, now!" she ordered and Jacob didn't object.
Secretly, Miranda had hoped for those feelings to just disappear as soon as the commander was up and walking again. She'd expected them to vanish as soon as she'd realise that the reality didn't match up with the vision she had of the commander, but they didn't vanish. They only grew stronger...
They certainly didn't have an easy start. Shepard was very eager to remind them she didn't trust Cerberus but that didn't keep the commander from starting a conversation with her as soon as she'd finished her first encounter with the Illusive Man. Miranda had prepared herself for a variety of reactions from the commander. Anger, even confusion, but she wasn't prepared for a simple conversation.
Trying to hide how startled she was, Miranda quickly returned to her cold act, the only thing she knew in situations like that, as she shrugged Shepard's questions off rather harshly. Shepard soon gave up her efforts, turning to Jacob and leaving Miranda at her terminal, oblivious to the short glances from the Cerberus operative during her casual conversation with Jacob.
Over time, Miranda had learned many things about the commander. She could be tough when need be but she certainly cared about her team and Miranda and Jacob were part of that team, even though they were with Cerberus. That was what made it even harder for Miranda to keep her distance. She'd expected the commander to avoid them since she didn't seem to get along with the Illusive Man, always returning with a smile on her face and a spark in her eyes from the conversations with him, which told Miranda that she shouldn't try talking to the Illusive Man for the next couple of hours, but Shepard still treated them like everyone else.
It would have been easier if she'd just hate me. Miranda sighed. Need to focus!, she told herself one last time as she opened her terminal again and started writing another report for the Illusive Man.
