Chapter Two: Five Years After

I wake up in the morning later than usual, which is always odd since the nightmares usually prevent sleep. I reach across the bed for Peeta but he has gotten up already so I roll over to look out the window. I then suddenly remember what day it is, and a large lump forms in my throat. Today Prim would have turned 18. I am unable to fight off the pain of this memory enough to get out of bed. It's as if my limbs are numb. I lay there for a little while longer, a few minutes, possibly hours, I'm not really sure.

After morning turns into afternoon, Peeta comes up to see why I haven't gotten up. He opens the door slowly in case I'm sleeping. I must look miserable because his face is immediately full of concern. "Are you alright?" he asks. I am unable to hold off any longer and I burst into tears. Peeta climbs into bed with me and holds me close.

When I am finally able to catch my breath I say, "She would've been 18 today." Peeta squeezes me tighter and I cry harder. I know there will be a memorial service in town today, for her. Because she was the sister of the Mockingjay, people had been giving her a "memorial" on her birthday every year. I had never been able to go. My mother goes every year and usually stops by my house and tries to get me to go with her, but I have never been able to handle even the thought of it. I promised her I would go this year.

"You don't have to go," Peeta whispers as if he can read my thoughts. I pull away and rub the tears from my face.

"No," I say, "I do have to. My mother needs me to." Peeta looks at me sadly, but I don't say anything else, and climb out of bed. I try to straighten out my hair and get my eyes to look less red and puffy. I change into the nicest clothes I have and stare into the mirror. I can't see any traces of my scars now. It's as if that day never happened. I can't help but wonder what Prim would look like now. All grown up.

Peeta appears behind me and kisses the back of my head. "You ready to go?" I can still feel that lump in my throat and know I will be fighting it off all afternoon. But I'm as ready as I'll ever be, so I nod. Peeta takes my hand and leads me down the stairs and out of the house.

The walk through district 12 is a blur. I am vaguely aware of people stopping and staring at us as they always do. Before I know it, we have arrived at the newly rebuilt town square and my mother is running toward us. She embraces me, and I can hear her speaking but cannot register any of the words.

"Katniss?" Peeta asks, aware that I am out of it. This snaps me out of my blur and I attempt to smile at my mother.

"I'm glad you came," she said. There are tears in her eyes, which makes fighting off the lump in my throat even harder. "Don't worry about anything, no one will bother you. It just means a lot to me that you're here." I nod and my mother hugs me once more before walking off toward a large group of people. Peeta pulls me after her.

A few people get up to speak about the war and about Prim. Some people I have never even seen before, which makes me want to scream that they have no right speaking about Prim, but I am too preoccupied fighting off the urge to cry. Peeta's hand remains locked in mine the whole time.

When I think its finally over, one final speaker gets up, and to my horror, I see Gale walking to the front of the crowd. Peeta's grip on my hand tightens and I can feel his eyes on me, worried how I will react. At first I can't believe I am even seeing him again. We had not spoken since I moved back here and he to district two, five years ago. I can tell he is avoiding my eyes as he starts to talk. He tells everyone of how he used to help me care for her, always making sure she had enough to eat. He talks about the games and how close he and Prim had been during them, both sharing in the agony of watching me. I can bare it no longer. I pull my hand from Peeta's grip and make a run for the woods. I run until I fear my lungs might burst. I stop and lean against a tree before sliding to the ground, panting. I know Peeta won't follow me. He won't come looking until it gets dark because he knows me well enough to know that I want to be alone.

I sit against that tree for what seems like hours, staring up at the sky. The forest looks just the same as the last time I hunted in it with Gale. It seems like a whole life ago when we used to do that. When our biggest problem was getting enough food. Before I was reaped and damaged for life. Before Prim was dead. I miss Prim everyday but her birthday has always been especially hard. I think about all that she has missed out on and can't help but blame myself. I also can't help but to feel like everything I went through to protect her was a waste. But I try to push that selfish thought from my mind.

Suddenly, there is a snap of a twig behind me. I turn sharply expecting to see Peeta, but it's Gale. I jump up from the tree and back away from him, unable to speak.

"Hey Catnip," he says quietly. I cannot find words and continue to stare at him. "I'm sorry if what I said upset you," he says, "I saw you take off. Peeta said this day is just hard for you."

"You spoke to Peeta?" I ask out of nowhere.

"Yeah I wanted to come and find you," he said. I have no idea what to say to him anymore. It's like our entire friendship is gone, and we are strangers standing before one another for the first time. "I'm so sorry," he says but I don't want to talk about that day.

"No," I say, "Don't. I don't want to…" But he nods slowly as he takes a step toward me.

"I know," he said, "I'm sorry." He's apologizing again anyway so I say nothing. I stare at the ground, unable to make eye contact with him. "So how are you? You look much better."

"Well five years will do that," I say, suddenly angry with him for not calling me in all these years. He seems ashamed and awkward as he rubs the back of his neck.

"I should've called," he says, "I'm sorry." For the first time since he showed up, I am able to look up into his eyes. I see the regret and the pain and now feel bad for snapping at him.

"I should've too," I say quietly. "How are you?" I ask, desperate to break the tension caused by the topic of Prim.

"Good," he says and rubs his neck again and that's when I see the ring.

"You're married?" I almost yell and he smiles.

"Yeah, just recently, to Madge," he says which takes me by surprise. Madge had been the mayor's daughter here and had been taken in by the capitol with her father during the rebellion. I didn't even know that they knew each other. "We work together now," he says answering my unasked question, "In district two."

"Oh," is all I'm able to say.

"What about you?" he says, "Are you and Peeta…?"

"Not married," I say, "But we are together," I add to answer his confused expression.

"What's stopping you?" he asks.

"Its harder for us," I say, suddenly slightly annoyed with him again, "To be normal, to live normally. We had a lot to deal with when we moved here. We still do." Gale nodded slowly.

"How's Peeta doing?" he asks, "He seemed much better when I talked to him."

"He is much better," I say with a smile, "He only has hi jackings about once a month now." Gale nods again. I feel the walls between us start to come down.

"I'm glad you ended up with him," he says suddenly, "He can give you what you need, like I never could." I don't know what to say and he smiles, "You should be married already, since the whole world thinks you already are anyway." I laugh, and feel another wall fall. I can almost consider us normal again. "Well," he says, "Its getting dark. We should get going. Peeta will be worried. Race you?"

"Oh it's on," I say and bolt off out of the woods with Gale close behind me. We run through the woods and through most of district 12 just as we did before the games tore us apart. When we reach he entrance to Victor's Village, we slow to a walking pace, laughing and talking, like old times.

But of course, this moment of normalcy is too good to last. As we get within earshot of my house, I hear yelling. My chest tightens as I see my mother run out to us, her face wild. "There's something wrong with Peeta!" she yells. I know exactly what's wrong. He's having a hi jacking, and I'm not there to help. I dash away from Gale, past my mother, and into the house. Peeta is pacing in the kitchen, muttering to himself, his eyes completely black. When he sees me, he begins to panic.

"GET AWAY FROM ME," he yells and I run toward him and grab both his arms before he can strike me.

"Peeta," I yell, "Peeta it's me, Katniss!" He continues to resist my grip and I struggle to keep hold of him. I try to catch his eye but he's avoiding my gaze. "PEETA," I yell louder. His eyes lock onto mine. All I see is darkness. It doesn't even look like Peeta and even though this is how they look every time, it still scares me. "Peeta," I whisper quietly again. Suddenly, the blackness starts to shrink, until his pupils are normally sized and I can see that brilliant blue that I love so much.

"Katniss…" he whispers and I release his arms. He's panting fairly violently as he leans against the kitchen counter before sliding to the floor with his head in his hands. I had not seen him this upset after a hi jacking in a long time. He usually tries to brush it off afterwards and tells me he's fine, as if he's trying to ignore that it happened at all.

I kneel next to him, put my arm around him and he leans on my shoulder. I hear my mother and Gale sneak out the front door to give us some privacy. "Its okay," I whisper as I run my fingers through his hair.

"I thought they were over," he says suddenly, "I hadn't had one in more than two months. I thought they were over…"

"I know," I whisper and kiss the top of his head, "I don't think they'll ever be completely over," I say quietly. I nudge his head up so he's looking at me, "but you want to know what I think anytime one happens?" Peeta nods and I say, "How thankful I am that we got you back at all. How thankful I am that the capitol didn't kill you. There was a time in district 13 when I was sure I had lost you and that you were going to be the hi jacked version of yourself forever. So even with one of these every two months or so, I'm still damn thankful that you're here at all." Peeta laughs and smiles at me.

"I love you," he says and kisses me lightly. I think about what Gale said earlier about me and Peeta not being married, and he's right. I need Peeta and he needs me, to fix the damaged pieces and make the world seem brighter than it is for either of us. Peeta is the only one I want, forever, so why aren't we married already?

"Marry me," I say and Peeta's eyes widen a little.

"What?" he asks, sounding very confused and I laugh.

"I want us to get married," I say and Peeta smiles.

"Are you proposing?" he asks jokingly.

"You got to propose the first time, now it's my turn," I say and he laughs.

"I like yours much better," he says.

"Well since mine is real, I like it better too," I say and he laughs again. He pulls me for a long kiss, which I take as a yes.