Well here we are again, a new chapter. It's a little short, but I hope to do a longer chapter next time. Thank you to the people that took the time to review my last chapter, and thank you and happy birthday to Alice Cambio for editing it for me. I never would have taken this past one chapter with out your support.

I have had a few requests for chapters with Hidan and Deidara, and I will do those as soon as they join Akatsuki. If I can come up with enough ideas I will do diary entries for everyone in Akatsuki. I will also do my best to keep things funny but I can't really guarantee that, it's to easy for me to get serious when I'm writing.

Enough about me, time for the stuff that you're really here for.


Dear Diary,

We managed to sort out the whole mess with Orochimaru and Itachi. Turns out he managed to talk Itachi into going out behind the base with him alone.

What the hell are they teaching kids at the academy these days? 'Yes, just because you are a ninja it's perfectly okay to go somewhere alone with some creepy Snake-perv out to steal your body and/or worse to a place where none could hear your screams for help if he actually tried to do any of that.' Is that what they're teaching them now? Standards must have really fallen in the time since I left the village.

I really thought that the kid was smarter than that, not that he didn't handle the situation fairly well. After all he's the one that still has both of his hands.

No one knew about any of this until Itachi came back and reported what happened, and calmly threatened to use the Amaterasu on his scaly ass if it ever happened again. Orochimaru tried to deny the whole thing and said that Itachi attacked him for no reason, but no one believes that. Everyone has heard enough stories about him and his liking for pretty boys to know that this should not really be a surprise. But no, no one thought that it might be a good idea to keep the two of them separated or something.

Am I the only one here that is not stupid?

No, don't answer that.

In the end we got his arm to stop bleeding, and decided that we will deal with Snake-perv's punishment in the morning. Personally I think Itachi already took care of it well enough, and Pein did warn him not to go body snatching from his coworkers.

We also need to punish Kakuzu for killing his latest partner. Not that I think it is going to help. None of the punishments we have tried so far have done any thing about the problem. He is just going to keep killing them. Pain's newest idea, lowering his pay is only going to make him even more irritable than usual.

The other members have started taking bets on how long the next partner will last.

On an unrelated note, everyone finally noticed that I had been sitting in the corner the whole time, and they wanted to know why someone who wasn't even a member was there. Fortunately everyone bought the story about me being Zetsu's subordinate Tobi. Well everyone except Itachi, Pein and Konan, because obviously they already know about me. The fact that they believed it no questions asked makes me worry even more than before about their intelligence.

It must be the mask and scarf combo that makes me look so deceptively innocent. I should buy a few extras just in case.

But as I was saying, how could they be so stupid? Back in my day we...

Oh God NO! I nearly started to tell a story starting with the phrase "Back in my day", I'm turning into an old man! Okay, I know already that I am an old man, but I never thought that I would be one of those old men that told the same annoying stories a thousand times and smelled like old people. Eternal life with out eternal youth really sucks sometimes.


Dear Diary,

I just asked Konan if I smelled like old people.

The bitch said to me "No, you smell like dead people.", and then she just walked away. When I don't need Akatsuki any more she will be the first to go. Maybe I'll put her through a giant paper shredder. That would be fun, not necessary but fun.

Snake-perv saved me the trouble of thinking up an appropriate punishment for his actions yesterday by running away. Now we can just kill him the next time one of us sees him. Unfortunately that creates a whole new problem for us to deal with. We need to replace two of our members now, and that is never easy to do. I have Pein looking into it for me as pay back for the diary. He should have a few ready by the end of the day.

(Later)

He just came back a with a few names for me to approve, and approve I did. Itachi, Kisame and Sasori set out immediately to present Deidara with our offer of employment, while Zetsu, Konan and Kakuzu went off to hire Kakuzu's new partner (I don't even bother to remember their names any more). I expect them all back sometime in the next week.

This should be fun.


I had a little trouble uploading this chapter, but I think I got it worked out. If you see a problem please tell me.

As always reviews and suggestions for the story would be appreciated.