A Broken Frame, Chapter 2

Shepard stepped out of the elevator and let her eyes rove around the CIC of the Normandy. She saw Joker hunched over in the helm and considered going to talk with him, but then thought better of it. She needed somewhere to…she didn't know. Talk, maybe? Who could she talk to?

Samara had been her confidant and advisor on many things, and Jacob was one of them. But she was gone, killed by the onslaught of Collectors that had tried to follow them to the final showdown. Jack had been something of a drinking buddy. They'd spend some time in the mess, exchanging beers and jokes, until Mess Sergeant Gardner got pissed and shooed them out. She smiled involuntarily at the memories.

Before she knew it, Shepard's feet were taking her to the Armory. She knew it was empty, but she also knew that nobody would disturb her there.

She ran a hand over the tables of weapons, debating whether or not she should take one and shoot herself in the head with it. It would be easier that way. But then Shepard chided herself for those selfish thoughts. It would not do for humanity's only potential savior to go and kick the bucket when the end was so goddamn nigh.

What would Jacob say if he were here? Probably something about going on despite loss, and learning from pitfalls. It was a nice ideal, but very hard to put into practice. Staring at the terminal where Jacob had always busied himself, she slipped into a memory.

"Commander. Can I help you with something?"

She smiled and leaned up against the table across from him. "Let's just talk for a bit. Unofficial…you and me."

Jacob relaxed slightly. "I'd like that, Shepard. It's been some rough running so far…good to put a lid on my past and focus on what's important." His face was unreadable. "Our mission. What it means…and you."

The corners of Shepard's lips curved up in a smile and Jacob nodded towards the window overlooking the drive core.

"You're…hitting me in a way I wasn't expecting. I won't let old wounds get in the way of that." His warm brown eyes were focused on the blue pulse of the drive core below them.

That surprised her a little. She never knew her father, but if she'd been in Jacob's shoes, she would have spent every second dwelling on what he'd done.

"You're sure you're alright with the way things turned out?"

"Yeah, I said so." Jacob's voice bordered on suspicion and she regretted her words. "What are you getting at?"

"You're so hardened that you can't even acknowledge what your father did?"

He shook his head. "Never said it didn't affect me, I just don't carry it around. He shaped who I am, but I'm more than that." Jacob turned to her. "I want you around because…you're a soldier too. You gotta get it. All that weight…it just isn't worth carrying."

"You're too close to see how it affects you. I would be too."

"Well, maybe that's just you," he countered. "Out of all of us, you're probably the one who needs a place to vent. So let's turn this around, Shepard." He crossed his arms and looked at her expectantly. "What are you carrying? What do you need to get rid of?"

The man was full of surprises, she mused. But she was grateful for the offer, and she realized that there was a lot on her chest at the moment. Maybe she'd taken Jacob for face value—a terrorist with a conscience, but he cared, at least enough to hear her out.

"Two years changes a hell of a lot, you know? I don't blame people for thinking I was dead." Painfully, her mind hovered over Kaidan, full of indignation at supposed betrayal on Horizon. "It's only been a few weeks for me."

He nodded like he understood. He probably did. "Rough," he said sympathetically. "Someone dies on you, and they stay dead. Like my father…you just run into people who sound like they've…changed."

"And I'm still the same."

"I feel sorry for those other people, Shepard. Know why they changed? They lost you."

There was silence as Shepard considered those words. They couldn't be true, could they? Either way, they helped to take a lot of weight off her shoulders. She looked up at the operative, and suddenly she felt like there was something she needed to spit out.

"That's one way of looking at it," she allowed. "You know…I think we need each other. I know I need you."

The conversation seemed so far away now that Jacob was dead. But thinking back, a part of Shepard reasoned that there was no point in dwelling on something that wouldn't ever come back. It was probably time to move on to bigger and better things, like saving the galaxy.

She just didn't feel like she was ready.

Kaidan POV

Kaidan Alenko stared depressingly at the water of the Presidium, envying the people below for their idyllic and carefree lifestyles. They had everything set out for them on a silver platter, it seemed. It didn't seem fair.

He had just returned from Horizon. Now that Cerberus (and the Collectors) had come and gone, there was no point in him staying to maintain "defense towers." Evidently, that was someone else's job now. He was relieved. At least he didn't have to keep picking up heat sinks with the Cerberus insignia on them. Those were littered all over the place from where Shepard and her team had evidently fought their way through the Collectors.

Thinking of Horizon made him think of Lilith, the kind, soft-spoken colonist who'd always given him a chance in a place where nobody trusted the Alliance. She would sometimes help him in his work, persuading Delan to help him and giving him comfort where he least expected it.

"Lilith?"

She looked up from her work, brown hair falling in her face. She brushed it behind her ears and gave him a friendly smile. "Hey, what's up? It's the middle of the night, Kaidan."

"Yeah, I know." He sighed. "I can't sleep."

"Something on your mind?"

"I don't know…" Kaidan's brow furrowed. "It's been a long time."

"Want to talk about it?"

"No," he said firmly. Then, under her scrutinizing gaze, he admitted, "Yes."

"What's on your mind?" She raised her eyebrow. "Is it Commander Shepard?"

He was completely taken aback. "Yeah. How did you—"

"We don't trust the Alliance, Kaidan, but that doesn't mean we're cut off from the outside world." Lilith invited him to sit and went on. "I know you guys were squadmates, and that you took down Saren together."

Kaidan looked away. "It was…more than that."

Both eyebrows shot up. "Really? Even with the Alliance's regs on…"

"It happened anyway."

"Something is bothering you, then."

"There are reports—classified, but I found some anyway—that Shepard is alive."

"Well, who knows? They never found her body, right?"

He gritted his teeth. This wasn't helping. "I suppose. But now they're saying that she's affiliated with Cerberus!"

Shock entered Lilith's voice. "Cerberus? Like human-centric, thresher maw on Akuze Cerberus?"

"That's the one."

She whistled softly. "That's heavy stuff. But yeah, I can see why you're uncomfortable." Lilith reached over and patted his arm. "Just an FYI…if you ever need to talk about it…you know where to find me."

Kaidan blinked. "Okay."

He'd left her quarters that night feeling oddly liberated. It was a strange feeling, but he had finally felt like he wasn't totally alone in the galaxy.

Now she was gone, and nothing would change that. What would the Collectors do to her? Experiment on her? Turn her into a husk and set her upon other colonies? Give that Shepard's assertion was real, the latter was probably true. He wanted to vomit. What a horrible way to die.

Why was it so hard to get over the fact that her disappearance wasn't his fault? Why was it so hard to accept that she was gone? They had been friends, but it was nothing like what Shepard had meant to him. What she still meant to him. He should be moving on, he knew. It would be better for his sanity if he just let go and moved forward.

A part of him whispered that maybe he should go and find Shepard, and put things right face-to-face instead of with a cheesy message he'd composed in the dead of night on a bottle of brandy. It would probably help them both, and exorcise some of his demons.

He just didn't feel like he was ready.

A/N: To popular demand, I'm extending this fanfic. Chapters may be slow in coming because I'm also working on a Fallout 3 fanfic, which is available on my page, but I will try my best to get it done. Rawr. I hope this chapter satisfied your reading desires. :p

Read and review, please. Thank you all for encouraging me to extend the story!