Two weeks before the swap.
Emmett's POV.
Hmmm I wonder if they will pick us. I thought using my mind freely since Edward was out hunting with Bella. Rose has been especially bitter after the past twenty years since Bella lost the baby. Well every one but Rosalie knows that's code for Bella let Edward get it the hell out of her. At that thought my phone started ringing.
'work it make it do it makes us all the better faster stronger that that that that that don't kill me can only make me stronger I need you to hurry up now cause I cant wait much longer I know I got to be right now cause I cant get much wronger man I have been waiting all night now that's how long that I've been on ya'
"Emmett here!"
"Hello Emmett this is the producer of the show wife swap regarding the submission you sent in."
"I like where this is going so continue."
"Well sir we are sending over a camera crew so we can meet your family, be ready at two in the after noon on Saturday so we can film. Is that any problem for you?"
"No I will call the hospital regarding Carlisle's absence at work."
"Thank you so much Emmett for you cooperation."
"No the pleasure is all mine."
"Have a great night Mr. McCarty we will see you on Saturday."
"All right dude see ya then." I said then snapped my phone shut before I flipped it open to call every one to be home Before Saturday at two. I wouldn't want our day of filming to be wasted now would I. Alice was the only one home now and we need to hunt. She didn't want to miss a sale and I couldn't miss the call. "Alice we are going to be on the show… Wife swap!!! Do you want to go and replace every ones wardrobes with Alice approved clothing?"
"Emmett go get in my Porsche and grab my credit cards we are going shopping!!!" Alice said sweetly yet urgently.
"Ok sweet, don't want Bella to look bad on TV now would I?"
"Does any one else know about this?"
"No Edward would have killed me if he knew so block your thoughts he cant even know your shopping."
"Alright Emmett, I guess you know what we are doing. Is this just a prank on Carlisle and Esme or Bella and Edward?"
"Both!!! I can't take not pranking them!"
"Great, so what mall?"
"What about mall of America?"
"Yes I can have us there in like seventeen hours if I don't need to get gas. Leave a note for Carlisle and tell him we went hunting in Japan or something. Tell him we needed to spend sibling time because we were fighting too much."
"Alright sis, now punch the gas and let's get on over there."
17 hours later
"Sweet! Oh my god this is my new like heaven!!! I want to move in here! What store first? Oh I know I'm replacing all Bella's converse with jimmy choo! I am so evil. Who next… oh I know I'm going to replace all Edwards's loser clothes. Hello, Ralph Lauren. " Alice said while going kind of crazy. I just went along with it carrying all her bags. "Oooooh I know lets go to the pet store and get Bella a dog! We can name it Jacob and it can be black! That would be so cute! Emmett I want a dog too. I'm jealous of Bella now." She said while carrying a black male Pomeranian named Jacob Black. "Emmett hold Jacob while I go get another!" after ten minutes of carrying 500 boxes of shoes, Edwards entire Ralph Lauren wardrobe and Bella's new dog Jacob Alice finally comes back out. "Alright now let's go to my car and drop off this load. Minus the puppies of course." After getting the car filled we go and get a damned shopping golf cart. The ATV store had them for sale and Alice found a bright pink one and a dark green one. We set the trailer on the Porsche and went back to shopping.
"Alice can we please get threw the rest of the family now?" I asked since we still had Rosalie Jasper Alice Esme and Carlisle to shop for. Damn I forgot to add me so that's what like 6 out of 8 to shop for.
"We only have three left. You, Carlisle, and Esme. So chill out." Alice said annoyed by my ignorance.
"What about you Rosalie and Jasper?" I asked proving that I was right.
"We are fine. Besides I need to have a reason to come back next month." She said with a huge smile as we parked our carts out side of the next store.
"For Esme I'm doing a complete Juicy Couture wardrobe." She came back out and dumped what looked like a hundred bags into my cart then jumped in her driver's seat. "Carlisle is next so… back to Ralph we need suit cases and clothing for the doctor."
We went full speed while Alice looked like she was in heaven. I knew she would want to come back so I said. "Alice if you ever want to come back here you have to keep this all a secret from Edward until after the swap."
"Deal. We can look at cars after this too. Your jeep is getting old. Rosalie needs something to work on as well. What about a… Toyota Prius?" she asked.
"Never do I look like a gay guy who drives a damned Prius with a small dog in the car. Do I look like Jeff Dunham? "
"Hey that guy is freaking hilarious so shut the hell up." Alice said pissed before pulling into Gucci pets. Wait Gucci pets what the hell is this. "Bring Jacob and Leah we are getting them their doggie tote bags and some outfits." She said while locking up the cart.
"Alice what about the collar for them? They can't even be on a damned leash."
"Emmett can you put a harness on Jacob black or Leah Clearwater in reality?"
"No but still."
"My dogs will not wear collars unless tiffany. Oooooh I want another puppy. You can get one too."
"Ughh Alice when are we going home?"
"Emmett it has only been a day how long did you think we would be here for? 10 minutes?"
"No I just am tired of animals we can't eat."
"You can get any type of animal."
"Really Alice do you mean it?"
"Yes Emmett any animal you want."
"A human?"
"No" she said while smacking her self in the face in annoyance.
"A bunny? A kitty? A dog?"
"Dog yes good pick Emmett."
"I want a Koala for a pet!"
"What no I can't just buy a koala."
"Watch and learn."
"Ello mates I'm Emmett Cullen and I just Got back from Australia studying Koalas and I was wondering if I could buy that cute little bugger right there." I said in my most believable accent possible.
"Sure Emmett would you like both the boy and the girl or just one?"
"Both thank ya very much. I'm studying the reproduction behaviors'" I said again in the accent.
"Alright then have fun with them."
"Haha Alice I told you I could buy them."
"What will Carlisle say about this?"
"Like I would know Alice you can see the future. Did Carlisle get our note yet? Who will our new mom be?"
"Carlisle is cursing up a storm and Esme is being replaced with a woman named Janet Johnson" Alice said.
"Cool she sounds like she will love our life style!"
"Not in the slightest! Her family eats meat and hunts, they are dedicated Christians and they hate cars and alone time!"
"Wow lets go buy another then Alice." I said jumping in my seat.
"Let's go to tiffany's you need to buy your koalas collars and my dogs need some too."
"Fine let's go to the girly chick store."
"Good Emmett."
After like another two days of nonstop shopping we got all packed up and went home. It was Saturday night and we needed to set up the house for the camera crew. I ended up buying a damned Prius for the new mom's stay. We can go green if we want. I finished out the details and put a giant pink bow across the mint green Prius. Alice was getting the house set up and Bella and Edwards closets cleaned out. They have no idea what's happening and we sent them all out to go the nearest club in Port Angeles. I hated having to block my mind but Alice was going blind till he left so screw him. I helped Alice until we were finished and I called Rosalie and told her she can come back when she wants and that we have golf carts she can put on super speed. About 15 minutes later they were back and Rosalie was in the garage doing what she loves second best.
On Saturday the camera crew showed up on time and I practically screamed. "Surprise every one!!!! We are going to be on wife swap!!!!"
"Is that where you and Alice were all week?"
"No we were in the mall of America! Jealous much? We bought so much. Bella we got you a dog, no you cant eat Jake. We replaced your wardrobe Eddie with Ralph and Carlisle same with you. Esme you have been submitted into an eternity in Juicy Couture!!!"
"Hey can you like act normal so we can like tape before Esme needs to leave?" the camera man named Bob asked. God he has a freaking lame ass name. Bob what a joke.
We let Bob the douche bag film us for the next several hours. By the time they were done I swear Carlisle was irate.
"Alice and Emmett Cullen do you care to explain our missing wardrobes and the camera crew that just left?" Carlisle yelled.
"Well me and Alice went to the mall of America and replaced all your clothing. As for the camera crew I sort of got us on the show wife swap." I said quietly.
"Alice you knew about this? I get that you had one hell of a time shopping but wife swap? Seriously I expected better of you too. Who is being replaced? Bella, Alice, Rosalie or dare I say Esme?"
"Esme!!! You will love this. The family you're switching with lives in New Jersey and believe heavily in Christ." I said trying to keep the room calm.
"Alice I hate you. You know I hate heels." Bella said feverishly.
"What ever Bella. Just wait and see what they make us do. Try not to be too bitchy though." Alice asked sweetly.
"Emmey did you just say we are going to be on TV?" Rosalie asked panicked.
"Yes Rosie and you don't have any thing to worry about." I said sweetly. "You have an entire week before Esme goes any where so make the time last with are loving mother."
"Awe thank you Emmett. Edward how didn't you know about this?" Esme asked obviously siding with me and Alice.
"They had their minds messed up. And the fact that they disappeared for a week doesn't help either."
"Well we are going to need to set some rules into place. For one no having sex where the new mom will here it. God knows I will look like a fucked up father if you do." Carlisle said.
"Sure Carlisle what else? No sex means different room set up correct?"
"Yes Bella and Alice are now roomies. Edward and Jasper are now sharing a room. Rosalie gets her and Emmett's room Emmett you get one of the guest rooms and the new mom will have the other. Any questions?" in response we all just shook are heads no and went up stairs to set up.
"Esme and I are going out to make it acceptable for you to live amongst each other. Any problems with moving the king sized beds out for twins?"
"No because we cant actually appear to sleep in each others beds. Can we all go with? You know so our bedding matches and all." I asked. "Alice and I picked up a gift for the duration of the new moms stay as well. We bought her a Prius."
"Very nice Emmett. You were just on a shopping tangent now weren't you? Why has my house smelt like koala and Pomeranian for the last two days?"
"Alice and I bought Bella a dog named Jacob and I got two pet koalas so I can always keep a bear around and Alice got another two dogs for her self." I explained.
"Emmett koalas aren't bears." Edward smarty pants said. God I hate him.
"Close enough though."
"Well let's get going. Alice and Jasper take Alice's car. Emmett and Rosalie take the jeep. Edward and Bella take the Volvo and Carlisle and I will take the Range Rover." Esme said.
In the end we ended up getting forest green for my room. Alice and Bella got pink against Bella's will. And Edward and Jasper got gold. Rosalie's room stayed bright red. The only room that didn't change the least bit.
Janet Johnson's POV.
"Hello we are the Johnson's and welcome to our New Jersey home. How does that sound Jason?"
"Babe it's just the introduction to your manual I don't really care about what it says."
"Fine babe that is what it will say then. Do you think they will be nice to us?"
"Babe it will be fine. As long as they aren't sun absorbing vegans you will remain perfectly sane."
"But Hun what if their kids are like little monsters? I can't deal with to much stress."
"Janet remember our ultimatum. We are helping spread the perfection of our way of life."
"Alright fine. Read this over."
Hello we are the Johnson's and welcome to our New Jersey home. My name is Janet and I start every day off by waking up at 9 getting breakfast in bed. My husband Jason works from 10-6 every day and on Sundays he is the pasture at our local church. We are heavily religious and every part of our lives revolves around god. When we aren't at church we are helping our kids succeed in sports. I have two children my oldest Jacob is the star forward on his soccer team and is 16 years old. Julia is 14 and is the head cheerleader. Both of my children are on honor role and we expect nothing less of them. Getting an A in school is a must for them to get into Dartmouth when they are older. Jacob is old enough to drive but we don't allow him to drive because it is a waste of our earth's valuable resources. My family spends all our time together and I love them all to death.
My schedule
9 breakfast in bed.
10 sleep for an extra hour.
11 – 3 relax and watch television and eat lunch.
3 pick up kids from school and drive them to practice.
5 pick kids up from practice and help them with their homework.
6 meet Jason for dinner.
7 get home and get pampered by Jason.
8 get kids in bed.
9 go to bed for the night.
My life isn't really hectic. If I get bored I go to the gym or grocery shopping. We have a maid to do our house work and I hate cleaning. My children are not allowed to miss school and useless spending is not an option. We don't allow pets and we are heavy disciplinarians.
"Alright sounds right. Well let's go get the guest room set up so the new mom can have a place to sleep."
Esme's POV.
We finished the children's rooms and I needed to get my manual ready so here it goes.
Hello I'm Esme Cullen and welcome to our small home on the outskirts of forks Washington. My husband Carlisle is a highly appreciated doctor in the hospital in forks. We have six children that we adopted. Each of my children I love the same Emmett is the oldest and Bella is his twin sister. They were the first to be adopted when my brother and my sister in law were killed in a tragic car crash. Bella and Emmett are 17 and a half and both have their own cars. They attend forks high school and are on the honor role. Alice and Edward came next and are also twins. Their parents were killed in a house fire and Carlisle and I were their god parents. They are 16 and think of them selves as the smartest in the family. Alice is a shopaholic and her prized possession is her canary yellow Porsche. Edward is the musical genius in the house. He has a vast collection of music and he plays the piano. Rosalie and Jasper are also twins and are 17. Rosalie is the beauty queen in the family. Don't let her fool you though because even tough she may appear to be all glamour she is really the mechanic at heart. Rosalie has worked on all 14 of our cars. Jasper is very quiet and self reliant. He tends to stay near Alice because of her perky and bubbly mood. Alice and Jasper have been best friends since we adopted them. Jasper, Edward, Rosalie and Alice are also all on the honor role and hate talking about their pasts. They can't really recall their past lives with their families since they have been with us for so long. Now for my schedule.
I always wake up at 4:30 in the morning to start cleaning and to spend some time with my husband before he takes off for work. At 5:30 I do a wake up call for all six children to make sure they are up. Just a light knock on the door and I can assure you they will be up. At six I start breakfast making them their favorite organic and vegetarian meals. At 6:30 they all go out to the garage and leave to go to school. From 6:45 to 2 I spend my day cleaning and perfecting my lovely home. If I finish early I start working on the design plans for one of our summer homes. At 2:30 my children arrive home and take a half hour to do their home work. At three we all go out and hike on our 40 acres of private property. At around 5 me and the children go back indoors and cook dinner for Carlisle. If the kids aren't in the mood for hiking some times Edward and Bella will go out to their meadow Alice and Jasper will go shopping and some times Rosalie and Emmett join them. Bella and Edward have been best friends since they met. Rosalie and Emmett best friends as well and do every thing together. When Carlisle gets home we relax and watch movies as a family. Some times Carlisle and I have a family reading night in our library (P.S. this is Bella's favorite room!!!) all of my children love family time and we treasure every moment together. On the weekends Carlisle never works. He always spends it with the kids and me. Some times we go to Seattle or Port Angeles. Life with us is simple but its life. Every Sunday Edward retires to his piano and plays for hours on end. Emmett goes up stairs to play with his pet koalas. Alice is in charge of the dogs along with Bella. The kids have no bed time and if the school calls tell them that it is fine if they miss class. The children already know the material inside and out so I find them attending school a waste of time. My children are never disciplined and I find their lives with me and Carlisle their safe haven. The children have had a rough past and we want them to feel like they can stay with us for ever.
"Carlisle I'm finished with my manual! I hope she's nice. God I'm going to miss you."
"You know what this will be the longest I have ever been away from you."
"Yes I know and I will be waiting for discussion day after the first few days. I might just need to help this family. I so hope I can help them in any way possible."
"Esme we only have three days left. I'm calling into work and telling them I need to spend the whole time with you. I can tell them I'm sick or something."
"Oh my god your worse then Bella and me. Poor Jasper he's probably not handling this well felling the lust. But for Christ sakes I have to see it in your minds." Edward said shaking in fetal position until Bella came down to get him.
"Edward come on we can go hunt far away. Or I can shield you what do you want me to do? Sorry Carlisle and Esme. I don't know what got into that silly husband of mine." Bella said sweetly. God what would we do with out her?
"Oh it's fine dear we forgot that we are in a house full of very gifted vampires. We should have been more considerate." I said.
"Bella love, can I just listen to your thoughts while you block off every one else's?" Edward asked.
"Of course Edward. Have a nice weekend you two." Bella said.
Bella and Edward ran out the room and up into Jasper and Edwards room. Alice and Jasper were in Bella and Alice's room and Emmett and Rosalie were in Rosalie's room.
Three days later I said good bye to my darling children and my loving husband I stepped into the limo that was taking me far away from my vampire life and back into the world of the humans. "I love you all and be good for the new mom!" I yelled out of the limo threw the window.
"Love you too mom!" all my kids yelled back. For the next two weeks they would refer to me as mom not Esme. I want that to stay for the rest of all eternity.
"Wow I am going to miss them so much."
Janet's POV.
Ughh I'm up before 9 and I freaking hate this. I gave my family a hug and kiss good bye and stepped into the limo that was taking me to the air port. I was leaving to my new home for the next two weeks and I swear I can't deal with certain types of people. "Be good for the new mom. If she is crazy don't instigate any thing. I want her to think of us as the perfect American home." I am going to love a break. I do so much at home. I hope she has a maid and a doesn't have to work.
After a very long drive and flight I finally arrived to the Seattle air port. A man was holding a card with my name on it so I went to him and he drove me in yet another limo to a small town named forks.
He drove up a long drive way you would miss if you were going their on your own. What seemed to be four miles later we pulled in front of a huge mansion in the middle of the woods? The walls were glass and wood and it was stunning. He handed me my suitcases and a key and I made my way up the side walk to this beautiful home.
The inside was even better. The walls and furniture were all beige and white but it worked. I saw a long line of family pictures all of teenagers. They had what six kids? Damn that's a lot. I made my way up the stairs and saw six doors. I peeked in side each. One room looked like it belonged to a 17 year old girl it was bright red and had a ton of self portraits. I just sighed as I closed the door. The door across the hall was a guest room. I looked around and it had a king sized bed and large closet. The private bathroom was emasculate and I shut the door and moved on. The next room was pink and had two twin sized beds. The closet in this room was larger then the room it self. I continued to walk from room to room. The next one belonged to what I believe to be is the oldest boys. It was forest green and had a bunch of video games and electronics. Obviously they have a nerd. The next room was another boy's room and was gold. It was much like the living room and guest room but this one had a multimillion dollar music collection. God I wonder how rich these people are?
I closed the door and went up to the third floor. In these rooms there was a library and a movie theater. Their was also a game room and a gym. I went strait down the stairs to check out the kitchen. When I reached my destination it was exquisite. I went to the fridge and it was stocked with all organic super healthy food. No meat what's so ever? When I went to look around more I found three dogs and two koalas? Who the heck has a pet koala? What ever I reached the garage and it was filled with cars. They had 10 cars in the garage along with two golf carts two motorcycles and 9 four wheelers. Well if they had 10 junky cars that would be one thing but they have a Austin martin vanquish, a Porsche, a Ferrari, a range rover, a hummer, a Prius, a Lamborghini, an escalade, a mustang, and a Volvo. The Prius was mint green and had a bright pink bow across it. I walked over and it said for the new mom from Emmett and Alice. Awe they bought me a car.
I realized I had to make my way back to the kitchen and dinning room where the manual was perched.
Hello I'm Esme Cullen and welcome to our small home on the outskirts of forks Washington. This is so not a small home. My husband Carlisle is a highly appreciated doctor in the hospital in forks. We have six children that we adopted. Are these people crazy??? Each of my children I love the same Emmett is the oldest and Bella is his twin sister. They were the first to be adopted when my brother and my sister in law were killed in a tragic car crash. Bella and Emmett are 17 and a half and both have their own cars. They attend forks high school and are on the honor role. Oh sounds like my kids grade wise! Alice and Edward came next and are also twins. Their parents were killed in a house fire and Carlisle and I were their god parents. They are 16 and think of them selves as the smartest in the family. Wow can you say stuck up??? Alice is a shopaholic and her prized possession is her canary yellow Porsche. So they let her have the Porsche why not the doctor? Edward is the musical genius in the house. He has a vast collection of music and he plays the piano. That explains the huge music collection. Rosalie and Jasper are also twins and are 17. Rosalie is the beauty queen in the family. She is in the red room I think. Don't let her fool you though because even tough she may appear to be all glamour she is really the mechanic at heart. Rosalie has worked on all 14 of our cars. I only saw 10… so I guess they have four more? Jasper is very quiet and self reliant. Why would a 17 year old guy hang out with a 16 year old… oh right a crush! He tends to stay near Alice because of her perky and bubbly mood. Lie. Alice and Jasper have been best friends since we adopted them. Jasper, Edward, Rosalie and Alice are also all on the honor role and hate talking about their pasts. Why would kids hate their pasts? They can't really recall their past lives with their families since they have been with us for so long. Now for my schedule.
I always wake up at 4:30 oh dear god in the morning to start cleaning what she cleans her self??? And to spend some time with my husband before he takes off for work. At 5:30 I do a wake up call for all six children to make sure they are up. Just a light knock on the door and I can assure you they will be up. At six I start breakfast making them their favorite organic and vegetarian meals. Freaking gross. At 6:30 they all go out to the garage and leave to go to school. From 6:45 to 2 I spend my day cleaning and perfecting my lovely home. Why not just hire a maid? If I finish early I start working on the design plans for one of our summer homes. What does she not have a life? At 2:30 my children arrive home and take a half hour to do their home work. That's all? At three we all go out and hike on our 40 acres of private property. Holy crap! At around 5 me and the children go back indoors and cook dinner for Carlisle. just go out for dinner! If the kids aren't in the mood for hiking some times Edward and Bella will go out to their meadow teen aged boy and older girl Wtf. Alice and Jasper will go shopping and some times Rosalie and Emmett join them. Bella and Edward have been best friends since they met. Rosalie and Emmett best friends as well and do every thing together. When Carlisle gets home we relax and watch movies as a family. Wow sweet heart and doctor! Some times Carlisle and I have a family reading night in our library (P.S. this is Bella's favorite room!!!) all of my children love family time and we treasure every moment together. As you should! On the weekends Carlisle never works. Do you go to church? He always spends it with the kids and me. Some times we go to Seattle or Port Angeles. Life with us is simple but its life. Every Sunday Edward retires to his piano and plays for hours on end. Emmett goes up stairs to play with his pet koalas. Wow can you say exotic? Alice is in charge of the dogs along with Bella. What why only two people? The kids have no bed time and if the school calls tell them that it is fine if they miss class. OMG Wtf that is so wrong! The children already know the material inside and out you learn something new every day! So I find them attending school a waste of time. Mothers never think that! My children are never disciplined and I find their lives with me and Carlisle their safe haven. Weird she will have a hard time in my house!!! The children have had a rough past and we want them to feel like they can stay with us for ever. Um sorry girl but that won't happen.
As soon as I was done reading I heard four cars pulling into the drive way. 7 very pale perfect in every way people walked in threw the door. The short girl with black spiky hair was wearing a completely designer outfit and was carrying a bouquet of flowers and a set of car keys. "Hello I'm Alice Edwards twin." She said in a high soprano voice and let me say she was stunning.
"Hello I'm Edward the brains in the family. My family is very excited to have you here replacing our mom for the next two weeks." He said in a velvety soft seductive voice. He had bronze hair and was very tall. He was perfect and lanky.
"I'm Emmett the favorite! I own the koalas! What do you think of my home!" the large man said who looked way older then 17. He looked super sweet and sincere.
"I'm Bella nice too meet you…"
"Janet you can call me Janet." My eyes were locked on the tall shaggy haired blonde whose eyes looked like he was battling internal pain. So damn hot weird I have never been into young ones but this man is god!
"Cool you can call me Bella but Isabella is cool too."
"I'm Jasper. I got to go this is a little weird."
"Jasper stay here." Carlisle ordered. He was blonde and hot times ten. Just as perfect as his kids… well other then Jasper of course.
"Carlisle let him go." Edward said sternly and Carlisle just nodded his head. Wow its weird like Edward wears the pants in the house. Maybe we should put a crown on him and call him king.
"Janet hello I'm Rosalie. I have to go check on my twin if you'll excuse me." Said a tall model like blond haired goddess. She reminded me of one of the vampires in one of Julia's movies and book series.
"Of course. Would you like to tell me a little about your selves?"
"Sure me and Bella are 17 and love the opposite things. Bella is all old fashioned and into books while I'm into electronics." Emmett said jokingly. Maybe they don't have a nerd in the family Emmett looks like he could kill a bear. Edward started laughing as if I'm missing the joke.
"What's so funny?" damn this kid is weird.
"Nothing Bella just whispered something to me that was funny."
"Ok well what was that?"
"Well we were trying to figure out what you would be like during lunch and Alice nailed it."
"What did she guess and I will tell you if its right or not."
"She said you would be oh never mind."
"Ok what ever so what about you Edward what are you like?"
"Well I am the smartest in my class, I play the piano, I love my cars, I own more music then any one else in the house and I know more then seven languages."
"Wow that's a lot. What do you know?" I asked completely absorbed in this conversation.
"To name a few there is English, Spanish, French, Portuguese, Russian, Italian, Irish, German, and Swedish." He said with a crooked smile that made Bella's face light up.
"Do you go to church?"
"No we don't believe there is an afterlife for us."
"Hmmm well I believe differently. What cars are yours Edward?"
"The Austin Martin Vanquish and I drove my Volvo to school."
"What about you Bella?"
"I own the Ferrari and the escalade."
"Wow you have some very expensive cars."
"Emmett witch are your cars?"
"I own the jeep and the hummer." Wow the guy who just keeps on polluting.
"Alice how about you?" this better be good.
"The Porsche and the crotch rocket." Wait did she say she owns one of the motorcycles?
"Cool do you know when Jasper and Rosalie are coming back down?"
"In two minutes. He can't take it when he's around new people for two long."
"Hello sorry about that, I hope we can start off on a new foot?"
"Of course Jasper I would like that very much. Would you care to tell me about your self?"
"I am a 17 year old who gravitates towards happy people because I cant take the tension that circulates angry and stressed people." Ok weird.
"What kind of car do you have?"
"I own the silver motorcycle and the Lamborghini."
"Rosalie I understand you like cars?"
"Yea they get me to the mall and back what's not to like?" she said like she had a stick up her ass. What was wrong with her? Well I guess not only Julia was like this. Maybe I can learn about her so I can figure out how to level with my daughter.
"What do you drive?"
"I own the BMW and the mustang."
"Carlisle you're a doctor I take it."
"Yes I'm the man who keeps the hospital under control. I do every thing from check ups and child birth to surgeries and burn control."
"Wow you must work a lot."
"No not really I make sure I'm with my family the most."
"Are you the only one who works? This is a huge house and if you can afford it all just from one working adult that's amazing."
"Well when my father died I inherited millions. Also the money from the kid's parents I have acquired a lot I simply work for the enjoyment of it."
"Well then do you donate to charity?"
"All the time. I take it out of curiosity sake you want to know what cars are mine."
"Yes what do you drive?"
"I own the Mercedes and Esme own the range rover and the Volvo. You Janet have the Prius feel free to go where ever during the day after your duties have been for filled."
"Thank you so now what would you all do."I asked.
"Well you can go threw the family's favorite activity shopping with Alice."
"Is this every ones favorite activity?"
"Yes and Esme goes with the most. Alice why don't you take Janet up to port Angeles to shop."
"Alright daddy."
I looked at Edward and he was under a storm of laughter. Emmett looked like he was going to pee him self and Jasper was actually smiling. Jasper the guy I have labeled emo and a cutter. My kids would give him a swirly catholic or not the kids an outcast.
"Jasper, why don't we go out side and play basketball for a while."
"Dude a little one on one. Can we call our friends from school?"
"Yea Alice and Janet are going shopping so it should be good man bonding time."
"Emmett Carlisle you game?"
"You know it."
Hmmm maybe they can hear my thoughts why else would they include the freak show? Maybe I was wrong? Alice went and grabbed her Porsche and I stepped into the passenger side. She had a car that was full of shopping bags and had a ton of credit cards on the dash board along with a ton of cash.
"Alice dear, how often do you go shopping?"
"Oh sorry I just got back from a trip with Emmett and we were gone for a few days. I rarely get to drive my baby and I didn't get a chance to clean it out. I usually go shopping two or three times a week."
"Wow I don't even go grocery shopping that often." I looked at how fast she was going and wow she was at 110 miles per hour. "Alice, do you always go this fast?"
"Yea and I haven't gotten pulled over yet."
"You do realize that if you were to get caught you would lose your license right?"
"No because I can afford to pay for the ticket."
"Well it is also very unsafe to be going this fast. I would appreciate it if you slowed down and went the speed limit. They were created for a reason."
"Fine but I hate driving so slow. I mind as well run."
"There is no way you can run 55 miles per hour." I said and she mumbled back something that sounded like want to bet? I just shook it off being the fact that she did slow down. She went blank as she pulled the car over and didn't drive for like three minutes. The whole time she looked like she was in a trance it was so weird.
"There is going to be a sale and if you want to spend any time shopping and if you want to get home at a decent hour can you please let me drive?"
"Fine but then can we eat dinner out there I'm starving aren't you?"
"No not really but if you want to eat out there we can."
She speeds up to 85 mph a compromise compared with what she would rather be doing.
"Does every one of your siblings drive like this?"
"Yes but Edward is the worst. Bella is the only one who drives slowly; she barely ever goes past 100 mph. I can't stand driving in her car. Half the time Edward just loans her the Volvo because it's slower then her cars."
"Wow Edward is the worst. So what is your relationship like with Jasper?"
"We are like each others other half, he bases every thing off of facts and I go off of emotions. He is all depressed and I'm the happiest in the house, we are best friends as a result. We are the closer then I am with even Edward."
"Well it is just that you look like your in love with him."
"A while ago I developed a crush. It's not like any thing serious though I mean a girl dating her older brother how freaky. Even though we were adopted it would still be weird. Besides Jasper doesn't even like me that way."
"Did you ask him?"
"Well no but still that would be awkward and it would ruin a very precious friendship."
"I don't think so I mean have you seen how he looks at you?" wait am I trying to hook this girl up with her brother? Wow this family is really messing with my out look on life.
We pulled into the mall parking lot and she got a great spot.
"Alright were here. I want to go to Victoria's secret and juicy couture before four o'clock."
"Ok why do you shop at Victoria's secret? Isn't that store a little older for you?"
"No I just buy the under wear and bras its not like I'm buying the lingerie."
"Alright." We walked strait threw the store and it was like she already knew every thing she wanted because it took her a total of 5 minutes for the whole store. I on the other hand took 15 minutes before she dragged me out and into juicy couture. Again she only took 10 minutes to go threw the whole store and check out. She didn't even need to try any thing on. How can any one enjoy this? "Alice can we please slow down? You have all ready spent 4 thousand dollars and we have only been shopping for 20 minutes."
"Alright do you want me to help you out?" She got that blank look on her face again and then called her brother telling him something but talking to fast for me to hear.
"Alice I would love help."
"Ok Janet hold on a second this is important. Go try this on." She said while handing me a mini dress a sun dress and a skirt ensemble. To my surprise every thing fit wonderfully. Maybe she just shops so much she knows what to choose. "Ok Janet how did they fit?"
"Great now what next?" she just giggled and pulled me to the cashier and paid for the purchases.
"Jimmy Choo is next. Bella hates this store so when I was shopping with Emmett we replaced her entire shoe closet. It was great."
"Sounds like fun."
"It was. Oh and I replaced mom and dads wardrobes along with Eddie's"
"Edward is fine with people calling him Eddie?"
"Oh no but that doesn't stop me or Emmett. He might hate it but I know he will get over it."
"Hmm maybe you should stop calling him that."
"Why it's not like he could beat one of us up I mean have you seen Emmett he's huge."
"Just don't call him that if he doesn't like it. Do you have nicknames for every one?"
"Yes Emmett is Emmeybear, Jasper is jazzy, Isabella is well Bella and some times if I'm pissed I call her Izzy Rosalie is rose, and they call me Ali. Like I said we all have nicknames."
"Wait you call the biggest in the house Emmeybear? That's hilarious."
"I thought you were all against nicknames?"
"Well does Emmett like being called Emmeybear?"
"Yes but Edward is going to live it's just a name."
"You should really take him into consideration though."
"Fine now can you please look over these shoes and pick out the ones you like. I'm going to go pick up my order." She said while looking rather pissed. The shoes were fabulous and I wanted them all.
"Well we have one more store before we go and eat dinner."
"Alright what store would that be?"
"Ralph Lauren, I have to pick up the new polo collection that was released yesterday for Edward. I refuse for him to wear any thing non Ralph."
"Wow new extreme wardrobe?"
"Sure, wait here I will be right back." About five minutes later she came back with twenty more bags all from Ralph Lauren. "Alright back to the Porsche."
"Alice this was fun. Maybe we could do this again some time." What happened next was the last thing I expected because she gave me this look as if I was crazy.
"You're serious aren't you? Wow I usually have people complaining at the end. Only Rosalie and Jasper can keep up. Emmett and Bella oh god and Edward are all complaining after the first store."
"Well I had fun so where are we going for dinner?"
"What about olive garden?"
"Do I have to stick to the vegetarian diet?"
She just laughed and said "Oh god no. That is just my family's choice you don't need to follow at all. We can keep it our little secret."
"Alright then." When we were finished she drove slower going home and we talked about after school activities. She told me that even though she wanted to do a lot she and her family were kind of excluded from the others.
"So kids what time do you go to bed?" I asked.
"When we feel like it god who are you my mother?" Emmett said in a cocky tone.
"Smart ass I'm the damn replacement." I yelled.
"Janet please excuse Emmett for his bad behavior he doesn't really require very much sleep." Bella said for Emmett.
"Alright then Bella I get it your almost adults. Did you all get your homework done?" I asked.
"Yes we did would you like to go see our property?" Alice asked in a bubbly tone.
"Alice you know we don't bring people into the forest at night." Carlisle reprimanded.
"Fine Jasper lets go take Leah, and Seth for a walk." Alice said in a disappointed tone.
"Alright, Ali cat." Jasper said with clear admiration in every word.
"Don't go too far Alice you know Leah and Seth can't go for three hour long walks." Carlisle said sternly.
"But Carlisle we like walking that long." Alice said sweetly with a whiney undertone.
"Alice." Carlisle said sternly.
"Fine daddy I won't. Can we just go to the highway and back then?" Alice said with the puppy dog face.
"Fine, Jasper don't let her go farther then that." Carlisle said.
"Alright dad, I will." Jasper said.
"Alice why don't you go get them ready I need to talk to Jasper."
"Alright Janet, Jazzy come meet me outside then. I'm going out my bedroom balcony exit."
"Sweet see ya there Ali. What do you need Janet?"
"Would you please explain your relation ship with Alice for me?"
"What? We are best friends why?"
"Well Jasper it just looks like you look at her like you want to be more then friends. Am I just imagining things or do you really like her that way."
"Well I do but it would be weird if she didn't feel the same way you know what I'm saying Janet?"
"Well you both need to open your eyes. It is under my understanding that you both think of each other as more then friends. I can see it in the little side glances you give each other. I realize some people would find it weird but you aren't biologically related so you would be fine. Now can you explain how Edward feels about Bella?"
"Well you would have to ask him I'm under brother confidentiality law so I am unauthorized to tell you that information."
"Alright have fun talking with Alice."
"You too."
"Edward? Are you in here?" I asked while standing out side the door with the piano. God this kid must be the sex magnet at school because he always has sex hair.
"Um give me a few minutes I was about to get in the shower."
"Take your time." From out side the door it sounded like he was kissing someone then rummaging threw his closet for clothing. He opened the door with even worse sex hair and topless in a pair of baggy shorts.
"Oh I wanted to talk to you about Bella, you too seem very close."
"Closer then you know."
"Care to explain?"
"Well I trust you enough that you won't tell any one because it would kind of ruin Bella and my image."
"Go on."
"Well we have this image at school that we are the most wanted and hardest to get people in school and believe me that is so not true." He said. Huh maybe he isn't the man who relieves all the girls of their sexual tensions. "Bella and I have been good friends for years and a year ago we started dating."
Holy shit this kid isn't only having sex but he is with a senior in high school this kid would be god if I was still a teen. And well if I was a kid. "That's very nice Edward. As long as you aren't doing any thing to hasty like premarital sex you're absolutely fine." I said and if he says he isn't he is such a liar.
"Oh, no of course not!" Edward said.
"Alright I trust that you have had the sex talk though right. Your dad is a doctor so I don't think he would leave that out."
I walked down stairs and said good night to Carlisle before I waltz back up to my room and into the shower. When I got out I slipped on a cute night gown and my eye mask before swiftly falling asleep.
Esme's POV.
I got in the limo saying good bye to my vampire family for the next two weeks. Hopefully Jasper can go with out killing her. Oh god and hopefully Edward and Bella can go with out being caught in the act. Alice and Jasper I have no worries about and Emmett and rose have decades of experience of staying quiet and secluded. I know we set a rule for no sex but knowing my kids they won't be able to obey.
After a slow drive to the airport they dropped me off at my terminal and I flew somewhere out east. After a couple hour flight I arrived in New Jersey. I was picked up by yet another limo and was taken to a smallish house in the city. Great just how lucky I got. Why not in a national park. Seriously? I walked into the house and it was dark green walled with a cross every where. The couches were green and on the coffee table was a much worn copy of the bible. I made my way up stairs and they had four bedrooms and two and a half bathrooms.
There was I distinctly male bedroom in all blue and had various soccer trophies. I walked out of the room and into the next room. This room was pink and frilly obviously a girls. There were pompoms and ballet slippers along with other various items. Alice would have a blast but now moving on. The next room was the master bedroom and had a large king sized bed fit for a queen. Across the wall was a large flat screen TV and a mini fridge.
The next room was a guest room and what I believe is to be mine. The room was gold and had a simple white comforter and was flooded with frilly pillows. I think I should have done this for my guest room. Well there is always next renovation.
I walked back down the stairs and towards where I believe the laundry room and the garage are. The laundry room was empty and spotless as was the garage. There was what looked to be only enough room for one car and it was empty along with the drive way. What am I supposed to do to get me places? Luckily I'm a vampire and only need a car for the human façade. I sat down to read the manual and it said.
Hello we are the Johnson's and welcome to our New Jersey home. My name is Janet and I start every day off by waking up at 9 getting breakfast in bed. Pampered My husband Jason works from 10-6 every day and on Sundays he is the pasture at our local church. Wow living with a vampire will be hard… good thing he doesn't know. We are heavily religious and every part of our lives revolves around god. That's why you're pampered? When we aren't at church we are helping our kids succeed in sports. Ah so they are one of those parents. I have two children my oldest Jacob is the star forward on his soccer team and is 16 years old. Cool he is old enough to drive maybe that's where his car is? Julia is 14 and is the head cheerleader. Both of my children are on honor role and we expect nothing less of them. Strict parents they will love me. Getting an A in school is a must for them to get into Dartmouth when they are older. All of my kids have been there done that… not to fond of it I liked Harvard more. Jacob is old enough to drive but we don't allow him to drive because it is a waste of our earth's valuable resources. What the hell is wrong with them. Oh god my kids will have a heart attack if they have to get rid of a car. My family spends all our time together and I love them all to death. Good they do something right.
My schedule
9 breakfast in bed. Lazy
10 sleep for an extra hour. Very lazy
11 – 3 relax and watch television and eat lunch. Very lazy and lame
3 pick up kids from school and drive them to practice. Is that the only motherly duty she has?
5 pick kids up from practice and help them with their homework. Found another one
6 meet Jason for dinner. Why can't you cook are you blind?
7 get home and get pampered by Jason. He works all day and you get pampered damn your lazy.
8 get kids in bed. Their teen agers they don't need a bed time.
9 go to bed for the night. What did you do all day that requires early bed time? God they sleep more then Bella did.
My life isn't really hectic. If I get bored I go to the gym or grocery shopping. With what car? We have a maid to do our house work and I hate cleaning. Lazy! My children are not allowed to miss school and useless spending is not an option. Wow life for Alice is going to be hell. We don't allow pets and we are heavy disciplinarians. Wow we have three dogs and two koalas and never discipline our kids they are like our polar opposites.
I heard a car pull into the drive way and a man with two older children walked up to the door. Jacob and Julia were both perfectly tan and very cute kids. Jason was an older guy with grayish black hair and a large build.
"Hello I'm Esme your new mom for the next two weeks. What are your names?" I asked already knowing.
"I'm Jacob and this is Julia we are kind of strapped for time so if you could get us to practice that would be great Esme." Jacob said while handing me a bouquet of flowers and the car keys. They drive a Chevy Equinox and I am already playing the soccer mom role.
"Of course Jacob. What sports do you play?" I asked while they got in the car. Julia was in the back seat in a cheerleading uniform and he was in a soccer jersey.
"Well I am a varsity soccer player for my high school team, and Julia is the varsity head cheerleader. She also does some ballet when cheerleading season winds down."
"Very nice, does your sister ever speak?"
"Oh Julia? Not really she thinks she is too good to talk to any authority figure. She will probably try to cut you down soon so try not to get offended if she gets snotty with you. My parents try to be heavy disciplinarians but usually end up grounding us then Julia sneaks out of the house."
"Oh, so if you could have any car what would you have?"
"Easy I would get a Chevy cameo but my parents won't let me get a car. They say its to bad for the environment. What do you drive?"
"Well I have two cars of my own a range rover and a Volvo."
"Sweet how many children do you have?"
"Me and my husband adopted three sets of twins."
"Oh how old are they?"
"Four of them are 17 and two of them are 16. They all have their licenses and own cars."
"What do they drive?"
"Emmett one of the oldest owns a jeep and a hummer and his twin Bella owns an escalade and a Ferrari. Rosalie the second oldest in sets of twins has a BMW convertible and a Ford Mustang, her twin Jasper owns a Lamborghini and a crotch rocket. Edward the oldest 16 year old owns a Austin Martin Vanquish and a Volvo, his twin Alice owns a Porsche and a crotch rocket and usually rides with Jasper when she drives it."
"Wow and my parents thought we were bad with only one car. What does your husband drive and what do your kids do in their free time?"
"Carlisle drive a Mercedes Benz and each of my kids have their own hobbies. While they all love hiking baseball and running. Emmett is the tech guy in the family and really a softy at heart. He spends time with his two koalas or helps Rosalie in the garage. Bella spends time in our family library or spends time with Edward in the room with his grand piano. Bella has a Pomeranian that she also walks very often. Rosalie goes shopping or works on the cars in our garage. She will also go out for a manicure or pedicure and gets her hair done often. Jasper also stays in our library and if he isn't there he is with Alice walking one of her dogs or going shopping with her. Edward composes new music with his piano or guitar. He also studies foreign languages. Alice goes shopping or tries to give Bella a complete make over. Sometimes she goes absolutely crazy and does a complete makeover in each of our closets. She did this two days ago and now I can only wear Juicy Couture."
"Wow so what does your husband do for a living?"
"Carlisle is a doctor at the hospital in forks Washington."
"Alright you can pull in here. Two miles west of here is where Julia needs to be for her private training. See you here in two hours."
"Have fun Jacob." I said but he was to far away to respond to me. I turned back an I saw Julia looking bored and I decided to try to make conversation with her. "So Julia what part do you do in cheerleading are you a base or a flyer?" I asked sweetly and motherly.
"Oh I'm so sorry are you talking to me? Because usually people understand that you have to be approached by me to talk to me. Did you not get that concept in my mother's manual? Do not let it happen again." She said in an aggressive tone.
"Alright Julia have fun and don't fall and break any thing."
"I said don't talk to me wanna-bee." Julia said. God she is such a brat. Maybe I can call Kate over here to shock her… bad Esme you can't think about hurting children. But a bruised ego wont hurt. I could call Jasper and get him to run over here and make her more self conscious. Or I could just have Rosalie get her off her high horse by looks.
After hours of nothing the kids were done with practice and we all met up for dinner. After dinner the kids went and showered then went to bed. After checking on the kids I went to go get to know Jason.
"Hello Jason how was work?"
"Good how was your flight here? Oh speaking of which how many children do you have?"
"My flight was good. I have six adopted children all sets of twins. The oldest set is seventeen in a half followed by a set of seventeen year olds. The youngest set is sixteen and they all have their own cars."
"Cool how were Julia and Jacob with you? Did you bond with either of them?"
"Jacob yes Julia no. She seems a little stuck up. She wouldn't even talk to me like a human being."
"Yea Julia doesn't like talking to adults. You know how teenage girls are. Or do you have all boys?"
"No I have three girls. None of which are like your daughter."
"Alright how many of them are the most popular and hottest in their grade?"
"All of them. Alice is the hottest sophomore Rosalie and Bella are the hottest juniors. All of which are the most popular." I said with a confident smile across my face.
"Really and none of them are snobby in the least bit?" he asked as if he is parenting wrong.
"Yea when your children lose both parents and are nurtured by an adoptive parent they are thankful when you let them deal with it at their own pace. If I am reading Julia properly her mother hasn't been a stern role model so she lashes out on all other adults. Your wife lets her walk all over her with out a real implication. I don't believe in punishment at all but you have to have a sturdy relationship before you can take that part away." I said while letting him soak it all on his own.
"You noticed all this from a ten minute car ride and dinner with Julia? Are you a therapist in the family tension area?"
"Oh god no I'm into design and landscaping. I renovate my homes all the time. About every four years, however I have spent a lot of time in therapy when the kids were trying to deal with their parent's deaths in the beginning." I said even though it's not completely true. When you live for ever you can go back to college and I do have my degree in physiology.
"Oh so I can see where you're coming from. Maybe that will happen for rule change. My daughter establishing a better relationship with us. Just out of curiosity sake how many cars does your family own?"
"We own two motorcycles 14 cars and two golf carts. We also own eight four wheelers."
"Oh my god you know how bad that is for the environment. You're a family of eight. What do you even use the golf carts for? And 14 cars honestly?" he asked in a panic. If I wasn't a vampire I would think he was having a heart attack, panic attack or anxiety attack but I can hear his steady heart beat and I know I did nothing wrong in his medical sense.
"Yes the golf carts are used when Alice goes shopping, and the 14 cars are all indulgences. Un-required but they have a hard enough life and they deserve every thing we can buy them. The Four Wheelers we use when we go on camping trips as a family."
"Well please tell me you don't actually drive them all the time."
"No and we have a hybrid. My son Emmett bought your wife a Prius for her stay."
"Huh so you don't use them all?"
"No we do just not all the time. The Lamborghini and one of the motorcycles aren't used often. The Austin Martin Vanquish and the Escalade sit in the garage most the time. The Mustang and the Hummer as well. I drive my Volvo and my Range Rover interchangeably. Emmett has been begging me to buy a Land Rover as well but I don't see any need."
"Is he the garage junky of the group?"
"No he's into technology. My daughter Rosalie however is the one always under the hood. Looking at her though you would never know that."
"Oh cool. So who drives what?"
"Bella drives the Ferrari and the escalade. Emmett drives the Hummer and the Jeep. Rosalie drives the Mustang and the BMW. Jasper drives the Lamborghini and a motorcycle. Alice drives a Porsche and a motorcycle. And Edward Drives the Volvo and the Austin Martin Vanquish."
"Wow Esme that's quite a list of sports cars. What type of Volvo does he drive?"
"Oh it's a silver Volvo S60R." I said.
"Cool that's a great car. What sports do they play for school?"
"They don't play any. We aren't really a competitive family."
"Exercise is a great thing for kids to have. You couldn't believe how overweight our country is because of lack of exercise."
"Really because my kids don't play sports they are a bunch of overweight fat asses?"
"Uh yea! Esme if only your kids played sports then they would get social interaction, lose weight and show school spirit."
"Wow now not only are they fat and lazy but also socially rejected and have no school spirit. God and I thought we would get to like each other Jason. What next are you going to call them all stupid and ugly?"
"Wouldn't surprise me. Athletes also have a higher GPA and are also the better looking in the school."
"Oh fuck you Jason do you want to see pictures of them? Because so help me god you will see that my kids are so much better looking and more in shape then both of your kids. Not to mention they all have been pre accepted by many Ivy League colleges. Including Harvard, Dartmouth, and Edward was accepted into Julliard. So tell me how they are all fat lazy ugly spiritless stupid kids."
"Where are the pictures?" he asked so I walked up to my room and grabbed my Mac Book air. I opened up the folder with the pictures of the children and showed him the pictures from last years camping trip.
"Who is the messy haired one with the tall brunette?" he asked.
"That's Edward. The tall girl next to him is Bella. Their best friends."
"Looks like it. Look I'm sorry for calling your kids fat, ugly and spiritless. I am especially sorry for calling them stupid." He said. I changed the picture to one of Rosalie and Emmett. They were lying on a blanket by the river after swimming. The sun was bright and sunny but the sparkliness looked like tiny beads of water on their skin.
"These two are Rosalie and Emmett. Bella Jasper Alice and Edward were all off with Carlisle in the woods. Rosalie and Emmett wanted to stay behind because the weather was warm enough for swimming."
"Cool. What do Alice and Jasper look like?"
"Their next." I said before clicking the next button. In this one Jasper looked as if he was giving Alice a piggy back ride but they were really sparing in the woods. She was perched on his back with her mouth to his neck. It almost looked like she was telling him a secret. "In this picture Jasper and Alice just got back from a short hike. They were fooling around and she jumped on his back. She was in the middle of telling him a secret when I snapped the picture."
"Nice. If some one didn't know they were all siblings they would all look like they were in a compromising position. Almost too intimate. You can really see the compassion in Edwards's eyes in this one. The way he's looking at Bella just makes you realize what love is all over again." This was from when Bella was first changed. It was strait from the honey moon and Bella was standing in Edwards's arms gazing upwards into his eyes. She was mimicking the expression in his face when Alice took the picture. To have seen them not locked in their room was a really big surprise.
"Yea it is a really sweet picture. It even takes away some of the pressure from being away from home."
"Yea. I can see that Janet will have fun at your house. She was worried that your kids would be unruly or sex addicts. At one point she thought about how much hell would be happening if you had a bunch of little kids. However your kids look sweet, mature and able to take care of them selves."
"They probably could but we would never push them out of the house."
"No I can see where you're coming from that. I would never force Jacob or Julia out. Do your kids have any pets?"
"Yes Alice has two Pomeranians. One is gray and the other a cream like color. Leah and Seth Clearwater." I said before being cut off by an awaiting Julia in a silk nightgown.
"Like Seth and Leah Clearwater from twilight? That is my favorite vampire saga. Edward is my favorite of the guys though. Bella needs to go to hell and oh my god Alice is the perfect person. Physic awesome!"
"No actually their names have nothing to do with twilight my daughter Alice named them after a couple of her old friends in Alaska."
"Oh I thought… what are your kid's names?"
"Alice, Edward, Bella, Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper why?"
"Oh my gawd and your husbands?"
"Carlisle."
"And your last name?"
"Cullen…"
"Oh shit… you lived in Alaska moved to forks your last name is Cullen and you know Leah and Seth Clearwater. If you were to say that Jacob Black was Bella's ex boyfriend I would just about die."
"Oh god no. They were best friends though for a while."
"Oh have you seen twilight yet?"
"No what is it because I have never even heard of it?"
"Well it is a vampire movie about the Cullen's and they are vegetarians so they only eat animals and they run across this guy named James and have to keep him away from Bella so he doesn't suck her blood. Then Alice and Edward kill James in the ballet studio in phoenix. Victoria comes to seek revenge for her lost mate and Edward kills her while Seth kills Riley. But before that at Bella's 18th birthday Bella gets a paper cut and Jasper lunges at her. Edward pushes her back into a table and she winds up covered in blood. After a few weeks Edward breaks up with Bella and she gets all depressed and stupid. Jacob falls in love with her and she jumps off a cliff. Jacob saves her and Edward goes to Italy to commit suicide. Bella saves him and has to become a vampire. After Victoria they get married. On the honey moon Bella gets pregnant and after a month of drinking blood and stuff she gives birth. The kid is named Renesmee and is half vampire. Jacob imprints on her and the Volturi come to kill the Cullen's from the creation of an immortal child. They find out Bella is a shield and the Volturi are scared shitless. Then the series ends and they live happily ever after."
"Oh that's very entertaining I could imagine. Did you have troubles falling asleep dear?" oh my freaking god how did she figure out my whole life. Other then the immortal child and the imprint part it was all true. When Aro came for war it was because he wanted to capture Alice.
"Um… yea maybe if I could see a few pictures of your family I would sleep better."
"Alright your father and I were just looking at some and you are welcome to join us if you wish."
She came over and snuggled up against the pillow at my side. She had a blanket rapped around her and was breathing deeply. I showed her the pictures I showed Jason earlier and some from us on isle Esme. She was amazed by my island and I thought about letting her family vacation there some time.
"Thank you Esme you have a beautiful family." Jason said.
"Yes very attractive on the male side of things. Can I have a copy of Edward, Jasper and Emmett for my room? My friends and I keep a scrap book of all hot guys we see and your sons are all on that list now."
"Sure when I go to town tomorrow I will be sure to get some copy's made. Would you like wallet size or poster size?"
"Both your kids could be models."
"Oh I will be sure to tell them that you think they are good looking. Who was your favorite?"
"Emmett because he just looks so strong and loving. He was the one rolling around with the koala's right? Where do you even find them?"
"Emmett was shopping with Alice and they had koalas in the pet store. They bought three dogs and two koalas in the time period of three or four days."
"Oh sweet. Leah and Seth but who was the other dog?"
"Bella reads a lot and I'm sure that's where Alice got the name Jacob Black for her dog."
"Ah Omg are you serious? That is amazing. Daddy can I get a dog please?"
"Julia you know you aren't allowed to have pets."
"Dad that is a stupid rule. Esme has three dogs and two koalas they can't be that much work."
"Julia Anne Johnson you know the rules and that is final. It is past your bed time now go up and go to bed."
"Ugggghhhh this is so unfair… I hate you!"
"What ever. Good night."
"Jason I am going to go talk to her." I said and before he could object I was walking up the stairs.
"Julia it's me Esme open up please." I said while knocking lightly.
"Hey Esme, I'm sorry for being a huge brat earlier. You just seemed so open and I wanted to believe you would take to my mom's pampered lifestyle easily."
"Actually no, just the thought that I have to sleep until nine tomorrow is torture enough. Then to sit around doing nothing all day… I might very well go insane."
"Really what is your house like? I mean what do you do all day."
"I live on a forty acre estate. I spend my day cleaning my already spotless home then I tend to my garden or go for a run."
"Esme, I can't wait for the change. I realize we just started the week and most people dread the change but you seem so sweet and only want to help us and our relationship. I trust you indefinitely and I want you to know that. If I can help your first week at all by not being a bitch then let me."
"That would be very sweet. Can you tell me what you don't like about your families rules though so I can help you?"
"Well I don't like the never any pets and no cars rule. I wouldn't mind a family dinner at home and I spend way too much time pissed off to have fun. My mom is a self centered arrogant bitch and I want that to change for once."
"Well the cleaning part I probably can't help with. She has been cleaning a fifty roomed house with no staff and five pets and six kids. Only good part is that the kids keep every thing spotless with out any chores."
"They do them any way? Why if they live on a forty acre estate? I would be off doing something else. Honestly what do they do for fun?"
"Well we go hiking on vacations and we spend a lot of quality family time."
"That sounds so nice. My parents may say that they are heavy disciplinarians but they don't enforce any thing. We don't spend any family time and our only religious action is going to church. We don't pray at home at all. We don't talk about god or any thing. I swear it is just a charade to fit in."
It was at that moment I realized how well she would fit in with my children. Life as a charade and her want to spend time with her family. I feel so bad. One day down six to go. I already am looking forward to rule change.
"Esme I don't want to sound like that self centered whiney teenaged girl its just that my family only does sports. We don't do artistic things and I don't even get to choose my college or my major. I have to major in law and my brother has to go to med school. I hate law and being forced into Dartmouth isn't going to help."
"I can assure you that it is a beautiful school. But I get what you mean. Julia do you know that I am originally from Italy?"
"No I never knew that."
"Well when I met Carlisle I was visiting New York my freshman year in college. He was studying to be a doctor at Harvard medical. It was love at first sight and after only three weeks of dating when I left to go back to Italy he followed me. He was going into spring break so he came. We fell in love and I went to America that summer and we got married. I transferred schools and went to Harvard for three years."
"Summer of my junior year at Harvard my sister and her husband were killed in a car crash back in Italy. Bella and Emmett came over to America at five years old. A year later Alice and Edward's parents were killed in a house fire. At only four and a half they had only their god parents. Imagine moving from England to America. Another six months and we had Rosalie and Jasper added to our family after Carlisle's brother and wife were killed on a plane crash. They lived in Chicago and we moved to them. They were six and a half. I hate to tell you all of this but if it will help you with your family just to value the little things. Your mom and dad at your ballet recitals and cheer competitions. They do love you and Jacob they just have trouble expressing it. My job is to help change your lives in a productive manor. Getting them to express their love to you will be one of my changes I hope to god I can do that for you."
"Thank you so much Esme. For every thing I'm sure telling your kids stories was not easy for you to retell. For you to tell me I am thankful. I hope we can stay in touch after the swap you are a great person Esme."
After my talk with Julia I went back down stairs grabbed my laptop and said good night. When I got up stairs I worked on my design plans for our house in Canada. Around six in the morning Julia and Jacob needed me to take them to school. A domestic responsibility I haven't had since they were all new to forks and with out a license.
"Good Morning Esme." She said while I made her and her brother breakfast. "I know you hate sleeping in so this can be our secret. My dad is still sleeping any way until eight so you can go for a run if you want or something." she was being very social this morning and super sweet. It makes me feel like it is only her mom with the problem not Julia. Not Julia at all.
"Good morning Julia how did you sleep?" I asked sweetly.
"Great, after our talk last night I felt much better. You're a really great person and maybe we could go get our nails done after cheerleading." She said hopefully. I was really getting used to our friend ship.
"Alright that sounds like a lot of fun. After rule changes I will take you out for the kind of mother daughter bonding time I spend with Rosalie and Alice." I said while making an omelet for one of them. While chopping garden vegetables and exquisite cheeses for the contents of the omelet I could tell Jacob was drooling over my cooking already.
"Great, the guys have a game tonight so I have to perform if you could come that would be great!" she asked hopefully while I continued to make her crapes. I had a chocolate mousse for a filling along with an assortment of fruits, lemon mousse and whipped cream all set out for them while I finished the omelet and started another.
"Damn Esme do you always cook this much? Usually we grab a package of pop tarts and run out the door."
"Not while I'm here you won't. I will always be up early and breakfast will be ready."
"Thank you it smells fabulous. Jacob could you be any more rude to Esme? She makes us a gourmet breakfast and you compare it to freaking gross ass pop tarts?"
"Hey I could live off those things do not be hating on the pop tart Julia."
"What ever Jacob Esme is a great person and I can tell already our fast food diets will be gone next week and thank god for that too. If Esme's food is any thing like it smells it will be heaven in our mouths."
"I hope you like it. I am going to go change into a track suit and running shoes." I said after setting out their full plates and orange juice. When I got up stairs I realized that Alice only sent me here with one pair of pumas that weren't even running shoes but just tennis shoes. I settled for the purple and gold Juicy Couture running suit that had gold JC charms for zippers. On the butt of the pants it had Juicy written across in a golden cursive print on the royal purple fabric. I settled with a Gold Cami and a pearl necklace and a pair of matching ear rings. I put my hair up in a bun and went back down stairs. I had my make up done like a run way models and I appeared like I was going shopping not for a run. "How is it?"
"Perfect. I love the Crapes and the lemon Mousse is to die for." Julia said while grabbing the toppings and putting them in two plastic containers for lunch. Is that even healthy?
"The omelet is perfect. How many types of cheeses did you use?" Jacob asked. At least he enjoys my cooking. At the house I only get to cook if the kids throw a party.
"Julia I am glad you like your crapes and Jacob I am very pleased that you like the omelet. It has seven types of cheeses and five types of vegetables." I said while doing the dishes.
"Sweet Track suit, by the term on your butt I am taking it that Alice bought it?" Julia said while cocking her head to make her self look like she's confused.
"Yes Julia she did. I am very glad you like it. She knows I like to run a lot and I clean a lot in easily movable fabrics." I said. I already know what I am doing for rule changes.
"Alright I guess we should get going." Jacob said.
"Alright let's go. So does your dad usually drive you?" I asked because they clearly shouldn't have to use public transportation.
"No we usually take the bus. If Jacob had a car we would drive but he doesn't." Julia said in an aggravated tone.
"Well here let me drive you." I said
"Thank you Esme that is very nice of you." Julia said while Jacob threw me the keys.
"We have to hurry because I want to see Natalie before school starts." Jacob said.
"Is that your girlfriend Jacob?"
"No they just broke up right? Or did you not dump one of my best friends yet?"
"Sis you know I am in love with Leah just Ugggghhhh."
"Weird so are they both cheerleaders?"
"Yes and both part of my clique."
"How do you feel about your brother dating your friends?"
"I hate it Esme it's horrible because when they are gossiping about their boyfriends my brother's name gets tossed in some how."
"Jacob and what do you think about dating one of your sister's best friends?"
"All the better. For one she only associates her self with jocks and popular beautiful people and she always has them over here so I always see them. They are all into older guys and who can resist the guitar playing soccer babe?"
"Well you're a junior and she is a freshman don't you find it weird at all?"
"No especially because of my sister's boyfriend's reputation. I would rather be the hot junior interested in freshman then the girl dating his perverted ass."
"Jacob what the hell. You love Jared so what is your problem? Is it the fact that I wont bend the rules for your sick fetish again? You know I set up those rules to keep from problems occurring. Now I have to listen to Natalie cry about how insensitive my brother is and how bad of a friend Leah is because she is your next target in my pool of friends. Well for now on no more dating them."
"Sis your being a total bitch. I will date who ever the fuck I want and I want to see you try and stop me."
"Oh my god Esme Jacob just called me a bitch! Do you think I'm a bitch Esme?"
"No sweet heart of course not."
"Thank you Esme. It's nice to know some one doesn't hate me. My mom, my father, and now Jacob. I just don't know who I can rely on any more."
"Well it's nice to know you trust me. Let's get going I don't want you to be late for school."
"Thank you Esme. I really appreciate your sweet kind nurturing nature."
"No problem. My kids are so self reliant I wish I could baby them all again."
"Really? You know if you're ever vacationing near here after judgment day I would like it if you visited me."
"That's great." I said pulling out of the drive way. Maybe I could change her she really is starting to be sweet. After I dropped the kids off I dropped the car off at the house and ran. I didn't go any where special I just ran. At quarter to nine I went back to the house and changed into my night gown again.
"Good morning Esme I brought you eggs Benedict and a soy latte."
"Good morning Jason thank you very much." Ewe this will make me puke later. I think he knows I'm a 'Vegetarian' too. Funny Jason brings in the Canadian bacon Aka ham.
"I'm going to the office. If you get board watching TV you can always go to the gym a block away."
Great well I know what I'm doing. As soon as he left I went and changed back into my track suit and made my way around the block to the gym. I spent the day with every one envy staring while I ran on the elliptical for hours on end with out breaking a sweat. Often with weights in my arms as well.
"Esme do you work out a lot?" Chad the personal trainer guy asked.
"Yea I have a personal gym in my home back in Washington. I'm here doing wife swap that's why the cameras are here."
"Well do you think you could help teach a class on yoga or something while you're in town?"
"Sure that would be so much fun when can I start?"
"Can you help some people spot? I don't know how much you can lift and these guys are pretty strong."
"I can handle any thing you got trust me. My son Emmett needs some one to spot him when he lifts weights and I can get as much weight with out being strained as a overly buff football player."
"Ok if you think you can handle it. Can you pick this up?" he asked handing me a bar with like five hundred pounds total on it. I squatted down picked it up and went up with only a tiny play struggle. Yea like a vampire who can knock down a house with one punch can't pick up a tiny weight.
"Ok I believe you. This is Devin you will be helping him to day. He is eight teen and on the high school foot ball team. The school sends kids here when they don't have enough spotters for them all. Devin out lifts them all so he comes here when they need some one to."
"Hello Devin I'm Esme your spotter for today."
"Dude Chad are you serious a twenty something chick?"
"Actually I'm thirty three and I spot my teenaged son all the time. Emmett is a line backer on the football team back at his high school."
"And he can bench what 180 maybe?"
"Your arrogant you know that. I bet cha I can handle any thing you can."
"Bring it on sweet cheeks but don't be surprised if I out bench you."
"No because I won't be the one surprised."
The day passed with out incident and Devin got his ass kicked by yours truly. I am currently going to dinner Jason told me to go to.
"Esme oh my god this guy Devin, he's on the football team got back from the gym today and he was actually strained from a heavy work out. That has never happened before. Jared said he got his ass out benched by a some hot chick and it was hilarious. Now every one is calling him a pussy because he lost his glory. I was about to pee my self when he came down the hall and all the girls were challenging him to a bench off. To funny. So what did you do all day?"
"I went to the gym and put some cocky kid in his place. That does sound funny."
"Wait your like really pretty… you put a kid in his place… you were at the gym… oh my god Esme you didn't… now I get to tell every one it was my new mom who put him in place."
"Great have fun with that. Do you guys need any help with home work?"
"Um yea see I was failing Spanish so I switched forighn languages now I need help with French… can you speak that language?"
"Yes I all my kids are in a French class."
"Great now lets go in side."
Edwards POV.
'Oh Jasper, Jasper don't stop Jasper.' Came from a very certain guest bedroom. God damn Janet I can't even spend a proper night painting Bella's toe nails. Ok I want to do more but she just did her hair. Why does she have to torture me like this? We just spent hours almost getting caught by Janet in my room and she won't have sex at night while Janet is having sex dreams about Jasper.
"Baby please??? Just one time? Every one else is having fun except us." I said. Truth is I'm not lying. Janet is dreaming about having sex with Jasper. Jasper and Alice are fucking in Bella and Alice's room and Emmett and Rosalie are role playing. Carlisle is in self love mode and I'm painting fucking toes… TOES!!!
"Edward this is totally fun. Maybe in an hour we can make out a little." She said in a dull non promising tone.
"Bella love… can we have fun in my car tomorrow during school?"
"Oh we aren't taking your car tomorrow. We are taking my escalade and no sex in my baby."
"Bella do you want me to die of sexual repression?"
"Edward it's been three hours since the last time we had sex you can't die and seriously you are the least repressed guy in forks. Now I said no and if you ask again their wont even be any kissing."
Now how can I persuade Bella to have sex? Hmmm well I figure being completely nude would help. Her favorite crooked grin. Maybe disheveling my already sex hair even more. Getting down on my knees and finishing her toes then start kissing her up her leg.
"Not a chance Edward. I can go longer then you with out sex. Now go get in the shower so you can get ready for school."
"Bella its only one thirty."
"Yes and I don't want you to have sex hair. Now go or no sex tonight. Or at all this week."
"Yea well I can play that game too. I'm staying at Ashley's tonight. Don't expect me home at night all month."
"And I wont ever have sex with you again if you follow threw with that plan."
"You need to stop talking to Rosalie your starting to treat me like she treats Emmett."
"Yes well if Jasper wouldn't make Alice feel the lust then she could too."
Jasper is my answer!!!! TOUCH DOWN FOR EDWARD AND LITTLE EDWARD!!!
"Well Bella since being in here is a lost cause I'm going to talk to Jasper."
"Fine see if I care Edward. Oh and Jacob is coming over tonight."
"No you fucking made out with him."
"Yes but I didn't fuck him."
"You made out with him while we were engaged."
"And I appoligise but he is the guy I talk to when my husband is being a sex-o-holic."
"I'm not a fucking sex addict. And I have to warn Jasper that the new mom is dreaming about him fucking her. You don't even want to know how bad this night was in my mind and your being this big of a bitch right now. If you want to see your precious Jakey so bad why don't you go see him for a few months and don't fucking come back."
"Go grab a tampon Edward your friend is back in town."
"No Fuck you. At least I'm not being a prude. I'm not showering before school and I will drive to school in my Vanquish tomorrow so have fun in you escalade. I'm going to go play my wii."
"What ever Edward. Are you at least going to finish my toes?"
"No Bella I'm done with your toes."
"But you only did one coat. What about the second coat and the clear coat."
"Do it your self or get one of the girls to do it."
"When the going gets tought Edward runs away. Just like after my 18th birthday. How mature is my husband."
"If you remember correctly Bella I left because Jasper was about to eat you. Not to mention I came back."
"After I saved your ass before you exposed us."
"And you practically sentanced your self to death."
"If I remember correctly you proposed that very night."
"Yes to show I was really not going to disappear in your sleep."
"Is that all our marrige is then Edward? A mistake you made thirty years ago and you wanted to show me you wernt going to disappear? Is that all our honey moon was? Fighting off Victoria and Riley? Were those just ways to show me you wouldn't take off?"
"No… Fuck No I did those things because I love you. I wouldn't have let you die and I still hate my self for taking away your humanity. I didn't mean that we were married because of that I meant I proposed that very night because of that. I planned to have charlie's permission and a big fancy dinner party and have a more perfect ring then my mothers to give to you. If I could redo the proposal the way I had wanted in the first place I would as fast as Alice could have a vision."
"Edward Anthony Mason Cullen the proposal was beautiful the way you did it. Now you get your ass in the shower now and I will join you momentarally."
"Fine love are we color cordinating to day?"
"With our supposidly twins wear yes with each other no. We are appearing to not be together we cant cordinate with out the new mom noticing."
"Alright Love." I said and got in the shower and got it set to be as hot as possible. We could shower in freezing cold water with out a problem but the scortching Hot did wonders on our freezing skin.
In the end I got my way and our fight ended up in three hours of hot make up sex.
A/N Sorry it was so long. I have taken a ton of time out of my other story The Cruise to write this. With school in the way I havent had a lot of time to write either. Hope you enjoy and really I had no clue on where to cut it off so its all one very large chapter.
