This one follows 4x09
Prompt: There was no prompt, I just really needed to rationalize Andy sleeping with Nick
And then he's kissing her, mouth wet and warm on hers, and sloppy. And all she can think about is how it's not the same. The same passion. The same anything. Where Sam was desperate, Nick is gentle. Where Sam was all-consuming, nick is barely keeping her attention. And he's sloppy. That's the one thing that won't leave her mind. Sam was never sloppy, no matter what kind of passionate frenzy they were in at the time, Sam always took his time. Like he wanted to savour her, devour her, claim her as only his. His tongue doesn't move in time against hers, not like Sam's did. Then she remembers that currently sam is keeping the bed of another woman warm, and so she stops thinking. Stops doing a mental inventory of the differences between sam and nick. The way his hands are soft where Sam's were calloused. The way sam held her so impossibly close, like he thought if held on tight enough he just might get to keep her forever. She tries so incredibly hard not to think about how this doesn't feel right, because nothing ever feels right since Sam left her, and instead she let's the numbness take over. She thought this would make her Feel something, anything apart from the ever present numbness and fog clouding her brain. She lets him touch her. Doesn't tell him no when he kisses her bellybutton, or pulls too hard on her hair. Doesn't think about how Sam would never do either, because he Knew. Knew what she liked, and what she didn't. She should be surprised about how quickly he figured her out, if it weren't for the fact that she figured his body out pretty fast, too. Something to do with the way she swore when he looked in her eyes, he could see exactly what she was thinking and right into her soul.
She tries desperately not to think about how Sam's ruined her for anyone else. Kind of like asking an ancient Indian Tribe if they're happy living on grubs, and they'll tell you yes. Give them filet mignon and then ask again and all they'll be able to think about is that delicious steak. If you don't know what you're missing out on, you can't miss it. Simple as that.
And when they're done, she lays curled into his chest and tries not to think about how she had to muffle her moans into the pillow, because those moans were sam's name, and not nicks. She doesn't think about how the whole time she imagined it was Sam's hands roaming her skin. She definitively doesn't think about how she thought this would make her feel better. Because it doesn't. The only person that can make it better is Sam, and he left her, so for now, she does think about surviving. Breathing but barely living. Because there's not a chance in hell she can live without Sam, and being with him isn't an option right now either.
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AN: There will be a few more chapters to go up in a couple of days that are already written, the more reviews I get the quicker they will go up ;)
1mcswarek
