Well, of course Irving would be used to Benny running into trouble wherever she goes, right? Of course he'd have a backup plan!
That's my headcanon, and I'm sticking to it. :3
~Kitty
Chapter Two
"At the risk of sounding highly clichéd," said Hobbes dryly, kicking a rock as he and his six-year-old friend meandered along a busy street. "This is yet another fine mess you've got us both into."
Calvin frowned, not really offended, and skipped forwards two steps to keep up with the tiger's longer legs. "How is it my fault? A yawning white portal spawned in our room, with not even a hint of provocation from me. I wasn't doing anything. I was reading a comic book!"
Hobbes nodded, conceding the point. "True, but it wasn't sucking anything into it. In fact, it was being completely harmless on its own."
They rounded a corner, keeping in time with each other perfectly. They were heading towards the large, golden dome in the centre of the city they had found themselves in- the grand architectural design is, nine times out of ten, where all the interesting things are.
"And your point is?" Calvin asked, examining his nails offhandedly.
"My point," said the bipedal tiger severely. "is that we would never have gotten into this mess if it weren't for you yelling 'HEY, LOOK, A BIG WHITE PORTAL-THING!', leaping off of your bed, and diving headfirst into it."
"You didn't have to follow me," Calvin pointed out, snatching a piece of fruit that looked vaguely like an apple from a tree that overhung the street. He bit into it, and grinned. "Tastes like raspberry."
Hobbes sprang up to grab another one of the fruit dangling overhead, and nibbled. "Nah, more like cherries, actually. And yes, I did."
"Yes, you did what?" Calvin asked, confused.
"Yes, I did need to follow you," Hobbes clarified. "You need someone to look after you, and keep you from getting in trouble."
"I never get into trouble," Calvin protested. "It just sorta… well, it leaps on me and beats me with a stick until I give in and get into it."
"For example," Hobbes continued, as if he hadn't heard anything. "We just both stole fruit from a tree that wasn't ours. If you have a look around, then you can see that there are patrols of police swarming the streets. Do you know what that says to me?"
Calvin glanced around. "…that we should have been arrested by now?
"Pretty much."
"But we haven't."
"Exactly."
Calvin ran a hand through his hair, making it spike up more than usual. "Weird." He finished his raspberry-cherry-apple fruit, and tossed the core over his shoulder. It sailed through the air, over some people's head, and hit a woman with a ridiculously high hairstyle directly in the eye. Calvin clapped his hands over his mouth. "Sorry!"
But she didn't react at all. Instead, she kept walking as if nothing had happened. Calvin and Hobbes exchanged puzzled glances.
"Bizarre," commented Calvin. "I guess we're on another planet or something where no one reacts to nearly getting brained with a piece of fruit."
The woman in question suddenly clutched her head and screamed. "WHO THREW THAT?!"
"Or…" Hobbes mused, watching in interest. "…maybe a delayed reaction? This whole place makes no sense."
They continued meandering towards the centre of the city, Calvin shooting guilty looks behind him at the woman who was making a really big scene. Hobbes tugged him forwards firmly. "Just leave it. If we hang around, we'll get in trouble."
"But no one seems to notice us," Calvin pointed out. "At the moment, I'm getting the impression that we could streak naked through the market square, singing the National Anthem, and they wouldn't bat an eyelid."
Hobbes raised a furry eyebrow. "I'm already streaking naked," he reminded him. "And besides, I'm completely tone-deaf, and you know that."
They would have carried on, regardless, if it weren't for the sudden, violent, and unexpected arrival of a woman with short black hair crashing into the ground at high velocity a couple of metres in front of them. Hobbes doubled his pace, and dashed over to her, kneeling down to check if she was conscious.
"Hello… Miss? Miss Whovever? Can you hear me?"
She focused blearily on him for a moment, darted over to Calvin, who had just joined his tiger friend. "Must be dreaming," she mumbled, and her eyes rolled back in their sockets. Hobbes slapped at her cheeks frantically.
"Oh, no," he muttered.
"What's the matter?" Calvin asked anxiously, crouching a few metres away.
Hobbes rifled through the woman's pockets furiously, searching for something. "I only know what I know about medical stuff and such from that book your Mom got you, but as far as I can tell, she's bleeding internally. She'll either go into a coma, or die. WHY ISN'T ANYONE PAYING ATTENTION?!" he yelled suddenly at the people passing by on the street. As expected, they didn't even glance at him. He growled in fury.
Calvin scrambled over. "What can we do?"
"Help me look through her stuff. Mobile phones, distress flares, a big red banner that says 'HELP ME'; whatever we can use."
Calvin prised apart her hands. "She's holding something."
The 'something' in question was box-shaped in dimensions, and beeping urgently. A little box-shaped icon on-screen read 'Call Incoming'. Underneath that was the name, 'Utter Git'.
Hobbes leaned in. "Press the 'accept' button," he suggested. Calvin did. The box's text blinked off, and it began to expand, forming the image of a tall, slim man with dark hair.
"Who are you?" he demanded as soon as the view was clear.
"I'm Calvin," introduced Calvin. "And this is Hobbes. You'd be… uh, Mr 'Git'?"
He blinked. "What?"
"'Utter Git'. That's what it says here. Isn't that your name?" Hobbes asked blandly.
His eyes closed for a second, and he looked like he was either trying to stop himself from bursting out in laughter, or keep himself from screaming. "No," he said after a moment. "That is not… my name. I'm Irving. Where's Bernice, and where are you right now?"
Hobbes tilted the communications device so the picture on the other end showed the unconscious woman. "I'm going to go out on a limb and say that she's Bernice. She just fell from the sky and crashed on the side of the road." He paused. "We think she's dying. I'm sorry." He swivelled the camera around, so it pointed at him and Calvin again.
"As for the where," Calvin added. "We really have no idea, either. We came here by this really cool swirling portal thing that-"
Hobbes nudged him. "Calvin. Probably not the right time, yeah?"
"Sorry." He returned his attention to the small screen. "Is there anything we can do?"
Irving smiled thinly. "Yes," he said. "I rather think you can. You see, Bernice gets into these situations a lot, and we've become rather used it it. In her inside pocket, there should be a syringe with blue liquid in it."
Calvin fumbled about, and pulled it out. "Got it."
"Inject it into her neck, at the artery."
To his credit, Calvin managed to do the deed without his hands shaking too much. "Done. What now?"
"Check her other pocket. There's another syringe with an orange substance. Inject that one, too."
Hobbes took it out, and tossed it to Calvin, who plunged it in. Bernice gasped a breath of air suddenly, and sat bolt upright. "Ow. Ow, ow, ow, owwww-"
Irving smiled again, this time genuinely. "Welcome back. How do you feel?"
She spared him a glance. "Hi, Irving. Ow. In really severe pain. Ow. I feel like punching a goddamn rhino right now, otherwise I'm going to scream- oh, hello, who are you two? And why's he a tiger?"
"Calvin and Hobbes," introduced Calvin, pointing to each of them in turn. His eyes were still pretty wide. "You were just about dead a moment ago."
"Yeah," Bernice grunted, pulling herself into a seated position, and dusting herself up. "Yes, that's normal for me, but- I'm sorry, tiger?"
Hobbes crossed his arms. "I'm sorry- human? That's being a bit racist, isn't it?"
She coughed weakly, and glared. "No, not like that. Tigers- all sorts, bipedal and otherwise- they died out centuries ago. How are you possible?"
"That's not the reaction we usually get," Calvin remarked, almost offhandedly. "We usually hear something along the lines of 'why are you talking to that stuffed tiger as if he was real?' This is new."
Bernice blinked. "He's not stuffed."
Before anyone could continue arguing, Irving smoothly interrupted. "I'm very sorry to break up this delightful discussion, but could one of you please tell me where you are? Judging by the fact that there's people traipsing past behind you, I'd assume you're not on Minas IV anymore."
Bernice struggled to her feet, accompanied by quiet calls of concern from everyone present. "There's one way to find out," she said, and lurched across the road towards a girl who was selling roses at the corner of the street. They talked for a minute or so, and Bernice returned with a puzzled expression on her face.
"Well?" asked Hobbes, genuinely curious.
"Her name's Ciara, and she's invited me to stay with her," Bernice said, still wearing a slight frown. "You two too, if you want. But it's what she said about this planet…"
"Get to the point, please," said Irving testily. "My connection's breaking up here, and I would like to know where to redirect Ruth and Jack to, if it is possible to still pick you up."
"That's the thing," said Bernice. "According to her- and she seems like a very nice and trustworthy girl- we're still on Minas IV." She looked around at Calvin and Hobbes. "We're still on the same planet that I landed on."
There was a stunned silence.
"I think," said Hobbes carefully. "that you had better tell us what's been going on here."
