Here's the second installment of the Birthday Fun series (: It's October 10th – Xanxus' birthday. (This one should be a little more crackish than the last.)
BTW, I know Gokudera would actually be one month old during Bianchi's fifth birthday, not four months old. I made him older so the story would be a little more accurate. After all, one-month-olds don't laugh, really.
The next post will be for Reborn's birthday on October 13th.
I don't own KHR!
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"All right, guys. You ready?"
"Ready as I'll ever be."
"We need to not screw this up."
Four men stood huddled close and spoke in hushed, hoarse tones outside Xanxus' bedroom door. One wore a pink tuxedo, another wore a colorful silk kimono and the other two the regular old Varia uniforms.
They broke away and three of them stepped cautiously backward while the green-haired one concentrated hard on the door for a minute, then in one swift move roundhouse kicked it down.
Xanxus shot up out of bed. "What the—"
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BOSS!" the four grown men sang out as they burst in through the doorway.
For a moment, Xanxus stared wide-eyed at his subordinates and they all beamed back at him idiotically.
"Oh, wait, the cake!" Lussuria flounced out of the room and came back with a gourmet dessert on a platter. It was a triple-tiered vanilla cake with the bottom and top sections smothered in thick dark chocolate frosting and the middle covered with vanilla frosting and chocolate icing laced around it in a zebra-stripe-like fashion. Pink frosting roses and candied strawberries strategically encircled the cake on the plate, and a big candle with the number th—er, well, I'll let you guess his age—sat on the top. (A/N: Oh, man, my stomach just gurgled…)
"Yaaaaaaayy~!" Belphegor cheered and reached for the cake.
Levi-A-Than slapped the blonde's hand away. "No, Bel! It's for the Boss."
Lussuria (who was wearing the kimono) shoved the huge cake in Xanxus' face. "Well, what are you waiting for? Blow out the candles, Xanxus-chan!"
Xanxus glanced unamused back and forth at the cake and the flaming gay man holding the cake in front of him. Then the Varia boss coughed and the candles went out.
"Hooray!" the four overly-enthusiastic men yelled. Squalo threw forth a cloud of confetti and Belphegor pulled a noisemaker out of God-knows-where and blew on it. Levi jumped up and down like a giddy schoolgirl.
Lussuria grinned creepily. "So, did you make your wish?"
Xanxus narrowed his eyes and sighed angrily. "Yes," he said. "My wish was for you all to GET THE F*CK OUT OF MY ROOM!"
Levi gained a sad look and tried to slowly sneak out, but Belphegor grabbed his shirt sleeve, as if to say, 'Like hell you are.'
Squalo shrugged. "Aw, you told us what it was, so it's not coming true."
Xanxus furrowed his eyebrows, clenched his fists and teeth and frowned, and the four could now literally see fire in Xanxus' eyes and steam shooting out of his ears. He started growling like a hungry wolf.
Gone. They were gone, cartoonish smoke and running sounds following.
Mammon turned off the video camera and slowly, silently, stealthily snuck away, Xanxus staring her down the entire time until she completely exited the room, setting the door back on its hinges and then shutting it gently behind her.
After some cooling down, Xanxus face-palmed and sighed. "Why must I work with such idiots?" he asked. Then he looked down to see the hurriedly dropped cake splattered all over his bed and the floor. He dipped his finger in some of the wasted frosting and licked it off and shrugged.
"They do make a decent cake, though."
Meanwhile, Belphegor (who wore the pink tux, ha), Levi-A-Than, Squalo, Lussuria and Mammon congregated in the kitchen. Lussuria just realized that he had ruined that birthday cake he worked so hard on; Levi felt terrible for treating his boss in such an unpleasant way; Mammon was upset that she wasn't able to capture what she wanted on video and therefore people wouldn't pay full price to see Xanxus' birthday surprise; Squalo contemplated any and all the ways Xanxus would torture him for this later; only Belphegor expressed his thoughts aloud.
"That," the blonde boy said, "Was the best. birthday. EVER!"
And they all agreed.
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God, I suck at crack. TT_TT
