Here's the next installment of my fanfic! I got a lot of nice reviews and a ton of hits in just the first few hours! I hope everyone enjoys the next chapter!! Pretty please Read and Review!!!
The next morning Edward went through his typical daily rituals (eating some cereal, watching his favorite TV shows (Elmo and the Twilight Zone) and brushing his pet squirrel Thelma) and then got dressed for his first day at work.
He was so excited to get his new uniform on that he didn't realize his Barbie underwear were outside his pants and his vest was on backwards and he grabbed his Pop Tart instead of his iPhone.
After tucking his Pop Tart-iPhone into his pocket, he attempted to brush his ratty hair then did it up with 'Sparkly Princess Salon's Man Hair Gel' and sprinted out of his room, grabbing his box of raisins and his Power Puff Girls' lunchbox.
"HURRAYZLES!!" Screamed Edward at his neighbor as he ran out of the front door toward his dump truck that belonged to his cousin Francis the pirate. "I AM OFF TO MY FIRST DAY AT WORK!!" Edward ran over to the chain-link fence that was dividing the property and screamed excited nonsense at his neighbor, Mr. Fizzletoe, who then looked extremely alarmed and reached into his pocket and sprayed pepper-spray into his eyes as he ran back to his house.
"MY GORGEOUSLY SPARKLY EYES!" Edward screamed as he clutched at his face. "I JUST DID MY MAKEUP YOU NUMBNUT!!!!!"
Running at his house, Edward attempted to go through the door and into his room to check his makeup and clean out his beautiful (*cue gagging*) eyes but on his way there he bumped into every doorframe, piece of furniture, and wall that was physically possible.
After cleaning out his eyes, redoing his makeup, adding more body glitter, and making sure he was looking as nice as vampire-ly possible (don't make me laugh…) he made his way to his dump truck (avoiding Mr. Fizzletoe) and backed out of his driveway.
His eyes still hurt while he was driving, so he hit twenty-four trashcans, four cars, and managed to avoid a few old ladies. In about five minutes he was driving away from the Dunkin' Donuts drive-thru and was munching on a jelly-filled donut.
"Why must these blasted things always lose their jelly before I manage to eat them?!" asked Edward as he cursed his overlong fangs. By the time he had stopped having 'Vampire Angst' (not as amazing as Wizard Angst) he realized he was at the mall. He walked inside and looked around.
"For the love of body glitter!" exclaimed Edward as he watched all the people walking around. "This place is AMAZING!" He tried to walk along the ceramic tiled floor (not stepping on any cracks because he loved his mommy very much and didn't know what he's do without her) but found he wasn't able to get through because there were so many people there.
"Excuse me, lady," said Edward to an old lady who was just standing there.
"LEAVE ME ALONE YOU PERVERTED PUNK!!" she screamed swinging her handbag wildly in the air.
"WELL then…" Edward mumbled to himself as he walked by her. "I was just going to tell her 'X.Y.Z.P.D.Q.'"
After wandering around the small mall for about three hours trying to find Victoria's Secret but not managing to get help from the other people around the mall (he was getting sick of the constant screaming of 'Go away sick-o!' and 'Go take a hike you freak-a-zoid') he managed to find his new job on his own.
"Hiya!" he said to a girl who was at the front desk and nametag read 'Emmy: MANAGER'. "Mana-jeer-ay, good job!"
"It's manager, retard!" Emmy said. "Not mana-jeer-ay…"
"ANYWAYS, I'm here to start my first day at work!" Edward said proudly.
Emmy looked a bit nauseated as she said, "Ohh, you're the guywho got a job here. You'll be working the register today. You can read numbers, right?"
"Of course I can!" said Edward. "This number is durk and this one is falafel—"
"That's one and seven, smarty!" Emmy exclaimed, sounding extremely exasperated. "Maybe you should go work at K-Mart or something..."
"Nooo!" Edward cried as he thought about the people at K-Mart who would reject him even more than Emmy did. "It's my lifelong dream to work here! Ever since I was a young vampire chiddler and all I could drink was rabbit bolo—"
"Wow, dude, you have more brain damage than I thought," Said a humored-looking Emmy as she shook her head in disbelief at his words. "Just ask customers if you can help them with anything and if they say 'yes 'then help them find what they're looking for, okay? It shouldn't take more than an I.Q. of 27 so you're qualified!"
"Okiddley-day!" said Edward, keeping up his usual knack of not realizing insults.
He walked over to the door and stood there waiting for a customer. A young lady with long hair walked in.
"Can I help you with anything ma'am?" asked Edward in his politest voice as soon as she set foot inside.
"I just got here, stupid!" she retorted. "Wait until I've looked around a bit!"
After that happed a few more times, Edward decided to ask shopping customers if they needed help.
"Hello ma'am!" said Edward to a girl with bushy hair who was looking at perfume. The girl screamed and jumped backward into a bored-looking guy who was standing behind her.
"Oops, sorry, Ron…" said the bushy-haired girl to the guy she had bumped into
"Hi!!" said Edward overenthusiastically to the girl. "I'm Edward and this is my first day at work! Is there anything I can help you with?"
"Er…. No, thanks…" said the girl hesitantly.
"Oh, okiddley-day then!" said Edward as he walked away. Edward thought he could just hear the guy say:
"Let's go, Hermione!" What kind of name is 'Hermione'? asked Edward to himself, It sounds like some sort of disease—
"Excuse me, sir!" said an unpleasant-looking girl who looked as if she had a pug-like face.
"Yes, madam!" Edward said excitedly.
"Where's the lingerie?" she asked, looking embarrassed.
"I'm sorry, this is Victoria's Secret, not Victoria's Laundromat, so we do not have any laundry here, so try somewhere else!" Edward retorted to the girl. What an idiot! He thought as he stalked off. This is absolutely, NOT a Laundromat!
A few hours later, Emmy came back over and relieved him of work. Edward had protested but then accepted Emmy's decision and left. He was hungry so then he decided to go get a bite to eat at the Food Court.
He wandered for a little while longer but eventually found it. There were about 10 places to choose from and Edward's mouth was watering.
He went to the Chinese food place first, but then found there was garlic in most of the recipes. He had had a shouting match with the Chinese chef about if he had anything without garlic because he had an allergy, but then upon realizing the chef couldn't understand him, Edward settled for some mini-burgers from Burger King.
He found a nice table by the window and then sat down and ate his lunch. Looking around, he realized the bushy-haired girl called Hermione and the dude Ron were at a table a little ways away from him so he decided to spy on them.
A few minutes later, he noticed them look up when a red-headed girl and another guy joined them, They started in a conversation, and Edward decided to just eat is sandwich because his beloved mommy, Mommy Cullen, had taught him eavesdropping was rude, but then Edward decided to defy his mother because what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.
"Yeah, I know! It was so weird!" the red-headed girl was saying to Ron and Hermione.
"We got that, Ginny," said the boy, Edward took to be the girl's sister. "You don't have to keep saying that over and over. We all saw him there, no matter how odd it was…"
"I never thought we'd run into him here of all places, though," the girl called Ginny was saying. "I wonder if he still hates me…"
"Dunno," said Hermione. "Maybe you should go talk to him…"
"He'd probably Avada Kedavra me right then and there if he saw I was still with Harry, though…" said Ginny with slight humor to her voice as she motioned to the other boy sitting next to her.
Edward laughed into his burger, what were they talking about? He listened as he started squeezing ketchup onto his tray for his garlic-less fries.
"Harry can stay with us," reasoned Hermione. "You should so go talk to him! He does look so different though… I'm not sure it's even in a good way, either. What do you think, Harry? Ron?"
The two boys, Harry and Ron, were busy with their own conversation, apparently bored with the one the girls were having.
"Oh… what did you say?" questioned Ron. "Are you two still harping on about him?"
"Yeah, we are," said Ginny. "Got a problem with that?" she waved a chopstick menacingly in Ron's face so as to threaten him.
"Er… no…?" said Ron. "I think you should go talk to him if you want. See if he even remembers you. I think Harry should go, though. That way if he starts dropping hints he wants to go out again, you have backup…"
"What do you think, Harry?" asked Ginny again, turning to face him. "I'm gonna do it, want to come?"
What's she going to do? Wondered Edward. It sounds like she saw someone she hasn't seen in a while…
"Fine," agreed Harry. "But just for backup in case there are any creeps around here…"
"Ron and Hermione can come, too," compromised Ginny. "That way my backup can have backup…"\
"Fine with us," Hermione agreed. "I wonder what he'll say when he finds out we remember him!"
"I know," said Ginny. "I don't even know what I ever saw in Dean…"
Edward smirked to himself, I have nothing else to do today, so this might be exciting...
I hope everyone enjoyed the second chapter! I'd love it if you had any ideas and sent them to me!! Also, I couldn't help but add some HP-ness in there… I'll try to get the next chapter up soon!! R&R!
