Disclaimer: All the usual legalese. All mistakes are mine

_
Despite a weekend of receiving Harm's TLC, Mac was still not ready to return to work the following Monday and a visit to the clinic confirmed she would be having the rest of the week off as well. Harm had gone home Sunday night to regroup for the week but decided against the pretence of needing to go home Monday night and had slept alongside Mac in her bed. Tuesday, he slept over too and Wednesday, when he unexpectedly came in at midday, Mac was both happy to see him and concerned.
"Are you ready?" he asked as he grabbed her jacket from the hook.
"For what?" she replied, standing from the sofa.
"You have a doctor's appointment," he replied, holding the jacket for her.
Mac argued the point but Harm was insistent. He definitely knew he was correct as he had made the appointment himself the day before as he was concerned about Mac's recovery, or lack thereof. In the end, Mac conceded that perhaps a visit to her own doctor was in order as she had expected to be fully recovered by now herself.

Sitting in the waiting room, Mac's knee bounced nervously until Harm covered it with his hand and offered her a reassuring smile. When she started tapping her fingers, Harm took her hand and kissed it before entwining his fingers with hers and kissing her head.
"What are you so nervous about?" he whispered as she leant into him.
"Who says I'm nervous?" she countered quickly.
Harm just smiled and kissed her head; he wasn't going to argue with her.

After a short silence, Mac took a deep breath. "Okay, maybe I'm a little nervous," she admitted, not looking at him. "I should be better by now and I've lost a lot of weight recently."
"The flu will do that to you," Harm replied, holding her a little tighter.
"I was losing it before the flu…that just exacerbated things," she said in a whisper.
"Any idea why?" he questioned gently.
"Some," she said with a nod.

Before she could continue, her name was called and she stood to go in to the doctor while Harm remained seated. Slowly, she stretched out her hand towards him, she didn't want to ask him to go in but she felt like she needed him with her. Taking her hand, Harm squeezed it and stood alongside her, knowing just how hard it would have been to admit, if only to herself, that she needed him. In the past he would have made some comment, this time he just smiled reassuringly and followed her into the consulting room.

After a range of tests, Mac sat in front of the doctor as he scanned her file. After jotting down a few notes he looked from Mac to Harm and back to Mac.
"Okay, Sarah," he started, putting down his pen and clasping his hands. "Tell me what's been going on with you?"
"I've had the flu," she replied quickly. "For about two weeks and this week I've been trying to recover."
"And what about before the flu, anything different there?" he questioned as he watched Mac look at Harm then back to him. "Would this be easier if Harm wasn't here?"
"No," said Mac slowly.
"I can go, Mac," Harm offered realizing she was quite uncomfortable.
"No," she repeated taking his hand in hers once more. "I can do this." Taking a deep breath she looked towards the doctor. "Between my last visit and the flu I hadn't been eating that much which is probably why the flu has impacted on me so much," she admitted.
"And why weren't you eating?" Harm asked before the doctor could.
"Oh, a couple of reasons," she said with a shrug. "The main one was thinking and over thinking about the outcome of that last appointment," she said looking at the doctor. "I guess it hit me that my reproductive chances were diminishing by the minute and I was obsessing about it. Then there was the case I was working…that was all consuming too."
"Sarah," the doctor said. "We didn't discuss anything new at your last appointment. So, what caused the stress?"
Mac just shrugged.

The doctor nodded, perhaps this wasn't the most conducive setting to a full and frank conversation. "How are you feeling about things now?"
"Okay," she said, tilting her head. "Just lethargic."
"And have you been eating?" he questioned.
"Yes, she has," Harm answered. "Much more this week than last."
"I'm glad to hear it," he replied. "Is there a need for me to refer you to a counselor or …"
"No need," Mac said quickly. "I'm on top of things," she added, chancing a glance at Harm who squeezed her hand.
"Okay, you have lost a total of 12lbs since you last appointment, I'm going to see you again next month and we'll see where things stand. If you've put the weight back on all will be good, if not we'll investigate further," he said jotting down his notes.
"Okay," Mac replied, relieved the doctor's appointment was over but knowing she still had to contend with Harm.

It was on the third floor in a quiet corridor that Harm decided to broach the subject. Stopping Mac in the doorway of an empty examination room, Harm stood in front of her and raised her face to meet his. Looking into her deep, sad eyes, anything he was going to say evaporated and so he leant down and kissed her cheek instead.
"Where would you like me to take you for lunch?" he asked, his forefinger gently tracing the swell of her cheek.
"Um," she replied, trying to hide her tears.
"Hey?" he said as he arms wound around her. "What is it?"
She shook her head against his chest as her hands linked behind his back.
"What?" he repeated.
"You're being too nice to me," she said resting her head on his shoulder.
"You'll just have to get used to it," he replied, raking his fingers through her hair.
"Aha," she replied before taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" he questioned, using his finger to raise her face.
"Being a mess," she answered. "This isn't like me at all."
"No, it's not," he agreed. "But the flu will do that," he said, giving her an excuse. Mac nodded. "And so will starving yourself; so, I'll ask again, where would you like to go for lunch?"

It was a small restaurant near Mac's apartment where they finally decided to dine and Harm sat patiently as Mac um-ed and ah-ed about what she wanted. He didn't want to rush her and he didn't want to push her; what he wanted was a relationship with her that worked and he was doing everything to fight his instincts when it came to her as those had certainly not helped him on the past.
"It all looks good, doesn't it, Mac?" Harm said when he caught the waitress rolling her eyes at Mac's indecision.
"Yes, it does," she replied with a small smile. "I'll have the smoked salmon," she finally said to Harm's surprise; she'd never ordered fish with him before.
"I'll have the chicken Caesar salad," Harm said, handing back his menu. "In case you don't like the salmon we can switch," he added when he saw Mac's curious look. She smiled gratefully.

With nothing too heavy discussed over lunch, Mac was waiting for Harm to bring up the topics of her eating or non-eating as the case was, and her reference to her fertility, but nothing eventuated. So, it was that when they returned to her apartment, Mac decided to end her misery and actually speak.
"Are you being tactful and not mentioning what the doctor said?" she asked, "Or…" she didn't know how to finish that thought.
"I'm giving you a chance to talk to me," he replied, leaning against her kitchen bench waiting for the coffee to filter through.
Mac nodded but said nothing.
"Do you want to talk to me?" he questioned, keeping his tone and body language neutral.
Mac shrugged. "Don't really know what to say."
"That's okay," he replied, reaching out and taking her hand. "We don't have to discuss it today."
Mac nodded again and wondered where the motivated, articulate marine lawyer had gone.
"And…" Harm continued, "When you are ready, I'll be right here ready to listen."
"Why?" Mac whispered and Harm frowned not too sure what 'why' referred too.
"Why what?" he asked pulling her closer and linking his hands behind her neck.
"Usually you'd cajole or pressure me into talking. Why aren't you?" she clarified, looking up at him.
"Because, as I told you last weekend, I want this thing between me and you to work. Whatever we've done in the past hasn't worked and so, I'm taking another path," he said as he looked into her eyes.
"I want this to work too," she said quietly. "I want our three dates and I want a lot more after that," Mac added with greater confidence.
"That's what I want too," he said before kissing her forehead. "And we're going to take this as fast or slow as we need too and I'm going to try my hardest not to screw this up."
"I'm going to try not to screw this up either," Mac agreed reaching up to place a gentle kiss on his lips.
"Okay, we're agreed," he said, kissing her back but ensuring the kiss didn't develop into anything more than either of them were ready for.

By the following Monday, Mac was back at her desk and trying to sort through the copious emails, messages and tasks which had accumulated in her two week absence. As she replied to yet another email she had to wonder if anyone had actually done anything while she had been away as there seemed to be an awful amount of work to be done.
When lunch arrived, she was exhausted and not feeling very inclined towards eating. She would have worked through had Harm not arrived at her door to take her to lunch. While she didn't eat as much as she normally would she did eat enough to please Harm, and herself, before locking herself away in her office to try and catch up.

Realising his senior officer was still had not completely recovered from the flu which had hit his staff hard, General Cresswell did not assign Mac any new cases that week and also insisted that she leave by 1500 each day as he was concerned for her welfare. Feeling better as the week progressed, Mac caught up with Harm in the break room on Thursday morning and, after ensuring they were alone, kissed his lips.
"Hello to you too, marine," he said with a grin as she pulled back. "Was that for anything in particular?"
"I am feeling much better," she said with a broad smile.
"You're looking better," he agreed, entwining his fingers with hers.
"And I was kind of hoping …well, tomorrow night is date night…" she said with a sudden bout of shyness.
"Our first date?" he suggested and she nodded.

Before they could continue a petty officer entered and the moment was gone. Harm wasn't too disappointed as it gave him the opportunity to ask Mac out properly. Thirty minutes later, as Mac worked at her desk, Harm picked up his phone and called her extension.
"Hi, Mac," he said when she answered.
"Hi, Harm," she replied. "Everything alright?"
"I was wondering if you had plans for tomorrow night?" he asked, trying to keep his voice even.
"No, I don't," she replied playing with the phone cord.
"Well, I would like to take you to dinner and a movie…or movie and a dinner," he said, picking traditional first date activities.
"That sounds like a date," she said and Harm could hear her cheeky tone in her voice.
"It is, Mac," he confirmed. "I would like to date you and develop something more than friendship," he said, knowing that she already knew this.
"Really?" she asked with a broad grin.
"Really," he confirmed. "So, what do you say?"
Mac thought about it. While the answer was easily yes, she couldn't decide which activity should come first. "It's a hard decision," she finally said.
"What is?' Harm asked concerned. Surely it was simple – yes, she would date him.
"I don't know if the movie should come first or last…" she said, truly perplexed. She knew she'd be in his arms during the movie and it would be great to end the night that way but then she'd like to start the night that way too…dinner just seemed like an inconvenience.
"So, is that a yes?" he questioned.
"Oh, yes," she said. "Definitely yes."
"I'll pick you up at seven," he said, a plan already forming.

Harm wasn't the only one with a plan, General Cresswell did too and that was to send Harm to North Island Naval Base for a four day investigation the first thing on Friday morning. When Harm called to tell her, Mac was more sad than disappointed. Not only would they have to put their first date on hold, she wouldn't get to see him for four whole days and that made her sad.
"I'll call you as soon as I can," he said when he heard her melancholy tone.
"That would be good," she replied, wiping at her eyes.
"I'm going to miss you, marine," he said, cursing the master chief who had made his departure necessary.
"Going to miss you too," she said with a sigh.
"You make sure you get plenty of rest and plenty to eat," he instructed.
"I will," she answered. "And you make sure you tie this up as soon as possible."

Harm's orders meant a long conversation was not possible and all too soon he hung up the receiver and sighed more than disappointed his plans had been thwarted. More than that, he was going to miss Mac so much and this time he could openly admit it.
The four days stretched to five and then to six. Wednesday night he phoned Mac just on eight, east coast time, and woke her.
"Sorry," he said as soon as he caught her sleepy voice.
"It's okay," she replied. "I guess going back to work full time has taken more out of me than I expected."
"Are you looking after yourself?" he asked, wishing like crazy he could be with her.
"Yeah," she said. "Harriet has been making sure of it. Did you call her?"
"Maybe," he answered with a smile.
"Thanks," Mac said sincerely. Harriet had provided a nice break from the loneliness she was experiencing in Harm's absence. "When are you home?"
"Tomorrow hopefully," he said with his fingers crossed. "Friday possibly but most likely over the weekend."
"Okay," she replied with a shake of her head. Another date night would be gone before she saw him.
"Are you alright?" he questioned, wishing he could see her face and know the truth.
"Yeah," she said with a heavy sigh. "Just missing you," she said with a small smile at the fact she could admit it to him.
"I miss you too," he said quickly.
"Tell me why," she said with a yawn.
"Why I miss you?" he clarified.
"Aha," she replied with another yawn.

Before Harm could give his answer Mac's soft snoring told him she's fallen asleep. "Night, Mac," he said before disconnecting the call. After spending a dozen minutes lying on his bed thinking of all the reasons why he missed her, Harm decided Mac deserved to hear them. Rather than phoning her back, he grabbed his laptop and opened up a new email to her.

'Dear Mac,
You asked me why I miss you and then you fell asleep but I figured you deserved an answer and there are so many of them. I tried to figure out the best way to tell you and then I realized it doesn't matter how I tell you, just so long as I tell you.

Please forgive my cheesy attempt at free verse poetry but I wanted to get as much down as I could and I remember Mrs Bradley in the fourth grade telling me I had a certain poetic style.

I miss the Zip which goes through me when I see your smile.
I miss You…more than ever before, more than I imagined possible, more than I can explain.
I miss the X-tra time we've been spending together… I have cherished those moments.
I miss Watching you sleep. Do you know how beautiful you are?
I miss the Vision of you with your hair mussed from sleep and your cowboy pjs.
I miss having your Undivided attention when we're together.
I miss Touching you, caressing you…kissing you.
I miss your Smile.
I miss you Reaching for my hand when we've been walking.
I miss you Quizzing me when you think I'm hiding something from you.
I miss Playing with your hair as we watch television.
I miss Opening my eyes and you being the first thing I see.
I miss your Nose. It's so cute when you wrinkle it.
I miss Mac…my best friend and my everything.
I miss Lying next to you in your bed.
I miss Kissing you… did I mention that before? I miss it a lot.
I miss Joking around with you. Your laugh is so special.
I miss your Incredible personality. You are definitely one of a kind.
I miss you Helping me to cook…even if you aren't that helpful.
I miss your Gorgeous eyes. They are so deep and soulful.
I miss your Friendship. You are the most important person in my life. I hope you know that.
I miss Everything about you…about us.
I miss Dinners with you, and lunch and breakfast.
I miss Catching you looking at me… you do look and don't deny it.
I miss Being with you…so much.
I miss you. You are Amazing…
Always yours,
Harm'

Without rereading or checking it, Harm pressed 'send' and then it dawned on him that perhaps Mac would feel compelled to reply in such terms and he didn't want to put any pressure on her. So, he opened another new message.

'Me again,' he started.
A couple of things…first, I don't want you to reply to my last email…well, maybe a message to say you received it. I'd rather you just read it and we can discuss it when I get back.
Also, I am well aware that there is a sequence of three little words missing from that piece…I think some things are best said face to face and not in an email, don't you?
Anyway, sleep well, beautiful, and eat well and I'll see you soon,
Harm'