I have a great Beta named MrlocTideHunter. She deserves a lot of credit for working on what I know is a grammer and spelling hell hole.
Chapter Two
I thought through all my conflicting emotions as I sat. Was I sad that Joe was dead, or was I just relieved? Was it awful of me to be relieved that he was gone and couldn't hurt me anymore? I couldn't talk to anyone about it especially not the Merry Men. Lester and Bobby would come up to seven to check on me. They would stay and we would have dinner or watch a game. I just couldn't bring myself to talk to them about it. I wasn't ready to open up.
The nightmares were beginning to get to me. I would fall asleep exhausted only to wake up screaming at Joe to stop. I would be covered in sweat and shaking uncontrollably. I started just not sleeping. I was too afraid. Sleeping only meant more nightmares. Bobby noticed my exhaustion one night and started prescribing me sedatives every night to help.
I had spent two weeks locked in the apartment. Tank came by last week and asked when I would be ready for work. I told him I didn't know I was still working through some things. We talked for a while and I reluctantly signed the employment contract he brought with him. We had come to an agreement that I could work from the apartment. He told me there was nothing wrong with that, although I'm pretty sure he would have said hell no to any of the guys if they had asked.
Tank sent Hector in to set up my computer system for me. No one in the building but the core team knew much about what had happened, and even they didn't know the full story. The guys all knew I had been hurt, and was in need of a lot of healing. Hector was part of the core team but hadn't been around much to see me. When he came to set up my computer he took me in his arms and rocked me back and forth, comforting me as much as himself. He whispered how sorry he was and then he was gone again and I was alone in the apartment again.
The doctor in Newark who assessed all my original injuries wanted to see me again. She was an OBGYN now but had been an ER doctor before that. I'd been due to start my period last week and I was late. I was scared and horrified and humiliated. When I was a week late I asked Bobby for her number. I called that doctor directly and told her I missed my period.
She told me that she would need to do a pregnancy test and we should do it soon because I had a few decisions to make if I am pregnant. She told me my options over the phone if I was pregnant I had two options, one I could keep the baby and she could help me with prenatal care; or I could abort the baby. I know there are some women who would abort the child of a rape. I could understand their views. To me this baby was an innocent. The baby did nothing wrong, there is no evil in any child. The person that performed the rape was to blame. If I was pregnant I would have the child. I would raise it in a loving and caring home even if it was by myself. I was a firm believer in my Catholic upbringing, that one should never take the life of another. Working as a bounty hunter, and doing some of the things I had only made that belief stronger.
The bruises had all faded, but the emotional scars were still raw. I was still having bad dreams but I told Bobby I didn't want to take any more drugs to help me sleep. He agreed and the last week I had been getting enough sleep to satisfy him
Lester had been the one of the core team to spend the most time with me. If he wasn't on shift, or sleeping he was by my side, being the friend I needed most. I wanted to tell him to stop, to not waste his time with me. I couldn't though, in all honesty I liked having him close. Bobby would usually come over with him on the evenings he wasn't working. The two of them always made sure I ate dinner and then just hung out with me. Most of the time their presence helped me feel safe enough that I would fall asleep with my head in Lester's lap. One of them would carry me to bed and I would wake up feeling more rested.
The core team became my anchor during my healing. They seemed to always know when I was going to break and down, and there one of them would be to help me through it. If they weren't there I was comforted knowing that they were only a phone call away.
I knew that Lula, Connie and my family were worried. I made sure they knew I was safe and I was still working. I called Vinnie I had told him I quit. I just couldn't face dealing with chasing skips after everything that happened. I knew that sooner or later I might go back to bounty hunting but it would be as a Rangeman.
I heard my door unlock and Lester and Bobby walked through it. I came out of my room dressed in jeans and a t shirt. Lester wrapped me in his arms and hugged me to him.
"Come on Beautiful time to go see the doc."
They both knew I had an appointment with the doctor but I lead them to believe it was just a routine checkup after everything was beginning to really heal. I didn't tell them I thought I might be pregnant.
This was my first time leaving Rangeman since it all happened. I forced out a deep breath feeling my body beginning to panic when we reached the garage. Lester held me close to his chest and whispered in my ear.
"Beautiful breathe, in and out. Come on Beautiful we'll just go to the appointment and after it's over we're coming right back I promise."
Once I settled down, he helped me into the back of the SUV and sat with me. Bobby drove us to Newark. I had a death grip on Les's hand and my head leaning on his shoulder
Bobby drove us to the back door of the doctor's office. I was ushered straight into an exam room without having to see anyone in the waiting room. Lester kissed my forehead and told me he loved me and then he and Bobby headed for the waiting room. The doctor came in a checked my arm first, she told me it looked to be healing well. She commented that almost all of the bruising was gone except for some around my ribs.
She handed me a cup and asked me to take it to the restroom and get her a sample. I took as long as I could in the bathroom and then trudged back to her office. The doctor dipped her test strip into my urine sample and we both stared at it, waiting for the results. After three agonizingly long minutes she looked up into my eyes. She laid a hand on my back before speaking the words I really didn't want to hear.
"Looks like your pregnant dear."
I crumpled to the floor. The doctor kneeled down beside me stroking my back gently. She slid her arms around me and held me to her. I felt her running her hands up and down my back trying to comfort me in the only way she could. I finally calmed enough to understand what she was saying.
"I need to take a blood sample to be one hundred percent sure. We also need to do an ultra sound so we know exactly how far along you are."
My mind was spinning so fast I thought I would be sick. I was pregnant because I had been raped. Every woman hears stories of this happening. I don't know how these women deal with this knowledge. I was terrified and had no idea what to do.
An image of Ranger jumped to the front of my mind. For once I wasn't thinking about him in the context of sex. I still love him with all my heart. How could he love me back now? I was tainted. I had been raped by Joe and was now pregnant with his child. This thought brought on a fresh wave of hysterical sobs.
The door opened and the doctor asked her nurse to get Lester and Bobby from the waiting room. The next thing I knew I was in Lester's arms being rocked gently back and forth.
He whispered gently over and over again "shhhhh, you're safe."
I buried my head into his neck and continued to cry "I'm pregnant, Les from..."
I felt his arms tighten around me and he began singing softly in Spanish. It was one of the things Lester figured out calmed me after a nightmare or panic attack. Most of the time it worked, but this time I was just too upset. He must have sung to me for a long time because the next thing I knew I was asleep in Lester's strong arms.
