After reading through my first chapter, I realised that I kinda made Alice sound a little bitchy, but Its harder to centre a story around a permanently happy person, but I'll try harder from now on!

I hated this chapter before, so this is the new improved version, which is hopefully a lot better, and it doesn't make me cringe every time I read it now. But please tell me what you think in a review. They make me happy

Emmet whirled round and stared at me, like a rabbit caught in headlights, still clutching my jacket.

"Its not what it looks like Alice! Honest!"

I felt a snarl erupt from my lips. It takes a lot to get me angry, and generally its clothes related. I get shopping withdrawal symptoms. And woe betide the person who buys the last jacket in my size…

"IT WAS ROSALIE!" Emmet cried, sinking to the floor with his head in his hands,

"SHE MADE ME DO IT! Its not my fault she has a liking of Gucci jackets, and black brings out the amber flecks in her eyes eyes! She threatened me with horrible things Alice, horrible."

I stared at him, stony faced, with about as much compassion in my eyes as a rock. "Well then, enlighten me. What is THIS horrible?"

He gulped then carried talking in a shaky voice

"She vowed to make n…n…no physical contact with me for a month. A whole MONTH Alice. I cant survive that. And she promised to do, h…h….horrible things to my jeep, paint it….p….p….PINK. And cover the interior in W…w…William Morris leaf designs! You KNOW what too much foliage does to me Alice, please."

This seemed a reasonable explanation. And his face looked so pathetic and puppy-dog like, that it belonged on an Andrex toilet roll advert. But hang on…

"Emmet, I know Rosalie made you do this, but why the security guards outfit….and the skirt…and the THONG!?

Emmet looked sheepish. "The security Guard's outfit was so I could get in and out without causing suspicion. It was Rose's idea. Clever, huh? He looked proud at saying this. But there was still the women's clothing to answer for….

"And the skirt, Emmet?"

Now he looked embarrassed again. "I thought it might suit me…." He looked at the floor, staring at his black lace-up security guard shoes.

Perfect! As soon as his eyes left my face, I used my vampire speed to wrench the coat from his hands, and race for the nearest window to jump out of…

"FREEZE MA'AM" A policeman appeared in the doorway, with a gun held out in front of him, aiming straight between my eyes. Dammit, not again. Those ridiculous new-fangled security cameras, with built in police alerts. I KNEW I should have smashed 'em on the way in! I could have plucked that bullet straight out of mid air, but there's the whole human thing to keep in line with. I sighed. The whole 'fitting in' thing became quite taxing after a while.

"And what are you doing here?" the policemen asked menacingly, turning to face Emmet. "I don't remember security guards being allowed in this early. That's what the cameras are for! Don't you have a bed to be in at the moment? Like me?" He seemed more offenced that we'd runined his morning, than that we were robbing a department store.

Emmet pulled his trousers up, and looked the security guard in the eye/

"I take pride in my job, and I was just innocently checking the boxes, to make sure everything was in order, when I came across this vile intruder, who had the cheek to poke fun at my clothing. Cant a man wear a simple Japanese silk thong once in a while? There is just so much prejudice against cross dressers these days. You can't even leave the house in a knee length floral skirt anymore, without little kids laughing in the street. But when a grown woman makes fun of my dressing habit, its heart wrenching. I'm very sensitive about it you know!"

After delivering this speech Emmet, broke down in very convincing sobs. So convincing, they were almost real….

"You don't know what it's like!" he mumbled between sobs "One minute they want to dress you up, the next you get abuse for a tiny ra-ra skirt. Its not my fault if I like a little air around my privates is it? And a skirt is perfect for everyday life. For women AND men!"

After that the sobs died down, and Emmet drew himself up to his full height.

"Well," said the policeman menacingly

"Breaking into a shopping centre, in the early hours of the morning, attempted robbery, and INSULTING A SECURITY GUARD! I think I have no choice but for you to spend the week in a cell. Come with me miss, I have a special police cell, waiting just for you."

Prison? Now that's just insulting. Honestly, Selfridges, in London after a sale, is harder to break out of than prison. Those bargain hunters are stronger than they look. And besides prisons are like hotels these days, computers, pillows, microwaves. Not that I'll need the latter two. But it's easier to keep up human pretences on a comfy bed, rather than a stone block. And anyway, Carlisle will be along any second to bail me out….