The mission was simple enough – on that, the three Chaotix detectives could agree. They'd taken far more challenging jobs before; more dangerous ones too. In fact, this was probably – objectively speaking, of course – the single easiest task the trio had ever been faced with.

And simultaneously, the hardest.

Amy had outlined her wishes in three short paragraphs, all written on one side of (pink!) A4 paper. Her briefing read as follows:

Dear Team Chaotix,

I'll keep this short and to the point. Your target is Sonic the Hedgehog. Your goal – open him to the idea of having a girlfriend (specifically, Amy Rose, who I think you'll all agree is a kind, beautiful, intelligent girl, and the only candidate worthy of Sonic's affections).

"Does she really think we don't know it's her?" Charmy had asked, confused, when he eventually got a hold of the letter.

I suggest you talk to him about the future; convince him that he should settle down, take a wife (that wife being Amy, of course), and have lots of-,

"'Little hedgehog babies'?" Espio cringed. That phrase was just plain wrong. It disturbed him on so many levels, he didn't even know where to start... Or indeed, whether he wanted to start at all.

I've included a deposit of 300 rings, and depending on the quality of your work, there'll be a lot more where that came from. I'm willing to negotiate your fee when the job is done.

Yours,

?

"Well," Vector said at last, after all three of them had had a chance to read and properly absorb the details of Amy's letter. "It is a good price... considering what she's askin' for..."

Espio did not agree. In his opinion, no price was worth what Amy was asking for. Sonic was fifteen. Worse, Amy herself was just twelve! Not to even mention the fact that they were talking about deliberate manipulation here, and with a friend and ally no less! 'Morally grey'... that wasn't the half of it!

They both argued their respective points late into the night, while Charmy pottered about in the kitchenette, eating steadily through their supply of honey-glazed cereal puffs. Naturally, being that he was the oldest, and by extension the wisest, and given that he was the closest thing to a leader their little organisation had, Vector eventually – inevitably – won.

"Don't think of it as 'manipulation'," he said when Espio finally gave in. "Think of it as helping out a friend."

Though he said it with all the necessary conviction, Vector thought the victory felt hollow. Somewhere in the back of his mind he couldn't help but wonder if Espio was right...

"Helping a friend," Espio murmured in disgust, "by fashioning a noose for another."

"Hey now!" Vector objected, feeling – as he often did – obligated to defend their client. "That was uncalled for. Amy ain't..."

He paused as Espio raised a skeptical eyebrow. He'd been about to say she wasn't that bad, and maybe – for the most part – that was true. But they all knew she was bossy and emotional and clingy, and to someone like Sonic, who loved his freedom above all else... Well, Amy wouldn't be so much a noose as a medieval torture wrack.

"She's a – a good kid, y'know? Sonic could do a lot worse," he finished at last.

"The key word being 'kid'. She is little more than a child, Vector. The same goes for Sonic."

"Hmm." Charmy buzzed over from the kitchenette, having thoroughly demolished their stock of cereal. He looked sleepy, his stomach slightly distended to accommodate what was supposed to have been a month's worth of breakfasts for the three of them. "I thought you were only a year older than Sonic?" he yawned, directing his question at the chameleon.

"A year and three months," Espio said stiffly, crossing his arms and casting a brief, disapproving glance at the empty cereal boxes left lying on their plastic dining table. "Physically," he added. "Mentally, I am twice Sonic's age."

"How'd ya figure?" the bee asked, his drowsy tone suggesting he didn't really care all that much.

"He's reckless," Espio answered anyway, hoping against hope than one if his cohorts would listen to him for a change. "Impulsive, immature... No one can fault his bravery, but equally, no one can deny his carelessness either. Is it really wise to encourage someone like that to start a family?" He turned back to Vector, making one last appeal. "Can you honestly imagine Sonic raising children?"

The crocodile appeared to think about it for a while. When he next spoke, he sounded weary.

"No," he said honestly. "But we've already been paid... And besides, it's not our job to imagine stuff."

Espio was tempted to point out it wasn't usually their job to play matchmaker either, but decided it would serve him no purpose. Vector had made the decision, and the best course of action would be to brace himself and get on with it.

No more was said on the matter, and with the first tinges of pink beginning to light the sky outside, the trio of detectives hit the hay.

-X-

It was agreed over a breakfast of slightly less than fresh lettuce leaves the following afternoon, that the mission really only needed one of them. This was, in part, due to the fact that not-quite-rotten lettuce was pretty much the only edible thing they had left in the apartment – something they mutually acknowledged had to be remedied at the earliest opportunity.

Mostly, however, it was because there was no danger involved, and no need for any of their specialist talents either. It should be, Vector pointed out (somewhat optimistically, in Espio's opinion), a very cut and dry kind of mission.

It was also agreed that Vector himself was the best candidate for the task Amy had set them. This was for a variety of reasons, not least of which – in Espio's view in any case – was because it had been his idea to accept the mission in the first place.

"No big," the croc had said confidently, as he prepared to leave the office/apartment. "This calls for a serious talk, mano e mano. I'll dig a little, see what his preferences are, and then gently shove him in Amy's direction. Piece of cake!"

As it turned out, it was actually less a piece of cake and more a slab of concrete on the difficulty scale. Even just finding the hedgehog had been a task of itself, and it took Vector the better part of the afternoon to eventually locate the blue streak at a hot dog stand in Westopolis. It occurred to the him then that, given Sonic's well-documented love of chilli dogs, the hot dog joints should have been his first port of call...

"Yo! Sonic!" he yelled, waving in what he thought was a cool, casual manner, but actually came across as slightly crazed. "Wait up, kid!"

Sonic, who was just accepting his forth chilli dog of the evening from the vendor, turned a bewildered green gaze on him. Vector could pinpoint the exact moment the hedgehog placed his face, and was more than a little worried to note that it took a good deal longer than it ought to have done. True, the two of them hadn't had many dealings in the past, but if there was one thing in his life Vector was certain of, it was his own recognisability.

Suddenly, Espio's final plea came back to him with chilling clarity.

"Can you honestly imagine Sonicraising children?"

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

"Hey there, uh... Hector," Sonic greeted, swallowing down the link in two swift bites. "What's shakin'?"

"That's Vector," Vector corrected. Something unpleasant fluttered at the back of the detective's mind – a kind of anxiety, almost a sense of foreboding... He hoped it wasn't an indicator of how the rest of this mission was going to go. "I was just in the neighbourhood-," which was an outright lie; he'd had to catch two trains and endure a very busy, very uncomfortable bus journey to get there. "-an' I saw you and thought we could, y'know, sit and catch up some."

If anything, Sonic just looked even more confused.

"Uh, sure... I guess." He scratched his head, and followed Vector to one of the empty al fresco tables near the hot dog stand.

Thanks to all the time he'd wasted hunting for the elusive hero, it was getting pretty late. Vector knew he'd have to wrap the job up fairly quickly if he hoped to make the journey back before the buses stopped. But as he sat there, facing Sonic – who looked vaguely bemused – he belatedly realised he hadn't thought of anything to say. Where did he even start? How could he steer the conversation in the desired direction without being obvious about it?

Like so many things in life, Vector decided to take his own, special approach to the situation – which is to say 'dive right in and hope for the best'.

"So... Sonic."

Sonic waited expectantly for him to continue.

He noticed the blue blur's eyes occasionally wandering to the hot dog guy, who'd started putting on a fresh batch of sausages that even Vector had to admit smelled mouthwatering. He wasn't usually much of one for hot dogs (slathered in chilli or otherwise), but when all you'd had to eat that day was a bowl of questionable lettuce, it was amazing how your outlook could change.

Wrenching his mind back to the present, Vector cleared his throat.

"How's life treatin' ya?" he asked, trying to sound casual. "Been up to much?"

"Aw, this and that," Sonic said vaguely, shrugging. "The usual. What about you?"

"Oh yeah, just fine, just fine..." There was an awkward pause. "So... Meet many girls on your travels?"

It wasn't exactly subtle, but then it didn't really matter. Far from being even remotely suspicious, the look Sonic levelled him managed to appear even more perplexed. Vector wondered if it was because he simply wasn't a suspicious person, or if it was just because he was completely oblivious when it came to such topics.

Probably both...

"A few," he admitted, frowning. He opened his mouth as if to say something else, then closed it again, apparently finding nothing worth adding.

Another tense silence ensued.

This wasn't turning out to be half as easy as Vector had thought it would be. He liked to think that, of all the Chaotix detectives, he was the smooth one – conversation was normally one of his stronger suits, especially when it came to women. He didn't know why, but for some reason talking to Sonic about this particular subject felt... wrong. Kinda like that time he'd had to explain the birds and the bees to Charmy...

"Anyone take your fancy?" he tried again, making a concentrated effort to sound conspiratorial. When Sonic didn't answer – probably too busy trying to figure out the crocodile's angle – Vector gave him a nudge, and winked. "C'mon, kid, you can tell me – what kinda gal lights your bulb?"

"Lights my... bulb?"

"Yeah! You know!" Vector cried, starting to settle into his groove – even though he felt a tiny bit like a dirty old man for doing so. "Sparks your plugs; runs your motor; powers your pedals?"

Realisation crossed the blue hedgehog's features, and Vector silently cheered. Now they were getting somewhere!

"Er... Well, none of them, I guess," Sonic laughed, all traces of awkwardness gone now that they were on the same page. He folded his arms behind his head – which was quite a feat, considering the spines – and propped his legs on the table.

Vector frowned. "None of them?" he repeated, not quite believing his ears. Surely even Sonic wasn't that oblivious – hadn't he ever had a crush? "Ya mean, not ever?"

"Nope," Sonic grinned.

Well... That was interesting.

"Huh. Well, what about Amy?"

To Vector's dismay, Sonic wrinkled his nose. Not quite in disgust – which left Vector with some hope that this mission wasn't a total lost cause – but with a marked lack of enthusiasm that was, to say the least, disheartening.

"What's wrong with Amy?" he dared to ask.

"N-nothing!" Sonic exclaimed, panic-stricken, looking around hastily as though he expected her to pounce from the topiaries any second. When the pink hedgehog didn't appear, he relaxed again and adopted a calmer, though still somewhat edgy tone. "Nothing's wrong with Amy, it's just..." He hesitated. "I dunno. She's good at whacking things with that mallet of hers, but..."

"I hear ya." Vector understood perfectly. She was good at whacking things with her mallet, but Sonic had no desire – and really, he himself could only sympathise – to ever be on it's receiving end. Somehow, being in a relationship with her only heightened that danger, though Vector couldn't honestly say why he thought so...

"Yeah. I think if I ever let her anywhere near my motor... well, she'd probably break it."

At this the blue blur sounded indignant, which was – Vector thought – an odd stance to take on the matter. He supposed it was a testament to Sonic's reckless streak that, where others might be afraid, or at least anxious, he managed to sound almost amused.

As for himself, he felt mildly horrified. Both at the frighteningly graphic mental image Sonic's words had conjured (which he promptly swore to himself never to speak of), and also at the kid's skilled – and totally unexpected – use of innuendo. True, it wasn't the dirtiest reference he'd ever heard spoken, but coming from Sonic the Hedgehog it sounded positively filthy.

He had a point though; Amy was the very epiphany of (for want of a better word) a 'ball-breaker'. She seemed like the kind of girl who liked to keep her men firmly under the thumb, and since Sonic was the only man she'd ever wanted...

I'm actually starting to feel sorry for the guy...

Reminding himself that he was there for a reason, Vector carefully cleared his throat.

"I dunno, Sonic. I reckon if you gave her a chance she could prove you wrong," he said with what he hoped was cool indifference.

"Ya think?" He didn't sound convinced.

"Sure! Amy's really a great gal underneath all that... uh..."

"Crazy?" Sonic supplied, raising an eyebrow in amusement.

"Yeah, but don't you ever tell her I said that," Vector muttered, eyes darting as though he too expected a surprise attack.

"Hey, I won't if you won't." It should have been a joke, but they were both quite serious. "Well, maybe you're right... I should ask her, next time I see her. Not that it really matters..."

"It does matter," Vector said sagely, already imagining the look on Espio's face when he told him the mission was a complete success. "This is a big part of your future, kid. Ya gotta make the right decision straight off the bat."

Sonic frowned, crossing his arms and looking to the side distractedly. "Maybe for some people, but not me," he insisted. He looked up again and grinned. "Personally, I prefer to use my feet!"

"Yeah, I felt the same at your age, but..." The croc paused as Sonic's words registered in his brain under the category 'nonsensical'. "Did... you say y-you prefer to... to use your... feet?" he asked, struggling to find the words. Surely he'd misheard, because considering what they were taking about, that made not one lick of sense.

The blue blur shrugged. "I'm faster than any motor out there. Even if I got one, Tails would probably be my go to for... Uh, you okay?"

Vector could scarcely credit it. All this time he thought they were talking about... and Sonic had thought...

He lifted his head from his hands, where he'd dropped it in disbelief, and tried to work out whether it was worth it to try steering the conversation in the right direction again (if it had ever been going in the right direction to begin with).

Sonic waited patiently, green eyes wide with a mixture of amusement and concern.

Maybe it was the too innocent quality of the hedgehog's gaze, or maybe it was just the darkening sky coupled with the knowledge that it was a long journey back home (for those who couldn't run at speeds topping seven hundred miles an hour). Either way, Vector decided that no, he didn't want to press further. He had a niggling suspicion doing so wouldn't yield favourable results anyway.

"I'm fine, kid," he said weakly, ignoring the dubious expression Sonic greeted this with. "Just peachy. Y,know, I think Espio wanted to catch up with ya too – stop by some time, yeah?"

With that, Vector heaved himself to his feet and started toward the bus station, silently marvelling at how the teen – in spite of everything he'd accomplished in his young life – could still be so naïve.

Behind him, Sonic shrugged with a nonchalant smile and went to get one last chilli dog before the stand shut for the night. If he found anything odd about the encounter, he certainly didn't show it, and by the time the chilli had cooled on his tongue the event was all but forgotten.