"What is wrong with milk, exactly? You never gave me a direct answer," Sam asked Ed.
"It's disgusting! How's that for an answer?" Ed retorted. He had a stool now, at his own raving request.
"Yeah, but still. If you added chocolate flavoring to it-"
Alright guys! Quiet on the set! Edo-chanluv's voice erupted from the speakers. Show starting in…
Sam hurriedly tossed the microphone to Ed. "You do the intro this time!"
3…
"What? No! I don't wanna-"
2…
"Just do it! At least until we get a second microphone."
1… ACTION!
"Yeah, we only have the one because the director's too cheap a bastard to buy a second-"
"Ed… We're on."
"On?" His eyes widened. "Oh! Sh- I mean, welcome to… uh… What the hell's this show called again?"
"Fanmail Hour," Sam hissed. "Jeebus, you suck at this job."
"Oh shut up, it's not like I asked you anyway."
"Yeah well-"
STOP FIGHTING AND DO THE DAMN SHOW.
Ed and Sam flinched. "Yes ma'am!" They said.
Colleen rushed onto the set with an extra microphone. "Here!" She said.
"Thank you." Sam said with a smile. Colleen bowed and rushed back off the set. Sam switched the microphone on. "Alright! Now that we have that all taken care of, Ed can do a real introduction." She leaned over and whispered harshly, "Put a smile on, moron."
Ed rolled his eyes and plastered a grin to his face. "Hello people out there in T.V. land! Welcome to -ugh- Fanmail Hour! So, here's how this works-"
"You send our dearest Edo-chanluv a PM or a review with a comment or question you want to have a character answer to!" Sam finished. Ed mumbled something about a being a camera hog.
Sam ignored him and went on, "So, today we have a letter in the form of a review from a very nice reader." She picked up an envelope and handed it to Ed. "It's for you!"
"Oh. Lovely." He made a face and opened it. "Let's see…
Dear Ed,
Hey, shorty, you're so cute when you rant about being short... you're like 3yrs older than me and I'm at least a half foot taller...
From fangirl to
midget,
RandomEdFangirl"
Ed stopped reading. The set was very quiet for a minute.
"Well. She thinks I'm cute."
Sam stared at him with wide, shocked eyes. "That's it?"
"Eh?" Ed looked at her like she was crazy.
No short rant? Edo-chan chimed in.
"Uh… no?"
"But you always to a short rant!" Edo-chan and Sam shouted at the same time. Ed nearly fell off his stool with the force of their in-unison shout.
The short rant is your entire character!
"And besides that, she's right! It's adorable!"
"Look," Ed put his hands up, "I used to get all mad and stuff when people called me short. I'd do a 'short-rant'," He used his fingers to do an air quote. "But I got over that."
"H-how?" Sam asked.
"Well, one day, I realized that tall people are just retarded."
A stunned silence from the studio audience, Sam, and Edo-chanluv in her booth; no one knew what to say to that.
"So, RandomEdFangirl," Ed continued, "You might be a half a foot taller than me, but that doesn't matter to me at all, because you're retarded."
There was a strange sound over the intercom as Edo-chan smacked her hand into her forehead. Ed… Why? She whined, Why do you insult the people who are nice enough to give good reviews?
"Hey, what they do with your story is of no consequence to me."
"Jeebus…" Sam sighed, "Well ladies and gentlemen, that's all for today! Until next time! Please stay tuned!"
