Koyaanisqatsi

(Hopi)

(n.) Nature out of balance; a way of life so unbalanced that you need a new way


I gazed at my reflection in the mirror. Who am I? What had I become?

I saw the anguished look on Abba's face, as I threw down my napkin and stormed away from the Vances' table the night he died.

My mind replayed the way Deena's face fell, a thousand emotions coming over her, as I told her I was the one who killed Ari, the one she was going to marry, the one she so dearly loved.

I saw him. Tony. The hurt look, as he realized that I was not coming back to D.C. with him, the way he covered it up with a quick laugh and sarcastic, witty comment. That final look of longing as he boarded that plane.

And I saw the eyes of everyone I had killed. Their eyes, they haunted me. In the daytime, at night...especially at night. Eyes filled with fear, anguish, pain, betrayal, defiance, and even peace.

And me. I was always looking over my shoulder, making sure someone wasn't following me, making sure that no one was about to pull a knife or gun on me. I slept with a gun on my nightstand, and I had four different locks on my door.

I didn't trust anybody. I wouldn't let anybody in. I was foolish and prideful and so, so scared of getting hurt.

It was then when I realized I had to change. If I didn't, I don't know who or what I would become. Yes, change was a must.


A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review :)