Chapter 2
Emptiness. For two decades it had been all that Edward Cullen had felt. It was suffocating, the numbness that settled heavy in his stomach, the constant tightness in his chest…most days he couldn't find the energy to fight it, to pretend for the sake of his family that he was okay. He had allowed himself to be happy once, he had opened himself up to let his heart be touched by love; there was no better feeling than holding his mate in his arms knowing that he had someone he could be truly open with, someone he loved unconditionally after so long alone. But he had let that go.
Loving her had been selfish and she had deserved better than anything he could do for. He was darkness, a monster, and she deserved someone that she could spend a long happy human life with. She deserved to flourish. She deserved to be safe. He had loved her enough to give her that even if it meant giving up everything.
He had been happy once, and now he would never get that again.
His throat burned as though a hot iron rod was being forced down his throat as a reminder that he hadn't fed in weeks. Edward hadn't fed regularly in a long time, not since he had left. He relished in the pain, he knew he deserved it, if not alone as a reminder that the agony meant he had something to miss but also as a reminder of the pain he had caused Bella. That night played clearly on his mind so often, he remembered the look on her face as he lied telling her that he never loved her, the devastation as he had splintered her heart. The desperation. He had hurt her.
He deserved this.
Bella. Bella. My Bella. There wasn't a day that went by that she wasn't on his mind. His heart ached for her. He tried telling himself that he had done the right thing and yet it never felt that way.
"Edward!" Alice called from within her mid. "Get down here!" He didn't move.
"Edward!" This time her voice came from outside his door as she banged against the wood.
"What Alice?" He asked weakly. Couldn't they see he wanted to be left alone?
"Carlisle wants you downstairs, he has something to announce."
"Alright." I'm coming. He sighed climbing out of the dark pit of his room. His family greeted him like they had been parted for weeks, maybe they had. Time had lost all meaning lately given that his existence no longer had nothing to care for.
"I received an invite today from Aro. He wants us to visit."
"Why?" Emmett asked confused matching an expression that fit the entire family.
"Because the Vultori are hosting a ball to show off their newest guard member. He wants us there a week early to catch up." Carlisle explained. The family man didn't look thrilled, Edward observed. Carlisle's views of humanity clearly did not match the morals of Aro and yet Carlisle was to humble to dismiss the requests of even him.
"Great. Another powerful bitch we have to worry Aro and his dogs will send on us." Rosalie huffed bitterly.
Esme ignored Rosalie's crude choice of words given she looked somewhat concerned by the situation herself. "New guard member? Aro surely doesn't host a ball for every new member he adds?"
"No. But high ranking members…Aro is eager to show off his power, it's a tactic to scare everyone else into obedience. Though I must say, Aro hasn't added to his guard in centuries. This new member must have some extraordinary power."
Edward looked pointlessly around the room wondering what the point was. Visiting the Vultori was the last thing he cared for. "Can't we just not go?"
Carlisle shook his head at his oldest son, "Aro is extending a peace offering to us, the last thing we should do is decline his offer. The best thing for us to do is go, at least for a few days."
"Well…" Alice inputted, "Okay so going to visit the Vultori…not great but, a ball. That could be fun." She shrugged casually, "This family could…I don't know, use some fun."
Edward narrowed his eyes feeling Alice's words directed at him, it felt like a punch to the gut. Alice had make it clear that she strongly disagreed with his choice of leaving.
Carlisle nodded stiffly, "We leave tomorrow."
Alice definitely had an issue with Edward making the decision for the entire family to uproot.
She was glad about the trip to Italy. Not for the sake of the Vultori, they made her skin itch, however the family hadn't been the same since they had left behind Forks one new addition short, Edward's extreme brooding didn't help the matter, and she hoped a good ball would give them something to look forward to. She sure was excited to plan an outfit for the night.
After Carlisle had informed them of their weeks plans she had departed back upstairs to pack. She thought of packing her new indigo v-cut styled dress which would match with her black stilettos perfectly when her hand brushed past an old jacket hidden towards the back end of the wardrobe she had bought as a gift for Bella. Taking the silk material slowly off the hanger she cradled it to her chest and sat down on the desk chair.
She missed her so much. Everyday so much more.
Leaving Bella behind was the last thing Alice had wanted, she had fought Edward against it but he was far too stubborn to listen to anyone other than himself. It was selfish, HE was so selfish.
Today she would have been 40, married with children. She would have had an entire new life, one that…one that she wasn't a part of. And the worst part was that Alice had no choice in being a part of that life or not.
"Hey honey." Jasper spoke softly sitting beside Alice noticing is wife's discomfort. She sighed leaning into his chest, him wrapping his arms around her in a tight embrace. Her small frame fit perfectly moulded into his own.
"I miss her." She whimpered into his shoulder.
"I know you do." Of course he did, Jasper was attenuative to emotion. Despite the hand latched onto her back in soothing circular motions Alice noticed the quick change in her husbands demeanour, pulling away to meet his eyes, "Don't do this. This was never your fault." She shushed bringing her hand to his chin to turn his head when his eyes wandered away in guilt. Her chest ached for her mate, Jasper had been carrying this weight on his shoulders for the past two decades. "You were still new to this diet…you reacted like any one in your position would have. Bella would have never have blamed you, you have to know that." She did her best to explain.
He didn't reply, instead only nodded softly with a small smile to his lips leaning back against the headrest. She sighed knowing she was unable to change his mind leaning back into his chest with the deep intake of breath. Alice couldn't help but think of Bella.
