Black Hayate smiled. That is, he smiled if dogs could smile. Roy glared jealously. Why did Riza have to bring that idiotic dog with her to their picnic? Watching the gun-happy woman coo to the dog, he didn't notice that she was smirking rather evilly, wondering how much longer it would take the Brigadier General to snap.

"I'd place my bet on five more minutes, wouldn't you?" Riza whispered to her faithful dog, lifting him up to kiss him on the nose and to hide her wide smirk. Perhaps she really had been hanging around the Flame Alchemist too much. She was catching the evil plotter's disease. Then again, it had a certain appeal to it…watching Roy carefully, waiting for him to loose his composure…

"Riza," Roy said in a strained voice, "the chicken's getting cold."

Undaunted, Riza didn't even look over at the blue and white checkered blanket.

"The only chicken's in a sandwich, sir. I highly doubt it would taste good warm." Sighing, Roy gave up for a few moments. But, being Roy Mustang, he sprang back up from his lazy posture on the ground.

"There's a wasp behind you," he tried, knowing that the blonde lieutenant had an unreasonable phobia for all things that could sting. Calmly whipping out her gun from a holder on her leg (Roy sweated nervously because he hadn't known it was there), she shot it five times over her shoulder, still holding on the Black Hayate. Hearing no thud of the insect on grass, she knew that her virtual target…boyfriend was reaching his limits.

Once again, there was a pause.

"Riza, my mouth itches," Roy said. Riza slipped her shoe off and attempted to itch his lips with her foot. Hastily backing away, Roy waited for another minute before exploding.

"DAMN IT, ELIZABETH HAWKEYE! WE'RE ON A DATE HERE!" he screamed. Riza's only response was to blink several times in rapid succession before turning her attention back to Black Hayate.

"It's not nice to tease," Roy whined, all dignity forgotten. Victory, Riza thought smugly. But of course, being the secretive sadist she was, she had to do something else to torture the poor dude.

"But you're so fun to tease, Roy."

And that was the last time Black Hayate ever went on a picnic.