Title: Salva Mea-Part 1
Author: Falcon Horus and Dena
E-mail: thot_bastet@hotmail.com, natalieverrydt@hotmail.com
Category: angst, drama
Spoilers: Window of Opportunity, There But For The Grace Of Gods, Fire and Water (the memorial service)
Rating: PG-13
Content warnings: minor character death
Author's notes: I would like to thank my sister, Dena, for helping me with certain parts and also many thanks to Sarah, my wonderful betareader.
Earth
*Jonathan's House*
"Good morning Colorado! It's 7 o' clock in the morning and the sun is already rising above the horizon! This is DJ Horus on your favorite radio- station KCLA. And here's your music!" The radio on the nightstand started to play Mary J. Blige. The sun was indeed peeking into the room and lighting it up. The blue and yellow colors in the bedroom became much brighter and the rays of light found their way to the human being sleeping in the bed. From somewhere under the sheets sounded a grumble that became louder as the person appeared from underneath. First a hand appeared. The rest of the arm followed rapidly. It knocked the radio off the nightstand and it promptly stopped playing. The person in the bed turned around and slept on.
Jonathan was busy in the kitchen when he heard the knocking on the front door. He placed the kettle with hot water on the table and ran off to the front door to see who had disturbed him in his morning ritual. He opened the door to see his sister standing there, smiling.
"Good morning, Jonathan!"
"Janet! What a pleasant surprise!" He invited her in and ran straight back to the kitchen. He had to check up on his tea. Janet followed him and at the same time looked around searching for her niece.
"Say Jonathan, where's CJ?" Janet looked at her brother while he was fishing the teabags out of the kettle.
"Oh, I think she's still asleep. It was our monthly movie night last night. It got pretty late."
"I told her yesterday that she had to be ready by 7.30."
"Oh, she didn't mention that to me. You can kick her out of bed if you want." Jonathan looked up at his sister but she had already disappeared into the hallway. He heard her going up the stairs.
Janet arrived at the top of the stairs and turned to CJ's room. The door was closed. She opened it silently. She wanted to give CJ the scare of her life but when she saw the teenager sleeping soundly she changed her mind. She walked to the window and opened the curtains to let the rays of sunlight fully enter the room.
"Daaaaad! No!" CJ placed her pillow over her head to shut the light out but it was no use.
"Good morning, CJ!" Janet walked back to the bed and placed the fallen radio back on its place on the nightstand. She pulled back the sheets revealing only CJ's body.
"Oh crap!" The muffled reply came from under the pillow, followed by a strong curse and CJ's head.
"You know what time it is?" Janet looked at her niece.
"No, I don't!" CJ pulled her sheets back up and disappeared underneath them. "And I don't care!"
"It's 7.30! You ought to be ready by now. You have a briefing at 9. Remember?"
"I don't want to go. I don't feel so good." Janet smiled. That trick wasn't going to work and CJ knew that.
"You know you can't play that trick on me, CJ! Now, move it!" Janet once more pulled the sheets off the bed and placed them on a nearby chair.
"Alright, I'm up!" CJ got out of bed and disappeared into the bathroom.
Her aunt descended the stairs and met up with her brother in the kitchen.
"You were right. She was still asleep." Jonathan smiled. He was reading the newspaper and drinking a cup of tea at the same time, causing him to spill some over the paper.
"Damn it!" He tried to clean his mess but it was already too late. The tea had already dried in the paper, giving part of it a nice brown color. "Where are you taking CJ?"
"What? Oh ... Cassandra wanted to go to the lake today and she invited CJ to come along." Jonathan nodded, placed his cup back on the table and continued reading his paper.
"Good morning, Dad!" CJ placed two slices of bread in the toaster and filled a glass with milk. While she waited for her toast, she read the 'tea' part of the paper. Janet looked at her brother and her niece. She noticed they both had the same habits. She had seen Jonathan spill his tea and now it was CJ's turn to color the paper with milk. "Damn it!" Janet smiled.
The toast was gone in less than ten minutes. CJ grabbed her backpack and was ready to go.
"See you tonight, Dad!" She handed him the still wet paper and followed her aunt to the front door.
"Have fun at the lake!" CJ looked at Janet.
"I will, Dad!" They left the house and walked to the car. "The lake?"
"He asked me where I was taking you."
"Ah! But the lake?" CJ shook her head while getting in the car.
"I had to tell him something."
"Yeah sure."
*The Briefing Room*
CJ arrived just in time in the briefing room. SG-1 was already there and they were visibly bored. Jack was drawing on his papers, Daniel was playing with his glasses, Sam was reading some scientific paper and Teal'c was ... well, he was Teal'c. He seemed never to be bored unless he got stuck in some timeloop. When General Hammond walked into the room SG-1 jumped up, even CJ. She had picked up the military habit a few months ago and was still doing it.
"At ease!" They all fell back into their chairs and looked at the General. He handed them the files with the information on P5J-314. CJ started to study the file while General Hammond was giving some additional information on how long they could stay. She missed a part of his explanation because she had been daydreaming. It was not until she heard her name that she paid some attention. "CJ, I expect a full report about this trip on my desk." She looked up at him. It was the first time she had to make a report for General Hammond.
"Uh ... Yes Sir!"
"You'll be leaving in an hour! Dismissed!" Hammond walked back into his office while SG-1 went to the locker-room.
*The Locker Room*
"CJ, you look awful!" Sam looked at the Kid.
"Gee, thanks Sam! Just what I needed to hear!" CJ opened her locker and a whole lot of stuff tumbled to the floor. CJ picked her watch out of the mess and put the rest back into the locker. She was ready in less than thirty minutes. "I'll be in the infirmary if you need me! See you in the gate room!" CJ left the locker room and went to the infirmary.
*The Infirmary*
It was calm and quiet in the infirmary. It was early in the morning and there were not that many teams scheduled to come back. There was no one in the room so CJ moved over to Dr. Fraiser's office. The door was open but she didn't want to startle her aunt and risk a black eye in return. CJ knocked a couple of times and waited patiently for an answer. Hearing the knocks Janet turned around to see who had the guts to disturb her in her office.
"CJ! What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be getting ready for your mission?"
"I am ready. I was just wondering if you could give me something for this oncoming headache." CJ rubbed her forehead. It was probably going to bug her all day, as it usually did, but she could try to slow it down by taking some painkillers.
"Sure, wait a second." Janet moved over to her shelf and soon found what she was looking for. She handed CJ an aspirin and gave her two others just in case the first one wouldn't work. "Now go before you're late again!" CJ nodded and left the infirmary with a smile.
*The Gate Room*
CJ entered the gate room to see that SG-1 had already arrived. They were having a busy conversation but as soon as they saw CJ entering the gate room, they stopped talking and gazed at the teenager.
"Something wrong?" CJ looked from one to the other but they all shook their heads. 'They were definitely talking about me. No doubt about that!' Dialing had started and the ring started to turn until the right chevron locked. As soon as the wormhole was established they could leave for P5J- 314.
P5J-314
SG-1 were thrown out on the other side. They landed in a heap. When they had untangled themselves they got a better look on their surroundings. The Gate stood in the middle of a large grassy meadow that seemed to go on for ages either side of it. There were no trees whatsoever.
"Can you believe that? No trees!" O'Neill was looking around, searching for those familiar green trees. "What's a planet without good old trees?" He shook his head while he moved on.
During their walk, looking for anything interesting, they were having a happy chat. Sam and Daniel were speculating about the possible civilization and the wonderful surroundings of the planet. Jack was explaining to Teal'c some more rituals of Earth. And CJ was walking in front of them, whistling a song she had heard on the radio that morning. Jack considered the planet safe enough to give the Kid some space. She could sense any Goa'uld danger from a mile away, so why wouldn't he allow her to walk in front?
Suddenly CJ stopped and Jack caught up with her to see why she had stopped in the first place.
"CJ, is something ... wow, look at that!" A huge cliff went down at least 50m, ending in a lake bigger than any lake Jack knew on Earth or any other planet. They could see the entire valley. There were more trees than O'Neill could ever imagine. It was a beautiful green landscape with dozens of hills. Somewhere in the distance they could see smoke, probably from a village. The sun reflected into the dark blue water of the lake beneath them. Occasionally a fish jumped out of the water to catch a fly, its silver skin flickering in the sun. SG-1 was standing on the edge of the cliff, mouths wide open taking in the wonderful view.
A sudden roar however brought them back to reality.
"What was that?" Jack looked at his 2IC when a second roar accompanied by a little shake disturbed the peaceful atmosphere of the planet.
"I don't know, Sir! An earthquake maybe?" Sam looked at her CO.
"Move away from the edge! NOW!" Jack ordered his team to leave the edge of the cliff but it was already too late. The earth beneath their feet started to shake even more and split open right where CJ was standing. She lost her balance causing her to fall off the cliff. She grabbed around her for something to get a hold on but all she grabbed was air.
"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!" Sam dove after her but missed. Jack grabbed his Major's feet to prevent her from going the same way as CJ. "Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!!!!" Sam heard her name fade away as CJ fell deeper.
"CeeeeeeeeeJaaaaayyyyyy!" Sam saw her pupil fall into the depth of the valley, hitting the water with an incredible speed. "CJ! Nooooooooooooo!"
As CJ fell down the cliff, images of her life past by in a rush. She saw the figures on the cliff look at her, helplessly. She had the feeling she was flying, slowly making her way down facing death. She was stretching her arm out to those figures. - I'm sorry, Dad, I won't be home tonight! - As she hit the water an incredible pain went through her body and it felt like the water crushed every bone in her body. It sucked her down to her inevitable death. She felt water coming into her lungs. This was it. Game over. - No! Don't give up, CJ! Fight this! - It was of no use. She slowly faded into darkness leaving life behind.
They all looked over the edge but CJ didn't surface.
"This is not happening! This is not happening!" Sam looked from Jack to Teal'c and Daniel but they couldn't tell her it was just a dream. Daniel peeked over the edge again just to be sure but still there was no sign of CJ.
"We'd better go back to the SGC." Jack turned away from the edge and started to go back from where they came.
"NO! We can't leave her behind!" Sam stopped her CO from leaving.
"Carter, you saw her fall! She's gone! She's dead! Nobody is capable of surviving a fall like that!" Jack was shouting at his 2IC. Daniel and Teal'c were silently watching at the scene in front of them.
"We can't leave her here, Sir!" Tears were forming in the back of Sam's eyes. They couldn't leave her here. They just couldn't.
"We saw her fall. If she survived the fall, the rocks would have killed her anyway. So let's move!" Jack was angry for not being there on time to save his young friend. And he didn't want to leave either but he had no other choice. He dragged his 2IC along, back to the Gate.
During the walk back they were very silent. Sam was crying. Daniel stayed close by her side, while his eyes were also filled with tears. Jack was walking in front so that the rest couldn't see his face. He was angry ... angry at this planet for taking away a member of his team. Teal'c was the only one with a straight face but if they would look closer they could see that he was in as much grief as the rest of the team.
Earth
*The Gate Room*
SG-1 came stumbling through the Gate onto the ramp, a medical team waiting for them. They were clearly in shock. General Hammond looked at his first team and immediately knew something terrible had happened.
"Colonel O'Neill, where's CJ?" Hearing the teenager's name startled the team.
"She ... um ... she's dead, Sir." Sam now knew for sure that it wasn't a dream and lost it right there and then. Janet looked at O'Neill not believing what she had just heard him say.
"Sir?" She looked up to the Colonel and then to the rest of his team.
"NO! We left her behind! We left ... her ... behind! We have to go back!" Sam freaked out completely causing the medical team to sedate her. She dropped to the floor, lying there in Daniel's arms floating into a peaceful sleep.
*The Briefing Room*
The debriefing was one of the saddest in years. SG-1 minus Sam, who was asleep in the infirmary, Janet and General Hammond were seated around the table. They were gazing at each other not knowing what to say. Jack and Daniel tried to avoid looking at Janet. They were clearly afraid of what the Doctor would say or do to them.
"Now tell me exactly what happened?" General Hammond looked at Colonel O'Neill, who was staring at his hands.
"I don't know, Sir. We were just standing there when the earth started to shake dangerously. I ordered everyone to move away from the edge ... but it..." Jack took in a deep breath and let it out in one big sigh. "...Was already too late, Sir. The ... uhm ... earth split open where CJ was standing and she fell, Sir." Finally he turned his head towards Janet. "I'm sorry, Janet." It was nothing more than a mere whisper but she had clearly heard the Colonel. "There was nothing we could do. Carter tried to grab her but she was ... too late." Jack turned his look back to his hands. Daniel was feeling very uneasy too. He didn't know what to say. He had lost yet another friend. This time not to the Goa'uld but because of some stupid earthquake. General Hammond was looking at his first team. They were all devastated about what had happened. His gaze stopped at Dr. Fraiser. She felt someone was staring at her and looked up.
"Sir?"
"How are you feeling?" Her mouth opened to say something but she changed her mind. - How am I feeling? He wants to know how I'm feeling! For cryin' out loud! I just lost my niece and he wants to know how I am feeling! - A lump had formed in her throat. - Don't lose it here, Janet! Just don't loose it here! Not here and certainly not in front of Hammond and SG-1! -
"I just lost CJ, Sir. How do you think I'm feeling?" She looked at him, angry and hurt. - Oh my God! Jonathan! -
"Dr. Fraiser?"
"Jonathan!" General Hammond didn't seem to understand what Janet meant. "CJ's father!"
"I'll notify him later today. Colonel, your team is on stand down until further notice."
"Sir?" Janet looked at Hammond. "What are you going to tell my brother?"
"I'll tell him everything he needs to know. I owe him that much. ... Dismissed!" General Hammond stood up from his chair, nodded briefly and disappeared into his little sanctuary called office.
*Hammond's Office*
Once there he let out a big sigh before he called in the Airman who was standing guard at the door.
"Airman Sanchez, call NORAD and tell them to send Dr. Jonathan Fraiser down. As soon as he arrives on this level, you escort him to my office."
"Yes Sir! Anything else, Sir?"
"Uhm ... tell Lieutenant Simmons to send a message to the Tok'ra regarding CJ's unfortunate . accident."
"Yes Sir, I will."
"Dismissed!" The young Airman saluted and left to fulfill his duties. Hammond dropped into his chair causing it to squeak like hell and sighed again. He buried his head in his hands. What on earth was he going to tell the man he knew only from CJ's and Janet's stories? He had promised his CMO that he would tell him the truth but he still needed to figure out how he was going to do that. Every other time one of his men died the only thing he had to do was to send a letter to people he would probably never meet. But this was different. He had to speak face to face to the man whose daughter had died on a planet in a galaxy so far away from home. Hammond sighed again, closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax a little before he was thrown into the frontline of the battle.
Twenty minutes later a knock on the door took him out of his reverie.
"Enter!" He called and the Airman from before entered the office, followed this time by a wary looking man in his mid forties.
"Sir." He cracked a salute and stood at attention in front of General Hammond while the other person started to wander through the office, looking at all the different decorations.
"You're dismissed, son!" Hammond stood up from his chair and glanced longingly at the door. Oh how he wished he'd not have to do this. "Dr. Jonathan Fraiser, I presume?" The other man turned around startled by the General calling out for him. He looked around, obviously trying to find the Airman who had brought him there. "Please, sit down." Warily Jonathan took the offered seat and looked questioningly at the General in front of him.
"General?" Luckily there was a nameplate on the desk because, unlike his sister, he had no idea of which insignia meant what.
"I'm General Hammond, commander of this facility. In light of resent events I am obliged to tell you what it is we do here. I know that this all may look, even sound weird but I promise that in the end everything will be clear."
"Sir?" The questions forming in the back of Jonathan's mind didn't get the time to be asked because he was already ushered out of the office and into a large room which had a big oval table in the middle.
*The Briefing Room*
Two people, who looked vaguely familiar to him, were sitting around it. One had his head buried in his hands while the other was stoically sitting with his hands clasped together, resting them on the edge of the table.
"Dr. Fraiser, I think you remember Colonel Jack O'Neill and Teal'c." Jonathan received a curt nod from the both of them. Then Hammond guided him to a chair. Soon a glass of water and a file, reading 'CLASSIFIED' all over it, were put in front of him by an Airman that kept guard near the door. - This is too weird! What's going on here? - "Doctor you must sign these papers. They make sure that you don't go public with what you're about to hear and see." Jonathan looked at the papers Hammond had given him. He quickly read them and then signed on the right spots. When that part was over and done with, Teal'c rose and walked over to a small table, picked up a remote and switched off the lights. Soon images were flooding over the screen in front of Jonathan. What was told and shown to him could have never prepared him for the news he was about to receive.
Some time during the presentation two more people had entered the room and had silently taken place at either side of Jonathan. When the lights switched back on he was so flabbergasted by what had displayed in front of him that he didn't immediately recognize his sister sitting next to him.
"Jonathan." Her general appearance was downcast.
"Janet?" He looked surprised to see her sitting next to him. "What happened? No better yet ... what are you doing here?" He wanted to ask so many questions but these were the only ones he could voice right now.
"I ... I work ... here." It was the only thing her tight throat would let her say and still it was nothing more than a mere whisper.
"What? But Jan ... what ... what the hell is going on here? I mean apart from you coming clean about your job."
"Dr. Fraiser, this has nothing to do with your sister but..."
"But what?" Jonathan got up from his chair and started to pace around. He glared at the people sitting around the table who in return stared back at him.
"You sister isn't the only one of your family who works in this facility. About a year ago we did a test in the senior year of every High School in America. It appeared that your daughter and a few others scored the best so we looked at their profiles and chose CJ for our new project. The two of you were relocated to Colorado Springs. Ever since then we have been training your daughter to become the future of this facility. CJ was an astounding, bright young woman who made a difference in this base the moment she set one foot inside." All the way through the General's explanation Jonathan's mouth had dropped inch by inch.
"But ... how? I mean she's in College. How can she be there and here? She didn't join the Air Force, did she? She's only 16 ... 17 next week."
"No, she didn't join the USAF. She, however, never attended one class in College. She has been receiving lessons from various people with various degrees though. I can assure you she had the best teachers a student like CJ could wish for."
"But where is she now? And why are you keep using the past tense when you talk about my little girl? Please, tell me my little girl is okay!" There was this pleading tone in his voice that could've ripped the heart out of every person's chest. Janet, who had been listening in silence, suddenly bolted out of the room, leaving everybody stunned. Daniel immediately got up from his chair and made his way to the door.
"Uh ... I'd better go ... and check on ... Janet." While Jonathan was still waiting for an answer from the General, Daniel left the briefing room and started a thorough search for his favorite Doctor.
"Where the hell is CJ? Why is this taking so long?" He was slowly starting to loose his patience.
"I'm sorry but your daughter didn't make it back home from SG-1's mission this morning." Hammond suddenly found the tabletop very interesting, just like his 2IC. Teal'c was still looking calmly at CJ's father.
"What do you mean with 'she didn't make it back'?" His voice caught in his throat and he definitely needed to sit down again.
"General Hammond means that CJ Fraiser had a fatal accident on P5J-314." - Thank you, Teal'c, but you should work on your subtleties! - Jonathan swallowed hard when he heard Teal'c pronounce the word 'fatal'.
"No ... don't tell me ... oh my God ... no!" Jonathan slumped on the floor as tears found their way down on his cheeks. General Hammond ushered Jack and Teal'c out of the briefing room so that Jonathan could have some privacy. He also gave the Airman at the door the order to forbid entrance in the room by any personnel. At the base of the stairs in the control room he placed a Lieutenant with the same order. After that he went to his office to start with the paperwork.
*The SGC*
Meanwhile Daniel had followed Janet to a room right next to the one Sam occupied. If she were awake she would be able to hear the entire conversation, but she was still sedated to keep her calm. Daniel had never thought that he would ever see her freak-out like that, she was the one with the nerves of steel and yet looking at her now, she was just another broken woman. Janet was something else, showing almost no emotion at all. When Daniel entered the darkened room she was sitting in the chair that stood behind her small desk that was conveniently stacked with folders and papers. She just sat there, not crying, not yelling, not doing anything. That was what scared Daniel the most, that she wasn't showing any emotion and that usually meant that she wasn't coping.
"Janet?"
"Go away Daniel!" She raised her voice to give it some extra emphasis but it didn't seem to work as by the time the second word had left her mouth she began falling over her words.
"No, I won't go away Janet, you're gonna have to talk about this to someone. If you won't talk to me then promise me that you'll talk to Sam when she wakes up."
"No!" She pulled up her legs and hugged them for dear life.
"Janet, I..."
"I said no, now get the hell out of my office!" She yelled as hard as she could and tears were starting to make their way down her cheeks. - Okay emotions, that's good! We're getting somewhere here. -
"Now it's my turn to say no. I'm not leaving you alone, Janet, not like this." When Daniel made an attempt to move closer she just pulled her legs further up and started yelling again.
"Why didn't you save her, you're the indestructible SG-1 for Christ sake! You lost her! You took away everything Jonathan lived for! Do you have any idea what this will do to him?"
"Look Janet..."
"I'm not finished yet!" She stood up from her chair and started to advance in his direction, screaming at him hysterically.
"She was everything to him, you don't have the right to take that away from my brother! What were you people thinking sending a 17-year-old out on the field? What gave you the right to involve her into all of this, playing with her life like that!"
"Janet!" She had come dangerously close to him and he backed away until he felt the knob of the door handle stabbing into his back. - Okay, not good! Please don't hurt me, because you're the one that needs to patch me up once I'm hurt. -
"I hate you for not keeping her close, I hate Jack for not being there when she needed him, I hate Teal'c for not protecting her the way he promised me, but most of all do I hate Sam for not holding on!" Tears were streaming down her cheeks in a steady flow and soon she slumped to the floor not carrying the strength in her to stand anymore. Daniel's impassive face started to twitch when he heard the harsh words that were directed at him. The woman that he felt deeply for hated them, hated him. Never in his life had he imagined that someone would ever say those words directed at him. He felt the anger rise inside not only directed at the woman currently sitting on the floor at his feet but also at himself. - How on earth did I manage to screw things up like this? - Slowly a tear trickled down his face but he refused to give into the need to cry, because if he started now, he knew that he wouldn't be able to stop. He loved CJ as much as anybody else on the base and Janet had no right to question that love. It was wrong, she was wrong!
"I loved CJ as much as you did Janet! I never meant for this to happen, I swear!" His tone was pleading and seemed to have lost all anger ever present in his body.
"Get out!" It wasn't much more than a mere whisper, but he heard her loud and clear. He stepped forward so that he could open the door but as soon as he reached for the handle, the door swung open to reveal Jack and Teal'c. Upon taking in the scene before them, they ushered Daniel out of the room and left Teal'c at the door to make sure that Janet got her privacy.
Jack guided Daniel to his quarters and after a long silence he finally managed to get him to talk about what had happened. When he had heard the full story, he too wasn't a happy camper. He couldn't believe that the friendliest person he had ever known would say that she hated him. This was something he didn't need on top of all the guilt that he already felt for letting CJ die.
"I gave you the information that you needed, now can you please leave me alone for a few minutes?"
"Are you sure Daniel, I mean she said some pretty nasty things there?"
"Yeah I'm sure!"
"Okay, I'll see you in a couple of hours then." Closing the door Colonel O'Neill left Daniel's quarters with no real sense of direction. Without noticing he ended up at the room where Sam was resting. Having no desire to talk to anyone he decided that he wanted to check up on the one person that wouldn't respond anyway. Upon entering the room he saw that the curtains were draped around the bed so he figured that some nurse was checking her out. He slouched back in a comfortable chair that was placed there for the sole purpose of bedside vigils, hoping that the nurse wasn't gonna take to long, because he really felt like he needed to get some stuff off his chest involving some of the guild that he felt. Five minutes passed then 10 and soon he was beginning to feel his eyes dropping.
I was casually walking through the high grass until we reached a 50m high cliff. The ground started to rumble and soon the edge of the cliff disappeared under our feet. I started to scream to get out of there but it was already too late. I saw CJ going over the edge, followed by my Major. Fear gripped around my heart, immobilizing me. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion and somehow my brains told me I needed to do something, for I was already making a dash for Sam. I managed to get a hold of her, but she couldn't hold on to CJ. I saw her falling and falling and falling, seeing her mouth move but not hearing any sound, until I heard a loud splash.
"Oh my god!" Jack woke up with a start, sweat covering his brow. He wiped it away and took deep breaths hoping that they would get his heart rate down to an acceptable level. When he looked over at the bed he noticed that the curtains were still closed. Looking at his watch he noticed that at least 2 hours had passed since he had left the briefing room. "A check-up usually doesn't last that long!" Walking over to the curtain he pulled it back so that he could see the bed. What he saw stopped him dead in his tracks. The covers were sprawled over and next to the bed and IV-lines lay discarded on the bed. Whoever had occupied the bed had left in a hurry. He didn't give it a second thought before he ran out into the hallway to check if Sam was there. Seeing nothing he ran back inside and pressed the alarm button by the door, letting people know that they had a patient running around without authorisation. Giving the bed one last look he started running towards her office, hoping against hope that she had gone there but once again no luck. "Oh God Sam, where are you? Why are you doing this to us?" His questions remained unanswered when the General entered the lab.
"What the hell is going on Colonel?"
"Sam's missing, I went to check up on her and her bed was empty. I came here first, hoping that she would be here, but apparently she's not."
"I see."
"Sir, she's in no condition to be out there, we have to find her!"
"I know, Colonel, and I'll order a search party if necessary"
"Thank you Sir!"
"Go find her son." Without looking back Jack stormed out of the room, wondering where to go next. She could be in a million and one places and she knew how to hide. If she didn't want to be found, she'd make sure she wouldn't be found under any circumstances.
Next on his list were her quarters, once again empty. Running past Daniel's he informed him of the situation and soon they were methodically searching the base. After about an hour they met up at the elevator, announcing that they were unsuccessful in locating her.
"Okay, so the only option is, outside the complex."
"I already called the guard on duty and he said that she didn't sign out. So I don't think that she's out there anywhere."
"She knows more than one way to get in and out of this base undetected Daniel, I'm putting my money on topside."
"Well, I'll go through the base again, in case I missed her somewhere."
"Okay, keep in contact." Pushing the elevator button Jack got in and left for his search of the mountain, while Daniel started searching the base all over again.
Cursing the elevator for being too slow was the only thing for Jack to do so as not to go crazy at the situation. - First CJ's death then Janet's outburst and now Sam missing. God, do these women want me dead or something? - Finally reaching level 11 he got into the other elevator that would take him topside. Resting his head against the wall he pondered on the question why Sam would run away. Coming up with no reasonable answer he started pounding his head against the wall. - Wait a minute! Sam's room is right next to...! Oh my god, she may have heard everything that was said in Janet's office. That would explain her sudden departure, let's just hope that she went to her not-so-secret spot on the mountainside. - Finally arriving at the checkout point he quickly scribbled something on the paper that resembled his signature and then ran outside into the cold evening- air.
Moving soundlessly over to the rocky path that led all the way up to the top of the mountain, he tried not to stumble and fall. Once at the end of the path he started to make his way down again on the other side ducking here and there to avoid collision with protruding rocks and twisting and turning to avoid all the bushes that were on his way. He came to a small plateau and moved over to the edge, hoping to find his 2IC on the platform below formed by a protruding rock. It was a very pleasant spot to reside since it was completely sheltered from the wind and rain by the plateau above it. Not spotting her on first sight he walked down near the side of the ledge and turned to look at the small cave at the back of the platform. What he saw made his heart ache. She lay at the very back of the cave-like structure, curled up in a ball, tears running down her way too pale face at a steady pace and once in while a sob would wrack her body. When Jack moved closer she just curled up more and moved away from him as far as she could. Finally gaining some ground on her he saw the shivers running down her spine were just as much from crying as from the cold. Taking of his jacket he placed it over her.
"No matter how protected you are here, this isn't the type of weather that allows infirmary-gowns, Sam!" He tried to lighten the mood but she only winced when he touched her. "Sam talk to me. Why did you run away?" A sob was the only answer he got to his question. "Well if you don't wanna talk, then do you mind if I talk, because I was actually on my way to talk to you anyway when I found your bed empty." He didn't get any response from her and immediately assumed that that meant yes. Moving over to sit next to her he leaned his head against the wall of the cave and briefly closed his eyes.
"I keep seeing the two of you fall Sam, and every time I can only save you. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't been able to hold on to you. I feel guilty at letting CJ die but I also feel relieved that I was able to keep you safe. I don't know which feeling has more right to be in my heart and it rips me apart. Well if it were up to Janet, it's the guilt that should prevail but I'm not sure that would be such a good idea, because that way I wouldn't be any help to you or Danny or Janet." He paused a little only to see that she had stopped crying and was currently clenching her fist to her chest in an attempt to get them warm. Taking pity on her he pulled her up in a hug and placed the jacket over her upper-body so he could have some benefit from it too. At first she struggled a little against him but eventually she didn't have a choice but to relent. Placing her head against his shoulder she tried to take comfort in his embrace. They sat together in each other's arms in silence for a while before silent tears stained her cheeks again.
"She hates me!" It was only a whisper but he had heard her. He cursed under his breath at her admission that she had overheard Daniel and Janet's fight. "She hates me and because of that she won't let me see Cassie anymore and I don't think that I cope with that! She's my daughter too, damn it!" The tears had gained some intensity and wiping them away had no effect. Pulling her as close as possible he whispered sweet nothings in her ear, hoping that they would soothe the distressed woman in his arms. Again they sat in silence for a while before he felt her shiver violently against the cold that was making its way through her body.
"Let's go inside Sam, you're gonna catch a cold if you stay here any longer."
"No!" She raised her voice sufficiently for him to get worried.
"Why not?"
"I don't want to go there anymore."
"Are you afraid to run into Janet and worried about what she might say to you?" Jack felt her nod against his chest and immediately his heart went out to his 2IC. - This has shaken her a lot more then I thought it would. I wonder if Janet knows what damage she caused her best friend. Maybe that's why it hurts so much for Sam to hear Janet say such things, because they're best friends. - He slowly started stroking her hair in which he hoped was a soothing gesture and dropped a swift kiss on top of her head. "Then we'll stay a while longer, okay?" He felt her nod again while trying to hide a yawn from him. It didn't take long before he heard her breath even out and feeling her lean heavy on him. - How convenient! Now I can get her inside without her knowledge before I start freezing my butt off. -
Making sure that she was securely wrapped in his arms he stood up and hoped that he hadn't woken her in the motion. Not hearing any protest he decided that she was still asleep and started making his way back to the top of the mountain. It took him more then half an hour to get to the entrance and when he got there he couldn't feel his arms anymore from the weight that he had to carry for the last mile. But he wasn't ready to give her to anyone else yet, not wanting to risk waking her up. Balancing her in his arms he managed to get his hand on the monitor to identify himself while the officer on duty took Sam's hand and softly placed it on the monitor after Jack had removed his. Given the all clear he walked over to the elevator only to be met by Daniel.
"Thank God Jack, were have you been? We were dead worried down there!"
"Shhhh, keep your voice down!" He muttered a quick apology and then pushed the button to call the elevator. "She doesn't want to be here in case she runs into Doc Fraiser and I just waited for her to fall asleep so that I could smuggle her in. If she wakes up I don't want to be held responsible for the consequences."
"That bad?"
"Oh, you have no idea!"
"How did you find her, how did you know where to look?"
"She told me a while ago that she liked that particular spot on the mountain and showed me how to get there, so it wasn't that difficult to find her once I knew where to look."
"So I'm guessing she heard everything Janet said, or rather yelled at me?" He looked rather disshelved and obviously had been crying too.
"Yeah, and now she's afraid that Janet is going to forbid her from seeing Cassie."
"She does? Oh god, that'll devastate her and Cassie too. She loves Sam more then anybody, even more than Janet."
"Do you think I don't know what will happen if Janet does that? But I believe that Cassie is smart and old enough to know how to get to Sam if she chooses too."
"Yeah, probably." They had reached their destination and waited for the doors to open. When they did the first thing they saw was a rather distressed General. Upon seeing Sam sleeping fitfully in Jack's arms he let out a small sigh of relief and motioned for the two men to follow him.
"Is she okay Colonel?"
"Under the circumstances, pretty okay I guess."
"That's good to hear, take her to the infirmary Colonel, and stay with her in case she decides to run off again."
"Yes Sir."
"Daniel, can I talk to you in my office please?"
"Yes Sir!" Splitting up the General and Daniel walked to his office and Jack took Sam back to the infirmary.
Upon arriving at the General's office they both sat down at opposite ends of the desk.
"It has come to my attention that you and Dr. Fraiser had a little fall out in her office, is that correct?" The General gave him a scrutinising look and saw how Daniel's face paled when he mentioned Janet.
"Yes that's correct and that's also the reason why Sam ran away. She kind of overheard our shouting match and the part where Janet told me straight to the face that she hates us, most of all Sam."
"I'm sorry to hear that, son. She's just very upset and people do and say things that they don't really mean in that condition."
"It wasn't like that General, she really hates us and the more I think about it, I know that she has every right to hate us. If the situation were reversed I think I'd hate her too."
"Well if that's how she feels then I think it's better that SG-1 and Dr. Fraiser don't come in contact for a while so that both parties can cool off a little in order to think things over a little more rationally."
"What are you suggesting General?"
"Well I'm suggesting that you all take some time off, off the base, at least until the memorial service next week and I'm even willing to give you all some more extended leave. I think you all deserved that."
"Thank you General! Some leave is definitely in order. But what about the memorial, we'll still have to arrange everything?" A sad look crossed over the face of the younger man, making him look as old as ever.
"Don't worry about that son, I've already started distributing the tasks at hand and everyone was very willing to do their part. Every single person on this base loved CJ, no matter how much of a pain-in-the-ass she was sometimes."
"Thank you General, you don't know how much this means to me, to us for that matter."
"You're welcome, now I suggest that you go and tell the Colonel and the Major that they are on downtime and I'll have someone tell Dr. Fraiser and Teal'c."
"Yes Sir!" Leaving the office he all but ran towards the infirmary hoping against hope that Sam was allowed to go home.
Upon entering he noticed Dr. Warner talking to Jack in hushed voices and they both glanced at the bed behind them occasionally, lines of worry edged on both their faces.
"Dr. Warner, Jack, how's Sam?" Looking at the bed he saw that she was awake again and staring into oblivion.
"She's fine physically, but emotionally she's a mess. She refuses to eat, sleep or talk." Looking over at Jack, Daniel could tell that he was worried about her.
"Can she go home?"
"Definitely not Dr. Jackson! She'll need medical attention soon if she keeps this up!"
"Jack didn't you say that she didn't want to come back here, because she was afraid that she was going to run into Janet?" Jack gave Daniel a confused look, obviously not knowing where the younger man was going with this line of questioning.
"Uh ... yeah she said that. But what does that have to do with anything?"
"Well if we get her out of here, the place she doesn't want to be, then maybe she'll start reacting again. You have to admit that it's worth a shot!" Jack's eyes lit up a little bit with Daniel's suggestion and soon he was harassing the Doctor to let her go home with him, promising that he would return her if she didn't snap out of it. After ten minutes he finally gave way and allowed Sam to be let out of the infirmary under the conditions that she would be under constant supervision and that he would be able to stop by daily to check up on her. As soon as the nurses had dressed her Jack scooped her up in his arms and walked out of the infirmary with Daniel trailing behind them. When they arrived at the elevator they were met by Teal'c who wished to join in their watch over Sam.
*O'Neill's Place*
As soon as they all got settled in O'Neill's house, Sam started speaking again, although not much. She kept her distance from all of them until the day that Cassie showed up on the front door. Janet had indeed forbidden her to come and see them but she had managed to get away from school a little earlier and had persuaded Dominic in bringing her over in his car. None of the men in the household had figured just how much emotion could be placed in only two women. They had cried nearly the whole time but managed to make some small talk too. Cassie, in contrary to her mother didn't blame them at all and wished that she didn't have to be so sneaky when she wanted to see her second mum and her three uncles. Although her visit was only brief, it left a huge impression on everyone. Before they knew it they were sitting together again as SG-1, talking and laughing about all the good times that CJ had given them. Even though at least once a night someone would wake up screaming for CJ, they gradually started dealing with what had happened. They were there for the others and that was what helped them through. And then the day of the memorial came and the moods were all down again. Today was the day that they would see Janet again, for the first time in 8 days and that would certainly provoke some feelings.
8 Days Later
*The Gate Room*
The memorial service had been scheduled in the morning at exactly the same hour as SG-1's departure a week ago. Everyone who had known the kid had gathered into the gate room. A wormhole had been established and connected the grassy meadow of P5J-314 with the grey gate room. The shimmering of the event-horizon lightened the blue uniforms up a little. SG-1, General Hammond and Janet were standing on the left side of the ramp, while Jonathan, Cassandra, Jacob and Freya were standing on the right side. Six Airmen, holding an American flag, were standing on top of the ramp.
Janet was looking at her brother and daughter. They were constantly exchanging sad looks and once in a while they both shot a look her way, which she would reply with a small smile saying that everything was going to be just fine. But it wasn't going to be fine, far from actually. Jonathan had locked himself up in his house and had only come out to come to his daughter's memorial service and when that was over he would probably lock himself up again. Janet had commuted between her place and her brother's place. They had told their parents that CJ had died in a flight accident because of the lack of a body. The retrieval team hadn't found her body and they had really searched everywhere, even dived into the lake. Janet had been even more furious when Hammond had told her that Colonel O'Neill, as CJ's commanding officer, was going to do her eulogy. She hadn't spoken to them since her fight with Daniel in the infirmary. Even today she couldn't bring herself to look them straight in the eyes, let alone stand next to Sam, who until a week ago had been her best friend.
Then four Airmen marched into the gate room, two holding a weapon and the other two holding the US flag and the USAF flag. They marched to the opposite side of the room and placed the flags in their stands. When done they turned on their heels to face the Gate. This was the sign for the six on the ramp to start folding their flag into the normal triangle form, making sure all edges were straight. While they were folding General Hammond gave Jack some space to give CJ's eulogy.
"CJ Fraiser ... was like a fresh wind ... blowing through the halls of ... of this facility. The moment I met her ... I knew we were going to have some good times together. She..." A tear blinked in the Colonel's eyes. He hadn't felt like this since Daniel's memorial service, which had turned out alright because they had been implanted with false memories and the Spacemonkey had been alive and okay. "She could make people smile and feel happy just ... just by looking at them. I will miss her. We will all miss her." By the time Jack finished, the flag had been completely folded. An Airman standing towards the bottom of the ramp had taken it and held it against her chest while the Airman in front of her saluted it. The Airman holding the flag took it to O'Neill, placing it against his chest once more saluting it. Meanwhile the Airmen on the ramp had marched down. Jack walked towards Jonathan and placed the flag in his arms. He nodded shortly as Jack saluted the flag. While the lament, Catherine had composed for her daughter, played in the background, Jacob and Janet marched up the ramp towards the open Stargate. They picked up the wreath of flowers that was sitting at the top and placed it in the event-horizon, which held it in place for a split second to send it off to P5J-314.
"We commend Catherine-Jane Fraiser's spirit to the Universe she liked to explore so much. I pledge to continue that exploration in her memory. May she rest in peace!" Jacob and Janet saluted the Gate as one last goodbye. With that it was all over. CJ was now really gone.
People started to leave the gate room as the Stargate closed down behind them. Jonathan was staring at the Gate. Janet knew he wasn't going to hold on for much longer.
"Dr. Fraiser?" Janet looked away from her brother and saw Freya standing next to her. She was trying to hold on too but it wasn't easy.
"Yes Freya?" As she looked at the young woman in front of her she saw what CJ meant by saying that Freya and Anise were each other's opposite.
"Anise and I, ... we want to..." Tears started to roll and didn't stop anymore. At that moment Anise took control, as she better knew how to control Freya's emotions. "We just want to say how sorry we are." Anise managed to crack a smile but it faded as fast as it had appeared.
"Thank you, Anise."
"Mom!" Cassandra was sitting on the edge of the ramp, holding the American flag that was given to Jonathan. "Are we going home yet?"
"Yes honey, just a minute, okay! ... Why don't you go ahead and take Freya with you?" Cassie nodded and left the gate room with Freya tagging along.
Once Cassandra and Freya had left, it was only brother and sister who remained in the gate room. They were both standing in front of the Gate, staring at it in silence.
"What am I going to do now, Janet?" Jonathan broke the peaceful silence, his voice thick with emotions.
"I don't know, Jonathan! I really don't know!"
Author: Falcon Horus and Dena
E-mail: thot_bastet@hotmail.com, natalieverrydt@hotmail.com
Category: angst, drama
Spoilers: Window of Opportunity, There But For The Grace Of Gods, Fire and Water (the memorial service)
Rating: PG-13
Content warnings: minor character death
Author's notes: I would like to thank my sister, Dena, for helping me with certain parts and also many thanks to Sarah, my wonderful betareader.
Earth
*Jonathan's House*
"Good morning Colorado! It's 7 o' clock in the morning and the sun is already rising above the horizon! This is DJ Horus on your favorite radio- station KCLA. And here's your music!" The radio on the nightstand started to play Mary J. Blige. The sun was indeed peeking into the room and lighting it up. The blue and yellow colors in the bedroom became much brighter and the rays of light found their way to the human being sleeping in the bed. From somewhere under the sheets sounded a grumble that became louder as the person appeared from underneath. First a hand appeared. The rest of the arm followed rapidly. It knocked the radio off the nightstand and it promptly stopped playing. The person in the bed turned around and slept on.
Jonathan was busy in the kitchen when he heard the knocking on the front door. He placed the kettle with hot water on the table and ran off to the front door to see who had disturbed him in his morning ritual. He opened the door to see his sister standing there, smiling.
"Good morning, Jonathan!"
"Janet! What a pleasant surprise!" He invited her in and ran straight back to the kitchen. He had to check up on his tea. Janet followed him and at the same time looked around searching for her niece.
"Say Jonathan, where's CJ?" Janet looked at her brother while he was fishing the teabags out of the kettle.
"Oh, I think she's still asleep. It was our monthly movie night last night. It got pretty late."
"I told her yesterday that she had to be ready by 7.30."
"Oh, she didn't mention that to me. You can kick her out of bed if you want." Jonathan looked up at his sister but she had already disappeared into the hallway. He heard her going up the stairs.
Janet arrived at the top of the stairs and turned to CJ's room. The door was closed. She opened it silently. She wanted to give CJ the scare of her life but when she saw the teenager sleeping soundly she changed her mind. She walked to the window and opened the curtains to let the rays of sunlight fully enter the room.
"Daaaaad! No!" CJ placed her pillow over her head to shut the light out but it was no use.
"Good morning, CJ!" Janet walked back to the bed and placed the fallen radio back on its place on the nightstand. She pulled back the sheets revealing only CJ's body.
"Oh crap!" The muffled reply came from under the pillow, followed by a strong curse and CJ's head.
"You know what time it is?" Janet looked at her niece.
"No, I don't!" CJ pulled her sheets back up and disappeared underneath them. "And I don't care!"
"It's 7.30! You ought to be ready by now. You have a briefing at 9. Remember?"
"I don't want to go. I don't feel so good." Janet smiled. That trick wasn't going to work and CJ knew that.
"You know you can't play that trick on me, CJ! Now, move it!" Janet once more pulled the sheets off the bed and placed them on a nearby chair.
"Alright, I'm up!" CJ got out of bed and disappeared into the bathroom.
Her aunt descended the stairs and met up with her brother in the kitchen.
"You were right. She was still asleep." Jonathan smiled. He was reading the newspaper and drinking a cup of tea at the same time, causing him to spill some over the paper.
"Damn it!" He tried to clean his mess but it was already too late. The tea had already dried in the paper, giving part of it a nice brown color. "Where are you taking CJ?"
"What? Oh ... Cassandra wanted to go to the lake today and she invited CJ to come along." Jonathan nodded, placed his cup back on the table and continued reading his paper.
"Good morning, Dad!" CJ placed two slices of bread in the toaster and filled a glass with milk. While she waited for her toast, she read the 'tea' part of the paper. Janet looked at her brother and her niece. She noticed they both had the same habits. She had seen Jonathan spill his tea and now it was CJ's turn to color the paper with milk. "Damn it!" Janet smiled.
The toast was gone in less than ten minutes. CJ grabbed her backpack and was ready to go.
"See you tonight, Dad!" She handed him the still wet paper and followed her aunt to the front door.
"Have fun at the lake!" CJ looked at Janet.
"I will, Dad!" They left the house and walked to the car. "The lake?"
"He asked me where I was taking you."
"Ah! But the lake?" CJ shook her head while getting in the car.
"I had to tell him something."
"Yeah sure."
*The Briefing Room*
CJ arrived just in time in the briefing room. SG-1 was already there and they were visibly bored. Jack was drawing on his papers, Daniel was playing with his glasses, Sam was reading some scientific paper and Teal'c was ... well, he was Teal'c. He seemed never to be bored unless he got stuck in some timeloop. When General Hammond walked into the room SG-1 jumped up, even CJ. She had picked up the military habit a few months ago and was still doing it.
"At ease!" They all fell back into their chairs and looked at the General. He handed them the files with the information on P5J-314. CJ started to study the file while General Hammond was giving some additional information on how long they could stay. She missed a part of his explanation because she had been daydreaming. It was not until she heard her name that she paid some attention. "CJ, I expect a full report about this trip on my desk." She looked up at him. It was the first time she had to make a report for General Hammond.
"Uh ... Yes Sir!"
"You'll be leaving in an hour! Dismissed!" Hammond walked back into his office while SG-1 went to the locker-room.
*The Locker Room*
"CJ, you look awful!" Sam looked at the Kid.
"Gee, thanks Sam! Just what I needed to hear!" CJ opened her locker and a whole lot of stuff tumbled to the floor. CJ picked her watch out of the mess and put the rest back into the locker. She was ready in less than thirty minutes. "I'll be in the infirmary if you need me! See you in the gate room!" CJ left the locker room and went to the infirmary.
*The Infirmary*
It was calm and quiet in the infirmary. It was early in the morning and there were not that many teams scheduled to come back. There was no one in the room so CJ moved over to Dr. Fraiser's office. The door was open but she didn't want to startle her aunt and risk a black eye in return. CJ knocked a couple of times and waited patiently for an answer. Hearing the knocks Janet turned around to see who had the guts to disturb her in her office.
"CJ! What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be getting ready for your mission?"
"I am ready. I was just wondering if you could give me something for this oncoming headache." CJ rubbed her forehead. It was probably going to bug her all day, as it usually did, but she could try to slow it down by taking some painkillers.
"Sure, wait a second." Janet moved over to her shelf and soon found what she was looking for. She handed CJ an aspirin and gave her two others just in case the first one wouldn't work. "Now go before you're late again!" CJ nodded and left the infirmary with a smile.
*The Gate Room*
CJ entered the gate room to see that SG-1 had already arrived. They were having a busy conversation but as soon as they saw CJ entering the gate room, they stopped talking and gazed at the teenager.
"Something wrong?" CJ looked from one to the other but they all shook their heads. 'They were definitely talking about me. No doubt about that!' Dialing had started and the ring started to turn until the right chevron locked. As soon as the wormhole was established they could leave for P5J- 314.
P5J-314
SG-1 were thrown out on the other side. They landed in a heap. When they had untangled themselves they got a better look on their surroundings. The Gate stood in the middle of a large grassy meadow that seemed to go on for ages either side of it. There were no trees whatsoever.
"Can you believe that? No trees!" O'Neill was looking around, searching for those familiar green trees. "What's a planet without good old trees?" He shook his head while he moved on.
During their walk, looking for anything interesting, they were having a happy chat. Sam and Daniel were speculating about the possible civilization and the wonderful surroundings of the planet. Jack was explaining to Teal'c some more rituals of Earth. And CJ was walking in front of them, whistling a song she had heard on the radio that morning. Jack considered the planet safe enough to give the Kid some space. She could sense any Goa'uld danger from a mile away, so why wouldn't he allow her to walk in front?
Suddenly CJ stopped and Jack caught up with her to see why she had stopped in the first place.
"CJ, is something ... wow, look at that!" A huge cliff went down at least 50m, ending in a lake bigger than any lake Jack knew on Earth or any other planet. They could see the entire valley. There were more trees than O'Neill could ever imagine. It was a beautiful green landscape with dozens of hills. Somewhere in the distance they could see smoke, probably from a village. The sun reflected into the dark blue water of the lake beneath them. Occasionally a fish jumped out of the water to catch a fly, its silver skin flickering in the sun. SG-1 was standing on the edge of the cliff, mouths wide open taking in the wonderful view.
A sudden roar however brought them back to reality.
"What was that?" Jack looked at his 2IC when a second roar accompanied by a little shake disturbed the peaceful atmosphere of the planet.
"I don't know, Sir! An earthquake maybe?" Sam looked at her CO.
"Move away from the edge! NOW!" Jack ordered his team to leave the edge of the cliff but it was already too late. The earth beneath their feet started to shake even more and split open right where CJ was standing. She lost her balance causing her to fall off the cliff. She grabbed around her for something to get a hold on but all she grabbed was air.
"Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!" Sam dove after her but missed. Jack grabbed his Major's feet to prevent her from going the same way as CJ. "Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!!!!" Sam heard her name fade away as CJ fell deeper.
"CeeeeeeeeeJaaaaayyyyyy!" Sam saw her pupil fall into the depth of the valley, hitting the water with an incredible speed. "CJ! Nooooooooooooo!"
As CJ fell down the cliff, images of her life past by in a rush. She saw the figures on the cliff look at her, helplessly. She had the feeling she was flying, slowly making her way down facing death. She was stretching her arm out to those figures. - I'm sorry, Dad, I won't be home tonight! - As she hit the water an incredible pain went through her body and it felt like the water crushed every bone in her body. It sucked her down to her inevitable death. She felt water coming into her lungs. This was it. Game over. - No! Don't give up, CJ! Fight this! - It was of no use. She slowly faded into darkness leaving life behind.
They all looked over the edge but CJ didn't surface.
"This is not happening! This is not happening!" Sam looked from Jack to Teal'c and Daniel but they couldn't tell her it was just a dream. Daniel peeked over the edge again just to be sure but still there was no sign of CJ.
"We'd better go back to the SGC." Jack turned away from the edge and started to go back from where they came.
"NO! We can't leave her behind!" Sam stopped her CO from leaving.
"Carter, you saw her fall! She's gone! She's dead! Nobody is capable of surviving a fall like that!" Jack was shouting at his 2IC. Daniel and Teal'c were silently watching at the scene in front of them.
"We can't leave her here, Sir!" Tears were forming in the back of Sam's eyes. They couldn't leave her here. They just couldn't.
"We saw her fall. If she survived the fall, the rocks would have killed her anyway. So let's move!" Jack was angry for not being there on time to save his young friend. And he didn't want to leave either but he had no other choice. He dragged his 2IC along, back to the Gate.
During the walk back they were very silent. Sam was crying. Daniel stayed close by her side, while his eyes were also filled with tears. Jack was walking in front so that the rest couldn't see his face. He was angry ... angry at this planet for taking away a member of his team. Teal'c was the only one with a straight face but if they would look closer they could see that he was in as much grief as the rest of the team.
Earth
*The Gate Room*
SG-1 came stumbling through the Gate onto the ramp, a medical team waiting for them. They were clearly in shock. General Hammond looked at his first team and immediately knew something terrible had happened.
"Colonel O'Neill, where's CJ?" Hearing the teenager's name startled the team.
"She ... um ... she's dead, Sir." Sam now knew for sure that it wasn't a dream and lost it right there and then. Janet looked at O'Neill not believing what she had just heard him say.
"Sir?" She looked up to the Colonel and then to the rest of his team.
"NO! We left her behind! We left ... her ... behind! We have to go back!" Sam freaked out completely causing the medical team to sedate her. She dropped to the floor, lying there in Daniel's arms floating into a peaceful sleep.
*The Briefing Room*
The debriefing was one of the saddest in years. SG-1 minus Sam, who was asleep in the infirmary, Janet and General Hammond were seated around the table. They were gazing at each other not knowing what to say. Jack and Daniel tried to avoid looking at Janet. They were clearly afraid of what the Doctor would say or do to them.
"Now tell me exactly what happened?" General Hammond looked at Colonel O'Neill, who was staring at his hands.
"I don't know, Sir. We were just standing there when the earth started to shake dangerously. I ordered everyone to move away from the edge ... but it..." Jack took in a deep breath and let it out in one big sigh. "...Was already too late, Sir. The ... uhm ... earth split open where CJ was standing and she fell, Sir." Finally he turned his head towards Janet. "I'm sorry, Janet." It was nothing more than a mere whisper but she had clearly heard the Colonel. "There was nothing we could do. Carter tried to grab her but she was ... too late." Jack turned his look back to his hands. Daniel was feeling very uneasy too. He didn't know what to say. He had lost yet another friend. This time not to the Goa'uld but because of some stupid earthquake. General Hammond was looking at his first team. They were all devastated about what had happened. His gaze stopped at Dr. Fraiser. She felt someone was staring at her and looked up.
"Sir?"
"How are you feeling?" Her mouth opened to say something but she changed her mind. - How am I feeling? He wants to know how I'm feeling! For cryin' out loud! I just lost my niece and he wants to know how I am feeling! - A lump had formed in her throat. - Don't lose it here, Janet! Just don't loose it here! Not here and certainly not in front of Hammond and SG-1! -
"I just lost CJ, Sir. How do you think I'm feeling?" She looked at him, angry and hurt. - Oh my God! Jonathan! -
"Dr. Fraiser?"
"Jonathan!" General Hammond didn't seem to understand what Janet meant. "CJ's father!"
"I'll notify him later today. Colonel, your team is on stand down until further notice."
"Sir?" Janet looked at Hammond. "What are you going to tell my brother?"
"I'll tell him everything he needs to know. I owe him that much. ... Dismissed!" General Hammond stood up from his chair, nodded briefly and disappeared into his little sanctuary called office.
*Hammond's Office*
Once there he let out a big sigh before he called in the Airman who was standing guard at the door.
"Airman Sanchez, call NORAD and tell them to send Dr. Jonathan Fraiser down. As soon as he arrives on this level, you escort him to my office."
"Yes Sir! Anything else, Sir?"
"Uhm ... tell Lieutenant Simmons to send a message to the Tok'ra regarding CJ's unfortunate . accident."
"Yes Sir, I will."
"Dismissed!" The young Airman saluted and left to fulfill his duties. Hammond dropped into his chair causing it to squeak like hell and sighed again. He buried his head in his hands. What on earth was he going to tell the man he knew only from CJ's and Janet's stories? He had promised his CMO that he would tell him the truth but he still needed to figure out how he was going to do that. Every other time one of his men died the only thing he had to do was to send a letter to people he would probably never meet. But this was different. He had to speak face to face to the man whose daughter had died on a planet in a galaxy so far away from home. Hammond sighed again, closed his eyes and allowed himself to relax a little before he was thrown into the frontline of the battle.
Twenty minutes later a knock on the door took him out of his reverie.
"Enter!" He called and the Airman from before entered the office, followed this time by a wary looking man in his mid forties.
"Sir." He cracked a salute and stood at attention in front of General Hammond while the other person started to wander through the office, looking at all the different decorations.
"You're dismissed, son!" Hammond stood up from his chair and glanced longingly at the door. Oh how he wished he'd not have to do this. "Dr. Jonathan Fraiser, I presume?" The other man turned around startled by the General calling out for him. He looked around, obviously trying to find the Airman who had brought him there. "Please, sit down." Warily Jonathan took the offered seat and looked questioningly at the General in front of him.
"General?" Luckily there was a nameplate on the desk because, unlike his sister, he had no idea of which insignia meant what.
"I'm General Hammond, commander of this facility. In light of resent events I am obliged to tell you what it is we do here. I know that this all may look, even sound weird but I promise that in the end everything will be clear."
"Sir?" The questions forming in the back of Jonathan's mind didn't get the time to be asked because he was already ushered out of the office and into a large room which had a big oval table in the middle.
*The Briefing Room*
Two people, who looked vaguely familiar to him, were sitting around it. One had his head buried in his hands while the other was stoically sitting with his hands clasped together, resting them on the edge of the table.
"Dr. Fraiser, I think you remember Colonel Jack O'Neill and Teal'c." Jonathan received a curt nod from the both of them. Then Hammond guided him to a chair. Soon a glass of water and a file, reading 'CLASSIFIED' all over it, were put in front of him by an Airman that kept guard near the door. - This is too weird! What's going on here? - "Doctor you must sign these papers. They make sure that you don't go public with what you're about to hear and see." Jonathan looked at the papers Hammond had given him. He quickly read them and then signed on the right spots. When that part was over and done with, Teal'c rose and walked over to a small table, picked up a remote and switched off the lights. Soon images were flooding over the screen in front of Jonathan. What was told and shown to him could have never prepared him for the news he was about to receive.
Some time during the presentation two more people had entered the room and had silently taken place at either side of Jonathan. When the lights switched back on he was so flabbergasted by what had displayed in front of him that he didn't immediately recognize his sister sitting next to him.
"Jonathan." Her general appearance was downcast.
"Janet?" He looked surprised to see her sitting next to him. "What happened? No better yet ... what are you doing here?" He wanted to ask so many questions but these were the only ones he could voice right now.
"I ... I work ... here." It was the only thing her tight throat would let her say and still it was nothing more than a mere whisper.
"What? But Jan ... what ... what the hell is going on here? I mean apart from you coming clean about your job."
"Dr. Fraiser, this has nothing to do with your sister but..."
"But what?" Jonathan got up from his chair and started to pace around. He glared at the people sitting around the table who in return stared back at him.
"You sister isn't the only one of your family who works in this facility. About a year ago we did a test in the senior year of every High School in America. It appeared that your daughter and a few others scored the best so we looked at their profiles and chose CJ for our new project. The two of you were relocated to Colorado Springs. Ever since then we have been training your daughter to become the future of this facility. CJ was an astounding, bright young woman who made a difference in this base the moment she set one foot inside." All the way through the General's explanation Jonathan's mouth had dropped inch by inch.
"But ... how? I mean she's in College. How can she be there and here? She didn't join the Air Force, did she? She's only 16 ... 17 next week."
"No, she didn't join the USAF. She, however, never attended one class in College. She has been receiving lessons from various people with various degrees though. I can assure you she had the best teachers a student like CJ could wish for."
"But where is she now? And why are you keep using the past tense when you talk about my little girl? Please, tell me my little girl is okay!" There was this pleading tone in his voice that could've ripped the heart out of every person's chest. Janet, who had been listening in silence, suddenly bolted out of the room, leaving everybody stunned. Daniel immediately got up from his chair and made his way to the door.
"Uh ... I'd better go ... and check on ... Janet." While Jonathan was still waiting for an answer from the General, Daniel left the briefing room and started a thorough search for his favorite Doctor.
"Where the hell is CJ? Why is this taking so long?" He was slowly starting to loose his patience.
"I'm sorry but your daughter didn't make it back home from SG-1's mission this morning." Hammond suddenly found the tabletop very interesting, just like his 2IC. Teal'c was still looking calmly at CJ's father.
"What do you mean with 'she didn't make it back'?" His voice caught in his throat and he definitely needed to sit down again.
"General Hammond means that CJ Fraiser had a fatal accident on P5J-314." - Thank you, Teal'c, but you should work on your subtleties! - Jonathan swallowed hard when he heard Teal'c pronounce the word 'fatal'.
"No ... don't tell me ... oh my God ... no!" Jonathan slumped on the floor as tears found their way down on his cheeks. General Hammond ushered Jack and Teal'c out of the briefing room so that Jonathan could have some privacy. He also gave the Airman at the door the order to forbid entrance in the room by any personnel. At the base of the stairs in the control room he placed a Lieutenant with the same order. After that he went to his office to start with the paperwork.
*The SGC*
Meanwhile Daniel had followed Janet to a room right next to the one Sam occupied. If she were awake she would be able to hear the entire conversation, but she was still sedated to keep her calm. Daniel had never thought that he would ever see her freak-out like that, she was the one with the nerves of steel and yet looking at her now, she was just another broken woman. Janet was something else, showing almost no emotion at all. When Daniel entered the darkened room she was sitting in the chair that stood behind her small desk that was conveniently stacked with folders and papers. She just sat there, not crying, not yelling, not doing anything. That was what scared Daniel the most, that she wasn't showing any emotion and that usually meant that she wasn't coping.
"Janet?"
"Go away Daniel!" She raised her voice to give it some extra emphasis but it didn't seem to work as by the time the second word had left her mouth she began falling over her words.
"No, I won't go away Janet, you're gonna have to talk about this to someone. If you won't talk to me then promise me that you'll talk to Sam when she wakes up."
"No!" She pulled up her legs and hugged them for dear life.
"Janet, I..."
"I said no, now get the hell out of my office!" She yelled as hard as she could and tears were starting to make their way down her cheeks. - Okay emotions, that's good! We're getting somewhere here. -
"Now it's my turn to say no. I'm not leaving you alone, Janet, not like this." When Daniel made an attempt to move closer she just pulled her legs further up and started yelling again.
"Why didn't you save her, you're the indestructible SG-1 for Christ sake! You lost her! You took away everything Jonathan lived for! Do you have any idea what this will do to him?"
"Look Janet..."
"I'm not finished yet!" She stood up from her chair and started to advance in his direction, screaming at him hysterically.
"She was everything to him, you don't have the right to take that away from my brother! What were you people thinking sending a 17-year-old out on the field? What gave you the right to involve her into all of this, playing with her life like that!"
"Janet!" She had come dangerously close to him and he backed away until he felt the knob of the door handle stabbing into his back. - Okay, not good! Please don't hurt me, because you're the one that needs to patch me up once I'm hurt. -
"I hate you for not keeping her close, I hate Jack for not being there when she needed him, I hate Teal'c for not protecting her the way he promised me, but most of all do I hate Sam for not holding on!" Tears were streaming down her cheeks in a steady flow and soon she slumped to the floor not carrying the strength in her to stand anymore. Daniel's impassive face started to twitch when he heard the harsh words that were directed at him. The woman that he felt deeply for hated them, hated him. Never in his life had he imagined that someone would ever say those words directed at him. He felt the anger rise inside not only directed at the woman currently sitting on the floor at his feet but also at himself. - How on earth did I manage to screw things up like this? - Slowly a tear trickled down his face but he refused to give into the need to cry, because if he started now, he knew that he wouldn't be able to stop. He loved CJ as much as anybody else on the base and Janet had no right to question that love. It was wrong, she was wrong!
"I loved CJ as much as you did Janet! I never meant for this to happen, I swear!" His tone was pleading and seemed to have lost all anger ever present in his body.
"Get out!" It wasn't much more than a mere whisper, but he heard her loud and clear. He stepped forward so that he could open the door but as soon as he reached for the handle, the door swung open to reveal Jack and Teal'c. Upon taking in the scene before them, they ushered Daniel out of the room and left Teal'c at the door to make sure that Janet got her privacy.
Jack guided Daniel to his quarters and after a long silence he finally managed to get him to talk about what had happened. When he had heard the full story, he too wasn't a happy camper. He couldn't believe that the friendliest person he had ever known would say that she hated him. This was something he didn't need on top of all the guilt that he already felt for letting CJ die.
"I gave you the information that you needed, now can you please leave me alone for a few minutes?"
"Are you sure Daniel, I mean she said some pretty nasty things there?"
"Yeah I'm sure!"
"Okay, I'll see you in a couple of hours then." Closing the door Colonel O'Neill left Daniel's quarters with no real sense of direction. Without noticing he ended up at the room where Sam was resting. Having no desire to talk to anyone he decided that he wanted to check up on the one person that wouldn't respond anyway. Upon entering the room he saw that the curtains were draped around the bed so he figured that some nurse was checking her out. He slouched back in a comfortable chair that was placed there for the sole purpose of bedside vigils, hoping that the nurse wasn't gonna take to long, because he really felt like he needed to get some stuff off his chest involving some of the guild that he felt. Five minutes passed then 10 and soon he was beginning to feel his eyes dropping.
I was casually walking through the high grass until we reached a 50m high cliff. The ground started to rumble and soon the edge of the cliff disappeared under our feet. I started to scream to get out of there but it was already too late. I saw CJ going over the edge, followed by my Major. Fear gripped around my heart, immobilizing me. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion and somehow my brains told me I needed to do something, for I was already making a dash for Sam. I managed to get a hold of her, but she couldn't hold on to CJ. I saw her falling and falling and falling, seeing her mouth move but not hearing any sound, until I heard a loud splash.
"Oh my god!" Jack woke up with a start, sweat covering his brow. He wiped it away and took deep breaths hoping that they would get his heart rate down to an acceptable level. When he looked over at the bed he noticed that the curtains were still closed. Looking at his watch he noticed that at least 2 hours had passed since he had left the briefing room. "A check-up usually doesn't last that long!" Walking over to the curtain he pulled it back so that he could see the bed. What he saw stopped him dead in his tracks. The covers were sprawled over and next to the bed and IV-lines lay discarded on the bed. Whoever had occupied the bed had left in a hurry. He didn't give it a second thought before he ran out into the hallway to check if Sam was there. Seeing nothing he ran back inside and pressed the alarm button by the door, letting people know that they had a patient running around without authorisation. Giving the bed one last look he started running towards her office, hoping against hope that she had gone there but once again no luck. "Oh God Sam, where are you? Why are you doing this to us?" His questions remained unanswered when the General entered the lab.
"What the hell is going on Colonel?"
"Sam's missing, I went to check up on her and her bed was empty. I came here first, hoping that she would be here, but apparently she's not."
"I see."
"Sir, she's in no condition to be out there, we have to find her!"
"I know, Colonel, and I'll order a search party if necessary"
"Thank you Sir!"
"Go find her son." Without looking back Jack stormed out of the room, wondering where to go next. She could be in a million and one places and she knew how to hide. If she didn't want to be found, she'd make sure she wouldn't be found under any circumstances.
Next on his list were her quarters, once again empty. Running past Daniel's he informed him of the situation and soon they were methodically searching the base. After about an hour they met up at the elevator, announcing that they were unsuccessful in locating her.
"Okay, so the only option is, outside the complex."
"I already called the guard on duty and he said that she didn't sign out. So I don't think that she's out there anywhere."
"She knows more than one way to get in and out of this base undetected Daniel, I'm putting my money on topside."
"Well, I'll go through the base again, in case I missed her somewhere."
"Okay, keep in contact." Pushing the elevator button Jack got in and left for his search of the mountain, while Daniel started searching the base all over again.
Cursing the elevator for being too slow was the only thing for Jack to do so as not to go crazy at the situation. - First CJ's death then Janet's outburst and now Sam missing. God, do these women want me dead or something? - Finally reaching level 11 he got into the other elevator that would take him topside. Resting his head against the wall he pondered on the question why Sam would run away. Coming up with no reasonable answer he started pounding his head against the wall. - Wait a minute! Sam's room is right next to...! Oh my god, she may have heard everything that was said in Janet's office. That would explain her sudden departure, let's just hope that she went to her not-so-secret spot on the mountainside. - Finally arriving at the checkout point he quickly scribbled something on the paper that resembled his signature and then ran outside into the cold evening- air.
Moving soundlessly over to the rocky path that led all the way up to the top of the mountain, he tried not to stumble and fall. Once at the end of the path he started to make his way down again on the other side ducking here and there to avoid collision with protruding rocks and twisting and turning to avoid all the bushes that were on his way. He came to a small plateau and moved over to the edge, hoping to find his 2IC on the platform below formed by a protruding rock. It was a very pleasant spot to reside since it was completely sheltered from the wind and rain by the plateau above it. Not spotting her on first sight he walked down near the side of the ledge and turned to look at the small cave at the back of the platform. What he saw made his heart ache. She lay at the very back of the cave-like structure, curled up in a ball, tears running down her way too pale face at a steady pace and once in while a sob would wrack her body. When Jack moved closer she just curled up more and moved away from him as far as she could. Finally gaining some ground on her he saw the shivers running down her spine were just as much from crying as from the cold. Taking of his jacket he placed it over her.
"No matter how protected you are here, this isn't the type of weather that allows infirmary-gowns, Sam!" He tried to lighten the mood but she only winced when he touched her. "Sam talk to me. Why did you run away?" A sob was the only answer he got to his question. "Well if you don't wanna talk, then do you mind if I talk, because I was actually on my way to talk to you anyway when I found your bed empty." He didn't get any response from her and immediately assumed that that meant yes. Moving over to sit next to her he leaned his head against the wall of the cave and briefly closed his eyes.
"I keep seeing the two of you fall Sam, and every time I can only save you. I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't been able to hold on to you. I feel guilty at letting CJ die but I also feel relieved that I was able to keep you safe. I don't know which feeling has more right to be in my heart and it rips me apart. Well if it were up to Janet, it's the guilt that should prevail but I'm not sure that would be such a good idea, because that way I wouldn't be any help to you or Danny or Janet." He paused a little only to see that she had stopped crying and was currently clenching her fist to her chest in an attempt to get them warm. Taking pity on her he pulled her up in a hug and placed the jacket over her upper-body so he could have some benefit from it too. At first she struggled a little against him but eventually she didn't have a choice but to relent. Placing her head against his shoulder she tried to take comfort in his embrace. They sat together in each other's arms in silence for a while before silent tears stained her cheeks again.
"She hates me!" It was only a whisper but he had heard her. He cursed under his breath at her admission that she had overheard Daniel and Janet's fight. "She hates me and because of that she won't let me see Cassie anymore and I don't think that I cope with that! She's my daughter too, damn it!" The tears had gained some intensity and wiping them away had no effect. Pulling her as close as possible he whispered sweet nothings in her ear, hoping that they would soothe the distressed woman in his arms. Again they sat in silence for a while before he felt her shiver violently against the cold that was making its way through her body.
"Let's go inside Sam, you're gonna catch a cold if you stay here any longer."
"No!" She raised her voice sufficiently for him to get worried.
"Why not?"
"I don't want to go there anymore."
"Are you afraid to run into Janet and worried about what she might say to you?" Jack felt her nod against his chest and immediately his heart went out to his 2IC. - This has shaken her a lot more then I thought it would. I wonder if Janet knows what damage she caused her best friend. Maybe that's why it hurts so much for Sam to hear Janet say such things, because they're best friends. - He slowly started stroking her hair in which he hoped was a soothing gesture and dropped a swift kiss on top of her head. "Then we'll stay a while longer, okay?" He felt her nod again while trying to hide a yawn from him. It didn't take long before he heard her breath even out and feeling her lean heavy on him. - How convenient! Now I can get her inside without her knowledge before I start freezing my butt off. -
Making sure that she was securely wrapped in his arms he stood up and hoped that he hadn't woken her in the motion. Not hearing any protest he decided that she was still asleep and started making his way back to the top of the mountain. It took him more then half an hour to get to the entrance and when he got there he couldn't feel his arms anymore from the weight that he had to carry for the last mile. But he wasn't ready to give her to anyone else yet, not wanting to risk waking her up. Balancing her in his arms he managed to get his hand on the monitor to identify himself while the officer on duty took Sam's hand and softly placed it on the monitor after Jack had removed his. Given the all clear he walked over to the elevator only to be met by Daniel.
"Thank God Jack, were have you been? We were dead worried down there!"
"Shhhh, keep your voice down!" He muttered a quick apology and then pushed the button to call the elevator. "She doesn't want to be here in case she runs into Doc Fraiser and I just waited for her to fall asleep so that I could smuggle her in. If she wakes up I don't want to be held responsible for the consequences."
"That bad?"
"Oh, you have no idea!"
"How did you find her, how did you know where to look?"
"She told me a while ago that she liked that particular spot on the mountain and showed me how to get there, so it wasn't that difficult to find her once I knew where to look."
"So I'm guessing she heard everything Janet said, or rather yelled at me?" He looked rather disshelved and obviously had been crying too.
"Yeah, and now she's afraid that Janet is going to forbid her from seeing Cassie."
"She does? Oh god, that'll devastate her and Cassie too. She loves Sam more then anybody, even more than Janet."
"Do you think I don't know what will happen if Janet does that? But I believe that Cassie is smart and old enough to know how to get to Sam if she chooses too."
"Yeah, probably." They had reached their destination and waited for the doors to open. When they did the first thing they saw was a rather distressed General. Upon seeing Sam sleeping fitfully in Jack's arms he let out a small sigh of relief and motioned for the two men to follow him.
"Is she okay Colonel?"
"Under the circumstances, pretty okay I guess."
"That's good to hear, take her to the infirmary Colonel, and stay with her in case she decides to run off again."
"Yes Sir."
"Daniel, can I talk to you in my office please?"
"Yes Sir!" Splitting up the General and Daniel walked to his office and Jack took Sam back to the infirmary.
Upon arriving at the General's office they both sat down at opposite ends of the desk.
"It has come to my attention that you and Dr. Fraiser had a little fall out in her office, is that correct?" The General gave him a scrutinising look and saw how Daniel's face paled when he mentioned Janet.
"Yes that's correct and that's also the reason why Sam ran away. She kind of overheard our shouting match and the part where Janet told me straight to the face that she hates us, most of all Sam."
"I'm sorry to hear that, son. She's just very upset and people do and say things that they don't really mean in that condition."
"It wasn't like that General, she really hates us and the more I think about it, I know that she has every right to hate us. If the situation were reversed I think I'd hate her too."
"Well if that's how she feels then I think it's better that SG-1 and Dr. Fraiser don't come in contact for a while so that both parties can cool off a little in order to think things over a little more rationally."
"What are you suggesting General?"
"Well I'm suggesting that you all take some time off, off the base, at least until the memorial service next week and I'm even willing to give you all some more extended leave. I think you all deserved that."
"Thank you General! Some leave is definitely in order. But what about the memorial, we'll still have to arrange everything?" A sad look crossed over the face of the younger man, making him look as old as ever.
"Don't worry about that son, I've already started distributing the tasks at hand and everyone was very willing to do their part. Every single person on this base loved CJ, no matter how much of a pain-in-the-ass she was sometimes."
"Thank you General, you don't know how much this means to me, to us for that matter."
"You're welcome, now I suggest that you go and tell the Colonel and the Major that they are on downtime and I'll have someone tell Dr. Fraiser and Teal'c."
"Yes Sir!" Leaving the office he all but ran towards the infirmary hoping against hope that Sam was allowed to go home.
Upon entering he noticed Dr. Warner talking to Jack in hushed voices and they both glanced at the bed behind them occasionally, lines of worry edged on both their faces.
"Dr. Warner, Jack, how's Sam?" Looking at the bed he saw that she was awake again and staring into oblivion.
"She's fine physically, but emotionally she's a mess. She refuses to eat, sleep or talk." Looking over at Jack, Daniel could tell that he was worried about her.
"Can she go home?"
"Definitely not Dr. Jackson! She'll need medical attention soon if she keeps this up!"
"Jack didn't you say that she didn't want to come back here, because she was afraid that she was going to run into Janet?" Jack gave Daniel a confused look, obviously not knowing where the younger man was going with this line of questioning.
"Uh ... yeah she said that. But what does that have to do with anything?"
"Well if we get her out of here, the place she doesn't want to be, then maybe she'll start reacting again. You have to admit that it's worth a shot!" Jack's eyes lit up a little bit with Daniel's suggestion and soon he was harassing the Doctor to let her go home with him, promising that he would return her if she didn't snap out of it. After ten minutes he finally gave way and allowed Sam to be let out of the infirmary under the conditions that she would be under constant supervision and that he would be able to stop by daily to check up on her. As soon as the nurses had dressed her Jack scooped her up in his arms and walked out of the infirmary with Daniel trailing behind them. When they arrived at the elevator they were met by Teal'c who wished to join in their watch over Sam.
*O'Neill's Place*
As soon as they all got settled in O'Neill's house, Sam started speaking again, although not much. She kept her distance from all of them until the day that Cassie showed up on the front door. Janet had indeed forbidden her to come and see them but she had managed to get away from school a little earlier and had persuaded Dominic in bringing her over in his car. None of the men in the household had figured just how much emotion could be placed in only two women. They had cried nearly the whole time but managed to make some small talk too. Cassie, in contrary to her mother didn't blame them at all and wished that she didn't have to be so sneaky when she wanted to see her second mum and her three uncles. Although her visit was only brief, it left a huge impression on everyone. Before they knew it they were sitting together again as SG-1, talking and laughing about all the good times that CJ had given them. Even though at least once a night someone would wake up screaming for CJ, they gradually started dealing with what had happened. They were there for the others and that was what helped them through. And then the day of the memorial came and the moods were all down again. Today was the day that they would see Janet again, for the first time in 8 days and that would certainly provoke some feelings.
8 Days Later
*The Gate Room*
The memorial service had been scheduled in the morning at exactly the same hour as SG-1's departure a week ago. Everyone who had known the kid had gathered into the gate room. A wormhole had been established and connected the grassy meadow of P5J-314 with the grey gate room. The shimmering of the event-horizon lightened the blue uniforms up a little. SG-1, General Hammond and Janet were standing on the left side of the ramp, while Jonathan, Cassandra, Jacob and Freya were standing on the right side. Six Airmen, holding an American flag, were standing on top of the ramp.
Janet was looking at her brother and daughter. They were constantly exchanging sad looks and once in a while they both shot a look her way, which she would reply with a small smile saying that everything was going to be just fine. But it wasn't going to be fine, far from actually. Jonathan had locked himself up in his house and had only come out to come to his daughter's memorial service and when that was over he would probably lock himself up again. Janet had commuted between her place and her brother's place. They had told their parents that CJ had died in a flight accident because of the lack of a body. The retrieval team hadn't found her body and they had really searched everywhere, even dived into the lake. Janet had been even more furious when Hammond had told her that Colonel O'Neill, as CJ's commanding officer, was going to do her eulogy. She hadn't spoken to them since her fight with Daniel in the infirmary. Even today she couldn't bring herself to look them straight in the eyes, let alone stand next to Sam, who until a week ago had been her best friend.
Then four Airmen marched into the gate room, two holding a weapon and the other two holding the US flag and the USAF flag. They marched to the opposite side of the room and placed the flags in their stands. When done they turned on their heels to face the Gate. This was the sign for the six on the ramp to start folding their flag into the normal triangle form, making sure all edges were straight. While they were folding General Hammond gave Jack some space to give CJ's eulogy.
"CJ Fraiser ... was like a fresh wind ... blowing through the halls of ... of this facility. The moment I met her ... I knew we were going to have some good times together. She..." A tear blinked in the Colonel's eyes. He hadn't felt like this since Daniel's memorial service, which had turned out alright because they had been implanted with false memories and the Spacemonkey had been alive and okay. "She could make people smile and feel happy just ... just by looking at them. I will miss her. We will all miss her." By the time Jack finished, the flag had been completely folded. An Airman standing towards the bottom of the ramp had taken it and held it against her chest while the Airman in front of her saluted it. The Airman holding the flag took it to O'Neill, placing it against his chest once more saluting it. Meanwhile the Airmen on the ramp had marched down. Jack walked towards Jonathan and placed the flag in his arms. He nodded shortly as Jack saluted the flag. While the lament, Catherine had composed for her daughter, played in the background, Jacob and Janet marched up the ramp towards the open Stargate. They picked up the wreath of flowers that was sitting at the top and placed it in the event-horizon, which held it in place for a split second to send it off to P5J-314.
"We commend Catherine-Jane Fraiser's spirit to the Universe she liked to explore so much. I pledge to continue that exploration in her memory. May she rest in peace!" Jacob and Janet saluted the Gate as one last goodbye. With that it was all over. CJ was now really gone.
People started to leave the gate room as the Stargate closed down behind them. Jonathan was staring at the Gate. Janet knew he wasn't going to hold on for much longer.
"Dr. Fraiser?" Janet looked away from her brother and saw Freya standing next to her. She was trying to hold on too but it wasn't easy.
"Yes Freya?" As she looked at the young woman in front of her she saw what CJ meant by saying that Freya and Anise were each other's opposite.
"Anise and I, ... we want to..." Tears started to roll and didn't stop anymore. At that moment Anise took control, as she better knew how to control Freya's emotions. "We just want to say how sorry we are." Anise managed to crack a smile but it faded as fast as it had appeared.
"Thank you, Anise."
"Mom!" Cassandra was sitting on the edge of the ramp, holding the American flag that was given to Jonathan. "Are we going home yet?"
"Yes honey, just a minute, okay! ... Why don't you go ahead and take Freya with you?" Cassie nodded and left the gate room with Freya tagging along.
Once Cassandra and Freya had left, it was only brother and sister who remained in the gate room. They were both standing in front of the Gate, staring at it in silence.
"What am I going to do now, Janet?" Jonathan broke the peaceful silence, his voice thick with emotions.
"I don't know, Jonathan! I really don't know!"
