Two:
The sweat formed on my brow as the hot water fell over me. The shower was the only place I could be alone with my thoughts for just a moment. The steam fogged up the mirror and the shower door so I was certain no one could see me. The water fell over my form as I leaned into the shower wall. I could appreciate the wetness covering my body and my curves.
For a woman that had had two children I looked damn good. My breasts were heavy and perky still and I thanked God my stomach had gotten back to its previous flat state. Albeit the stretch marks that ruined my tummy and sides I was pretty much the same size I was better I had Tenzin and Kya.
So many women would envy me but I didn't feel attractive. Who would want my stretch marks? Who would want me when my own husband doesn't? I sighed and let the warm water wet my hair and drifted a hand between my legs. This was the closest thing I'd ever get to intimacy at this rate.
I wrapped the towel around myself and went into the bedroom. There was Aang fully invested in his iPad again before work. He was usually gone by this time and taking the kids to school. His routine was the same, almost every day. What was wrong?
"You're still here? Usually when I'm getting ready for work you're gone. Who's taking the kids to school?" I asked and put my hair into a loose bun so it would dry.
"Your brother took them for me. Things are already getting tied up at work today. We have a delay on the energy project." Aang's voice was stoic and cold. He was upset about his project, I assumed. "Katara." He said softly.
I knew that tone of voice. He wanted me and wanted me know. Whether it was out of self-pity or genuine interested I wasn't quite sure.
He laid soft kisses on my neck and squeezed my chest. I winced. I wasn't used to being touched, at least not in such a primal way, in a long time. The toweled dropped to the floor and I felt his hard erection against my back.
"Mmmm Katara please." I felt his warm hand reach around to my crotch. He ground into my hard. I could feel his growing erection through his pants and it seemed like he wanted to waste no more time. I felt his fingers slip into my warms center. It felt good to be touched, to be wanted for once. He hadn't been this spontaneous with me in such a long time.
Moaning at the pleasure in suddenly feeling filled I couldn't control my body bucking against his working fingers. After a moment more I heard the sound of his belt being undone and his pants dropping. There was no bracing myself when he bent me over our dresser, fully prepared to enter me.
"I love you." He groaned into my ear as he gripped my hips. He thrusted slow at first but he got more erratic, more quick, and more rough as he went along. He grabbed a fist full of my hair and gripped tightly. My head yanked back a bit and I could feel his ragged breathing against my neck. This was about to be over before it even started. With one final thrust he emptied into me and laid against my back for support.
I looked over at the clock. It was 7:42. It had only been six minutes. Lack luster at best.
"I'm sorry if I was a little rough. I really needed that. Work just had me feeling so bad." Aang kissed my shoulder and pulled out of me. "If you want I could make you feel good. There's time before you have to go."
So that was it? He was only touching me to make himself feel better about his bruised ego? I would have been less devastated if he continued to not touch me at all.
"I don't want sex if it's going to be an ultimatum Aang. I'm your wife, not someone to kiss your manhood boo boos." I was furious but I didn't want to have this conversation now. Not when I had work.
"Katara, I always want you. Don't be ridiculous. I know we haven't been intimate enough but that doesn't mean I don't want you. You're the mother of my children so of course I'm always interested in you. Today, I had bad news and I shouldn't have used you."
I was always just the mother of his kids and just his wife. He never saw me as a person, as a woman, as a partner, and that to me was aggravating. He thought of me in terms of what I am in relation to him and never stopped to see just me.
"Yes Aang I'm a mother and a damn good one but did you ever stop to think that I am also so much more. I have to get ready for work. We can talk about this later."
I was late for work and still as frustrated with him as I was before any of this had started. He just viewed things in such a childish way that having an adult conversation with him wasn't the best option.
I stormed into the closet to pick my outfit. I was already late for work on the first day with the new boss. When I arrived I was called into the boss' office. This was a great first impression. I walked into his office and noticed the change of scenery. Gone were my old boss's file cabinets. They were replaced with high book case and a wooden desk that was as neatly kept an OCD person's house. This guy like to be efficient and clean and liked to read a lot I was guessing.
"You're late. Normally I would be talking about you finding a new job but considering you've never been late to work according from your co-workers. I'll spare you the speech. Don't do it again." He sipped his coffee after explaining that sternly. Despite his wet newspaper attitude he was handsome. His skin was pale but nothing a tan couldn't fix. What really pulled me was his eyes. He had perfect amber eyes that reflected light so easily. In contrast he had dark black hair that was gelled back. A guy like him didn't seem like the type that needed to do much to his hair though. He was tall and muscular and probably worked out at an addictive amount. The suit didn't fool me. He wasn't one to skip a gym day. At least I got to look at something remotely interesting at work instead of a computer screen.
"I apologize," I respond hoping that was the end of the conversation.
"I need your help. Can you stay late? I want to work on this project."
"Um, I have kids. I'm not sure I can on such short notice."
"It's only until maybe 8 o' clock. No more, no less. I only want you to begin working on the algorithm. I won't even bother you other than to brief on what I expect. If you can work something out I would appreciate it."
"I'll see what I can do. No guarantees."
"Of course. Your family comes first."
I picked the kids up from Sokka's house. His wife Suki was there and every time she saw me she just had to give me the uncomfortable rundown of their sex lives. I couldn't think of moments when I wanted to throw up even more than when she went on and on about my brother's package.
"Oh come on Katara don't be such a prude! I'm sure you and Aang have some crazy stories. You've been married for 6 years now." Suki exclaimed while sipping her tea.
And I did have many fun times with Aang. When we first got married it was great. He had so many dreams and visions and we felt like we could take on the world. Somewhere along the way we lost our rhythm. He started getting more and more passionate about his work and I, well I had to become a mom and hold down the household. I didn't get to have dreams. I didn't even know what passion was anymore.
In the beginning it was amazing. Aang couldn't keep his hands off of me. Even when I was pregnant that was the case but after the kids regular intimacy became difficult to achieve. I couldn't remember the last time Aang had made me feel attractive.
"Hardly. Aang works a lot and we're older. We don't have time for crazy adventures."
"Sounds boring. When was the last time he excited you Katara? When was the last time he made you feel like you were lucky to be a married woman?"
I was silent and tempted to say only God knows when.
Suki continued on, "Exactly. You two have got to get that spark back. People fall out of love and in love with someone else every day. I'd hate to have it be you two."
I would never cheat on him. I loved him too much, no matter how unhappy I was with him right now. Maybe Suki was right. We had to get our spark back somehow. I had something up my sleeve. If I wasn't too tired from whatever Zuko had planned for me maybe I'd be able to execute it. Besides, we had a fight earlier so make up sex would probably mend things quicker than talking would at this point. Talking to him was like talking to a wall sometimes.
"I'm just saying when Sokka and I had our rough patch our therapist advised for us to take some quality time to reconnect maybe that'll help." Suki was just trying to help I suppose.
"Thanks Suki, I'll see what I could do. Thanks for picking up the kids for me. I have to head back to work. I just wanted to check on them."
"You're never at work this late? New boss must really like you. Does Aang know you're staying late?"
No and he wasn't going to. What was a few more hours really going to do?
Upon returning to the office I was met with the demands of my boss. He REALLY hated wasting time.
"There you are! Come on it's almost 5 and I haven't even explained the project yet." He led me back into his office and I took a seat at his desk. He sat across from me and continued explaining, "Our social media needs a big revamp. I looked at the website and it looks like it's something out of the 1980s."
Our dating site was lacking in terms of looking sleek but our matches had a 75 % success rate.
That's all he wanted me to do? Revamp a website? That wasn't too time consuming at all. This couldn't be the only task he wanted.
"Also we need a program developed for better matching capabilities. No one will use our services if we're giving them bad matches." He smirked and for what he made up for in his monotone voice he certainly made up for with his looks. He was attractive. Not in the way Aang was but he was man's man.
"Of course. I'll get started on that right away."
"One more thing. Before you improve the coupling service it would be beneficial for us to find the kinks in the old system. Perhaps if we made a profileā¦"
"I can't make a profile. I'm married. Maybe you can do it."
"Will your husband be really upset if it's for work purposes? Hmm fine then I'll do it. Maybe I'll find a match somewhere." He turned the monitor screen to me so I could see what he was typing. "Let's get started."
I watched him fill in the basic information, all the while learning more than intended about my new boss. He was 31, only a year older than me. He was from New York, adamantly interested in women, fitness and preferred his women curvy with a feisty personality. His hobbies included rock climbing and painting. He had no kids, never been married, and had one sister. Whether any of this was true or if he was making it up was debatable.
I stared at his hands as he typed on the keyboard. They were huge. His hands could easily be twice the size of mine. My blood ran cold when she got a good look at his hands. They were perfect, baby soft and smooth, like an infant. Nobody had hands like that anymore, people had calluses and scars, red welts from hard work and behind their nails was grime that no amount of washing in the river would shift. This man had never done a day's manual labor in his life.
He continued typing and asked, "How old are your kids?"
It shocked me when he broke the silence, "4. I have one set of twins."
He was trying to make small talk. I hated small talk.
"You hardly look like you had kids. I was surprised."
I felt my face getting a little hot. Was this his way of complimenting me?
He went on, "Kids are work."
"There's nothing wrong with kids or women with kids. They bring so much joy into your life." That was the blessing I got from my marriage, two beautiful kids who I wouldn't give up for the world.
"Kids complicate. Anyway let's move on. I think some of the answer choices could be a little better, as far as inclusiveness is concerned. I also think that-
I was listening or at least trying to but what really had me stuck was when he said that kids complicated and left it at that. If I wasn't married to Aang and still had kids would a man still want me? Would anyone else want my stretch marks? My sagging breasts? My shapely body? If Aang didn't even want me who would?
If l left Aang how could I ever look my kids in the eye and explain to them that Daddy doesn't make Mommy happy? I would be a failure as a wife and a failure as a parent. I wanted to work things out so bad but how could I when he was off saving the world instead of home with me?
"Huh?" I said as his voice broke through my thoughts.
"Were you even listening? I don't know what's distracting you but you need to handle it. We have a lot of work to do." Zuko's gold eyes pierced into mine with a stern look.
"Y-yes. I'm sorry. Go on. You were talking about the integration system."
This was going to be an awfully long night. All I wanted to do was get back home.
I slipped into the house at 10:30, trying not to wake the kids. There was Aang waiting for me at the front door. He looked worried. Maybe I should have told him I was staying late but after this morning I didn't have the energy to argue with him.
"I didn't know you dropped Kya and Tenzin off at Sokka's. Suki told me you worked late tonight. Why didn't you tell me? You haven't had to work late in all of your time working there. What did you have to do tonight?" Aang was more than worried. He was hurt. I knew when he got like this there was no room for my feelings in the matter.
I looked at his grey eyes filled with annoyance and said, "I have a new boss. He wanted me to work on a program for the website tonight. He asked on short notice. I won't have to stay late anymore. I'm sorry for not telling you. I thought you were busy feeding the homeless anyway."
"He? What happened to Vickie? What did he want?"
God, he was so insecure. He didn't actually think I was off cheating on him? That's ridiculous. I had every right to find someone else but that didn't mean I wanted to.
"I don't know. She quite, I guess. Can you stop asking me so many questions? I'm not your child. Even if I would have called you to let you know you wouldn't have answered."
"My job is important. I save millions of lives with my clean water and solar power initiative so I'm sorry I'm not there to answer when my wife wants a snack from 7-Eleven." There it was. His condescending holier than thou attitude when he was proved wrong. I hated it. I hated that he thought he was better than me. I could never be his equal considering the Messiah complex he had.
I snapped back, "And my job is important to me too. I'm starting to believe you love your job more than this family Aang. Is your need to help people really about being a good person or are you compensating for something?"
His eyes got big as he asked, "What are you talking about Katara?"
"We hardly have sex anymore Aang. We hardly spend time together anymore. I have to clean the house, cook, take care of the kids, go to my own job, support whatever stupid plan you have next, and still try to be sexy for you when you hardly make me feel that way. I'm tired of it all. I need support."
"We had sex this morning Katara. You know you're always attractive to me and you knew that my job required so much of my time. I sacrifice a lot too. I miss you and the twins so much. You are everything to me. I want you all to be proud of me."
I literally just told him I was unhappy and he made it about him. There was no use even trying. He wanted to save the less fortunate but he couldn't even save this marriage.
"I am proud of you. I just want you to make me feel like a partner and a woman again. I want to go on dates and be romanticized and be told that I'm important more often. I want to be surprised sometimes. I want my husband back and not Aang, the Savior."
"I'm sorry Katara. I didn't know. I promise I'll try to spend more time with you. I'll do whatever you want to make you feel better." His phone rang. It was work like it always was. "I, I have to take this Katara."
And he still didn't get it. I didn't want to feel better. I wanted to feel excitement again. Him answering the phone was like the biggest slap in the face. Nothing was going to change.
I went and check on the kids while he was on the phone and gave them kisses on the forehead. They were fast asleep when I came in.
"Mommy loves you." I whispered as a tear slid down my face. I couldn't let them see how upset I really was. If it wasn't for the twins I don't think I would've stayed. I felt guilty. I lost my mother when I was younger so the thought of my kids not having two kids broke my heart. I could never deny them of happiness, no matter how frustrated I got. I could make it through this marriage for them.
I curled into bed that night and dreamed of a man with perfect, unblemished hands reaching out to me and taking me away from the Earth and towards the sun. I saw a younger version of me in the dream. I was smiling and free as I stood in the sun. Eventually the sun set and the warmth faded.
Author's Note: What do you guys think? If you see any errors let me know.
