2.
What's more magical than summer camp? Summer camp where one lucky camper will win $1 millon! This is total drama island, the only summer camp that gives out a whopping cash prize. The game is simple, survive longer than the rest. Every now and then some one will be voted off, and because of that there will be a bunch of back stabbing, lying, and maybe even making out! If you want excitement... if you want romance... if you want DRAMA! You've come to the right show! Stay tuned to the exciting first episode of Total. DRAMA. IIIISSSLLLLLAAAANNNDDDD!
TDI
"WAKE UP YOU USELESS SACKS OF PUKE!" Chef said kicking in the guys door, spraying them with water from his squirt gun, "You guys want breakfast?"
"Breakfast would be nice," Owen said sitting up, "Actually, it'd be very nice."
"Well," Chef said walking out of the cabin, "Than get your fannies to the kitchen."
"Wait," Owen stopped, "Does Chef mean our fannies are breakfast?"
"Yes, you ignorant clod," Noah said crawling out of his bed, "And with your fanny we'll eat for months."
"Really?" Owen said, "wait.. is ignorant clod a compliment?"
TDI
"Morning fellas," Chris said from the center of the mess hall, " Duncan, Geoff, Ezekiel, DJ, Tyler, and Trent, you're at this table to my left, the rest are at the table to my right."
"Wait a second," Trent looked at the red and green tablecloths, "We sit by teams?"
"Bingo, rock star," Chris said, "Gophers are green and Bass are red,"
"Bass? Duncan laughed, "You couldn't pick a cooler name than Bass?"
"Like Gophers is any better?" Justin whined, "I'm a model, I have Go-Fers, I am not one!"
"I'd rather be a Gopher," Ezekiel said grabbing a tray, "I mean, Gophers are all *rawrl-snarrl-rawrl!* but a bass is all *whoblush-whoblush*, eh?"
So, I was in a juvie gang and we had a guy like Ezekiel... we traded him for cigarettes... I don't think that's an option here though.
"I'm just glad he's not on my team," Noah smirked grabbing his tray, "Speaking of which where are the female part of the equation?"
"Dude, do you know nothing of girls?"
"I'm wearing a sweater vest," Noah glared.
"Oh... good point, they take like 10 hours to get ready in the morning," Tyler said, "I know because I have like a sister and she's a girl."
"You don't say," Noah rolled his eyes.
"Morning gentlemen," Courtney said walking in, catching a smile from Justin, "Hey, Justin this seat-"
"Not available to you!" Chris said, "You can't just sit where ever, you have to sit with your team, the Bass."
"Bass?"
"I said the same thing," Duncan said buttery his english muffin.
"Fine," Courtney walked over to the buffet line in a huff as the rest of the girls came in.
"Beth, Leshawna, Heather, Eva, Izzy and Gwen, you're Gophers," Chris said, "Now if you'll excuse me I have to go make sure our challenge is all set up."
"Morning Heather," Duncan said between bites, "I h-love you."
Even though Duncan is boorish and insane, this plan just might work. Hello $1 Million.
Geoff spat his milk all over Bridgette who sat down across from him, "Did you just say the 'L' word?"
"Is that really THAT big of a shock?" Bridgette said wiping the milk off her face.
"No, I just wanted to sit milk on you, Darling," Geoff said with a glare.
"Yes," Heather said sitting with the Gophers, "He did, we kind of hit it off last night."
"Wow the scummy criminal and the scummy control freak," Courtney rolled her eyes, "I thought they say OPPOSITES attract."
"Come on guys," Beth said sitting at the Gopher table, "The competition hasn't begun, can we at least TRY to be friends?"
"Wrong," Heather said, "The competition started as soon as we set foot on that beach."
"Agreed... sweetheart," Duncan stammered.
"Good," Heather smiled.
"Did everyone get a good breakfast?" Chris said walking back into the tent, "Good, if you'll all come with me we'll get this crazy wheel a'rollin'. Oh, and stay in your teams please."
TDI
"Dog sleds?" Lindsey said "'AWWWW! I LOVE DOGS! Where are the puppies?
"IZZY WANT PLAY WITH PUPPIES!' 'Easy Izzy, people might think you're crazy!' 'No Explosivo, no one thinks Izzy is CRAZY!' 'I do'"
"Um... weird," Chris said looking out of the corner of his eye, "But sadly Lindsey and... Crazy, there are no dogs."
"Then how are the sleds powered?" Cody looked around.
"Well, after that looka round, did you see the power source?" Chris smiled deviously.
"Wait..." Gwen stopped, "We're the power source?"
"Bingo! bass, you're sled is the one with the bass flag, Gophers your's is the one with the gopher flag. Here's the challenge, along the way to the top of Mt. Wawanakwa, over there, are two paths of flags, each team must grab their flags before they cross the finish line. If a team crosses without all 10 flags, then they lose and will vote the first person off the island. Along the way will be various... obstacles to try and slow you down. The first team to cross the line with all 10 flags wins.
"Why do we need the sleds?" Eva grunted, "I mean, even Noah could pull an empty sled up the mountain!"
"Who said it would be empty?" Chris smiled, clapping his hands. As the host clapped four interns pulled a box out and loaded it on one sled, another group did the same task for the other, "Also, what sled team would be complete with out a musher?" Chris stepped onto the Gopher's sled, as Chef climbed onto the Bass sled.
"Way to open your big mouth, Eva!" Noah muttered as he got in the harness.
"SHUT UP MAGGOT!" Chris yelled, "Hey Chef, did I do that right?"
"#&%% yes!" Chef said pumping his fist "HOO-RAH!"
"Alright, when you hear the pistol begin the first challenge of Total. DRAMA. IS-" *BANG!* "CHEF!" Chris yelled as the two sleds started to move, "You were suppossed to wait until I finished!"
"See you at the top, pretty boy!" Chef waved as the Bass pulled ahead, "MUSH YOU WORTHLESS APES!"
TDI
"We've got this in the bag, Bros!" Geoff cheered, "I mean, nothing's going to-ooof!" Geoff, second from the front, got whapped by a branch trap, knocking him to the ground, and tripping up the campers behind him.
"Geoff!" Courtney screamed as she got up, "WHAT WAS THAT!"
"I got hit by a treach branch, bra, it's not my fault."
"Yeah, lighten up, Courtney," Duncan said helping Geoff up, "We all make mistakes."
"Yeah," Courtney said turning and getting in Duncan's face, "But anyone who's mistake costs me my Million will feel the wrath of GOD!"
"Will you all shut your mouths and get on the move again?" Chef bellowed.
"Won't do you any good!" Heather laughed as the Gophers stormed past, "WE'VE got this in the bag!"
"Their getting away!" Katie cried.
"ALL HOPE IS LOST!" Sadie moaned.
"Just shut up and pull," Courtney said tugging at the central rope, the unrelated twins started running and the Bass were off again.
TDI
"ON WARD MY COMRADES!" Izzy chanted from her spot.
"Is anyone else getting really annoyed by her?" Justin moaned.
"Nope," Owen said, "She's hot!"
"No," justin ran his hand through his hair, "I am."
"Well, yeah, but-" Owen dropped to his knees, a dart sticking out of his neck.
"Those sneaky interns took out Owen," Chris smiled, "Well played."
"We have to drag him to the top?" Eva grabbed a rock and threw it in the woods, "MOTHER %#$^#!"
"Relax Eva," Beth said, "Maybe if we take the dart out he'll wake up."
"Are you really that stupid?" Noah said, lowering his book, "Toxic darts aren't on/off switches."
"I got hit with a dart once," Beth said, "My last boyfriend Brady accidently hit me with one, we were playing darts in his basement and I was telling the story about how I figured out I had a foot fungus and he accidently hit me with a dart. I was even on the other side of the room, so he REALLY messed up."
"No," Noah scoffed, "I think his aim was pretty spot on."
"Will you two can it and help us figure out how to move the unmovable blob?" Harold said stomping his foot down.
"How about we put him on the seld?" Leshawna said, "White boy didn't tell us we had to STAY harnessed."
"That's true," Heather said, " Alright, let's do it."
"HEY! HEATHER BABE!" Duncan jeered as the Bass took the lead back from the Gophers, "LOVE YOU!"
TDI
"So..." Trent began scratching his head, "How do we get it up this little cliff thingy?"
"Up to you," Chef said turning the page of the Guns and Jugs, "All I know is I'm keeping my $$ plunked here."
"Times like this I wish we had that Eva chick," Tyler said, "I mean, did you see the calves on her?"
"I thought you're supposed to be an athlete?" Duncan said sizing up the cliff, "Shouldn't you just He-man us through this?"
"Maybe, but..." Tyler turned his head, "Uh, Guys... their gaining on us?"
"HOW?" Courtney shrieked as she stepped forward, "Were they not stalled as we raced by?"
"Easy with the 'were they not', sweetheart." Duncan smiled, "We've got this. Everyone, take off your harnesses and then one of-"
"DON'T EXPLAIN!" Courtney said sliding out of her harness, "JUST DO!"
"Fine," Duncan grabbed the harnesses once everyone was out, and began climbing.
So, Duncan may be a stupid criminal, but he's strong... I'll have to remember that. Courtney mused.
"Alright, now you guys push the sled up to me," Duncan said, "And do it fast, we have company!"
"QUICK!" Gwen said getting out of her harness, "Do what they're doing!"
"Wait to steal our plan Goth bra!" Geoff snorted.
"No," Duncan huffed as he pulled the sled, "You mean way to steal MY plan!"
"Right, bro, sorry," Geoff wave dup to Duncan, "Way to steal MY plan! Better?"
So Geoff's nice, and I can see myself getting along with him... but he's kind of an idiot.
"Come on campers," Chris smiled from his seat on the Gopher sled, "We have a production schedule to stick to."
"We're working, eh?" Ezekiel moaned as he pulled himself onto the cliff.
"Well... work harder," Chris laughed.
"Are we all up?" Bridgette asked.
"Yeah we're all up Babe," DJ said getting back in his harness.
%#!... I was hoping we could have left DJ at the bottom of the cliff, steal my exe... &!^$$#.
"Then I have a question..." Courtney said clicking into her harness.
"What?" Katie and Sadie said in unison.
"WHY ARE WE STILL HERE?"
"Good question, Princess Courtney," Duncan said mocking a bow as the team took off.
"AFTER THEM!" Heather yelled as the rest of the Gophers got hooked up.
"Hey guys," Owen yawned, "Whudd I miss?"
TDI
"We're almost there!" Lindsey exclaimed, "GO... wait... which team are we?"
"The winning team, bra!" Geoff laughed, "WOOOOOOHHOOOO!" Geoff's yell startled a squirrel, making its way across a branch. It leapt up, landed in terror and shook a nut from the tree, which fell and caused a minor explosion.
Chris is having us pull a sled across a mine field? Trent gasped Not cool.
"Um... we can do this..." Courtney began to panic, "I'm a CIT."
"Unless the camp you went to trained you in bomb difusing I doub thtat will do us any good, Princess."
"Can you knock off the Princess crap, Duncan?" Courtney glared, "No girl in her right mind would like you to call them a princess."
"Guys, just on the other side of the field is the finish line, bros and bras respectively."
"Yeah," DJ moaned, "that doesn't help us."
"Sure it does... bro," Geoff forced the word out, "all we have to do is get a bunch of nuts and toss them on the field, triggering them, and allowing us to move through without a problem.
"Great Idea, Geoff," Bridgette smiled.
"Thanks, Bay-Bridge." Geoff Blushed, and unseen by DJ, Bridgette did as well.
"Yeah, man," Trent said, "Quick everyone get a hand ful of nuts!" Duncan and Geoff burst out laughing.
"Oh grow up," Courtney scoffed.
TDI
"Why are those *% heads tossing nuts on the ground?" Eva grunted as the Gophers closed the gap between themselves and the Bass.
"Who knows?" Gwen said, but maybe we should do it too?"
"Can. we. stop?" Owen panted, "And can some one tell me the warning signs of a heart attack?"
"Um, numbness in the-"
"Beth," Heather snarled, "Owen was joking."
"No... I'm pretty sure I'm having a heart a-" Owen fell over.
"OWEN!" The Gophers panics and crowded around Owen, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, there was a rock and I tripped... I get clumsy when I'm hungry."
"Are you always hungry?" Noah smiled. I can tell from his waist line the answer is probably yes.
"No... yes..." Owen sighed as Cody and Harold helped him up.
"Follow their path," Noah said, "Trust me, if we don't go off their path we'll be fine." And just like that the Gophers were on their way and through thte minefield.
TDI
"LOOK!" Tyler pointed with glee.
"It's the finish line!" Katie squealed.
"We're going to win!" Sadie chimed in.
"Guys, let's not get phallic, eh?" Ezekiel said pointing behind him at the Gophers.
"Phallic?" Lindsey scratched her head as she ran.
"You know," Ezekiel shrugged, "Cocky?"
"Let me guess," Trent smiled, "You were homeschooled, right?"
"How'd you know?"
Call it a hunch.
TDI
"COME ON GOPHERS!" Chris moaned from his seat on the sled, "I will not lose to Chef, MUSH ALREADY!"
"We ARE mushing you pampered twat!" Eva snarled, "And I'm about ten seconds from mushing your face!"
"But... that's my money maker!"
TDI
"Almost there bros and bras," Geoff cheered, "About 100 meters!"
"Same for us!" The gophers said as they pulled up beside the Bass.
"FINALLY!" Chris said, "Some DRAMA!"
"Not for long!" Chef said pulling out a rolling pin and trowing it at Chef, who dodged it.
"You missed!" Chris taunted.
"Did I?" Chef smiled as a raccoon fell out of the tree Chef hit with the pin, and it's landing zone was Chris' lap.
"See you at the finish line!" Chef saluted as the Bass gave a final thrust to pull their sled across the line.
So, Chef knocked a raccoon on my lap... well played.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Chef fought with the raccoon until two interns ran out and grabbed it in a canvas sack, "Thank you interns. Now, it seems the Bass are the winners-"
"GO BASS!" Geoff yelled as the rest of the team began to celebrate, with hugs all around... except Duncan and Courtney, who started to hug, but stopped and angrily glared at each other.
"And, if one team wins," Chris turned to the Gophers, "that means the other team is the losing team. Gophers, I will see you at the bonfire at 8;00 ish? Does that work for everyone? Good, I'll see you at 8." Chris and Chef turned and walked away talking "I've got to admit, that raccoon trick was golden."
TDI
"Hey, Courtney," Justin said as he walked up to Courtney and Bridgette, who sat on the porch of the girls cabin.
"Hey?"
"Well, I just wanted to let you know, that if I get voted off, I think I'll miss you most of all." Justin smiled, which made Bridgette and Courtney swoon, "I'll see you later, laaadies." Justin winked and walked off.
So, Justin was hitting on me, and I'm okay with that.
"What the FUCK was that?" Geoff yelled from inside the boys cabin.
"What was what?" Duncan said looking up from a 1983 copy of 'Heavy Metal'. "I can't believe this is the most recent magazine here, and it's 20 some years old."
"Look at Justin," Geoff glared, "galvanizing his perfect abs and his eyes... and smile."
"Galvanizing?" Duncan looked up again, "I think you mean gallavanting."
"What's the difference?"
"One is showboating stuff, and the other..."
"Means to energize with electricty," Harold said poking his head into the cabin, "I was listening in."
"Don't eavesdrop or I'll kick you so hard your eaves won't ever drop again."
"What's that even mean?" Harold asked.
"It means... it sounded better in my head," Duncan's head drooped as Harold ducked out again."
Duncan may be tough... but that was a terrible insult.
"Anyways," Geoff sat down as Trent walked in, "What's so great about that Justin fellas?"
"Probably his abs," Tyler said from his bed on the other side of the cabin.
"What?" Trent, Greff, and Duncan all turned their heads.
"What's the big deal? As a fellow athlete I appreciate a toned man."
"Oh, alright."
TDI
"Welcome Gophers... I kind of didn't expect this, but I've been wrong before... only three times, but there is precedent. Anyway, before me sit 11 gophers, and on the tray beside me rest 10 marshmellows... everyone except Izzy probably knows that math don't add up. When I call your name, be prepared to catch your mallow, if you don't hear your name, be prepared to walk down the dock of shame, got it?" Everyone silently nodded.
"Alright, the first Marshmallow of safety goes... to... Owen. The second, third, and fourth go to Gwen, Izzy, and Heather respectivly. Eva and Heather, heads up. Leshawna, Cody, and Noah, you are all also safe. Which brings us to the bottom two. you each recieved three votes, and one of you recieved 4. and the final Marshmallow goes to... Harold."
"What?" Beth looked around, "But I thought you guys liked me?"
"You're too nice," Heather sneered.
"%%# had to go," Eva nodded.
"I didn't vote for you," Gwen glared at Heather, "For what it's worth."
Beth sniffled, "It does help a liAAH" Beth was caught off guard by Chef, who tossed her on his shoulder and carried her to the boat, "Goodbye cruel island!"
"Was that as good for you guys as it was for me?" Chris smiled, "I'll see you in the morning, good night everyone."
And there you have it, Beth becomes the first caualty of this conflict. Will the Gophers drop another one next week, or will they flip the script on the Bass? There's only one way to find out for sure... and if you're slow like Lindsey, the answer is to turn into the next exciting episode of Total. DRAMA. !
