Chapter 2: Suffocation

I was sitting in the car at a red light. I just left his house. I feel as if I can't breathe I don't know how to deal with it. Seeing that place…smelling the smoke. Thinking of not just Troy but also my brother in that place. Causing that smell. That smell that takes me back to Texas.

I shake the memories away and I drive to my job at the restaurant. Being a waitress is not my life dream. But if I ever want to go to college in a year, and get far far away from here, than I have to work my ass off.

"Hey Gab, that table requested you" my friend Liz said to me. I looked over to see my best friends Taylor and Chad and smiled. The two friends who welcomed me back in open arms.

"Hey guys" I said as I sat down.

"Gabster!" Chad said smiling.

"Getting the usual's?" I ask

"Yes please" Taylor said

I talk to them for a few minutes and then I get up to put there order in.

Working here, sucks. But I have to, I have to work here and make enough money to get out of here. I have to escape this place, this life.

I got through my shift, not thinking about Troy, or being in the same house that my brother. I didn't want to think about how much it hurts that my brother had chosen that life, or how much I miss Troy. The good times we had, but he's one of them. I don't want to get back into the life that my siblings and I had escaped.

I shook it out of my mind, I don't want to think about those things.

When I got home I began my homework.

"Hey Gab" my younger sister, Janelle, came in my room.

"Hey Jay" I said.

She's 14 and she's the youngest of all of us. There's 5 of us. Carlos whose the oldest at 26, Austin whose 22, Zac whose 19, me and I'm 17, and then Janelle whose 14. We live with our 29 year old Auntie Lettie.

"How was your day?" she asked me. It seemed as if something's up with her. She doesn't ask me about my day. What is with her?

"Jay, what do you want?" I asked her.

"Nothing! I just…I don't know, I've been thinking a lot…"

"About what?"

"Maybe writing dad"

This was a sensitive subject.

"If that's what you want to do..." I said while not looking up from my math homework.

"I don't want Carlos to get mad…"

"Then don't tell him. Just make sure you get the mail every day"

She stayed quiet for a while. I could tell something else was bothering her.

I put my pencil down and looked at her.

"Why do you want to write dad?" I asked.

"Because, there's so many unsaid things, I feel like these things that I want to say to him are taking over me as if I'm suffocating. Does that sound crazy?"

No, it didn't because I feel the same way. I think we all do.

"Dad hurt us Jay, he didn't do anything to you like he did to us. If you feel like that's what you have to do, then do it. Do whatever it takes to release the demons you witnessed" I told her.

"Thanks gab…" she said before walking out.

Times like these, I wish Jay wouldn't have had to see what she did, she wasn't in the situation long. But long enough to mess up her head.

I got a text a little while later.

'Hey it's me Troy, Zac gave me your number. I just wanted to know if you want to meet up tomorrow''

I looked at the text, Zac still has my number? But he doesn't call?

I shook my head and texted back. 'Sure, I get off of work at 5'

I put my phone down and finished my homework, I had to keep my head distracted from thinking about him.