Dear sister in heaven, what do you do when your hot, jerk-ish, victim discovers you snooping in his backyard, cowering from his security system? I could practically hear Hisana's voice in my head, telling me to lie my dark blue ass off. What a great sister who 'believed in ethical standards, something which you would do well to imitate' quoting Nii-sama.

Oh god. Nii-sama. What was he going to do when he found out the dare I'd taken?

"Well?" Ichigo Kurosaki pressed. I went for the obvious. I pretended insane.

"Well I was looking for Alejandro," I said. In my mind, I prayed he didn't listen to Lady Gaga (the singer who sings Alejandro). It wasn't my fault the name popped into my head.

"Who?" Ichigo asked. When he was confused, he looked like a cute, lost bunny. I added that mental post it sticker to my Get-Ichigo's-Boxers-Plan. The neon green looked out of place in the drab navy. A hot pink crayon, conjured by my mind, colored the poster in. Better, I decided. Apparently, I did a good job on spacing out because Ichigo Kurosaki looked like he was more that ready to believe that Rukia Kuchiki (AKA the girl that's gonna steal his boxers) belongs in an asylum. Something in his facial expression must have set me off because the next thing I knew, I was improvising at an intimidating rate.

"ALEJANDRO IS A FLUFFY PINK CHAPPY THAT PROMISED TO MEET ME HERE TODAY! HE SAID HE'D DATE ME AND THEN HE STOOD ME UP! OH MY GOSH PLEASE DON'T KILL ME MAFIA MEMBER! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE! HISANA WILL KILL ME IN HEAVEN! OR IS IT HELL? I THINK IT'S HELL!" I screamed. Come on! It wasn't my fault that my victim looked so creepy. Besides, he's plenty ripped enough to be in the Mafia. So totally. Fo' shizzle. Let's pretend I'm not pretending he's a sexy mofo just so I don't look insane. Got it? Good.

There was a long pause after that impressive paragraph of pointless dialogue. At least, I think it's a paragraph. Suddenly, Ichigo seems to decide that I don't communicate with human beings on a normal frequency, because he chimed in.

"Right. And yesterday, I cheated on the Energizer Bunny by having sexual intercourse with Heathcliff the Llama," he said sarcastically. Think Rukia think! You shall not loose an insult war to anyone!

"I hope you used condoms," I said helpfully. This seemed to be funny to the potential Mafia member because he laughed so hard he fell to the ground. Unfortunately, the ground sloped down into the little river, and Ichigo got a mouthful of mud. Yuck. Remind me not the drink from the river no matter how cute that cottontail bunny by the bank is.

And that was how Rukia Kuchiki ended up in the Kurosaki household, helping Yuzu Kurosaki mope up her older brother and listening to Isshin Kurosaki's random outbursts of joy.

Wow. And I thought the Kuchikis were dysfunctional. As it turned out, I forgot about Hanako too early.

A/N: It's finally up! Wow, this story is so fun to write.

Parody Thingy: An Interview with Rukia

Pie: So Rukia, how do you feel about starring in our newest fan fiction?

Rukia: It's kind of nice, really…

Demon-Pixie: Erm, Rukia, how do you want this story to turn out?

Rukia: *ears turning red*…er…um…*stutter*

Pie: Ohhh, her ears are red!

Demon-Pixie: SHUT UP! HADO—

Pie: (Already started running when Demon-Pixie shouted 'Hado')

Rukia:…ah…what does happen at the end anyways?

Demon-Pixie and Pie: That is for us to know

Pie: and for

Demon-Pixie: you to

Both: FIND OUT LATER!

Pie: much later.