RWBY: The Parody
By: Maniac92
Chapter 2: When Ruby met Jaune (And Weiss and Blake)
The aircraft landed in front of Beacon Academy, and the potential students filed out in an orderly manner…only to get knocked aside by an ill-looking blond boy who had a sheathed sword at his hip. The boy quickly ran to a nearby garbage can and leaned over it, retching.
"Why is it always carrots?" moaned the boy. "I didn't even eat carrots today…"
Ruby and Yang carefully avoided the puking boy and made their way into the courtyard of the school. "Wow…" they both muttered.
Beacon Academy was huge. With its tall towers and walls, it looked more like a small city than a school. Ponds and trees surrounded the school, giving it a peaceful look.
"Damn," whistled Yang. "I could get used to staying here. Right, Ruby?" There was no response from her younger sister. Yang looked around, but couldn't see Ruby anywhere. "…Ruby?"
"Your weapon looks so cool!" she heard Ruby say. "What does it do?"
Yang turned around to see Ruby chatting with some background characters.
"Well, uh…" said the silhouetted student. "I'm just a background character. My weapon isn't really detailed."
"Ruby!" yelled Yang. She ran forward and grabbed her sister. She kicked the background character, sending him flying. "Don't go chatting with the extras! You need to find some main characters and obsess over their weapons!"
"I don't obsess over weapons," said Ruby, wiggling her way out of Yang's grasp. "I just admire the skill and craft that it takes to make them. And to operate them. And to clean them. And to stare at them…" She sighed happily.
"Ruby, you're drooling," observed Yang. "Anyway, why don't you find some new people to talk to?"
"Why?" asked Ruby. "I'm talking to you."
"I know," said Yang, "But it's good for you to meet new people. You don't want to be some crazy shut-in who only talks to her scythe, right?"
"…I don't?" asked Ruby.
"Nope!" said Yang. She spun Ruby around and gently pushed her towards the academy. "You want to branch out and meet someone!"
"Alright…" said Ruby. She thought of something and turned around. "What about you?"
"I'm going to hang out with my old friends that we'll never mention again after this!" said Yang. She patted Ruby's head. "Remember! Smile, be polite, look people in the eye when you talk to them, and don't take candy from strangers." With that, Yang walked away.
"But I ate a whole plate of cookies from a stranger yesterday…" muttered Ruby. She sighed as she watched Yang leave. "Now what?"
She turned around and immediately smacked into someone's luggage rack. She fell to the ground, white suitcases scattered all around her.
"Oh my god!" shrieked a voice. "Are you hurt?"
Ruby propped herself up on her elbow and looked up. A girl with white hair and icy blue eyes was kneeling down, a concerned look on her face.
"Don't worry," said Ruby, getting up off the ground. "I think I'm-"
"NOT YOU!" yelled the girl, pushing Ruby back down. She ran to one of her suitcases and picked up. "Are you okay? Did that fat red-wearing hooligan hurt you?"
Ruby picked herself back up. She looked down at her waist and muttered, "Hurtful…" Shaking her head, she bowed her head and said, "I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to damage your clothes."
"Clothes?" said the girl in white. "Are you stupid?"
"Um…" began Ruby.
"Don't answer the obvious," snapped the girl. She opened the case and pulled out a jar of red Dust. "This is Dust! Do you know what Dust is?"
"Of course I-" began Ruby.
"I didn't think so!" interrupted the girl. "Let me explain it to both you and the audience in one angry rant! Dust is refined energy like fire, water, and lightning! People use Dust for use in weapons and technology! Understand?" As she spoke, she shook the jar in her hand, causing clouds of red Dust to float everywhere.
Now, as any responsible viewer knows, Dust is a highly volatile substance. But don't worry. Nothing will happen so long as nobody triggers the-
Ruby sneezed, engulfing her and the girl in a fiery explosion. While the two girls exploded, the jar the girl in white was holding flew into the distance, landing at someone's feet.
"Are you kidding me?!" shrieked the girl in white as she climbed out of the massive smoking crater in the ground. "How could you cause something like this to happen?!"
"Well…" said Ruby, hopping out of the crater. "You were the one shaking the jar around, so…"
"What are you even doing here?!" said the girl. "You're a little young for Beacon, aren't you?"
"I-" began Ruby.
"This isn't your ordinary combat school, you know," huffed the girl. "It's not just sparring and practice! If you can't even-"
"Look, I said I was sorry!" yelled Ruby.
There was a deafening silence as the girl stared at her.
"Bitch, did you just sass me?" asked the girl.
"Yes," said Ruby defiantly.
There was another long silence.
"I…I'm not exactly used to this kind of thing happening," admitted the girl. "Hang on, let me think of something to insult you about."
"O…kay?" said Ruby hesitantly.
"Don't worry about it," said a new voice. "I doubt Weiss Schnee has ever had anyone talk back to her before."
The two girls looked to see a girl with black hair and yellow eyes walk up to them. In one hand was an old-looking book, while in the other was the other girl's jar of dust.
"I'm sorry," said Weiss, not sounding sorry at all, "But do I know you?"
"Blake Belladonna," said the girl. The black bow on her head seemed to twitch. "And you're Weiss Schnee, heiress to the Schnee Dust Company, one of the largest producers of energy propellant in the world."
"Well," said Weiss, "I'm glad to see that someone around here knows-"
"Of course, there is that little problem about the company being corrupt," said Blake. "And racist. And suffering from a train or two disappearing every now and again."
Weiss glared at Blake. "You know what?" she asked, grabbing the jar of Dust from the other girl's hand. "I don't have to take this. You idiots won't last here anyway." She sniffed and stomped away, leaving her butlers to pick up her luggage and follow her.
"Sorry! Again!" called Ruby.
Weiss didn't bother to turn around and kept moving towards the academy.
Ruby sighed and turned to Blake. "So, it's nice to-" She blinked. Blake had disappeared from her side and was nowhere to be seen. "…meet you…" Ruby finished quietly.
Sighing, she sat on the ground and pulled her knees close to her chest. "Welcome to Beacon…" she said sadly.
"Hey," said a voice.
Ruby looked up to see the blond boy from before. He was holding out his hand and had a gentle smile on his face. "I'm Jaune," he said.
"Ruby," replied Ruby, grabbing his hand and pulling herself up. She paused and looked at her hand, which was still gripping his.
"Jaune…" she said quietly, gripping his hand tighter.
"Uh…yeah?" asked Jaune.
"…You did wash your hands after you threw up…right?"
One quick trip to the bathroom sink later:
Jaune walked out of the boy's room, wiping his hands with a paper towel. "Sorry," he muttered.
"It's ok," said Ruby as the girl's room door closed behind her. "So…motion sickness, huh?"
"It's a lot more common than people think!" said Jaune. He and Ruby began walking down one of the paths leading away from the bathrooms. "So…" said Jaune. "Any particular reason I found you next to a crater?"
"That's a long story…" said Ruby.
"Really?" asked Jaune. "Because it looked like you sneezed and exploded."
"Hey!" said Ruby.
Jaune laughed. "Sorry, sorry!" He pointed to himself. "The name's Jaune Arc! Short, sweet, and the ladies love it."
Ruby raised an eyebrow.
"…Ok, they will love it," corrected Jaune.
Ruby tilted her head.
"…Hopefully?" said Jaune.
Ruby giggled. She grabbed Crescent Rose and unfolded it, slamming the blade into the ground. "I got this!" she said happily.
"Wow!" said Jaune. "Um…you're not going to attack me with that…right?"
"Nope!" said Ruby. She smiled happily. "But just think of all the ways I could attack you if I wanted to! I could slice you! I could slash you! I can even shoot you with this thing!" She blinked and looked around. "Jaune?" The blond boy had disappeared.
Jaune poked his head out from behind a nearby column. "T-that's really interesting, Ruby…" he chuckled nervously. He gulped and said, "But you're not really going to do that?"
"No," said Ruby sadly. She perked up suddenly. "But we'll be able to spar with each other in class! Then I'll be able to attack you with it!"
"Oh…" said Jaune nervously as he walked back over. "That's…that's good…"
Ruby smiled and nudged Jaune. "Don't worry. We've been trained in combat, right? I'm sure you'll give me a run for my money with…whatever you've got!"
"Oh!" Jaune said. He unsheathed his sword. "I've got this sword. A-and a shield!" He grabbed his scabbard, which grew into a shield that Jaune put onto his arm.
"Ooh!" said Ruby, eyeing Jaune's weapons. "I love the classics! My sister, Yang, always said I went a little overboard in making Crescent Rose and-"
"Wait," interrupted Jaune, "You made that?"
"Yeah," said Ruby. "Everyone at Signal made their own weapons. What about you?"
"O-oh…um…" said Jaune.
A week ago:
"Dad!" called Jaune as he searched through the attic of his house. "Where do we keep the swords?"
"Hall closet!" yelled his father.
"Ok, cool!" shouted Jaune, headed for the closet.
Now:
"It's…an heirloom?" said Jaune hesitantly.
"Cool!" said Ruby. "Maybe it was in a war! Maybe it has all sorts of hidden features! I can't wait to see…"
"Um…Ruby?" said Jaune. "You're drooling."
Ruby wiped her chin and quickly asked, "So, why'd you help me out back there in the courtyard?"
"Oh, my mom always says strangers are just friends you haven't met yet," said Jaune. He chuckled. "And who am I to leave a cute girl in trouble?"
Ruby blushed and giggled. "Practicing for your ladies, Jaune?"
"What do you mean?" asked Jaune, confused.
"Hey," said Ruby suddenly, "Where are we going?"
"I don't know," answered Jaune. "I was following you."
"…We're lost, aren't we?" asked Ruby.
"You'd think they'd give out maps before we came here," said Jaune.
Meanwhile, in Professor Ozpin's office:
"Ozpin," said Professor Goodwitch, "Did you remember to send out maps to the new students?"
Ozpin thought about it, taking a deep sip from his coffee as he did so. He smacked his lips and looked at the professor. "…Shit. I knew I forgot something."
Remember kids, when making new friends do not make them explode.
...Learned that one the hard way.
