ACT ONE

FADE IN:

INT. BROOKE AND NATALIE'S CELL - LATER

Some indeterminable time later. A guard walks up to the cell
door, unlocks it, and slides it open.

GUARD
Time to go.

BROOKE
We're free?

GUARD
(dryly)
You made bail.

Brooke and Natalie exchange a glance.

CUT TO:

INT. POLICE STATION BOOKING ROOM

Brooke and Natalie are performing the time-honored ritual of
retrieving their personal effects from the booking officer.

BROOKE
I don't get how we could be bailed
out. We haven't even gotten
arraigned yet.

NATALIE
(scornfully)
Hello? Gift horse, mouth.

Brooke concedes the point with a sniff. Meanwhile, someone
taps Natalie on the shoulder. When she spins around, she sees
a familiar face:

NATALIE (CONT'D)
Uncle Arthur!

"Uncle Arthur" is a stocky, kindly-looking man in his late
sixties, with sparse gray hair.

ARTHUR
Well, Natalie, I didn't think I'd
be flying out here on business.

Natalie looks abashed, then turns to Brooke to make
introductions.

NATALIE
Uncle Arthur, this is Brooke
McQueen. She's in the same class
as me. Brooke, this is Uncle
Arthur.

Arthur extends his hand and shakes Brooke's.

ARTHUR
Honorary uncle. Official family
attorney.

BROOKE
Oh, uh, nice to meet you—

She looks around uncertainly.

BROOKE (CONT'D)
But—?

ARTHUR
(smoothly)
Everything's been taken care of.
I've already spoken to your
parents. They're waiting for you
at home.

BROOKE
(confused)
They aren't here?

ARTHUR
I advised them not to come. Your
father especially might have made
a scene.

BROOKE
(voice rising)
All this—this is—

Natalie hushes her with a hand on her arm.

NATALIE
(low)
Not here.

ARTHUR
Right. Let's go, ladies.

Arthur gently propels Brooke and Natalie towards the exit.

CUT TO:

EXT. POLICE STATION - MOMENTS LATER

Brooke, Natalie and Arthur are standing on the sidewalk
outside the suburban police station.

BROOKE
All right, what was that all
about?

ARTHUR
Natalie knows not to speak
carelessly inside a police
station. You never know who might
be listening.

Natalie nods in agreement, and Brooke shoots a speculative
glance at her.

NATALIE
(unnoticing)
Now where to?

ARTHUR
The McQueens'.

NATALIE
To drop Brooke off?

Arthur opens his mouth to answer, but Brooke cuts him off:

BROOKE
No. We need strategy.

ARTHUR
(recovering)
Right you are. I'll be handling
the defense for the both of you,
and your parents will want to be
involved.

BROOKE
Parents. Right.

This time Natalie catches the glance Brooke throws at her,
quickly realizing that the strategy Brooke is planning has
nothing to do with parents.

NATALIE
Okay, then. Let's go.

Oblivious, Arthur ushers them on.

FLIP CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY

Typical Kennedy High day. Josh and Lily are walking hand-in
hand down the corridor, with Sugar Daddy and Carmen (not hand
in-hand, but close) following behind.

JOSH
I'm just saying, Lil, I don't see
how you can help Brooke and
Natalie.

SUGAR
Word, man. Messin' with the cops
is serious.

LILY
(indignant)
Authority should always be
questioned!

JOSH
Questioned, maybe, not charged at.
Babe, you could end up in jail,
too.

Lily is about to continue her protest, but Carmen cuts her
off:

CARMEN
(looking off)
What the hell?

The others follow Carmen's gaze—to see Harrison standing
before them, wearing a monk's brown robe and a beatific smile,
hands clasped together prayerfully.

CURTAIN CUT TO:

INT. MCQUEEN LIVING ROOM - LATER

The doorbell has just rung; Mike, with Jane by his side, opens
the door. Brooke is standing there, with Arthur and Natalie
just behind. After a moment of awkwardness, Brooke takes two
quick steps into the arms of her father, who gathers her up.

MIKE
I'm so sorry, honey. I wanted to
be there—

BROOKE
I know. It's okay.

Meanwhile, Jane steps aside, inviting the others to enter.

JANE
Thank you so much for bringing
Brooke home to us, Mr. Cavendish.

ARTHUR
Arthur, please. And it was no
trouble at all.

JANE
Won't you come in?

ARTHUR
Right. We should discuss the
case.

As Arthur steps inside, Jane comes face-to-face with Natalie,
producing a moment of mild awkwardness.

NATALIE
(pleasantly)
Hi, I'm Natalie. We've never
actually met before.

JANE
Please, come in.

MIKE
I have to say, you really are a
dead ringer for Nicole.

Natalie makes a face.

NATALIE
So people keep telling me.

Brooke swats her father on the arm and shoots him a dirty
look.

NATALIE (CONT'D)
Um, is there someplace I could
freshen up?

JANE
(pointing)
Through the kitchen, second door
on your left.

NATALIE
Thanks.

Natalie heads off towards the kitchen.

CUT TO:

INT. MCQUEEN KITCHEN - FOLLOWING

Natalie walks into the kitchen. But instead of continuing on
to the bathroom, she stops, cocks her head back for a moment
toward the muffled voices coming from the other room, then
reaches into her pocket and pulls out her cell phone.

FLIP CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Picking up with Harrison and the gang:

SUGAR
Yo, man, is it Halloween already?

HARRISON
(pleasantly)
Harmonious greetings to you all.

LILY
Harrison, what the hell is going
on?

EFFECT CUT TO:

FLASHBACK

EST. A BUILDING - DAY

CUT TO:

INT. A CONFERENCE ROOM

Harrison is among a group of people sitting in rows of chairs
facing a podium.
Standing at the podium is what looks like a typical middle
management executive—except that he's dressed in monk's
robes.

PRESENTER
Ladies and gentlemen, you're all
here because you want to leave
behind the shallow, superficial
lives you've been leading.
Because you're looking for a
higher purpose. A better life.
Isn't that right?

There is a murmur of assent.

PRESENTER (CONT'D)
(cheerleading)
I can't hear you!

The murmur turns into a disorganized rumble.

PRESENTER (CONT'D)
WHAT?

GROUP
(in unison)
YES!

Suddenly the ceiling over the audience opens up and water
comes cascading down, leaving everyone drenched.

PRESENTER
(serenely)
Lesson number one: we never
shout.

SWIRL CUT TO:

MONTAGE

A silly, over-the-top take-off on "Kill Bill" showing Harrison
going through a series of training exercises.

EFFECT CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Harrison looks down at her briefly.

HARRISON
Why, nothing, Sister Lily—

LILY
(interrupting)
"Sister" Lily?

HARRISON
—I have accepted a higher truth.
I walk a path free from the turgid
temptations of the flesh.

CARMEN
(lost)
Huh?

Harrison holds up a pamphlet.

HARRISON
Pamphlet?

INSERT - THE PAMPHLET

...which features an illustration of monks in front of an
abbey. It is titled "The Really Simple Life."

CARMEN
(shying away)
Uh, no.

Harrison seems unperturbed.

JOSH
Dude, you're seriously creeping
Lily out here.

HARRISON
I sense the tension within you,
Brother Josh. You must learn to
let go.

JOSH
Hey, I ain't your brother.

Harrison spreads his hands serenely.

HARRISON
All men are brothers.

JOSH
Yeah, whatever.

The bell rings.

LILY
Come on, we're gonna be late.

As the group moves on, Harrison palms a pamphlet off on a
random passer-by, a rapturous smile on his face.

CUT TO:

INT. SOCIAL STUDIES CLASS - MOMENTS LATER

As the students file in, they are surprised to see Ms. Ross
sitting behind Mr. Osbourne's desk.

ROSS
Attention class! Mr. Osbourne has
been called away on an emergency,
so I will be supervising
independent study this period.
Mr. Osbourne suggests—
(consulting a sheet of paper)
—that you use this time to
consider the topic of your final
essays.
(to herself)
Having kids write essays—what a
concept.

After a few moments of confusion, the kids get their notebooks
out.

CUT TO:

INT. MCQUEEN LIVING ROOM - LATER

Brooke and Natalie are making their case.

BROOKE
Look, it's real simple, okay?
Sam's little hacker friend—the
same one who changed my grades—
somehow forged documents saying I
opened a bank account—which I
KNOW I didn't do—

NATALIE
(picking up)
—and then hacked into the
school's mainframe, drained all
the money out of the Student Fund
account, and transferred it into
the account that Brooke didn't
open.

Mike, Jane and Arthur share a dubious look.

MIKE
Honey, no offense, but that sounds
a little...

JANE
Far-fetched.

MIKE
Right. Far-fetched.
(beat)
Besides, Sam was—is—the
Treasurer. Why would she need to
break into Principal Krupps'
office?

NATALIE
(exasperated)
To make it look like I was the one
who did it! She must've planted
my scarf there—the last time I
had that scarf, I was visiting
Sam.

BROOKE
And we already know that Sam knows
someone who can hack into the
school computer.

MIKE
I don't know...

JANE
(to Natalie)
Why would Sam set you up, anyway?
I know you need a scorecard to
keep track, but the last I heard,
you and Sam were best friends.

Natalie looks a bit discomfitted at that, but before she can
answer, the doorbell rings. Everyone rises, and Mike goes to
the front door.

ANGLE - THE FRONT DOOR

Mike opens the door, to find Mr. Osbourne standing there.

MIKE
Ahhh...Mr. Osbourne?

OSBOURNE
May I come in?

Without any real reason to refuse, Mike stands aside, and
Osbourne steps inside. Janes shoots a questioning glance at
Brooke, who holds up her hands in denial. But before she can
say anything—

NATALIE
Brooke didn't call Mr. Osbourne.

They all turn to face Natalie.

NATALIE (CONT'D)
I did.

BLACK OUT.

END OF ACT ONE