Chapter 2: Her Dream, His Start (Yume to Josho)

"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light"- ~Albus Dumbledore~

Yu stayed wide awake all night, sitting near the window, remaining her position where she had saw Arata Hajime being resurrected. 'Arata Hajime', a fresh start, as the name means. If Yu is to juxtapose her name with the boy's, it stands as 'Courage in the River of Tears' (Yu Namikawa) will have a 'Fresh start' (Arata Hajime). Was it a fresh start for her? She had every misfortune one could have, yet was there any hope of fresh start? She had always thought she had nothing left; she will live and die like a stone, unnoticed by the world. But it is the only hope, then she will hold onto it and never let go….

L's voice ringed in her ears

I am justice….

…..

(Two months later)

When her eyes opened, it was already dawn, and like the reflex action her eyes roamed towards the wall, where the letter 'L' was being displayed from the cutting of newspaper. Today was Thursday and she had classes early. She got up on her feet and checked the phone…. July 7th….. Her birthday and her mother's death day. July 7th was an important day for her not for her birthday or her mother's death day, it was also the day when her dad took out his imported Italian leather belt to whip her up, it was the day when her dad got the most drunk, it was the day when she was reminded every year that she has no right to live…. Yet every year, death seemed to ignore her dad's requests. Yu's hands roamed at the back and she felt the lashes that engraved in her healed skin. It was odd, but she missed her dad today…. Especially today…. As she smiled sadly, what a scary thing habit was.

It was time to stand up again, and go to school, then she would visit the graves later. School was also a tiring place. Apart from the teachers nobody did really talk to her, or behaved well with her, and she had to put up with it. She was a punch-bag for others.

It was quiet uneventful the way she walked into her school, and the moment she put her bag in her desk, three bulky looking girls came in front of her, crackling their knuckles.

''ey, sup? Look shrimp came back…..' a girl said. 'Where is my homework bitch?'

Yu sat her head hung, but she replied firmly 'You didn't say the day before when you were stepping on my hand….'

Yu was surprised by herself, this is the first time she spoke for herself. Make no mistake! She is not a whimpering creature scared of bullies, in fact, after her dad, nobody scared her anymore…. She liked being bullied; it was a way of self punishment for the pain she caused her father for taking her mother's life by coming out of her womb. But today an odd strength filled her, as if she refused to be bullied anymore, and she remembers the way she told off that man for accusing the old man in the bus for being a pervert. As if she found a wall against her back, supporting her.

'What did you say?' that girl said, and forced Yu to look at her.

The moment their eyes connected Yu could see something that was beyond the lethal blue eyes of that girl, she could see a little girl, ignored by everyone in the playground, playing alone in her home while her mom dressed herself up and meet up with different men every week, then that little girl murdering her mom, fearfully regretting, but they didn't listen….. She ended up in juvie hall…

Was she seeing inside the girl's mind?

It's a miracle…. As if she was a psychic, no clairvoyant….

It's time to check this through….

'I am sorry….. I didn't know your mom is no more….' Yu blurted out and had a punch flying on her face. The girl, who was punching her, had an outburst like an angry animal and some tears of anger splashed out of her face. In the interval between two punches, Yu opened her mouth again, not afraid that she might break a tooth or have a black eye.

'Everybody makes a mistake… everybody bruises…. You are not alone…. You don't need to fight it.'

'WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ME, LITTLE BITCH….. DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT MY MOM…..' another punch came flying but couldn't land on her

'Enough to know, what hurts you….'

The girl could not land the punch on Yu, her hands trembled and shook and then plopped at the side. She hung her head and sank on the ground, tears of anger has now transmuted to tears of sorrow, Yu rose from the ground and hold her hands between her and squeezed inside her hands. 'I am so sorry….. I didn't mean to say all those things-'

'stop-'

'What-'

'Just stop….. Stop, I don't want to take your advice….' That girl growled under her breath, 'it was their entire fault…. All their fault…. I did not kill my mom…. I tried to save myself from that man, and I ended up stabbing my mom…. I didn't mean to-'

'Why didn't you say so?' Yu asked, trying to look at the girl.

'I…. I was scared-'

'The only thing you did wrong was not telling that it wasn't your fault…..' Yu said, 'You think you are the only one that suffered this way? I know that going to juvie is not something you can forget easily, people will remind you what you did wrong, people will condescend you, people will be mean to you…..' Yu looked at her with determination 'but they don't know you…. They weren't there when you were lonely….. Look at me….'

Yu lifted up her shirt and turned back and earned a huge gasp from the class, and the girls' eye widened to see the healed lash-marks on Yu's back.

'My mother passed away during labour and I was accused everyday by my dad. In every death day, he used to lash me up with his spiked belt until I bled and bled and these bloods haven't dried up yet….. ' Yu stood up straight 'you might not be interested in my story, but listen to this…. Nothing is worse than your own turning into your worst enemies, but a mere, weak, passive girl like me, still stands here…. Quiet and still, then who says that you have to live torturing others? I have seen what animals they become….' Yu sat down. 'It is always time to let go of the past….'

'How…? Just how?'

'You have such beautiful blue eyes….. Try seeing the future than the past'

….

Yu's heart was relieved although she had a black eye. That girl, who had bullied her so far, nursed her, cried with her, wished her happy birthday and paid condolences for her mother. It was odd that Yu received the most comfort from a girl who had bullied her for so long. It was nearly afternoon and now she was going to the cemetery to visit her mother and father.

She looked at the headstone of her mother, a gothic cross in gray stone, in where the grim epitaph was engraved: La Belle Dame Sans Merci, (The Beautiful Lady without Mercy). Yu could easily envision a handsome young man, lying on the grave, flooding the grave with river of tears; yes Yu's father was much too handsome and possessive, sharp, tall and dark haired, the pain of his life was the death of his wife 'Mamoru', Kenichi, Yu's father, never once looked at another woman in his life, for that Yu could always forgive him….. He saw Mamoru too much in Yu, which he couldn't stand.

She laid the lilies on her mother's grave, and looked at the cross. Oka-san today is my birthday….. I always wanted you by my side, but you weren't there…. Tell me, are you happy sleeping here alone, are you happy after knowing that dad died the same day you did and I had to live with a monster for fourteen years? Every time he beat me, I thought that if I hurt him back, you'll be hurt…. So I kept my silence, but today I think that if I stopped him, scolded him, took care of him, then he would still be living today…. He gave his life for nothing….

'You gave your life for nothing…..' Yu turned her head to the neighbouring soft voice.

It was a blond gothic-lolita dressed woman, crouching over a cross, laying a strawberry cake and some white roses over the grave. Yu looked at the profile, and she seemed quite familiar, as her profile was turned more towards the right, where Yu was sitting, and she understood quickly…

'Misa-Misa…..' she gasped…

Misa Amane looked at Yu and Yu looked at Misa Amane…. Red against Black, again…. Again those visions wait…. Why her memories are stained with blood and why I cannot see the man she adores the most…. Wait who is crouching next to her and next to the man she adores…. Why these two people are shadowy…. Wait…. What I saw now?

A black notebook that kills anyone whose name is written on it?

Such a thing can exist?

What are those demonic things? Shinigami? Gods of Death?

The vision ended, she was pretty sure that she has encountered someone whom her note brands as 'unholy'

'Who are you…..' a seething fear came out of you…. 'You cannot be a human….'

Misa Amane was taken aback at that reaction, however as an entertainer, she recovered quickly and retorted to her, 'what the hell…. Do you think you can creep me out by telling you are not human…? Can't place a flower in peace for god-'

Misa's tongue was stopped and Yu looked calmly at her, 'tell me who you are…. I know everything about you demon….. Tell me who you are….' Again, Yu was surprised by her tone. It was incredibly rude telling someone like that, but the moment she looked in her eyes and all those fearful things an odd power was aroused in her, anyone who can kill at will is a demon…. Regardless what they are… they are sick….

'What do you know about me….?' A challenge was sparred towards Yu.

They looked at each other. A blonde black-clad Lolita, standing against a black haired girl, dressed in cream summer dress, Black eyes looked resolute and gleaming, while the reds looked confused, alarmed and scared.

Life against Death

Human steadfastness against Shinigami's glare

'How many lives your black notebook had taken?'

Misa was startled; this girl looked as if she pierced through her soul….How nostalgic, just like the old days, when everyone was around…. Light, L, Matsuda, Mogi, everyone…. She kind of reminded her of Ryuzaki….

'Answer me….. Misa Amane…. Are you Kira….'

"Does this mean that you admit to be the second Kira…?" Oh how this girl was so similar to Ryuzaki!

'Did you kill all those people?'

'Yes, Yes I DID ALRIGHT NOW STOP BADGERING ME…..' Misa Amane tried to walk away but Yu kept following her, dying out of curiosity that was bubbling inside her, why would she kill so many people? Was it because they weren't the fans of her? Wait…. She was also never a fan, she doesn't like her style… well maybe they were spreading rumours about her…. No that would be too suspicious. Then it might have been some serious wrongdoing in a personal level… but how many people you can kill based on personal reason…. Then….

'Let me rephrase…. Were you forced to kill them?'

'Do you not know the idea of personal space? I will sue you for accusing me as Kira, and following me like a pervert and I will also charge you-'

'Why did you do that?'

Misa stopped dead. Her shoulder shook, she was cracking with Yu's compassionate tone. Finally, someone willing to listen to her, even Light, whom she loved the most, did not ever listened to her…. She was a stupid hoe to L, tissue to Light, dumb voyeuristic figure for Matsuda, annoyance to Mr. Yagami and rest of the task force, and 'Misa-Misa' to the rest of the world…. No one after Rem had ever cared for her ever wanted to listen to what burden she carried in her heart….. She missed her only best friend, the shinigami who gave up her life for Misa….

'Funny…. You remind me of my Shinigami….' Misa mused, 'and no, I wasn't forced, I voluntarily killed all those people, but how did you know-'

'You have your ways, I have mine' Yu was startled by her own answer, as if she did not utter it; someone else did, using her lips.

'He made me do it…. I thought he would love me, but after he died, I realised he never did…. And now I have no future, my soul will be damned…. I have lost everything….. I have lost myself…. I cannot smile anymore…..'

Yu stood still and let her talk; she was curious, painful and intrigued how a simple instrument of death can change people, of course she could feel the instrument of life changing her heart, before having it, she always wanted to help the unfortunate but was afraid of people judging her or condescending her as naïve, taking advantage of her, but as one month passed she felt that those fears were replaced with courage, she would not care anymore what other people think of her….she just wanted to do good to them.

'Who is he?'

'Light Yagami…. The boy I loved….. He wielded the first death note and was the first Kira…. He was captured by the detective called "N"…. and killed by the god of death Ryuk.'

N….. Wasn't it L who captured and solved the Kira case?

'You said you did it out of the love for him, and as the world knows, Kira was delivering justice, did you also believed in that?'

'At first, I thought I thought I did believe in Justice, but then when I met Light, my faith changed…. I was ready to kill anyone if Light wanted, I was ready to give all up, if Light wanted… in the end, I was a puppet in his hands…. I was too blinded by his beauty…. I am tired, so tired' Misa collapsed near the grave she laid the cake, and Yu held her with swift motion.

'Get a hold of yourself….' Yu sat on the pavement, with her hand behind Misa. 'It's alright….. I am with you…. I got you…'

'Aren't you afraid of me? You said that I was Kira, aren't you afraid that I am going to kill you?' Misa asked Yu hopelessly.

'You might, it's called Free Will…. But what would you gain killing me?' Yu pathetically said. 'Unlike you, I am kind of un-pretty, got nobody to care for me perhaps nobody even notice I exist…' Yu said to her and Misa looked at her with glowing red eyes… 'I came here today for praying my mom who died giving birth to me, and her poor husband whose only pleasure was beating me and reminding every reason why I shouldn't be alive…. I think the reapers must be deaf and God a dumb person, because instead of me, he ended up dying….'

'Don't say things so easily-' Misa threateningly restrains her, and calms down 'my parents were murdered and all I looked for was revenge…. It was natural for me, but getting treated like that by your own father…. Unforgivable…. He deserved his death and you deserve to be alive-'

'That's the philosophy I don't agree with, Amane-san' Yu answered calmly 'he wasn't my father…. He was a monster, the right thing to do was to make him let go of his past, and move on with his life, I failed and he died…. It is I, who killed my parents….' Yu protested.

'I am jealous of you…. You forgive so easily… see it's a brilliant idea, forgiveness, until you have something to forgive' Misa sadly remarked, 'now I regret everything in my life…. I wish I would have met you before I met Light…. I would have been a better position right now…. Forgiving the one who killed my parent-'

'No…. forgiving a crime is as bad as committing it, but you shouldn't take person's life based on personal vendetta either…. That is egotism and when it gets heavier, it kills the man itself…. Trust me, I have seen one' Yu was painfully reminded of her dad.

'I feel so better now….. ' Misa looked at the sky, it was bruised purple after the last bloodshed of the setting sun, she fondly glanced at Yu, then the grave with the cake, 'See her Ryuzaki….. You would have been proud meeting her, but there is no chance for that now is it?' she looked sadly at Yu for the last time, 'goodbye…. It was nice meeting you'. A sudden pain crossed across Yu's heart as if it was the last time she will see Misa Amane ever, she left a pain that as if she won't meet again with Yu even after all is finished.