Kasamatsu unlocked his phone for what felt like the twentieth time. A single line appeared and disappeared, waiting for words to be written in the group message he'd started to compose. He'd received several calls and texts from his friends over the past two days, most of which he ignored. He didn't know what he wanted, part of him was blocking everyone out, not wanting to be fussed over. However another part of him was begging to be pitied and comforted, he wanted to scream profanities out to the world, why him? What had he done to deserve this?

Kasamatsu still felt as though he were in shock. It still didn't seem real, he was waiting to wake up from this nightmare. He wanted more than anything to return to his life before the cancer developed, before Kaijou lost the game, back to the days when his team trained with new found passion, the days when their dreams seemed so obtainable, they weren't number one quite yet… but they were close and they had faith in their ace, faith in each other. Despite the complaints Kasamatsu voiced about his team's immaturity. Even the days when he felt so exhausted after practise but still forced himself to finish his homework and write up another game plan, on nights he only got four hours of sleep. He missed them, he missed feeling exhausted from physical exertion, not waking up every morning feeling as though his limbs were laden with lead accompanied with aching joints, despite sleeping for ten hours straight.

As every day past, the foolish strand of hope he'd been hanging onto seemed to fray a little further. If people could wish their way out of cancer, oncologists would be out of a job.

No, there was nothing he could do, or say, or shout that would change his diagnosis. It was simply another item he could add to the lengthy list of disappointments he'd somehow managed to compile in his short life.

The phone screen faded black again, indicating another timing out and yet another failure to compose a message to his friends. What was he going to write anyway?

["Hey guys! So, just letting your know. I've contracted a possibly fatal disease and will be taking a year off school whilst taking medication which will severely compromise my immune system and make me extremely sick for a few months. Oh, that's if my prognosis is good, if it's bad or if I have an extreme allergic reaction to the normal treatment (or I contract another horrible disease whilst my immune system in compromised), there's a high possibility I could die. Yeah, so pretty much this message is just a heads up so it doesn't come as a shock when you get an invitation to my funeral."]

Or maybe that would be a little too sarcastic… just a little…

Kasamatsu sighed, naturally lifting his hand to rub his eyes, flinching at the movement of the IV-needle he'd forgotten was currently dripping into one of his veins. A little blood had flowed back into the tube, staining the clear liquid with traces of red. He felt his stomach turn a little, never one to be comfortable with needles. Kasamatsu liked to think he had a pretty high pain threshold, but sitting in bed all day doing nothing could do little to distract him from the dull ache he felt in his arm as the cooler liquid entered his bloodstream.

He felt extremely restless, like he was constantly tired, but whenever he tried to fall asleep his mind wouldn't rest so he'd just lie there with his eyes closed, trying extremely hard to ignore the feeling of the needle permanently fixed into his vein.

Sighing tiredly he placed his phone back on the small table situated beside his bed, yet another unsuccessful attempt to inform the outside world of his situation. He knew it was stupid, but he couldn't help but feed the nagging thought that not telling anyone would make his diagnosis less real.

"Many thanks my beautiful lady, your assistance has been most helpful." Came the flirtatious tone of someone who thought they sounded smooth, but in reality were simply cringe worthy… Kasamatsu frowned for a moment, wait… was that?

"Captain! We found you!" exclaimed Moriyama, sounding a little breathless. Kasamatsu simply stared in shock, blue eyes widened dumbfounded. Wondering how his fellow third years had managed to find him without him being in contact with anyone. Only a few moments ago had he been attempting to compose a text message for them… their timing was slightly eerie, but appreciated nonetheless.

"What, where did? How did you find me?" asked Kasamatsu, finally forming a comprehensible sentence.

"We asked the information desk for your ward and bed number." Explained Kobori looking tired but rather relieved. "We got lost quite a few times though, I never knew hospitals were so hard to navigate."

"Yeah, how come you haven't been replying our calls?" accused Moriyama. Kasamatsu looked down at his lap, fiddling with the edge of his bedsheet.

"I, just hadn't really gotten around to it…" he said lamely, avoiding eye contact. Moriyama opened his mouth to say something clearly not convinced with his poor excuse of an answer.

"Bu-" Moriyama cursed softly, throwing a dark look at Kobori who had just jabbed him in the ribs to stop him from talking.

"So, how are you then?" asked Kobori lightly, smiling calmly as though hadn't laid a hand on his best friend. Kasamatsu felt a smile creeping onto his face despite himself, he hadn't realised how much he missed their playful interaction and peculiar antics.

"Yeah, when are you coming back to school then?" asked Moriyama, rubbing his side more for show than out of pain.

"I-aah it kinda depends…" started Kasamatsu, his voice a little scratchy from lack of use, "I don't really know when I'm going to be discharged." He tried to smile, immediately regretting the decision as he was sure the face he currently wore probably had a closer resemblance to a grimace.

"I don't blame you man. I'd keep coughing and staying in bed if it could mean I could get to know that nurse better." Joked Moriyama, trying to lighten the mood. Kobori said nothing, but Kasamatsu could tell he knew his old captain wasn't telling the whole truth.

The awkward silence that followed was unceremoniously broken from the buzzing of Kasamatsu's phone signifying an incoming call. The blue eyed teen jumped at the opportunity to do something, quickly reaching for his mobile.

[ Incoming call Kise Ryouta ]

Kasamatsu silently cursed, not quite thinking beyond taking his phone from the cabinet. He really didn't want to pick up. Kobori and Moriyama looked at their friend expectantly.

"Uuh, should we go?" asked Kobori, pointing a finger in the vague direction of the door. Kasamatsu forced another smile, feeling slightly more confident with his faked expression than the previous attempt.

"Nah, it's no one important." Said Kasamatsu dismissively, hanging up the call to stop the incessant buzzing. Moriyama exchanged uneasy glances with Kobori.

"If you say so…" said Kobori also feeling the need to fill up the awkward empty pauses in their conversation. At first Kasamatsu was glad of their company, but what started off as nostalgic chatter quickly turned into uncomfortable atmosphere. They were good friends, Kobori and Moriyama they'd been together since their first year of high school playing basketball and sharing some classes. They were close enough to know Kasamatsu was hiding the details of his condition, and yet the blue eyed teen couldn't bring himself to tell them the entire truth. He didn't completely understand his reluctance to tell his friends, part of him wanted to protect them from worrying. Kobori and Moriyama especially, they were third years and even if his own exams were pretty much jeopardised he didn't want to inflict stress onto them and ruin their own chances.

"Sorry, we need to get going got a seminar at 5pm. It was aah good to see you." Said Kobori awkwardly, looking at his watch. Kasamatsu nodded not entirely sure if it true or if it was simply an excuse. Although he honest couldn't blame them if it were the latter, Kasamatsu himself hadn't been entirely truthful himself.

"We'll see you soon then!" smiled Moriyama, readjusting his bag, "Either at school or, here I guess." He added as an afterthought. Kasamatsu smiled and nodded in return as if returning to school in the next few days was an entirely plausible occurrence. Which it wasn't.

They waved goodbye as they left the ward, Kasamatsu taking care to use his arm not attached to the IV to return the gesture. He couldn't help but feel a little lonely as they left, as if he were being abandoned. Which was completely unreasonable and unjustified of him seeing as he didn't really make an effort to initiate a conversation whilst they were with him. He checked the time on his phone, 3:50pm. His mother was busy with a night class, she was a teacher at the language school for short courses and couldn't afford taking too much off, especially now seeing as Kasamatsu's treatment wasn't going to come cheap. She had raised him as a single parent, his father dying in a car crash when he was a baby. He used to ask his mother if she wanted to find another partner, but she simply brushed away the suggestion saying it could wait until after he graduated from high school. He felt the familiar twinge of guilt, his mother really didn't deserve the stress he was causing her. Life wasn't fair and people weren't made evenly. Some lucky souls got it all, whilst others are constantly bombarded with misfortune.

"Captain!" called out a bright voice. Kasamatsu opened his eyes, blinking away the blurry edges in his vision. Kise stood before him, almost glowing under the unnatural hospital lights. It seemed the clinical white surroundings of the ward only served to accentuate his brightly dyed golden hair.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." Said Kise apologetically biting his lip as if asking for forgiveness. Kasamatsu simply sighed, rubbing the sleep out of his eye. He didn't even notice dozing off.

"But I guess it makes up for you calling me 'no one important' and hanging up on me." Added Kise wiping away a fake tear. Kasamatsu had the grace to look guilty, before realising there was no possible way Kise could've known that.

"How did you?" began Kasamatsu.

"I asked Kobori to text me the details once he reached your bed, and seeing as you haven't been picking up any of our calls I thought I'd just make sure it wasn't because you were avoiding us." said Kise, not sounding very impressed. "I didn't really want to be proved right though." A frowned threatened to tarnish his perfect smile. Kasamatsu silently swore, it was easy to forget how sharp Kise was at times simply because everyone else assumed he was a little thick. Defaulting back to a newly found habit Kasamatsu smiled reassuringly.

"Sorry, but really, as you can see. I'm completely fine." Said Kasamatsu. Kise's frown deepened, his serious expression made the blue haired male feel caught out. Kasamatsu felt his face heating up and sweat prickling at the back of his neck.

"It's obviously fine if your smiling like that." Stated Kise, his intense making Kasamatsu feel as though the golden orbs could see right through is lies.

"Kasamatsu-san, how are you feeling?" asked the nurse assigned to him. The blue eyed teen secretly thanked her for interrupting Kise's intense questioning, he wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able to keep up his already rocky calm persona.

"I'm just going to refresh your B cells." Announced the nurse, replacing his cannula and attaching a fresh bag of fluid to his IV stand. Kasamatsu tried hard not to flinch too much when the needle was pulled out. "It'll be on a slow drip, so it should be finished in 5 or so hours. I'll be checking up on you in an hour or so, but if you're feeling any worse just call for me." She smiled prettily. It wasn't hard to guess which nurse Moriyama had been talking about, she was easily the best looking hospital staff on the ward with her long dark brown hair neatly tied up in a bun and large green eyes. To be honest Kasamatsu wasn't entirely fussed either way if his nurse was good looking or not, but it did make a good distraction in the new boring life he lead on a hospital bed.

Kasamatsu glanced up at Kise after the nurse left, gauging whether or not it was safe to look up again. However the blonde's intense gaze was now fixed on the bag of fluids attached to his IV stand.

"Uuhh, meeting hours finish at 6pm." Informed Kasamatsu, noticing it was already 5:40pm. Kise flicked his attention back to his friend who was relieved to see the golden orbs had lost some of their intensity. Kasamatsu wasn't used to seeing Kise's intense concentration anywhere other than on court in the middle of a match. The blonde nodded, easing back into his usual glowing smile. The older male felt himself relaxing slightly, it was comforting seeing something familiar and he'd had enough of 'new experiences' for the time being.

"Sure, I'll be back." Joked Kise, in a poor attempt at impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger from terminator. "Oh, and don't force yourself to smile… it's kinda painful." Kasamatsu threw him a dirty look, unable to help himself. Kise laughed earnestly, "Yeah, much better. Your face is much more suited to grumpiness!" he quipped before walking backwards towards the exit. Kasamatsu opened his mouth to throw another insult right back at him but ended up not bothering. He already felt better.

Kasamatsu regretted his delay of contacting his friends, Kise especially. He had some strange idea in his head that by letting them see him in this state would compromise his position of captain or make them lose respect for him. Looking back on it now, it was rather foolish and conceited of him to think that. They were his friends and he wasn't even captain anymore. Friendship required a different type of respect, and they weren't the types of people to turn away once someone they knew started developing problems. He really needed to start trusting others more… and he couldn't help but feel a little guilty and embarrassed that it took a threat at his life to realise it.

"Senpai!" a sharp whisper and shake of his wrist snapped Kasamatsu into consciousness. He looked up bewildered to see Kise's face uncomfortably close to his own.

"What are you doing here?" he asked back in an accusatory hushed tone. Propping himself on his elbows to move his face a little further away. He glanced around at the clock on the wall, it was already nightfall and there wasn't enough light to properly make out the time.

"It's past visiting hours! How did you even get in here?!" hissed Kasamatsu trying to keep his voice down.

"I can be very convincing." Grinned Kise, flashing one of his signature smiles. Even in the dimmed light Kasamatsu felt his heart racing a little, damn his perfect face!

"Ok… but why?" asked Kasamatsu, lifting and eyebrow at the model's response to his question, no doubt his occupation (i.e. flirting abilities) had come in handy. Kise quietly brought a chair closer to Kasamatsu's bed, he didn't take away his hand from the shorter male's wrist but held it rather than grasping. The contact didn't bother Kasamatsu as much as he thought it would.

"I- I just needed to confirm something, and I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep all night without knowing so I thought I'd just come now and not mull over it for another day." Said Kise cryptically. Kasamatsu watched him carefully, his blonde friend had reverted back to his unfamiliar serious self. "Are- do you…" began Kise, obviously struggling to find the right words. The blonde closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Have you got Leukaemia?" he asked, the words sounding raw, hanging between them dangerously. Kasamatsu simply stared at him, feeling shocked and vulnerable.

"But, how what, did, did you ask my mother?" chocked Kasamatsu, trembling slightly. Kise visibly deflated at his friend's reaction. Obviously hanging on to the hope that he'd jumped to the wrong conclusion.

"No." said Kise shaking his head. "I sort of made some connections, I mean you were short of breath a few days ago when we were walking from the station, and you're in the haematology department… I guess the B cells were also the other thing…" Kise trailed off noticing the tears forming in his friend's eyes.

Kasamatsu felt his throat tightening uncomfortably along with his eyes prickling. He tried to force down the lump in his throat but it only seemed to make him shake more, threatening to drop the tears already brimming in his eyes. He vaguely heard a chair scrape against the floor before feeling himself being wrapped in a warm embrace.

"Please, you don't have to hide. Just let it out, just let it out." Cooed Kise, gently rocking back and forwards placing one hand at the back of Kasamatsu's head while the other firmly situated itself around his waist. The smaller male let out silent sobs, his tears soaking into Kise's shirt front. "You don't have to fake it around me. You don't need to smile, it hurts me more to know you're lying. Please, just trust me." Murmured Kise, his cheek resting against the side of his friend's head. "Just trust me." He repeated.

Kasamatsu hadn't known how much pressure he had been under. It felt good to let it out, to openly cry. He tried so hard to remain strong in front of his mother, in front of Kobori and Moriyama, even general hospital staff and patients. He didn't want to slip, or let go and show his weak side or concern the people he cared for.

It was strange, he used not to be a very 'smiley' person, but ever since he was diagnosed he felt as though it was expected of him to appear optimistic. He hadn't realised just how much of an emotional drain it had been up until now.

"I'm sorry." Whispered Kasamatsu shakily, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He repeated most words muffled in Kise's shirt. Sorry, for being so weak, sorry for hiding the truth, sorry for placing a burden on his friend.

"Don't apologise, I'm here for you. I'm not going away. It'll be fine, it'll be fine." Whispered Kise tightening his grip slightly on the smaller male, as if to stop him from slipping too far away. Kasamatsu hiccupped a little, returning the hug and ignoring the pain caused by the cannula jabbing further into his arm.

For the first time in weeks Kasamatsu felt a weight lift off his chest. He was glad Kise was here, glad Kise was the one smart enough to piece together the secret he couldn't bring himself to share. Glad the person comforting him was also the same one whose smiles never ceased to brighten his day.

Wow that was possibly one of the longest chapters I've ever posted…. I tried to be as accurate as possible when writing about the medical side of the story (nothing annoys me more than incorrect or made up science that pretends to be realistic) ((that being said please correct me if anything I have written is wrong))

I really hope you enjoyed it :) (and continue to read it)

Thanks so much for reading :3