Kate was confused at first.

She frowned as Mia sat up and smiled, letting a small breath out. "That's great! Is he excited to become a dad?"

If there was one thing Kate knew was putting up walls and not letting others see any kind of weakness. So, it was clear as day that Mia was adhering to that technique. "He's overwhelmed. He has no idea what to do and he barely knows if he's one tiny bit okay with this."

"Well, he has to be there for his girlfriend… she needs him now… her and the baby." Mia shrugged. She wanted to run. Inwardly, everything in her screamed for her to leave and fast. She wasn't sure she could handle the amount of pain stabbing at her heart.

"Ex-girlfriend! I… think that's what he's trying to do… but then there's you, Mia." Kate softly said.

"There isn't anymore." Mia shook her head. "I'm his friend. That's all." Not to you, it isn't, you fool!

"That's not the way he feels about it, Mia. Maybe you should talk to him… He's been dying to get to talk to you. Just hear him out…" Kate begged. And now her brother was making her beg. She hated it. "Please, he's your friend, like you said… he needs a friend now."

Mia felt the knife twist further. She didn't want to help him right now; she wouldn't be strong enough to see him handle becoming a dad and devoting his time to another girl. A woman… she thought bitterly. Not a silly girl like her, for sure. "Yeah, I'll do that… Gotta go now though…"

Making her way back to the kitchen, she was glad she'd put her denim jacket on top of a stool by the counter. Quickly, she grabbed it and went out the back again, just as Kate came through the door, following her. "I… I gotta go. I have a couple of interviews tomorrow." Okay, not a lie, at least. "Please, just tell them that I had to leave early… And I'm happy for him. He'll be a wonderful father and he'll love it once he gets used to the idea, we both know that… Bye, Kate."

Without waiting, she simply left Kate in the middle of the kitchen, wondering just how she got herself in the middle of so much trouble.

Getting to her first of three interviews for the day, she knew she had to ace it. If there was one thing she took seriously, that was her love for cooking and since her plans hadn't been working out for her, she had to adapt. Right now, she was going to start in the most conventional way possible. It was the only possibility and she was actually glad that no one else knew of this. It was her project and her chance to do it on her own, with no family interference.

The first place was a hip restaurant, with a very modern look to it, located right in the heart of Seattle. It was a nice opportunity and very close to home. However, it was a bit too elitist and just the kind of dining experiences she wouldn't like being part of. The menu she saw was all about the latest trends but no heart to it. She could just see the girls she went to school with hanging out here with their rich husbands and boyfriends. That made her hesitate on promptly accepting the offer the owner made her by the end of the interview. A nice, slightly exuberant guy with way too much gel on his hair.

Don't be so judgmental, Mia Grey!

The next two places definitely left her torn. Both were unique in their own way. Both were soulful and uplifting.

She felt tempted to throw a coin to help her choose. And then she realized how lucky she was – she had three options when that morning she wasn't sure she'd have any at all.

Deciding to unwind and get some fresh air, she headed to Rose Garden. The first thing she did when she got there was close her eyes and breathe in as deeply as she could. She had always loved that fragrant aroma in the air.

Oddly, it reminded her of childhood, when her mother would teach her all about the origins and specificities of flowers in their own garden. She'd get Elliot and Christian too but, while Christian had been a bit curious for sometime, the boys mainly steered clear of those "bonding" sessions. On the other hand, she felt compelled by everything: the flowers, their scent, their colors,… Grace Grey surely knew how to connect with her only daughter.

"Feels nice, doesn't it?"

She froze.

He couldn't be here. Not now, when she felt good enough after being so lost for the past few weeks but most of all, after getting the shock of her life by Kate's conversation the previous evening.

She turned and looked straight into green, almost transparent eyes. "Ethan… hey, how are you?"

It felt so forced. Even she could hear it in her voice how insincere her chirpiness was.

"I need to talk to you, Mia." He looked so serious, so sullen. She knew he could be this way but had never seen it. He was so relaxed when they hung out before, never a dull moment with his witty banter that would tease her own sense of humor.

"I know, Kate told me." She said, smiling as genuinely as she could. "I hear congratulations are in order."

He frowned. "Why are you being like this?"

Taken aback, she actually had to raise her eyebrows. "What do you mean?" She shook her head, the smile still on her lips.

It was his turn to shake his head. "I didn't know Lizzie was going to come back to my life and drop this bomb on me…"

Lizzie. The blurry image she created in her mind now had a name. She could see her and envision what she was like, with a little bump and everything. And now she could call that vision Lizzie. An endearment. That was not a one-night stand for sure. Nope, that was serious girlfriend material.

"So, how is she doing with this?" Mia didn't know why she asked that but she had to admit that she was way too curious to let it rest.

"She's… okay. Mia, I didn't come here to talk about her."

"Why did you then?"

"I have to explain things to you…" Ethan started to say, until Mia raised her hand to stop him.

"No. Don't do that. I don't need you to write it down for me." She chuckled. "Lizzie and your baby is what you should be focusing on. We both knew it wouldn't work out with us anyway. We're better off as friends, right?"

"Oh, we both knew it, did we?" He looked offended by her words. "I thought we were on the same page, Mia, but I really don't know what's going through your mind. I mean, I thought you'd want more for us… were we just messing around? If I knew you were thinking this…"

"What, you'd go ahead and get back together with your ex-girlfriend? Oh, wait, you didn't need me to do that…" She snapped.

His face paled and she knew she had gone too far. She wanted them to stay friends. There was no use in fighting with him, regardless of her feelings. If there was one thing she didn't need right now was more reasons to feel bad about herself.

"I'm sorry, Ethan, I didn't mean it… I know you didn't plan this. And hey, I'm here for you, I want you to count on me. But I don't want to dwell on whatever it is we had."

"Whatever it is we had… Seriously, I don't even know what to say to you. It didn't mean anything to you, did it? I was just a guy for you to lean on and have some fun with, that's what you're making it out to look like." Ethan said, his eyes so transparent and clear that she had to look away. He'd see through her, the same way she was seeing he was hurt by her words.

"You're going to be a father." She said, to remind both of them there was something standing in their way now. There was not Ethan and Mia. There was Ethan and a baby and his or her mother. "That's such a beautiful gift your girlfriend is going to give you. You're going to fall in love with her all over again if you haven't already and they'll be the most important people in the world for you."

"But you…" Ethan started to say.

"I'll babysit once the time comes if you ask me to. I'd love to be there for you. As a friend. And that's it." She braced herself and took his hand, smiling up at him. "You're going to be so great at it. There's nothing this kid will need or want that you won't be able to give. You were made to be a dad, even if you can't see it right now."

Resigning himself to what she was saying, he knew there was no chance. He'd made sure she wouldn't want him the same way he desperately wanted her. He wanted her with his kid, sure, but not to babysit. He wanted her by his side the whole time. As unconventional as it was, he was sure he wanted her in his future, maybe as his wife, definitely forever with him. And the baby that they'd both take to school and to the park and the beach… So many things he wanted to do with her but she was taking herself out of the picture. It wasn't fair, he knew, to ask her to change her dreams and become a stepmom to a child that wasn't even born and that suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

"Thank you…" He whispered, his eyes lowering to their joined hands. "I wanted more than this for us… but I'll take anything you give me right now, Mia."

"You'll see that I'm right and that you'll look back and love that Lizzie came back into your life with a life that you both created. Out of love." She followed his eyes to their hands, giving his one last squeeze before letting go.

The fact that he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs how wrong she was and how her words hurt him made his chest ache with anger and frustration. But Mia had made a decision and he couldn't say anything to sway her, he knew. Why did she have to be so kind to him? Why did she have to be so understanding and caring, or at least tried to, at all times? His degree in psychology was definitely not proving helpful right now to decipher her other than enabling him to see she was protecting herself and taking the high road.

Right now, he couldn't even say what he wanted to say. The three words he had waited long enough to say were stuck in his throat. But it'd be cruel to her so he just swallowed them, along with his craving for her lips. He didn't know if he'd be able to ever tell her. Maybe he'd write it down and give it to her someday in the future. A very distant future, he guessed.

Sensing that he wasn't about to leave, she decided to be the first to go. "Well, I gotta go now, Ethan. Please, just take care and we'll keep in touch. If you're ever scared of what the kid will turn out to be and how you're going to deal with it all, including labor, call me." She winked at him. "Christian and Ana having a baby is giving me a glimpse of the craziness you'll probably go through… though my brother is a paranoid control freak so you should handle it a bit better… hopefully."

Finally smiling, Ethan marveled at her. So beautiful. Everything she did only made he more beautiful and her words pacified his troubled heart and mind. "Thanks, Mia. You take care too." He saw her turn to go and walk fast like she always did. "Hey! Your hair looks really nice."

She threw a smile over her shoulder and waved back at him. "I know!"

He wished he could saw more, so much more. She wouldn't let him though.

And as she lay down looking up at absolute darkness, she wondered if she'd be able to move past this. Her first love, her only love, belonged to someone else. He would have a family of his own, be happy with them and inevitably their friendship would become a fading memory. Maybe not completely, since their siblings were about to get married.

I can be happy by myself, she muttered. It might take time but she'd get there. There was no other way for her.

But her conscience taunted her with the knowledge she'd always look back and see him as her lost prince charming. The one she dreamed growing old with.

The one that she gave herself fully to. The one that she gifted with her blushing innocence.

How could she just erase that memory? Shaking her head, she cursed the day she ever met him. But most of all, she cursed herself for being so weak, so open-hearted to the first person that made her feel complete and that now made her feel as bare as she never knew she ever could.

Waiting for him was not an option, yet she knew she couldn't do anything else. Christian may not share her blood but in this particular case she knew they shared one important truth: their first love would be their only love.