Title: But I Thought You Were Straight
Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter or added this story to your alerts. Thank you to everyone who is reading this story but not necessarily reviewing. I understand because I don't review as much as I should. Also, a very special thank you to Vampirewine for being my beta on this chapter.
Apparently, a lot of us have encountered some variation of "Jim Kirk is too much of a ladies' man to be gay" and tried not to laugh. For some reason completely rational individuals conveniently forget the concept of being bisexual, pansexual, or being on the down low.
This chapter is dedicated to everyone who always thought any version of Jim Kirk was just a little too heterosexual to actually be heterosexual even before they figured out there was such a thing as slash fan fiction.
Rating T: For sexual innuendos and frank discussions about sexual orientation
There is a lot of sex in this chapter, but not a lot of details. This is probably at the high end of T or maybe even a light M. This is probably the worst it's going to get because I absolutely hate writing sex scenes.
Warning: Assumptions are bad.
Other warnings for this section: Stupid student behavior including high risk sexual encounters. Is there anything inherently safe about randomly hooking up with unknown people at a club or bar?
Personal PSA moment: Monogamy is good, abstinence is better, but whatever you do, please use a condom
Pairings: Various Jim/other ending with Jim/Spock. Canon mentions of Spock/ Uhura.
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek. Fortunately, because I don't own it I only have to please myself.
Part two:
Leonard McCoy: With a roommate/friend like Jim Kirk who needs enemies or ex wives.
Leonard McCoy really did not remember his first encounter with Jim Kirk very well or practically at all. He met the man who would become his best friend exactly 24 hours after his divorce to a woman who stole his soul and his daughter, was finalized. Of course, she stole his soul because she didn't have one. He was almost positive the bitch was sleeping with the judge after she successfully took his practice, the house, and almost all of their other supposedly joint assets that he actually brought into the marriage.
The custody arrangement was a joke. The judge allowed him to see his daughter one weekend a month and every other holiday. The cold hearted bitch could not even give him that much and instead use the money she extorted from him to send their daughter to some private school light years away where he will rarely get to see her. The only thing the soulless bitch left him with was his bones.
The only way he could make it on the shuttle to take his first step in a career that would take him into the disease infested darkness of space was the medicinal powers of whatever was in his flask. He probably would have drunk less if the short scary lady in black would have let him stay in the bathroom with no windows.
He does remember two things about his first encounter with Jim. One, after threatening several times to throw up on the man he actually does 2 minutes before the shuttle touches down in San Francisco. Two, Jim spend the entire shuttle flight flirting with/annoying a very pretty girl with dark hair and brown eyes who had the same death glare as his ex wife.
Because Jim Kirk said nothing to him after throwing up on him on the shuttle, he felt Jim would make an ideal roommate. At his age, he preferred not to have a roommate, but he had no choice. All first year cadets, that were not married or living with dependents, were required to have a roommate. He agreed to Jim's suggestion to be roommates because Jim had to be better than some overly enthusiastic barely out of high school teenager that he could have ended up with.
The two of them got along very well. Unlike everyone else, Jim didn't pry when he mentioned his bitch of an ex or the daughter that she wouldn't let him see despite the court order and the new lawyer. Bones usually pays Jim the same courtesy. He did not ask questions about Jim's family and he knew not to say anything about Jim's late father.
Bones also never said anything when he notices the young man hide various food rations in one of their closets. Bones just made some offhanded comment about what a good idea it was to prepare for a famine or some other sort of disaster. He will regret his speech about famine statistics and starvation two years later when he finds out about Tarsus IV. Jim doesn't tell him anything about it until after he must sedate the guy after a horrible nightmare induced by having an exam on the tragedy. By that point, he really shouldn't have been surprise because Jim was never one to share things unless he had to.
During that first year they shared a room together, there were many days when Bones was forced to pick up beer cans and strangers underwear from various locations in their dorm room. On those days, he started to wonder why he decided to live with a 22 year old who had the maturity level of a toddler. You think by that point someone with a genius level IQ could pick up his own things. The only person he was a parent of was light years away and he wasn't going to use Jim as a substitute.
As much as he tried otherwise, he's pretty sure he did become a father figure to Jim. Jim needed a father figure and he wanted someone to be a father figure to especially after the latest custody hearings fell apart. To this day, he is still positive that his former wife was screwing the judge.
During the first month of living together in an academy dormitory that was a breeding ground for various strains of alien meningitis he fines six bras in various sizes and various types of female underwear in some of the strangest places in the room. Because of this, he assumes that his roommate was a ladies' man and possibly a sex addict that was about one encounter away from an STI. After he walks in on Jim doing inappropriate things on Bones's bed with one of his 'lady friends' he makes Jim sit through his heterosexual safe sex speech and makes sure he keeps one of the dresser door stock with condoms and spermicide.
Because he just assumes the unusual boxers and the occasional leopard print briefs that he finds in very strange places when cleaning the dorm room are his roommate's, he does not include the safe sex information on same sex relationships or add lube to the sex supply drawer. He is too busy complaining about his roommate's unsanitary behavior to realize that the soiled boxer shorts and other male underwear come in a variety of sizes. The pair he found the week before midterms that first semester with that tail hole should have told him that the article belonged to one of Jim's "partners" and not to his roommate.
However, he never reached that conclusion because he assumed that his roommate was straight for various reasons at the time. First, because he's a doctor, not a xenodiversity expert he automatically assumes that everyone he meets is straight until proven otherwise. Before his heartless ex legally stole his practice, he would ask his male patience wearing wedding rings about their wife never their partner or significant other. This led to a very embarrassing situation when he assumed the person one of his female patients brought with her for a consultation was her sister when in reality it was her wife of 15 years.
The second reason he assumed Jim Kirk was straight was he didn't fit his preconceived notions about what a gay man should be like. Jim drank whiskey and other hard liquor from various planets, not drinks with names that sounded like sex positions. Jim talked about motorcycles and enjoyed getting into fistfights. The man had no idea what any of the operas or musicals that Bones's ex forced him to see during the course of their sham of a marriage were. Jim also didn't plaster rainbow flags all over their dorm room.
Honestly, he should have known better. His colleagues and patients who were members of the LGBTP community did not pander to the stereotypes associated with their orientation. Sometimes it's just easier to think of people in terms of stereotypes even in the 23rd century.
The third reason was Jim never made a pass at him. Considering the fact that Jim Kirk flirted with everyone and was most likely a sex addict he assumed that because Jim didn't try anything with him he must be straight. Of course, he didn't consider the fact that Jim Kirk actually doesn't flirt with his friends or that maybe contrary to popular belief he does have some self control.
(Three and a half years later, he almost reconsiders the assumption that Jim doesn't try to sleep with his friends when he hears about his captain trying to get his First Officer to give him a back rub on the bridge. Seriously, the old bar fight injury excuse had to be the most idiotic cover for flirting he has ever heard. Considering the looks Jim got from his Chief Communications Officer he was sure that the hobgoblin's girlfriend didn't buy it either. Of course, then he realizes that his friend has a crush on the bloody hobgoblin that almost got him killed on an ice planet. Bones drank half a bottle of bourbon by himself that night.)
The final reason he assumed Jim Kirk was straight was because it seem that Jim was slowly sleeping his way through the female population of San Francisco. On those rare occasions when his roommate somehow managed to talk him into going to a bar or club, Jim would spend the entire night chatting up some girl as Bones sat at the bar enjoying some of the best brandy in the galaxy. During the first year, it was quite rare to see Jim without bite marks or scratches.
In the hallways between classes he would always see Jim use his signature smile and blue eyes to manipulate some poor female Coed into giving him her contact information. (That first year he didn't notice all those times Jim was extracting the same information from certain male classmates).
Jim's favorite target was the girl from the shuttle who later became his Chief Communications Officer. Unlike most of his usual targets, she shot him down instantly in the most entertaining ways possible.
"Seriously, I don't know why you keep using those tired lines on me. Since you passed the entrance exam it's obvious that you must be somewhat intelligent. We both know I'm not your type. I don't have certain anatomical features that you prefer like fur or a pecker."
"I told you before I am into other things besides farm animals. I only bother you because you're my favorite."
In hindsight, he realizes that Jim was also making quite an impression on certain aspects of the male population of Starfleet Academy and San Francisco. For some reason it just didn't register in his mind that Fred and Wesley from Jim's Introduction to Federation History were Jim Kirk's usual conquest. He honestly assumed when Jim said he was going for a beer with Marc from Freshman Tactics, Jim was just hanging out with the guys. He had no idea that Jim was really going back to Marc's dorm room for a quickie.
He should've figured out that his roommate was either bisexual, pansexual or possibly on the down low by the sheer amount of guys that Jim brought over. Let's be honest Bones was Jim's only real friend at the academy. Everyone else was interested in sleeping with Jim or being friends with the dead hero's son. Because up to that point he had only seen Jim making out with females of various species he firmly believed Jim was straight. As a doctor, really he should know better.
However, Bones was usually out the door to class or someplace else and didn't have time to actually speak to any of these individuals that Jim brought over. Unlike Jim who was a god damn genius in the closet, he actually needed to study and show up for classes to have good grades. All Jim needed to do was show up for classes occasionally to get a 4.0. He wondered how good Jim's GPA could have been if he actually applied himself at the academy.
Due to Jim's tendency to bring his conquest of the night, back to their dorm room Bones made it a point not to come back until at least midnight on the weekends. It's a lot easier to study without sex noises in the background. Usually he would arrive back at the room just in time to see that night's 'fun buddy' take part in the obligatory walk of shame.
It was not that he didn't see guys leaving the room. It's just that his mind made up some explanation for why rumpled guys were limping out of the room at very odd hours. He just assumed that Jim decided to use their dorm room for some other athletic activity like sparring. The broken and disarray furniture usually allowed him to support this delusion.
Because he was Jim's roommate, he was only able to keep up that delusion until the middle of the second semester of the first year. One Saturday in March, he was meeting with a group of students to go over the study guide for one of his classes. He absolutely hated study groups. Especially because the group he was in was filled with shiny happy 18 and 19 year olds that still had no idea how cruel life can really be. Unfortunately, study groups were mandatory for one particular class. Whose idea was it to force people who have already had a degree or two to take classes with real freshmen? Once he was surrounded by happy shiny happy teenagers, he realized that he picked up Jim's PADD by mistake.
He was so angry that he had to go all the way back to the dormitories to pick up his PADD that he didn't even consider knocking before he opened the door. He wished he had had when he saw his roommate up against the wall with his pants down around his ankles. Some unnamed guy was performing fellatio on Jim without a condom.
"God damn it Jim. Privacy locks were invented for a reason. Use it. I need brain bleach." He yelled as the frightened unnamed guy stopped what he was doing and quickly ran out of the room.
"Hey I told you that I had company coming." Jim said as he put his pants back on without any embarrassment whatsoever.
"I was not thinking you meant that literally. You told me you had a guy coming over. For some unknown reason I thought you were straight. I wasn't expecting to walk in on you getting a blow job from some random guy. Do you even know his name?"
"I think it was John or Jason. I'm not sure. Hey, I never told you that I was straight."
"You don't tell people a lot of things. You just let them assume whatever they want. Most of your professors think you're only at the academy because your daddy died a hero, until they see your test scores. I assumed you were straight just because of the sheer number of ladies underwear I have had the misfortune of retrieving from several different parts of our room. I also walked in on you taking off some unknown woman's bra during our first week as roommates. Jim, I think you are a sex addict."
"I'm not an addict. I can quit at anytime. Considering the amount of boxers you have picked up from the floor you should've known better."
"Your right I should have. I wouldn't have to know about any of your conquests if you would lock the damn door and pick up after yourself. Also next time remember to use a condom. If you come down with some STI due to unsafe oral sex, I'm not going to treat you and I don't care about the gender of the person who gave it to you. Do you have any idea how many infections can be transmitted through oral contact of the sexual organs?"
"No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me anyway."
"You're right. I am going to tell you anyway. That's going to be your punishment for giving me nightmares for the next month. If I knew you were bisexual, I would have giving you the other half of the safe sex lecture the first time. Is this a new thing?"
"Not really. In second grade, I had a crush on this boy named Andy who had the coolest vintage Hot Wheels collection. I try to kiss him on Valentine's Day and he punched me out."
"That sounded like something my ex wife would have done."
A little less than 3 ½ years later Bones was expecting Jim to show up in his sick bay a black and blue mess after he told the emotionless Vulcan that he was in love with him.
Jim has grown up a lot in those 3 ½ years, but not enough to actually have a room clean enough to have a meeting in without the help of a yeoman. First, Jim is no longer sleeping his way through the general population. That mostly stopped during the summer between first and second year after an incident involving jail time and a very angry boyfriend. He really doesn't know the details because he was visiting his daughter at the time (his lawyer finally work something out.)
Jim Kirk is a good Captain, but even he realizes that Spock makes him a great Captain. Spock is really the first person to ever truly challenge Jim and he very quickly takes over Bones's position as Jim's best friend much to his annoyance.
However, Bones's probably the only one who knows that Jim's feelings for Spock are more than friendship. Maybe that has something to do with the fact the entire ship still thinks their Captain is the poster boy for "Ladies' Man" even if he has been celibate since this mission began several months ago and really isn't that picky about gender. No one would believe their Captain had a crush on his First Officer if Bones told them.
Bones personally thanks Jim only has a crush on Spock because there could never be anything beyond platonic friendship between the two of them. It's essentially a safety crush. After nearly four years of friendship Bones knows that Jim has had his heart broken by a lot of people. Jim grew up with an abusive stepfather, a mom who wasn't there, and a big brother who in his own way blamed Jim for their father's death. He grew up not being loved by the people that should have and that did a lot of damage.
It's easier to fall in love with someone you know you can never have because there is no risk. Up until two weeks ago, Spock was in a committed relationship with Lieutenant Uhura. Even though Spock is now single, Bones doubts Jim could ever have a relationship with Spock that went beyond friendship. They are too different. Even though he's a lot calmer now Jim is still the epitome of illogicalness. A relationship could never work between the two even if Spock was bisexual. He seriously doubts that the Vulcan is bisexual simply because he has only been with Nyota.
He was not surprised when 15 minutes after Jim went to finally confess his feelings to his First Officer he returned with a black eye. He was personally expecting bruises around Jim's neck after another strangling attack (not that type of strangling.)
"Let me guess the hobgoblin was less than thrilled with your confession."
"Don't call him that. It wasn't Spock. I really don't want to talk about it. Just make me look less black and blue before the next time I have bridge duty."
"Did you want something for the pain?"
"No I don't trust you right now. I will take something in my room. Don't tell Christina, otherwise this will be all over the entire ship and she will be mad at me for the Spock thing as well."
"So he didn't punch you out when you tried to kiss him?" He is almost positive Jim tried to crack a smile before he heard him winced in pain.
"I told you it was not Spock. I don't want to talk about it."
"I'm going to have to put something on the accident report."
"Just say I walked into a door.'
"A Vulcan shaped door?" The doctor scoffed as he grabbed the equipment to make his friend look less purple and to make sure nothing was broken.
"For the last time it wasn't Spock. He likes me." This time Jim really did smile through the pain.
"He also tried to kill you."
"So now I know not to say mean things about his Mom in bed. Personally, I consider that entire incident foreplay."
"You would. He's straight Jim." He's pretty sure he heard Jim laughed at that.
"That assumption is not accurate Dr. McCoy." He heard the Vulcan in question say as he walked in to sick bay. He went straight to Jim, sighed, and grabbed his hand. After spending several months working with Vulcan refugees, he can recognize a Vulcan style kiss instantly. Although what he saw in front of him that day would probably be the emotionally repressed societie's version of heavy petting.
"I thought you learn better then to make that assumption after last time Bones." Jim said with a wince of pain.
"Are you okay Captain?" Spock asked as he ran the fingers of his other hand over the still bruised skin.
"You were sticking your tongue down my throat 15 minutes ago, I think that gives you the right to call me Jim."
"Jim, are you alright?" Spock asked again.
"I'm fine. I'm just a little bit bruised, but I doubt that anything's broken."
"I could tell you for sure if you would stop groping Spock in a very Vulcan way long enough for me to do a scan."
"Hey if you would have scanned me right away instead a asking me if Spock was the one who punched me multiple times you would know. Give me a little time with my boyfriend and then I will let you do whatever you want."
"Boyfriend?" Jim was too wrapped up in Spock to even hear his semi whispered question.
"Next time you break up with your girlfriend tell her the truth and not some lie. Don't tell me you didn't lie to her. That reaction was not triggered by total honesty. On the bright side, at least we know she can handle herself in a hostile situation. Who knew she could hit like that."
"That would be impossible Captain because I'm not planning to ever have a girlfriend again or be with anyone else besides you." That is when he saw the most disturbing thing he'd ever seen. The hobgoblin sticking his tongue down the throat of his best friend. He seriously doubted anything was broken, otherwise Jim probably would not be able to kiss Spock like that.
He chose to go into his office for a drink instead of watching the continuous make out session. He thought it was safe to walk out of his office when he stopped hearing make out noises. Instead he was hit in the head with a blue science top when he walked out."
"Damn it. I thought I had stopped putting up with this stuff at the academy. Go do debauched things with your boyfriend in your own quarters. This is sick bay, not a house of ill repute."
"Fine, we are leaving. Can you at least get rid of the bruising before you kick me out?"
"I would have if you manage to keep your hands to yourself for a good two minutes. Let your boyfriend take care of it. For god's sake use condoms, but don't give me any details." He said walking back into his office for another drink.
Less than three years later when Jim asked him to be his best man he says yes. Personally, he shocked that Spock is willing to spend the rest of Jim's life living with a guy who still can't remember to pick up his own underwear.
