Sorry for the wait, everyone. Things have been a little hectic, but I will persevere! On with the chapter.
Warning: Neville gets laid, and things get blunt. Sorry, but I wrote this at 2 in the morning.
Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, I'd own you, wouldn't I?
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Chapter 2: When in doubt, whip it out. XD
(One Week Later)
Wolfe strutted down to the Great Hall, a satisfied look on his face. In his own mind, he was the king of the world right now, nothing could get him down. His life was perfect. Why, do you ask?
He was having bacon, sausage and eggs in a basket today.
As he walked though the doors, the Great Hall went silent. Even the rats stopped chattering. Even the teachers stopped and stared. Before them all is the person who, with the help of Miss Granger, had ruined the reputation of very nearly every person in Hogwarts. Inconceivable? Read the first chapter, idiot.
Wolfe strolled down the center divide between the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor tables and took a seat between Hermione and Neville, the latter of whom was now thought to be gay as gay can be.
"Hermione, Neville. How are you this fine morning?" Wolfe inquired as if nothing had happened.
"I'm doing well, Wolfe," answered Hermione, "You seem very cheery and sunny today."
POOF!
"Well, that's the reason why," said Wolfe, indicating his delicious breakfast.
"Wolfe…" Neville began timidly.
"Neville, for the last time, I'm taken. If you ask me again-"
"I'M NOT GAY!" Neville half-yelled, "I need your help. With my sex life."
Wolfe, Hermione, as well as Harry and Ron, who had been rudely listening, stared at Neville like he had a vagina for a face.
"…I'm not gonna sleep with you."
"Not that!" said Neville, "I need you to help me to get laid. With a girl." Neville added when he saw the look on Wolfe's face turn horrified.
"Ok, that I can do." Wolfe began to eat. "Meet me in the main courtyard during first break, bitch, and I'll hook you up."
"Thanks, Wolfe," said Neville, relieved.
Wolfe bit into a sausage, "Whatever, he-bitch."
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(In the courtyard.)
Wolfe looked at his watch. 'The fag's late,' he thought quietly to himself.
Then, lo and behold, Neville walked though a random door and approached Wolfe. A whole five minutes late.
"You're late fag."
"So? The pussy can wait, right?"
Wolfe slapped Neville. It made a loud crack that was heard 'round the courtyard.
"She's a respectable girl. You will not refer to her as 'pussy'."
"So…" Neville looked around, "Where is she?"
"Should be here right…" Wolfe looked at his watch again, "About….now."
And, right on cue, a black haired Ravenclaw girl walked through a different door from the one Neville entered. Her heels clicking on the ground as she walked, she was wearing a plaid sweater vest with a white shirt underneath, a skirt that went to her knees, as well as knee-high socks.
She looked around the courtyard, spotted Wolfe and Neville, and made a beeline for them.
Neville did a 12-take and looked at Wolfe, "HER?"
Wolfe smiled and waved to the girl, "Yeah. Ain't she hot?"
"I don't stand a chance."
The girl reached them, and immediately hugged Wolfe, "Hey, Wolfe."
"S'goin on, Brit?" Wolfe released the hug.
"Oh, nothing much. Straight A's and pranking with Fred and George," she looked Neville up and down. "This wanker?"
"Neville Longbottom, this is Britni White. She'll be your girlfriend until she bores of you or you do something stupid. Brit, this is Neville."
Brit shook hands with Neville, "I'm the resident Mary Sue and one of three Ravenclaws Wolfe trusts completely. I thought you were gay."
Neville laughed nervously, "Yeah, I get that a lot."
Wolfe smiled, "Well, I'll just leave you two to hit it off, cause I've got a meeting with the Fred and George in a few minutes."
"Acid or weed?" inquired Brit.
"Weed. See ya." and thus, Wolfe made off to smoke some Buddha.
Neville looked at Brit. Brit looked at Neville.
"So how long you've known Wolfe?" Neville asked.
"Bout a month. You?"
"Same."
"Huh…"
"Yeah…."
"…Wanna go fuck?"
"You know it."
And so, Neville got laid with no strings attached. It was great for him, and Brit was equally satisfied, as Neville was capable of making her come more than three times.
Meanwhile, Hermione and Luna were looking for Wolfe, as they had a new prank in store for him.
Hermione looked in the boys dorms, "He's not here Luna. Did he tell you where he was gonna be?"
"Yeah, he said he was gonna be with Fred and George for a few hours."
"Probably getting stoned in the Room of Requirement…"
"Yeah…wanna go?"
"Thought you'd never ask." Thus, they set out for the aforementioned room to find Wolfe.
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(Room of Requirement)
Wolfe was stoned. He couldn't remember the last time he could see everything so…clearly. And he finally got Carrot Top's jokes. He was beyond baked. He was beyond torched. He was annihilated.
Then two nymphs appeared in front of him, "Hey, George…who are they?"
"Uhhhh…I think it's god and her pimp momma."
Fred suddenly looked up, "Wassup, God? Want some ganja?"
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(real life)
Luna looked worried, "Hermione…if someone finds them like this…"
Hermione nodded, "Yeah, they'll be expelled…so what do we do?"
"Well, here's what I'll do: I'll take Wolfe to his room, and you take those two to Flitwick so he can heal them."
"Okay, but why don't you take Wolfe to Flitwick with me?"
"Hermione, when am I gonna get a chance at this again?"
"Oh, ok! I'll see you at dinner."
Luna picked up Wolfe, who had passed out, "I'll tell you how it was."
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(The next day)
Wolfe awoke with a severe hangover. Groaning, he tried to get up. However, a mass of blonde hair prevented his chest from rising. It was around this time that he realized he was naked.
He grabbed the blonde hair and pulled it up to see who it belonged to.
"Luna?!"
Luna smiled dementedly, "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…"
"What the- Why in the- Where the fuck are my clothes?!"
"Under the beeeeeeeeeeeeed…"
"Did we…"
Luna nodded.
"…so…how was I?"
She traced a finger over his chest, "You remember the Holocaust?"
"…yeah…"
"Picture the exact opposite of that-"
Wolfe smiled.
"-then multiply it by two-"
Wolfe grinned.
"-and add whipped cream and handcuffs."
Wolfe turned red, "I can't remember any of that."
Luna smiled, "That's because I modified your memory so you couldn't."
The look on Wolfe's face was like that of a person who went to buy cigarettes only to find that the government had made them illegal.
Luna laughed, "At least not until I want you to remember it."
Wolfe quickly regained his composure, "Well, if I can't remember it, then I'll have to make a new memory of it."
"Huh?"
Wolfe then jumped on top of Luna, and the rest, as they say, is history.
End Chapter 2
Review, please. Your input is appreciated.
