"Sirius Pie"—A Siriuscentric Spoof/Songfic


A long, long time ago...

I can still remember

How that Black man used to make me smile.

And he was cool, he was fine,

Damn, I wished that he was mine

And, maybe, I'd be happy for a while.

But when the Death Eaters took power

Everyone began to cower.

Bad news every morning; And yet he paid no warning.

I can't remember if I cried

When I heard his friends had wrongly fried,

But something killed me deep inside

When Sirius Black died.

So why? Why? Sirius can't die!

Yes, he's crazy! And he's lazy!

But his motorbike flies!

Now Lupin'll choke, and Harry Potter will cry,

Singin', "JK Rowling, I hope you fry."

JK Rowling, I hope you fry."

Did you write the fifth installment?

Did you know it would be an appallment?

Is 'appallment' even a word?

Did you know that he's meet his doom?

Under the light of the full moon,

By his cousin's evil had, have you heard?

Well, you know that I'm in love with him

He and I were schoolmates way back when

Hogwarts was a fun place. Not a Ministry-run place.

The Marauders and I were teenage punks

hoisting Snape up into the air by his trunks,

But the wizard world ran out of it's hunks

The day Sirius died.

Now I'm singing…

So why? Why? Sirius can't die!

Yes, he's crazy! And he's lazy!

But his motorbike flies!

Now Lupin'll choke, and Harry Potter will cry,

Singin', "JK Rowling, I hope you fry."

JK Rowling, I hope you fry."

Now for twelve years he's been all locked up

In Azkaban with no chance to look up,

But that's not how it used to be.

In his Hogwarts days he was a king,

And his Marauder group was a fine thing

Prongs, Moony, Wormtail, and he…

Oh, he did have his rivals too,

Like Snape, whose hair smelled like poo.

One day school was adjourned; Sirius never returned.

So now he was out on his own,

Of course, he never was alone,

For this three friends gave him a real home

Until Sirius died.

We are singing,

So why? Why? Sirius can't die!

Yes, he's crazy! And he's lazy!

But his motorbike flies!

Now Lupin'll choke, and Harry Potter will cry,

Singin', "JK Rowling, I hope you fry."

JK Rowling, I hope you fry."

Lupin, Lupin, he's got a wound.

He got it from the last full moon,

Oh what can the poor guy do?

Lucky for him, Sirius came along.

And vowed he'd help him sing the werewolf song,

So, a dog he became to be.

His Animagus was loyal and true,

And when the moon became full and blue.

Sirius got some fleas,

They pranced together in the night breeze

And when Lupin became himself again;

He saw that he had a true friend.

Of course, all good things came to an end,

The day Sirius died!

And now I'm singing,

So why? Why? Sirius can't die!

Yes, he's crazy! And he's lazy!

But his motorbike flies!

Now Lupin'll choke, and Harry Potter will cry,

Singin', "JK Rowling, I hope you fry."

JK Rowling, I hope you fry."

Oh, after school ended it's days,

The group of best friend began to blaze

Into this whole new world.

Soon Prongs met up with a chick

they married and then they had a kid

He was a boy and not a girl.

Prongs said to Black, "Hey, you're the one!"

"Will you be godfather to my son?"

But only a year passed, Prongs and Lily felt a deadly blast

And as Sirius' anger was fanned to flame

Because Wormtail was the one to blame,

He got caught, Wormtail got away…

Before Sirius died.

He was singing,

So why? Why? Sirius can't die!

Yes, he's crazy! And he's lazy!

But his motorbike flies!

Now Lupin'll choke, and Harry Potter will cry,

Singin', "JK Rowling, I hope you fry."

JK Rowling, I hope you fry."

12 years went by, and he got out,

Dementors went scattering all about,

But Harry Potter let him get away

he then went down to Grimmauld place,

Where the Order went to rebuild face,

But the Dark Lord came back without delay.

And then the second war began.

Some people fought, and others ran,

But Sirius went to the big fray,

To help Potter save the day.

He's still the man I admire most:

Even though now he's a ghost,

Now in my heart he is the host,

Now that Sirius died.

My heart is singing,

So why? Why? Sirius can't die!

Yes, he's crazy! And he's lazy!

But his motorbike flies!

Now Lupin'll choke, and Harry Potter will cry,

Singin', "JK Rowling, I hope you fry."

JK Rowling, I hope you fry."