Chapter One
The Dreamer
There was once a time when I would wake in the middle of the night screaming.
I don't know why I would dream so often, I never had those nightmares before I got myself involved in the Kira case… But the night visions always slipped through my fingertips just as I would awaken. I could never collect my thoughts enough to remember quite what they had been about.
The first time it had happened, Ryuzaki had shaken me awake, asking why I was screaming so violently in my sleep. I hated not being able to answer him, I knew of course that every word that did or did not come out of my mouth was added to that precarious support beam that held both incriminating facts and innocent alibis as to whether or not I was Kira.
New nightmares would occur every night after that. Some I remembered fragments of while others I was at a complete loss for. It came to a point that when I woke up in terror Ryuzaki wouldn't even glance at me, as if my wail had become such a repeated occurrence that he had grown used to it by now.
Ryuzaki had always been… peculiar.
Maybe my nightmares were just another thing to observe about me...
I'd swear his suspicion of my being Kira has risen to at least 5% since my first nightmare. What else could elucidate these dreams that I was unable to explain or even remember? I think Ryuzaki might have assumed that I was lying when I said I could not commit anything to memory, although he quickly dropped the subject; But even in silence his black orb eyes followed my every move, like being the center piece in a glass case...
Glass eyes… Had I been a superstitious person, I might have feared that his mirror like eyes would trap my soul within them… but I wasn't. Things like that didn't happen in the real world.
But yet there exists a being like Kira, given the ability to take a life on a whim and not shy about using it either. Assuming that logic… does that mean there could be soul trapping eyes?
If they did exist then Ryuzaki would definitely have them.
I wondered if I was the only one he stared at so piercingly, never blinking nor shifting…
"Raito-kun?"
I focused my gaze to see a blank document in front of me, fingers resting lazily against a cool keyboard. "Hmn?" I murmured, glancing sideways to see black spell binding orbs. "You have been staring at that document for ten minutes and thirty-four seconds now, is everything alright?" He questioned, his voice revealing not even a trace of honest concern in it. I blinked, breaking the stare-down. "I'm fine Ryuzaki." I exclaimed, smiling the best I could with the muscles in my face weak from my lack of sleep. "You seem pale."
I don't know how he got from being four feet away to being directly in my face without having noticed, his nose stretching the line of personal space a bit too much. "You're one to talk." I chanted, sliding my chair farther from his out of reflex. His paper white skin seemed grey in the soft lighting, one could mistake him for a corpse in a given circumstance. His shaggy black hair so unhealthy it couldn't shimmer even in the light, just seemed, if possible, darker; a smoldering black cloud on his shoulders. Not even the sun could breath the warmth of life into this man.
"I'll have you know Raito-kun, I am the picture of health." The childish man insisted, pouting. I just rose an eyebrow as I watched him prod his dessert in juvenile delight. I was positive that good health meant glowing skin, lively eyes, and glossy hair. Ryuzaki contradicted all of these things.
"Ryuzaki, perhaps we should stop for the day." I suggested, not waiting for his approval before logging off of the computer. "Raito-kun, we haven't made any progress, I don't think we should stop." His eyes pinned me to my chair and dared me to object, but the man seemed to forget that my sanity was balancing on a fine line at the moment; A human could only go so long without sleep, and the others had already gone home hours ago, already in bed while we sat in the dimmed flickering lights staring at tumor causing screens…
My eyes were beyond strained and my sight accommodation had long ago been stressed.
I stood up, tugging the chain with a strict finality. "Let me sleep, Ryuzaki. I am not like you." I reasoned, realizing that I wasn't quite sure how true those words were. The raven just stared blankly, his eyes darting back and forth between myself and the flickering screen littered in numbers and charts that meant nothing to me. "Now, Ryuzaki." I demanded, relief flooding my veins as I watched his face drop in defeat. "You're so cruel to me, Raito-kun." I ignored the half assed complaints as I tugged him up the stairs by the chain. "Says the person who has denied another human sleep… that's unjust."
I needed to learn to start wording things better... I should have known by now, anything that left my mouth could and would be grabbed and completely over-analyzed by the dark detective. "Do you suppose Kira would think so?" Ryuzaki pondered aloud, I could feel his shifty eyes staring at my back. I sneered, unbuttoning my shirt "I don't know Ryuzaki, I'm not Kira." Like a broken record, I repeated that statement for the umpteenth time.
I shifted the shirt off my shoulders, watching as the sleeve caught itself on the handcuff. "Please take this off so that I may change." I requested, fishing out a long sleeved black shirt from my single designated drawer amongst L's massive bureau.
There was no question as to whether or not the detective was selfish.
The raven man had never tried to hide that fact that he was staring as he slowly un-cuffed me. Yes, I may have been a suspect in this case but I honesty believed that the soul stealer was taking it just a bit too far. I could swear he was doing much more than simply guarding me as I slipped my shirt on over my head, his intense gaze boring into my back; I could feel those eyes slowly running along my flesh.
The freedom (if you could call it that) didn't last a moment longer as the detective slapped the still warm steel cuff back onto my not-so-lonely wrist. Every time it was the same, my only moment of freedom snatched away devilishly by this inhuman creature. "Don't you feel like you're going overboard on this?" I asked, mentally cringing as he didn't even bother to change his clothes (yet again), just settled himself into his misshapen sitting position in front of his silver laptop.
"As our prime and only suspect, it is necessary for you to remain under my constant supervision." The lanky man drawled, pressing his thumb into his upper lip discordantly. "Kira is someone completely different than myself." I declared the obvious, catching L's immediate interest. "Is that so, Raito-kun?" I gave a determined nod and pinched the bridge of my nose in my constant frustration. "Yes Ryuzaki, we are two different people, I know who I am."
The reply was snide as I turned off the lights, the room illuminated a soft blue from the flickering laptop screen. "Are you positive about that? Does any human truly know who they are? Can you access the dark, locked away, forgotten corners of your mind?" I could not lie, there were moments that seemed so normal, but that I could not remember any of the details of those days… how time had drifted away so quickly, stealing away those little thoughts, those opinions on the Kira case as it first began to unfold. I could not remember having hated Kira before my confinement… It may have seemed suspicious, but I was willing to pin it on both my lack of sleep and the frustration that has come with To-Oh University and the Kira case.
"Remember every passing moment, every fleeting thought you've ever experienced… these are the things that create who you are." His whisper echoed in the deafening silence, a ripple of tension flooding through my bones. "And what of you? You know as well as I do that it's impossible for any human to remember every occurrence of their lifespan." It could have come off sounding defensive, as anything could when spoken to the wrong person at the wrong time.
With Ryuzaki it was always the wrong time.
He had chosen to not respond…
I slipped under the cool covers of our king-size bed, relishing in the nearest thing to solitude that I ever got. Not once during my confinement had L taken a single step onto this bed while I was on it… It was like a sanctuary that I didn't fear the antagonizing man entering. My eyes closed and Ryuzaki's rapid typing started up like a ongoing lullaby drifting from the floor beside me, as it had every other night before.
Despite my overwhelming exhaustion, sleep had continued to evade me as the night trailed on, all the small mediocre things that I had never seemed to notice before seemed to draw my attention to them. Like, for example, the stars. The shimmering lights scattered as if spilled from a nonexistent heaven into the night. I, of all people, knew just what they were, blazing suns millions of light years away from this place, yet I am also aware enough of the human mind to know what kind of hopes and desires these lights brought the heart.
Another thing I noticed was just how quiet the night became up here so many stories high above the screaming city… If it hadn't been for the constant prattling of Ryuzaki's fingers, the silence would be strangling. Every flicker of the screen, playing out on the roof like a dance of lights. When sleep finally cradled me in her tender arms, the feeling was so welcomed on my heavy eyelids, that resistance was futile as I exhaled.
"Hello Raito… It's been a while…" "You're supposed to be dead…" "As are you."
My eyes widened to face an increasingly empty darkness, glancing towards the clock on the nightstand, my eyes could not adjust to the pitch black in order to read it… just a soft red glow piercing the consuming blight. I drifted around the slowly focusing room lazily, seeking out the cause of my much too early awakening.
I found him instantly, Ryuzaki still where I'd left him, tugging my sleeve in his child-like clutch as he watched with his entrapping gaze, his form barely determinable through the thick shroud. "Raito-kun?" His voice whispered like soft velvet sliding up my skin, "What's wrong?" I didn't have to think twice to know that, whatever it was, something was certainly wrong here. "Raito-kun?" His voice stayed low, as if as speaking aloud would shatter something sacred in the air that no one even knew existed.
"What do you mean?" I replied shakily, my voice low even knowing that no one could hear us if we had shouted at the top of our lungs. That is, save for Watari… but no matter how low our whispers rang, Ryuzaki knew as well as I did he would hear them.
The corpse-like man sat beside me on the floor, his knees curling up to meet his hands which in turn, he rested his sharp chin on. His eyes pinned me quizzically, ever unblinking… evaluating me.
"You were talking in your sleep."
It was a question, more so than a statement. Suspicion dripped from those coal orbs, it was hard to hold them. I stared back silently at the older man, I couldn't recall having dreamt. It all seemed like an empty slot, a missing memory. "What did I say?" I replied calmly, watching Ryuzaki crawl into the large bed. His paper white hands and ebony hair were like something straight out of a horror film, his long body jerking as he pulled himself up.
"You spoke about the stars." he murmured, it caught me by surprise. By the tone of his voice I would have assumed I'd spoken of Kira in my sleep, the malice in his stare had been directed… at what? "Why is that so strange?" I asked as my predator resumed his position beside me on the bed, breaking my sanctuary.
He didn't speak for a while, just stared soullessly ahead.
"If you have nothing to say to me then please allow me to go back to sleep." When all he did was remain silent, I took it as a sign that the conversation had ended. I had almost completely drifted back into my slumber when I felt a sharp, heavy pressure on my shoulders. Eyes sliding open, I could only gape at Ryuzaki as he straddled and pinned me into the mattress. "What're you doing?" I demanded in a hiss, careful not to raise my voice although glared daggers at the man.
He just continued to stare down with such smothering onyx eyes…
"Get off." I bit, actually trying to remove the clutch from my shoulders but to no avail.
"Raito-kun?"
I froze, he whispered so softly, I could almost see the thin wisps of breath leave his lips even in the bitter black. He spoke as if he wasn't pinning me uncomfortably beneath him. "What is it Ryuzaki?" I sighed, averting my eyes. I couldn't take much more of hat stare, it seemed to peel back my very skin and dig deep inside of me, hunting for something even I wasn't aware existed. It made me wonder how someone could possibly go so long without closing their eyes…
Come to think of it… I couldn't recall a single time when I had seen them lay shut. If eyes where the windows to the soul… then eyelashes were the shutters that kept people out… all I could conclude was that Ryuzaki… no, L… had nothing to hide from me, from any of the people he chose to surround himself with. It was a frightening honesty taking into account all the promises he'd made to put be behind bars and pin me with a crime I couldn't recall ever committing.
"Are you Kira?" He asked as if by routine, freeing a hand to cup my chin, forcing me to return his gaze."No." I answered steadily, feeling him dig deep inside me, searching for something, anything to indicate that I was lying… "The mind forgets often but the body never does…" I swallowed in discomfort, careful not to falter.
"How do I know you're telling the truth?" I had never heard him speak so softly, like a gentle calm before an unknown storm. "All you can do is believe me." I knew he wouldn't, in his mind I was already far past the point of return. He had no doubts.
I was Kira.
I should have shoved him off, he was bony and malnourished… it wouldn't have been too hard to free myself, but somehow no matter what I did or said, I always ended up under him, I guess this was the first time he took it literally. I could have tried… so why did I just lay there?
"For some reason I just can't." I watched those lips quiver as his face flushed with excitement, as if he was so utterly thrilled with his train of thought. "I know you're Kira…" He continued, that desperate look for satisfaction eminent in his eyes. "I just have to prove it." "I'm not -," "Kira." He cut me off, "Say it again and again but I still don't believe you."
"Then what do you want me to say?"
I already knew the answer. I'm sure even you could figure it out at this point. But there was no way I could ever confess to being something I'm not. I always liked to think of myself as a very honest person and at this moment, I would not let him create any doubt in my mind. I was taken off guard when the corpse leaned down, pressing his frigid nose none too gently into mine. "Tell me you're Kira."
"I'm not Kira."
I jerked in shock when he actually dug his nails into my skin, the action so unlike L that it completely took me for a loop.
"Tell me you're Kira."
It was liked a fucked up fairy tale, watching the beautiful, majestic queen (if you could compare a man like L to that) transform into a monster so hideous it left small children in tears… Watching his obsidian eyes churn like raging black sea waters. He sunk his nails deeper, I could already feel the warm blood pooling in my shirt as he dragged the claws that just seemed to keep sliding down so painfully slowly. "Ryuzaki Stop it! What's gotten into you?" I yelled, not bothering to even try to keep my voice down.
The pain didn't stop and neither did he, "You're insane." one could imagine my horror at discovering my inability to move. Like a terrible dream, I was pinned and vulnerable. "What did you do to me?" I yelled, sinking into my fear. He stared on as if nothing had changed, "I have done nothing to you." He pressed his lips down into my open wound, "your own fear is responsible for your inability to move… or perhaps…" He bit me so hard I yelled, shooting a hate filled glare his way. "You enjoy being treated this way."
"You're disgusting." I retorted, trying again to move but my body refused to cooperate. "And you're a murderer." His hands where as cold as the winter winds as they slid across my stomach, thumbs rubbing my hip bones much too roughly. "Why're you doing this to me?" His chapped lips scraped my belly button, his tongue dipping in for a taste.
"I am L, I can do whatever I want."
"Tell me you're Kira." "I'm not Kira!" My heart pounded as that hand slid lower. "Tell me you're Kira…" "I-, I'm not Kira." And then those spider fingers gripped my crotch so tightly I let out a painful cry.
I shot straight up, My whole world shaky as I tried to compose myself. Ryuzaki sat ever so silently in front of his computer, appearing to have never moved. My hand shot to my shoulder, all blood and pain completely gone… "Ryuzaki?" I called, fingering the unscathed patch of flesh that had burned and stung beneath his claws not moments ago… or what had felt like moments ago.
"Yes Raito-kun?" I swallowed hard as that deep voice drawled on, that same voice that had just been demanding my confession while he touched me in a way no man ever had before. It only figures that somehow I'd manifested L as a homosexual in my dreams…
"I'm not Kira."
At this his typing halted, turning to peer at me through the darkness. I could still picture them above me, just staring…
"Are you having guilt nightmares?" Well, I certainly wasn't going to mention to him what my dream had in fact, been about… I could only imagine what it would do to my percentage. "I don't remember my dream." This time, it had been a lie. And yet, I honestly wish that it wasn't. I didn't even want to think about what the dreams I had forgotten had been like…
Were they… similar, to that one? What had been happening for all these nights that I couldn't remember? Did L do things like that to me often? Were they so much more horrible than this that I'd completely suppressed them altogether?
Not knowing the truth completely terrified me… and it was all because of him.
"I never wanted this to happen!" "But it did… didn't it?"
The next morning proceeded as usual, I was forced out of bed at the god forsaken hour of 5A.M. and (literally) dragged downstairs so that Ryuzaki could fetch his breakfast; If you could even call it that. I sneered as he scrutinized each chunk of cheesecake before delicately inserting it into his mouth, as if submersed in some sort of confectionary perversion.
Eventually the raven noticed my staring and glanced up to meet my eyes, the connection burned like a hot plate and I had to pull away swiftly. I couldn't take the stares today, especially with last nights dream still lurking so clearly in my thoughts, as if it had actually happened. "Is Raito-kun not hungry?" The immature man asked sullenly, it was as if he who stood in front of me and he who haunted my dreams were two completely different beings…
"You never eat breakfast, it isn't healthy to skip meals."
I chuckled dryly at the irony, keeping my eyes deadset on the table. "It isn't healthy living off sugar based foods, and no meat whatsoever… At least Watari sneaks those vitamins in your cakes." It was a joke, and it got the desired reaction. My captor scowled at the mere thought, though I was sure he did in fact have to take some sort of supplements for his diet… but, he was very stubborn…
His silence sunk into the air as I tried to only glance at him from the corner of my eyes. He quickly grew bitter, as if I had crossed a line by bringing the cake into this. It had to be the lack of sleep, because once again the corpse managed to clumber right into my personal. "Eating is better than not eating." He argued, shocking me as I noticed he had actually climbed onto the table and crouched directly in front of me. "That's dirty Ryuzaki!" I scolded, staring in horror at his bare toes that curled around the edge of the table to hold himself in place, almost like a gargoyle.
He had gotten much too close, he was speaking something that slipped right past me because as I stared at his mouth all I could hear was "Tell me you're Kira." It had to be the lack of sleep… for I did something I'd end up regretting right then. I pressed both of my palms into Ryuzaki's chest and shoved him backwards, knocking him off balance. "Get out of my face." I demanded as he crumpled to the floor, staring up at me in total bewilderment. "You just pushed me." He spoke as if he couldn't believe it had actually happened, hell, I could hardly fathom it myself.
"I… I'm sorry Ryuzaki…" I insisted, reaching over to lend him a hand. "I'm just irritable is all, I hadn't meant to knock you over." I tried explaining myself, but my throat kept running dry.
I could just hear it now ("Raito, your percentage has risen to 10%").
The man just stared blankly at my offered hand for a moment before finally grasping it. I almost sighed in relief once he did but was cut short by a sharp, hard, yank; throwing me forward and crashing hard into the cold kitchen tile. "An eye for an eye." He murmured eerily. I stayed on the floor, momentarily stunned. It took me a moment to collect myself, turning my head to stare at the man in fury.
"I didn't mean to, there was nothing to take vengeance on… but now…" I swung my fist forward, hooking his jaw and sending him flying back onto the floor with a loud crack. He rubbed his cheek cautiously, checking for blood, but seemed satisfied at finding none. "That, was on purpose." He finished, collecting himself from the attack. Although I had expected the foot that soared towards me, I was unable to avoid it. His heel landed painfully on my collarbone, completely knocking me off my feet.
The man didn't give me even a moment to respond as he launched himself forward, straddling my stomach, pressing all of his weight (which I must say, wasn't too much) into me. "An eye for an eye…" He hissed again, burying his fingers into my shirt to steady himself. "Makes the whole world blind." I snapped back, not liking where he chose to leave his hands. He scowled down at my defiance, his thin grey lips pursing angrily. "I have always assumed you believed in revenge, seeing as you are Kira."
"Tell me you're Kira…"
"I am not Kira!" I yelled, a surge of panic flooding my veins and compelling me to kick the older man off of me, catching him off guard from the brutal strike. I wasted no time, standing up in his moment of surprise. "This ends now," I growled, grabbing L by his shirt and dragging him to his feet, leading him back to the table. "Shut up and eat your damn cake."
I sat and buried my head into my arms, already stricken with a merciless migraine.
I wondered if the sun was up yet… Even if it was there was no way to know, all the main rooms in this building having no windows… We could have been trapped in a never ending darkness and nobody working here would notice… I felt as if I already was. I heard the gentle scrape of Ryuzaki pulling out his chair, resuming his breakfast as if our spat had not occurred.
He said nothing…
For the second day in a row, I wasted my time sitting and staring detachedly at my blank computer screen, if Ryuzaki had noticed, he refrained from commenting on my lack of productivity. It was, in fact, Matsuda, who first chose to speak up.
"Raito-kun, are you feeling okay?"
I looked up at the undermined man, his eyes laced with concern for my well-being. "I'm fine, Matsuda-san, you should return to whatever you were working on." The man smiled sheepishly, rubbing his cheek with his index finger. "Well, you see… Ryuzaki hasn't really given me anything to work on, so…"
I caught on quickly, I knew Matsuda would often prove himself incompetent, but that was not an appropriate reason for Ryuzaki to exclude him from our work altogether. "Why don't you help out Mogi-san?" I suggested, deciding that I myself should not just be sitting around, I didn't come here just to do nothing. "Alright Raito-kun, I'll do my best." The immature man saluted me.
It was odd how both Ryuzaki and Matsuda were incredibly childish, and yet were nothing like each other. When I resumed my work, I couldn't resist sneaking glances at the current bane of my existence. The odd man was curled up tightly in his chair, His finger tugging gently at his lower lip as he read something with a shocking amount of concentration.
That was something I had only recently noticed about the man's many oddities.
Whenever he would analyze or observe something, he would discretely tug on his lower lip with his pointer finger, yet when thinking or deducing a matter, he would press his thumb tightly into his upper lip. I didn't know what was more strange, the fact that he did all of these little things or the fact that I had always seemed to notice them.
A sudden image ran through my mind, of that same mouth sucking an open wound…
"Tell me you're Kira"
I shuddered, quickly locking the thought away. It was very disturbing that had been dreaming such things, and now everywhere I went I couldn't keep the memory of them away. Although admittedly the strangest thing of it all was how greasy and unkempt he was. Why of all people, even men, would I have dreamt about that particular detective in such a lewd way?
Was I really into creepy, unbalanced, unclean, obsessive compulsive older men? I shuddered at the thought, scowling at my keyboard. Though somehow, Ryuzaki was… more than that. That description, as frighteningly accurate as it was, simply could not do the man justice. He was creepy in a way that sent piercing shivers down your spine, but drew you nearer out of curiosity instead of driving you away.
He was awkward and unbalanced, but a simpler being could mistake it as silly, or even possibly as cute. Maybe his obsessive compulsive tendencies where stretching it pretty far, but the longing for something, or in such cases, someone, different in life could allow one to easily overlook it. And true he was somewhat unclean, but it didn't do much to take away from his handsome face, and though he was older than me he was still very young… in body and mind.
Under these circumstances, creepy, unbalanced, unclean, obsessive compulsive or old could not really be used to describe him. The proper words more or less should have been… different, awkward, messy… with a few quirks that were to say the least, unique to only him. Older? Wiser? No, those words couldn't quite pinpoint our age gap.
I let my gaze slip back to him seemingly grey skin, the faintest of smiles on his face as he obviously read something that pleased him greatly.
Experienced… all other words escaped me.
"Raito-kun?"
I jerked from my reverie, blinking at he morbid detective. "Yes Ryuzaki-san?" The mentioned raven quirked his head to the side ever so slightly, "You have been staring at me for five minutes and fourteen seconds now." I blinked again, becoming increasingly unaware of myself as I seemed to continuously space out.
"I need to use the restroom, Ryuzaki…" I stated, deciding my eyes needed a break from our never-progressing work. The pale man nodded slowly, taking his time in standing up. We both walked out of the room, cuff in cuff, Ryuzaki spitting a last minute order at Aizawa during our absence. "Let us get on with it then." He said, turning back to me. It was hard to think with him staring as he did with those round coal eyes.
I slid the chain under the bathroom door as I shut myself away from my captor, the solitude not long lived. "Don't forget Raito-kun," He drawled, "There are camera's placed everywhere in there so if you would like to confess to being Kira, please do so clearly." I rolled my eyes, glad to now at least have the door between us.
To be frank I tried to delay our reunion as much as possible, making sure to so carefully wash my hands, drying them with a time-consuming precision. The opening of the door was inevitable though, but still I did so slowly, scowling at my antagonist who leaned callously against the wall. "Shall we be on our way?" he suggested, though not really waiting for my reply before tugging me along by our chain.
We hadn't walked for very long before the older man stopped suddenly. "Ryuzaki?" I questioned, placing a hand on the now rigid man's shoulders. "What is it?" he muttered something so shallow and incoherent, I couldn't grasp even a string of it. "What did you say?" I felt my heart thud heavily, as if some evil entity, his head slowly turned to gaze at me with those swallowing obsidian eyes.
"Tell me you're Kira."
"Raito-kun?"
I jumped up in my chair, at that point I realized I was indeed still seated beside the crouching detective. "You fell asleep." I blinked incredulously, it had all been so real to me… How could that have possible just been a dream? And if so, at which point did I fall asleep? How much was real and how much had I simply pulled from the corners of my mind? "Ryuzaki… How long have I been asleep?" I whispered, realizing that no one else had seemed to notice that I had drifted off.
"About ten minutes give or take." he replied softly, not wanting to disturb the rest of the task force. I noticed that once again he had rolled his chair quite close to me, but I guess he must have taken warning from this morning because he stayed just out of my reach, he was probably cautious in fear of being knocked over again. "You were dreaming again." I could tell from his gaze alone that I had been showing obvious signs of distress in my sleep, yet nothing too terrible had happened that I could recall, so why would my body be reacting negatively?
"They're getting more and more real."
"So you do remember them?'
I wanted to bite my tongue, I really shouldn't have admitted that to him. "Only this one and last nights." I defended in complete honesty. I was waiting for the prodding, the questions… but they never came. He just stared at me, surprisingly silent. I was really taken back by that fact that he didn't speak, not once. Never commented or accused, said nothing against my honor as a law-abiding victim of Kira's rampage. He just turned back to his computer and continued with whatever he had been doing about our investigation before he had woken me. In fact, he never said more than an order or two to me for the rest of the day.
By the time the sun had set, I was really thrown off by the raven's attitude, it had been irritating me so much that I hadn't even been able to concentrate on much else, add that to my lack of sleep and I accomplished virtually nothing that day. He hadn't even pestered me about being Kira, which was a feat in and of itself.
By far the most odd action though, was when he stood from his chair at precisely 10:00PM. "Are you coming Raito-kun?" I blinked rapidly up at him, raising an eyebrow in confusion. "Coming where?" I watched, genuinely surprised as he shut down his computer. "To turn in for the night of course." I swear if I had been any less refined my jaw would have dropped… I wondered if I was already sleeping again?
"That's very… unlike you." Truthfully I was incredibly grateful that he was being so agreeable, given the circumstances, Ryuzaki would have no qualms in working me straight through the night. I stood up, happily shutting off my own console, "Thank you Ryuzaki." I muttered quietly, not enjoying being indebted to the man because I knew he would grab it and use it later.
It wasn't until I was completely changed and laying down in the welcoming bed that the raven spoke again. "I have deduced that your lack of sleep is the cause of your constant nightmares, unpleasant attitude, and sluggish, unproductive work days." The detective pressed his thumb into his upper lip and I immediately knew he was trying to figure me out. "I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case." I grumbled, watching him warily as he sat beside me on my sanctuary, I mean, our bed. He even went so far as to drag his laptop up with him. "No need to be angry Raito-kun." He stretched that small, quirky grin. "Tonight you shall sleep as long as you desire, maybe that will cure you of your troublesome dreams."
I wanted to roll my eyes, of course that's why he'd help me, somewhere along the way my dreams had become a hindrance to him and therefore, now that it inconvenienced him, he decided to take action. I shouldn't have expected him to actually care about my well being. "Glad to know you care so much." I bit sarcastically. He turned to stare but I quickly rolled to face away from him, the last thing I wanted to dream about were those eyes…
"Goodnight Ryuzaki." I whispered, slipping my own shut. The usual clicking of the keyboard started up, "Goodnight, Raito-kun." and to that melody-less tune, I drifted into the sleep world, one that for the first time ever, I was all too aware of…
In fact, I could recall the exact moment when I slipped from reality into… this. My eyes were held open but all I could see was a shrouding black washing over me, it seemed to sink deeper than just sight, almost as if I could feel it embracing me in its consuming arms. I hissed as two warm hands pressed into my lower back, or I could only assume they were hands. They clung tightly to my skin and heated up like a flame, sending heat flooding throughout my body.
"Ryuzaki?" I called, doubting that this was that same man who had always been so cold to the skin. "Who do you think I am?" The voice was painfully familiar as it purred into my ear, sending waves of fear down my spine. I hissed as a hot mouth latched onto my neck mercilessly, sharp teeth grazing greedily at my flesh.
"You're not Ryuzaki."
I could see nothing but the feeling of being pressed so tightly into something surged my body and my instincts screamed for me to flee. I wanted to face him, the voice that invaded my already overly crowded dreams, but once again I was powerless to the weight of my own imaginings. "No, I am not." The most striking shiver as those teeth slid up my back…
"This is a dream."
I think I was mostly reminding myself because those hands felt much too real. "Maybe, but how much of it is and isn't, Yagami Raito?" My breath hitched as realization dawned on me.
"You're Kira, I know you are."
I was amazed, how had Kira managed to crawl into my dreams? At that moment I would have preferred dreaming about L's eyes. "It's true… I am Kira." The slimy voice sent vibrations up my spine. "Wake up," I demanded myself, feeling him run his hands along my stomach. "Wake up…" And just like that, I could see again, still I dreamt but at least I could see…
I could only stare…
Stare into the face of Kira…
The face of God…
My face…
"Wake up…" I whispered in utter terror, staring up at my reflection. The other me sneered.
"You can't wake up from the truth. It doesn't work that way."
His eyes… My eyes… were the most piercing of red. "Wake up…" I begged myself, unable to stand staring at my own face so full of malice and ill intent.
And then amongst all the heat there was the cool, like wild running water sweeping over my body. And then suddenly, Kira couldn't touch me…
Because I was not Kira…
The false me stared up into the nothing sky and bellowed out.
"You can't have me L! you can't have me!"
I wasn't that man… and I was engulfed.
A/N: I think I got this chapter out rather quickly. Damn, it was long though, as all chapters will be X_x, well, please review!
