A/N So I'm rolling out another chapter for everybody. I hope you enjoy reading it and find the antics of Sirius And Lydia entertaining... And... to very impotant matters...

One free Sirius and one free Remus to the following reviewers!

xXxFluffy-Pink-Socks, Krissy-Lynn, The-Singer-In-White, madpoet08, Chipmunks-rock, The-Lost-tear and xpink-lemonsx. Thankyou so much:) Your individual thankyous will be at the bottom of this chapter.


Chapter 2 – Get off of my cloud

Sirius' eye began to twitch.

It had been two days, seventeen hours, 24 minutes and 54 seconds approximately since he'd made his decision to abstain from any female contact.

And it was starting to wear very thin on his nerves.

Was he obsessed with females? Could he not last even three days without some sort of contact with the opposite sex? Where was the cool laid back Sirius that just lay down and lapped up the attention that was thrown in his direction by every female within a five mile radius?

He was sitting in the library, his eye twitching uncontrollably pretending to be paying attention to Lydia Johnson who sat upright in her chair reciting the many ingredients to Wolfsbane potion.

"You know." She said clearly irritated, "If you're going to tap your pencil against the desk you may as well do it to some sort of tune. Try the Monkeys; they're always a popular choice."

Sirius looked down at his pencil. He hadn't even noticed his incessant tapping. He really was suffering from withdrawal.

"I thought I was doing the practical part of this project!" He muttered indignantly pushing his pencil away moodily. Although he had nowhere better to be with his state of celibacy he didn't really see the need to sit in the library for an entire hour in the company of the anti-Christ.

"You do realize it was your idea to be here?" She said glaring at him.

Clearly he'd gone insane. How could he have suggested an idea so stupid? Spend time in the company of Lydia Johnson? He'd rather naw his own nads off. And more to the point how could he not remember suggesting it?

He scratched his head puzzled. He really did need to find effective alternatives to shagging. The absence of said activity had obviously addled his brain so badly his frontal lobe was dysfunctional.

"Besides." She said in a matter of fact tone, "Learning the theory will help you with the practical."

Sirius sighed and buried his head in his hands. Lydia Johnson had to be the bossiest, sassiest, self acclaimed nerd he'd ever met in his life. They'd spent their entire potions lesson arguing about which potion would make the best exhibit for their NEWT project. The Wolfsbane potion had caught Sirius' eye as it was a newly discovered potion that hadn't been completely perfected. And as his eyes had scanned down the page silently reciting the ingredients, he couldn't help but think of Remus. Lydia's suggestion however, had been somewhat less adventurous. A strong sleeping draught had to be the most over done NEWT project in the history of Hogwarts. In fact, Sirius intended to prove it to her by looking it up in 'Hogwarts; A history.'
Professor Slughorn had finally ended their debate by offering his approval of Sirius' suggestion… Lydia after all… was not very talented in the area of potions. But now, Sirius almost wished that he'd agreed with her in the first place. Her attitude towards him had been cold enough on first appearances but it seemed Lydia appreciated being beaten down about as much as he did. She'd been in a huffy silence with him for the rest of the day and anything he said in her eyes was completely unworthy of praise. His jokes were not witty and his rare show of kindness not registered. He wondered absently if she'd hold it against him forever. An image of his wedding day popped to mind and Lydia was giving a speech. He chuckled to himself.

"Laughing to yourself is the first sign of madness." Lydia said not tearing her eyes away from the book.

"No, talking to yourself is the first sign of madness. I suppose someone like you though would have to resort to talking to themselves whether they were mad or not. You know, not having even a trace of a social life." He retaliated folding his arms and sinking lower into his chair in the tantrum pose, popular with terrible two's all over.

"What, and miss out on all this fun? I've got better things to do than stand in a group of mindless brats giggling away, gloating about the run in I had with the latest male beauty, 'No, Honestly… He ACTUALLY looked at me!'" She mimicked in a girlish tone and fluttered her eye lashes dramatically. Sirius felt his lip twitching and contained a smile with great difficulty. He was immensely glad when she returned to her reading as it gave him the chance to renew his tantrum pose.

"Just for interest…" He said now tapping his foot, grinning maliciously, "Who IS the latest male beauty."

"Some schmuck named Sirius Black. For the life of me I can't figure out who they're on about… all the Sirius' Blacks I know are ANNOYING LITTLE TWERPS!" She shouted slamming the book down on the table, clearly frustrated with his foot tapping.

A few moments later Sirius and Lydia were sprawled out on the corridor floor their books and quills splayed around them.

"Well in her defense… If I was a librarian I'd probably be insane too." Sirius said with a grin. His humour however was not appreciated by Lydia who sat up in a huff and gathered her books around her looking murderous.

"That's the second time you've irked me all day!" She exclaimed. Sirius looked at her blankly. "Now we can't finish our research!"

"But… You were the one that defaced an important contribution to the 'Great potions of our time' section." Sirius said mimicking Madam Pince to a tee.

"Well if you hadn't been tapping your foot in such an annoying manner then I wouldn't have had to would I?" She growled standing and smoothing her robes down. "Now, I'm going back to the Ravenclaw common room… Where I hope you know there are no useful books on Wolfsbane potion. I suggest you head back to Gryffindor before someone murders you! Which, if you take into consideration the fact that you're so annoying, could very well happen soon."

Sirius watched her stomp away in complete and utter amazement. He gathered his fallen possessions and did as she had told him.

Peter greeted him with a snigger when he climbed through the portrait hole.

"So, how's the celibacy going?"

Shaking his head bewilderedly he said, "Well after what I just witnessed… I'm actually feeling a whole lot better about giving up women."


"Lilly can you please just give it to him when you go to Care of Magical Creatures?" Lydia begged as she and her best friend walked the corridors the next day during lunch.

"Why can't you give it to him?" Lilly asked rifling through her Charms notes clearly not paying attention.

"Because the less time I spend in the company of Sirius Black the less imminent the possibility of ending up in a mental asylum becomes."

Lilly laughed and her emerald green eyes sparkled. Lydia had seen a very similar sparkle many times and had learnt quickly not to trust it. She wasn't a trouble maker on a general basis and neither did she condone trouble making. And Lilly seemed to be conspiring at that very moment… Very bad.

"Well as you are potions partners, and you do live in the same five mile radius… I'd say you should get use to each other. Don't you think?"

"No… No Lilly I don't… Lilly where are you going? LILLY!" But Lilly Evans wasn't listening and had walked on ahead of her into the charms classroom.

Unaware she was in the middle of a corridor packed full of people she stamped her foot dramatically before turning huffily and running into Remus Lupin.

Without apology she said, "Brilliant! Listen, I have Sirius' diary and I was wondering if you'd give it to him?"

Remus eyed her suspiciously as he brushed down his robes rather pointedly. After thirty seconds of this action he realized she wasn't going to apologise and asked shrewdly; "Why don't you give it to him?"

Lydia sighed and tried a different tactic, "I'm not in any of his classes."

"But he's got Transfiguration with the Ravenclaws right now… and you're a Ravenclaw."

Smart arse…

"I thought he had charms." She said improvising as she went along.

"No… For some Gryffindors the time table had to be changed around a bit… Just give it to him now."

And without another word Remus Lupin left her in the middle of the corridor still holding Sirius shagging Black's diary.

Once more she stamped her foot, but this time she checked she wasn't about to run into anyone, and satisfied that the corridor was now empty she made her way to Transfiguration in a tantrum.

She realized when she arrived that it had been a bad idea to linger in the corridor hoping someone would take Sirius Black's diary. It had earned her a lecture about the importance of punctuality at NEWT level transfiguration; courtesy of Professor McGonagall.

"Take a spare seat down the back next to Mr Black."

Mr Black? Oh bloody hell!

Lydia glared at Sirius accusatively trying to translate in her eyes that it was all his fault. If he hadn't been born such an arrogant jerk she wouldn't have stormed off in a huff the day before with his diary and then in turn would not have had to stand around in the corridor begging random Gryffindors to give it back to him when she was due in Transfiguration.

Moron.

As if reading her mind he smiled at her innocently and suavely pushed his books over to her side of the desk. She glared at him again, feeling like a giant prat throwing herself down into the seat beside him moodily. It seemed whatever she did around him was usually done in a moody fashion.

"Do you mind?" She hissed trying to make use of the spare inch of desk but failing miserably.

"Not at all." He said with a malicious grin spreading his books out further.

She growled in a frustrated manner and tried to concentrate on the incantation they were using to vanish mammals. But due to her lateness she'd missed the beginning of the lesson and could not master the spell. Vanishing spells were always difficult and though they'd been covered the year before she found summarizing the topic just as difficult as learning it.

"Professor McGonagall could you please repeat-."

"Miss Johnson, are you under the impression that I have time for you? I would have had time for you had you been in my class in the beginning ten minutes but you were not, so therefor I do not have time for you." She then pointedly turned her back and strutted to her desk.

Bloody wonderful

Lydia grimaced. Sirius was staring at her a smile playing on his lips… she knew what he was thinking…

Git

"Fine! Show me how to do it!" She exclaimed finally, having had enough of his smirk.

"I'll wait for a please." He said raising his eyebrow expectantly.

She sighed. She was unsure who she hated most out of Sirius Black and Minerva McGonagall but between the two of them she figured she could power several small countries with her hate alone. Grimacing she said through gritted teeth, "Sirius will you please show me how to vanish this darn animal?"

"Certainly my good lady… you only had to ask."

He was actually a rather good teacher… and he was very talented at vanishing spells. Something that only made her madder. She'd always been talented academically! Why did she have to take tips from someone as shallow as Black?

"Thank you." She said bitterly, taking her wand and practicing the incantation.

"Evenescafera!" She said clearly.

Not quite what she had in mind.

The moment she'd waved her wand a great explosion had occurred upending every desk in the classroom and sending books everywhere. Girls screamed and boys took cover.

It was then she realized…

Sirius Black had switched her wand… for his.

He looked at her innocently for two or three seconds before grinning mischievously and then finally bursting out into infectious laughter.

She wasn't impressed.

And neither was Professor McGonagall.

"BLACK!" She screeched. Lydia wondered how McGonagall had known it was his work of mischief. And then she looked at Black and wondered how she'd even thought to be curious about that in the first place. It was Black… if there was trouble, he was in on it.

The bell rang and brought with it Lydia's salvation. She grabbed her books, apologizing to onlookers who were glaring at her accusatively and made her way out the door fuming. She couldn't remember ever being in such a bad mood, but she could see in the not too distant future a time when she'd probably think exactly the same thing after another Sirius induced tantrum.

And then she realised that she still had his diary.

BUGGER IT!

She hated Sirius Black so much she couldn't stand it. She had never had such a bad two days in her life. She had been banned from the Library for a week for defacing a potions book (she could hardly see how slamming a book down on a table to prove her point was defacing but then Madame Pince had always been a bit loopy) and now she'd been late to her class and demolished the classroom.

And she still had his shagging diary!

She pulled the cause of all her troubles out of her bag and glared at it in disdain. How dare it cause her so much pain and suffering! How dare it look at her so smugly!

She was personifying a diary.

Very… VERY bad sign.

Growling she threw it down on the ground and stalked away. Sirius Black was the most arrogant, immature, annoying son of a bitch she'd ever met.

And she wasn't about to help him by returning his bloody diary!


xXxFluffy-Pink-Socks - You're most definately not weird! Who wouldn't stuff Remus and Sirius into their carrier bag??? They're sexy! lol Thanks very much for your review!!! I love being original!

Krissy-Lynn - You know my friend said the same thing... and my english teacher says it every time i give her a piece of writing, (Sighs) It's a curse. Anyhow I hope this chap was a little less confusing. Thanks for your constructive critism!

The-Singer-In-White - Ah but of course Dr Lupin can make you feel better! (Presents Dr Lupin) He's maigc ;) And don't worry about repetitive reviewing... if it says the words 'I like this a lot' I want to hear it a lot... lol Thanks heaps!

madpoet08 - Really??? Thankyou!!! I love being told I have good grammer and spelling, it really does make my day! Thank you very much!

Chipmunls rock - It works a treat doesn't it?? It really has got to be the best bribe in the world... lol Thankyou!

The lost tear - Ah! Thankyou! Im glad you find it cool:)

xpink-lemonsx - You think it's funny??? I LOVE YOU! lol thankyou:)

Cheeky prank playing Sirius and stressed up Lupin (he needs his tension eased) free for all those who review ;)