DISCLAIMER: The characters aren't mine. Nope, they belong to Dick Wolf. Sigh. The song isn't mine either. It belongs to A Fine Frenzy.

Author's Note: Thanks to those who reviewed the first chapter. I'm still not quite sure where this is going, but I'm having fun writing it. :) I hope you enjoy installment two.


Something causing fear to fly
Rising like a dark night
In silence
Traveling so like broken boats
Heading for the sky
And I'm an island

I watched you disappear into the clouds
Swept away into another town

Six years and still, he can remember with an all-too-vivid clarity the pain, the loss he felt when she drove away from him that night. That night she changed everything. That night she'd finally made it okay for them to admit their love for each other… only to tear it all away from him.

He'd been so foolish to think that they'd get their happily ever after. His life wasn't a goddamn fairy tale. Her life sure as hell wasn't.

Still, despite the betrayal he felt, despite the loss, despite the pain he endured every day since her departure… he loved her. He always had. He was pretty sure he always would.

He knew he could find her if he really tried. He also knew how badly he wanted to. The fact of the matter was, she'd made the decision to go. She'd removed herself from the equation. Yes, they loved each other. But he was married. Therefore, they could never be. He had to respect the fact that the pain was too great, too much for her to bear. For the first time in a long time… perhaps ever, he put her needs before his own. He let her be. He hoped she was happy, wherever she was.

The world carries on without you
But nothing remains the same
I'll be lost without you
Until the last of days

So, Elliot carried on. He simply maintained. He woke up, kissed his kids goodbye every morning, went to work, helped the victims, caught the bad guys, came home, drowned his sorrows in a beer or four, went to bed. He barely touched his wife. When they did make love, he squeezed his eyes shut and fought the urge to cry out her name. Afterwards, he and Kathy rolled to opposite sides of the bed and he pretended to sleep.

Sometimes, when he just couldn't pretend, he rose and silently padded down the hallway to their home office. He'd Google her name. As he waited for the search results to load, he prayed they wouldn't turn up an obituary.

He'd first allowed himself to do this about a year after she left. His every thought was consumed by her; he needed to know she was okay. The first story that had turned up was a newspaper article about how she'd taken down a rapist who was terrorizing L.A. The article came with a picture and Elliot sucked in a breath. She was different, but the same somehow. Her hair was longer, lighter. Her olive skin was more tan than he remembered. He attributed both these things to the California sun. She was ravishing.

Without thinking, he printed the article. Now, he carried it in his wallet. Somehow, it made him feel closer to her.

The sun is in the east,
Rising for the beasts
And the beauties
I wish that I could tear it down,
Plant it in the ground to warm your face

I built myself a castle on the beach
Watching as it slid into the sea

Now, six years later, he still thought of her as his partner; his desk still sat flush with hers; she was still a Manhattan SVU detective; she was still the woman he loved. He knew she always would be.

"Stabler, Rollins."

Elliot heard the familiar voice of his Captain through the thickness of his thoughts. Elliot turned slowly in his chair. Even the smallest movements took a concerted effort. He was so tired.

"Yeah, Cap?" he heard the blond say to the older man. Despite everything Elliot had gone through, Don Cragen had continued to support his best detective. He continued to look at him with fatherly eyes, with tolerance and love.

"They just fished a body out of the river. Eight year old girl, signs of sexual assault. Warner is waiting for you."

Rollins was out of her seat before Elliot had even turned his desk chair back around. He slowly pushed himself upright and followed the young woman to the elevator, trying to avoid the stare of his captain. The elevator door was already open by the time Elliot had rounded the corner and he saw a thin hand holding it open for him. As he went to board the crowded vessel, he looked up and into Rollins' face. He stopped dead in his tracks.

This wasn't right. He couldn't do this anymore. Not without her.

"Elliot?" There was a question in her voice; she was wondering what the hell was wrong with him.

He was dumbfounded. How had he let it get this bad? How had he existed this long without her? He was done.

He turned on his heel and walked straight to his captain's office, ignoring the curious call of his name behind him. He swung the door open without knocking and stood in front of Cragen, pleading and desperation in his eyes.

Cragen merely nodded and shouted, "Amaro, go with Rollins." Elliot shut the door and sat down in the chair across from Cragen's large wooden desk. "I'll make a call."

The captain picked up the phone and Elliot felt the ice around his heart begin to melt.

The world carries on without you
But nothing remains the same
I'll be lost without you
Until the last of days
Until the last of days

Through walls and harvest moons
I will fight for you

"Okay," Cragen began as he set down the phone. "She's no longer with the department in Los Angeles."

"What the hell does that mean?" Elliot jumped in, his emotions taking charge.

Cragen paused and ran a hand down his face. "It means she's not a cop in L.A. anymore, Elliot."

Elliot could tell the captain's patience was wearing thin, so he checked himself and let him finish.

"Her former captain said she moved out of the city a few months ago and up to Portland, Oregon."

"Oregon again," Elliot sighed.

Cragen merely nodded. "She left a forwarding address." And with that, Elliot felt a glimmer of hope. "Elliot, are you sure about this?" The Captain had to ask as he handed Elliot a small slip of paper.

If Cragen knew more than he was telling, Elliot didn't give a damn. "Cap," Elliot began, grabbing the paper between his shaking fingers. "I've never been more sure of anything. I need… I need to find her."

"And your wife?"

Elliot just shook his head, wordlessly.

"Elliot," Cragen said. "You're still married. Maybe you should just leave her be…"

Elliot sighed. "I can't do that, sir. I just… can't."

Cragen nodded. "Go then." He'd barely finished the second word and Elliot was out the door.

The world carries on without you
But nothing remains the same
I'll be lost without you
Until the last of days

The plane ride seemed to take forever and no time at all. Elliot couldn't believe how quickly he was landing at Portland International Airport. Before he knew it, he was driving his rental car along the coast of the Columbia River, her address plugged into the in-car GPS system.

Soon, the checkered flag appeared on the tiny screen and he found himself nervous. So anxious to see her again. He had not heard her voice since that night… the night she told him she loved him. The night he told her he loved her in return. The night everything between them had changed. The night his world had shifted.

He pulled his car up in front of a quaint, American craftsman-style home and smiled. It was warm and inviting, greeting him with a large wrap-around porch complete with a swing and several potted plants. It hit him then that she'd made a life here for herself. And he was an intruder.

Maybe he couldn't do this after all.

He put the car in drive again, prepared to slip quietly away into the fading sunlight. Then, the front screen door opened and she walked out… she walked back into his life, just like that.

She didn't see him yet, so he just watched her walk to the porch swing. It was then that he realized he couldn't drive away from her. His world had all but stopped when she left and it was up to him to set it in motion again.

He shifted the car back into park and cut the engine. He quietly opened his door and stepped into the warm June air. As he rounded the car, he heard the laugh of a child. Followed by the laugh of the woman he loved. It was then that he realized she wasn't alone. Olivia wasn't alone. He stopped in his tracks as he reached the sidewalk. As if sensing his presence, her eyes found his and turned wide.

Maybe she's babysitting this child, Elliot thought. You don't know the whole story.

"Mommy," the child said softly, crushing Elliot's theory dead. "Who's that?"

Olivia stood, taking the child's hand and walked to the front steps. She was dressed differently than he'd ever seen her. A long skirt dripped down to her bare feet, paired with a light, scoop-necked tank top. Her hair was still light and she wore it wavy and pulled away from her face into a ponytail. This was a whole new Olivia, relaxed, almost bohemian. She was beautiful. He loved it.

"That's my friend, Elliot," she finally spoke and his heart settled into a normal rhythm. If you asked him, he'd say it began to beat in time with hers. Again.

"Elliot, this is my daughter, Maggie."

Until the last of days…

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