Summary: Harry Potter has a secret and a problem that has been controlling his life for the past four years and he knows that the only person who can help him is one Hogwarts Potions Master. SS/HP Slash. (Male/Male relationship)
Disclaimer:I wish I did own them, but I probably wouldn't share. So this way, with me not owning them, we can all have a piece of Harry Potter and co.
A/N: Probably the biggest issue I should address is the change in title name. It was once called 'Guarded' but now its 'Running Blind'. I also have the story vaguely mapped out and chapter three is very close to being done. Don't expect an update too soon, but I'll try my best. Review and Enjoy!
In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
And you love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go, let me go
-Let me go by Three Doors Down
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Running Blind – Chapter 2
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Severus awoke in a sweat; his breathing ragged and the sheets that had been placed upon him were tossed in every which way. A cool damp cloth was pressed against his blazing forehead and Severus sighed, closing his eyes and leaning into the touch.
He started, however, when a dark and husky voice spoke amused at his actions.
"I never knew you were such an affectionate person, Snape." Harry, however good at masking his emotions, was having a small bit of trouble hiding his grin. Inside though he was chastising himself, what was it about this man that made him act like so?
Severus's eyebrows shot up and the past few hours dawned into remembrance and he quietly cursed the man in front of him under his breath. "What were you thinking? Stunning me?" Harry just looked darkly at the ranting man lying on the bed and looking worse for wear, he almost pitied him. Almost. "I'm going to be missed, Potter, people will wonder where I am…"
"But you were only out for a few hours" Harry interjected quietly but was ignored.
"…And they will search here, taking your hiding place away from you. They may even decide to clean up and use it again… where will you be then? Where will you hide…"
A rough hand grabbed the front of the sickly pale wizard's robes and dragged his face upwards where Harry was looming over his prone form. "You take it too far when you say hiding place. I don't hide, Snape."
Their faces were merely inches away and both were slightly flushed. Severus was now using his arms to support him after the initial surprise at Harry's reaction to his words, but, he figured, I guess I should expect these split decision outcomes from him by now.
"Then why are you here?" The words were ice cold, whispered, a single breath of warm air and Harry involuntarily shivered.
The hand gripping the front of the potion master's robe loosened but his voice was still hard, razor-sharp steel. "I don't need to explain myself to you."
They both were silent, busy staring into each other's eyes, mixed emotions being shown, searched for and buried in the confusion of their thoughts.
With another sudden movement, the hand let Severus's robes go and with the unexpected move, Severus fell downwards and landed back onto the bed with an 'oouf'. Harry fluidly stood up, looking unfazed and turned to leave the room only stopping half way though the door, tense but not turning around. "I have supper ready in the kitchen if you are interested."
With that Harry left a openly gaping and highly suspicious potions master struggling to get up from his awkward position on the bed with a hundred questions running though his mind.
The most important was the fact that Potter left him; he could leave if he wanted to. But surely it wouldn't be that easy. His mind argued. Sitting cross-legged, Severus surveyed the room he was currently in. The bed was big, really big, dark but warm and inviting. The room was the same way, a very dark atmosphere, but still, comforting. Severus gathered that this must be the master bedroom. However, he wasn't certain. It looked grand and superior with large drawn windows and a fireplace to marvel all others. But Severus didn't know the house very well so this could very well be simply a spare bedroom. Severus just shrugged and then considered what he was currently wearing.
His robe was on, but open and wrinkled. His black trousers were still on, his dark t-shirt always present. But what had him confused were the two pitch-black matching bracelets on each of his wrists. They were about a good two almost three inches wide and seamless, with indescribably ruins carved into the metal that glowed faintly blue when he tried to pry them off.
"Damn." Severus muttered as he fiddled with the bracelets, his body unconsciously slumping over as if in defeat.
What is Potter thinking?
Severus stood up slowly, giving himself time to think. The front door? No, he'll have that warded surely and it's too close to the kitchens to leave unheard anyways. Flooing, then. But the fireplaces were cut off from the floo network when the house was practically abandoned. Then what…? His head shot up. The potions room! Of course…
Hurriedly, but still rather silently, Severus made his way just down the hall and around a corner to the door that he knew quite well. He opened the door rushed inside, before smiling, if a tad grimly. Dumbledore and Severus himself warded the room; the apparation wards being keyed into only his and the headmaster's magic. It was protected so well, the wards so strong and confusing, surely…
Severus concentrated, and thought deeply of his destination of the Hogwarts ground, but nothing happened. He felt no rush of power, no feeling of this place fading into another one; he felt nothing, nothing but cold. He shivered and tried again. Nothing. He couldn't apparate. But it wasn't just that fact that had him worried, it was that he could feel his magic at all now, it seemed to have simply left, or been…restricted.
Severus eyes fell to the two bracelets on his arm, but he couldn't feel any dark magic coming from them. He looked up, distraught, when he found that he couldn't feel any magic at all in the entire room. Even with articles of strong magic sitting on the shelves of the potions room, he felt nothing. It was a cold and weak sensation.
He rubbed a hand over a bracelet and only felt their cool surface and rough ruins dragged into the contour of the metal. On a whim, Severus whipped out his wand, surprised that it was still on his person, and made to cast the simplest levitation spell. He spoke the words, swished and flicked… nothing. The book that he was aiming at just sat there, it hadn't moved the slightest inch.
Desperate he tried another spell, and another. Still nothing. An Unforgivable. Again nothing. Slamming a hand down on the wooden table he cursed, "Damn you, Potter." The boy completely restricted his magic. These silly bracelets are most likely the key but how did Potter acquire these… these must be very dark to have this affect on wizards when worn. This is most definitely I thought I'd never see in the hands of the boy-who-lived. Even in these dark times. I thought…
But what he thought would have to wait, for when he heard a soft low chuckle behind him he spun on his heel and turned to face the man who had severely handicapped him so easily. Leaning against the doorframe Harry Potter was looking dark and dangerous, Severus cleared his throat and avoided looking at anything but Harry's face, it sounded simple yet it was oddly hard.
Taking a deep breath Severs glared, "What were you thinking? I'm practically a squib."
Potter nodded. Damn you Potter. "That was the point Snape."
A fierce and silent staring contest ensued, one, which Harry won when Severus slumped down into a chair in resignation. "Where… where did you get these?"
Harry shrugged. "I stole them from someone." He paused to think and then smirked coolly, "After I killed him of course."
Severus winced, since when has the savior of the wizarding world begun to kill ruthlessly? No one expected this. His behavior, his manners, his speech; he has changed so much in so little time. He changed more then I thought he had.
"Was… was he a Death Eater?" The question was timid and quiet, as Severus feared the answer.
Harry shrugged again. "I can't remember. Probably. I think he wanted to use them on me. But I learned that it's not only Death Eaters who want me dead, there are many, many others who are not in league with Voldemort, they just simply are very much against me. I think I found that out the hard way." Harry rubbed a hand across his forehead. "My memories are foggy of these last few years. I can only remember feelings and faces, but I can't remember why or when or where. It's all a blur. But I can guess from my nightmares that it was all pretty gruesome."
They lapsed into a semi-awkward silence till Harry just shook his head sadly and glanced up at the potions maters though a messy fringe of hair, "Are you hungry?"
Severus's eyes widened at the subject changed but nodded and placed a hand on his stomach. "Starving." He hadn't actually got around to eating breakfast or dinner yet today so a meal now sounded heavenly.
"Good." Harry turned to leave the room. "Follow me."
Severus followed wordlessly. They crossed hallways, descended the grand staircase and down another hallway took them to the kitchens. Nice bright and open kitchens that didn't match the gloomy darkness of the rest of the house. But it was a nice change, Severus supposed.
On the table sat two simple sandwiches on paper towel. Harry sat down on one side of the table and motioned for Severus to do the same. "I'm afraid I don't have much food, it's been awhile since I've gone shopping for more. I suppose that now with two mouths to fill I'll have to go buy more food if we want to last on edible nourishment."
Severus just nodded and Harry inwardly sighed. He had to admit that the man took the restricted magic quite well, his reaction that surprised him actually. He looked so tired and so defeated. It was weird to see that on this man that I know to be emotionless and cold. Harry admitted to himself. Just to see if there was truly something wrong with this old professor, Harry decided to voice some of his thoughts out loud.
"You've impressed me." He said simply.
Severus glanced up from where he was studying the grain on the wooden table. Nicely done if not a bit crude. He mused as he watched the boy-who-lived's eyes narrow in speculation. He then felt a probing in his mind, it was faint but even still he was surprised he felt anything. Severus felt used and sneered. "Find what you wanted?"
Harry smirked. "Not quite. But I must say, I am enjoying your helpless state of mind." He paused and took another bite of his bland sandwich. "And of course," He continued when he had swallowed the bite of food, "I am impressed by you."
Severus frowned. "Why?"
"Pure curiosity, but you are an interesting character, Snape. The way you are, it's fascinating."
Severus sneered again. "Is that why you disabled my magic, to examine my reactions?"
Harry gave a quiet laugh. "Not even. I have… some need of you."
To Severus, the usual confident man in front of him seemed to have faltered and it left him curious. "What do you need?"
The young man closed his eyes and took a deep calming breath that left Severus even more curious as to the weird behavior of the man. "I need you to make a potion for me, Snape."
"What potion?"
Harry fiddled with his sandwich. "It will be difficult. It needs to be perfect."
"What potion?" He was asked again.
Taking another breath Harry frowned. "It will need to be a Wolfsbane potion… but…"
"Wolfsbane?" Severus questioned with a lift of an eyebrow, "The werewolf potion? My, Mr. Potter that would explain a lot." Harry only glared at him and Severus took the hint with a small sigh. "Forgive me for interrupting, I was merely wondering…"
"And if you would pause for a moment and let me tell my tale then you would have your answer doubly quick." Harry said coolly. The Potions Master took on an emotionless mask and motioned for him to go on. "As I was saying, the potion will need to bear a few… adjustments."
Severus leaned back in his chair and folded his arms. "Are you going to tell me why you need that particular potion, Mr. Potter?"
"That, I should think, would be particularly obvious. I am a werewolf myself Snape, but mere Wolfsbane potion does nothing to ease the wolf during my transformations."
"Why?" The eyes of the already dark man deepened and looked at Harry with such intensity that Harry almost shivered, and then proceeded to berate himself mentally for that almost slip.
"The potion was designed for witches and wizards to take to ease the wolf side of their mind into a peaceful calm in order for them to simply keep their human mind aware and clear during the transformation where as usually, they would go insane with the overwhelming desires of the wolf within." Harry explained calmly.
"Yes, Mr. Potter. I know. I was one of those who created this potion, but as it stands I see no reason why it shouldn't work on you." Severus hated to admit it but he was becoming more and more curious about this little problem of the boy-who-lived.
Harry sighed, as if it was plainly obvious which caused Severus so scowl. "It works on the everyday wizard or witch. A person with little or no extra curious magical abilities, I, however, am not the everyday wizard that I could have been. With my magic linked with that of the Dark Lord's though my scar makes me… different.
"I receive visions that have me shaking, mentally and physically, such a force that breaks though the calming and minor compulsion effects of the Wolfsbane potion. I also have an unnatural magical reserve and have unconsciously built up a resistance to many different potions. They will have little or no effect on me, which both hinders and protects me. I have tried the Wolfsbane potion on nights with Visions and nights without, but still for the duration of the full moon I am knowingly at the mercy of the wolf."
Silence followed his speech, but Harry could see that Severus was working at it. No matter who he was and what type of feelings or grudges they both held, Harry knew that Severus couldn't resist this challenge and Harry knew that Severus was the only person he could trust to pull though on this endeavor.
Finally Severus smirked, but looked like he was still pondering the problem, a welcome sign to Harry who has received little or no help during these past years, "Quite a mess you've got yourself into Potter."
Harry just nodded, what he wouldn't do for some coffee right now, the thought passed by his head but he ignored the craving, the full moon was in a week and he had no time to spare with fleeting thoughts. "Can you do anything?"
"That is the wrong question Potter, the right one would be if I can do something by the full moon, which if I remember is drawing nearer." Snape looked pensive, absentminded, another good sign; Harry knew he was right on when he figured that Snape couldn't resist this type of challenge.
"Well? Can you?"
Finally looking Potter in the eye, Snape frowned, his eyes seemed so cold, Severus had to ignore shivering, but what was it about this boy – no, man in front of him that affected him like this? He sighed, just another question for the masses, "Yes Potter, I think I can. But If I don't we will only have to have it ready for the next."
Harry nodded, "Of course." There was a lull in the conversation and Harry took this moment to politely clean up their dishes, "I'll show you too the potions room?"
Severus stood and shook his head, "I know my way there," He paused then added, "Thank you though."
As Harry watched Snape flee the room Harry smiled faintly and shook his head, he wondered how long it would be before Snape noticed that I was almost impossible to create decent potions without magic, it was honestly a good thing that Harry had picked up a few tricks for a certain book and from years on the road. With a faintly audible sigh Harry left the room and headed up the stairs to go help Snape, his head pounding with lack of sleep and odd emotions turning in his gut.
Damn you Snape.
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"Where on earth did you learn how to make this potion? Let alone find the recipe, this particular potion was supposed to lost in the shuffle of time. Amazing…"
Harry smirked as he stirred the crystal clear liquid three times counter clockwise and then a small quarter turn clockwise, "'lost in the shuffle of time'? You've become poetic in your old age man."
But Severus was leaning over the cauldron with apt curiosity he hadn't even noticed his body pressed tightly against Harry's side, who refused to move in case of disturbing the potion. Shaking his head, Harry added a few pinches of crushed rose petals and a spoon of a blue liquid that mixed with the petals turned clear, a perfect mirror where Harry could see his own face twisted in concentration and Severus's face in analytical thought.
The years had been kind to Severus. His face was pale and his eyes as black as night but he looked no older than when Harry had been in first year. Astonishingly his hair wasn't as greasy as he had thought, however looming over a potion as he was doing now was only adding the grease process, at least Harry now understood how the rumors had come about. Simply too curious for his own good, Harry smirked.
Tossing in a carefully measured amount of bone powder Harry frowned as he watched it dissolve slowing into the rest of the potion. A purifying potion, sought, forgotten, lost, now found it was worth a fortune and the potions book Harry had got the recipe from was worth it's weight in millions of thousands of pounds in gold. It wasn't a particular special looking book, nor was it heavy or shiny or torn, it was a plain and ordinary book that held extraordinary secrets. Kind of like Snape and I, Harry mused, only we don't look to plain and ordinary on the outside…
"Do you know the potions I could advance with this book?" Snape had said when Harry showed him the book contents.
Harry had only frowned and closed the book's thin cover then stuck it in his robe, "I do know, but it means nothing to me."
"Are you that selfish to keep such a find to yourself, Potter?"
"No," Harry shook his head and began to get the ingredients for the purifying potion out, "I simply know that no good can come out of it." He refused to answer and more questions but Snape's attention was quickly swerved when Harry announced what potion he was making.
Now, Severus was leaning against the table, watching Harry work. He had edged away slightly but their thighs still touched and Severus was at a fork of which to pay more attention too, the potion or its maker. Lost in his thoughts, Harry made the potion methodically, the potions was known by heart and his every movements were precise as if he knew exactly the consequences if he made even a small mistake, but, Snape figured, he probably did.
Shaking his head at how such an incompetent young boy from his potion classes could become, in such short time, almost a potions prodigy. It was unbelievable, and yet, Snape was hardly too surprised, Harry Potter was an unbelievable young man. There was so much he had expected when he had found Harry Potter in Sirius Blacks old house and yet this – this was not one of them. He had changed so much, Severus figured, too much. In so little time, this was not the boy who had amazed them all with his spell casting in his last couple years at Hogwarts; this was most definitely not the same boy.
Severus jumped when Harry announced that the potion was ready, looking at the ever-clear potion, he wondered how the man knew exactly when it was truly done. Shrugging they silently copped many bottles of this potion and then stood in awkward silence.
"I suppose I'll get writing out the plans for your potion then, we will be able to start on them in the morning." Severus shifted under Harry's calm gaze.
The other man nodded, walked towards the door and then stopped, his hand gripping the doorknob tightly, "I'll have you know that with the wards I've put up no own short of Merlin could pass them, you are safer here than in Hogwarts and that is both a blessing and a curse for you I suppose. You can sleep in the same room you woke up in, that is if you can find it again, otherwise any room will do. Do sleep some, as we will be up early in morning to commence the potion making." He paused, "And Severus? Your welcome."
