Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. I only lay claim to this plot.
A/N: Thank you all so very much for your reviews they were amazing and so kind. Your response was unbelievable and I'm happy that you're interested in my story, also some of your reviews had me LOL they were incredibly funny.
All those ways to make Sasuke suffer, that asshole, I look forward to hearing more my wonderful reviewers. I will do my best not to disappoint you all. Now on with the story.
Warning: Yaoi, AU, Sasuke bashing, some major angst, some violence, extreme jealousy and craziness, OOC, Smut, and adult themes.
Major thanks to the fantastic Inuryu, my beta for her help editing.
Title: Redemption
Chapter 2: Renouncement
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Reflection
M. SCOTT PECK:
The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.
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There were neither stars nor a moon to brighten the sky; without their illumination the night sky became an impenetrable black void that pulled everything into its dark embrace. It was rare for such stillness to fall upon the Village of the Hidden Leaf, no music, laughter, or any tomfoolery was displayed. The omnipresent ANBU that patrolled the Village were strangely nowhere in sight.
Naruto did not bother to use chakra to transport himself to his destination; in fact he resigned to walk desolately from the Uchiha Sector and through the dormant streets of Konoha. His pain had become so unbearable that as a countermeasure, to cope with the insufferable torture, his mind had literally shut down.
Sure his body was still working, but his mind was empty, his face expressionless. Going through the motions of life without a thought; he was numb. A blissful feeling he embraced wholeheartedly; a temporary relief from his dreadful reality.
His feet knew exactly where to carry him; he was going to his former sensei, Jiraiya's, private apartment. The Toad Sannin had kept it as a rest stop and as an escape when he needed time to do 'research' for his next book. It was apparent that the explicit, graphic adult series had made the sennin a very affluent man.
The apartment was heavily guarded by a series of high-rank jutus some of which Naruto had helped him perform. It was fully furnished with every modern convenience at hand and it was a last resort for the blonde.
His old housing had long ago been given up and the creaky, old building had been demolished and replaced by a shopping complex. Everything was changing, and everyone else along with it. He, however, had stood on the sidelines watching it all happen; the passage of time yet lingered waiting, waiting for the day when he too could move on.
It had taken him this long to realise his dream was for naught; in order to move ahead he had to allow himself to give up the past, and with the Uchiha in his life this would never happen. It was a chain that shackled him there, but no longer was he going to be held back. He would begin living his life for himself for once.
It might have seemed selfish and inconsiderate, but for so long he had given everything he had for others, shouldering their concerns and burdens. Helping them achieve their happiness and dreams, yet leaving none for himself. In the process of trying to be everyone's friend he had lost a part of himself along the way. He had sacrificed all he possessed: his time, his energy, his dreams, his happiness, and his very soul to bring joy into the life of others. All to ensure their safety and well-being, but no one had ever returned the favour.
And though he had stopped being a shinobi, and had become a recluse devoting his life to Sasuke, to do as he pleased with him. He never stopped trying to aid others, even those who despised and hated him, those who saw him as a demon, a monster, an abomination. He sort to bring out the best in others though they only saw the worst in him.
Naruto could never say it had been an easy journey for him up till this point; it had been downright hellish, yet he was still standing and that was a feat in itself.
Over and over again he had been abused, beaten, and loathed. He had suffered so much tragedy and affliction, but he wasn't broke. His spirit, though dimmed, had not been put out, though there had been various occasions when quitting would have been the easier thing to do.
He was ready now, though it had been one hell of a ride, to let go of this unconscious guilt he had carried deep within him. A sin he had never committed yet paid the price for, for Kyuubi's massacre, for the villagers' cruelty, for the crimes of humanity, and bigoted, narrow-minded, grief-stricken individuals.
His continuous pain and torment was about to come to end.
He felt like Atlas when he had been relieved of his punishment, the weight of the world was no longer on his shoulders and it was a glorious dawn for him.
XXX
It was another 10 minutes before he arrived at Jiraiya's address; he then set about disarming the lethal security system, before he could enter. It was well-kept even through the sannin's lengthy absences, but it wasn't particularly homely. It was the essence of every guy's bachelor pad.
It didn't matter to Naruto one way or another; it was just a momentary residence and he would be leaving soon enough once things went in his favour, but then again many things didn't go his way.
He occupied one of the furnished guest bedrooms with an adjoining bathroom, storing away his clothing prior to searching the cupboards for food. As suspected there was nothing but cobwebs and a few harmless spiders. It was a lucky thing that he had his usual packets of ramen, his passion for it had never faded, but it did lose its charm.
The blond had endured so many difficulties that he had forgotten his childishness along the way; it was just another painful reminder of his losses. His trademark orange jumpsuit and outlandish exterior had faded; they were of another one of his personas that had been discarded over the years.
He wasn't that person anymore and he couldn't go back to being that way. He had been hurt in every possible way a person could be hurt, and then some due to the other occupant residing in his body. Though people, even his closest of friends, had thought him foolish and immature when he was younger; they did not understand that he had already matured far more than any child his age should have.
He had witnessed the absolute worst in people and had been forced to grow up much too early. To compensate for this loss he spent much of his energy acting like a foolish, optimistic, stubborn boy. He wanted people to have a certain image of him so that they wouldn't see how much their behaviour towards him hurt. No, he wasn't a genius or a prodigy, but he was far more intelligent than they gave him credit for.
Naruto had experienced many failures and few, but memorable, triumphs. The obstacles and setbacks he had faced still appeared visibly before him, he had been taken for granted by all who knew him. The blond could have easily blamed the Yondaime, the villagers, or even his own teachers for his suffering, but he didn't.
It wasn't because he was noble or a saint, but he had become an expert on human nature through the hard way. Though he did not justify their actions; he understood their situations and their pain, and as a result of this knowledge he was unable to bring himself to hate them.
Entering the bathroom, he stared at himself desolately in the mirror reflecting his image. And after a few moments, he realised he did not know this person and it was a shock.
He did not know this person; he did not know this face. This lifeless face, so pale it rivalled snow, these empty, despairing, blue eyes that conveyed so much sadness. The person staring back at him was a stranger and he knew until he could understand this odd part of himself he would not be able to control it; it would stay until he fully comprehended its presence.
This was enough cause for him to sigh, but he shrugged off his pensive state. He was in no position to question himself and do some soul-searching; that would have to take a back seat until he could figure out where to go from here.
Though he was tired, he could not bring himself to sleep, it would be a futile effort. So he contented himself with staring off into space, not really asleep, but just blanking out his mind. It was a strange form of meditation that had been inspired by Gaara, who could not, even after having his seal strengthened get a full night's sleep.
After a few hours the sun began to rise and Konoha along with it. Starting from his trance he set about preparing for the day ahead of him; he knew that he would have to do some shopping, but the first thing on his list was to pay a long awaited visit to the Hokage.
Walking through the village, no one paid attention to him, because of his marriage to the Uchiha his status had been lifted from being scorned to being utterly ignored. His existence forgotten and though this would have pained him in his younger years he was thankful for this small change.
Making his way to the Godaime's office, he recognised many of the shinobi on duty, but they in turn seemed oblivious to his presence. Finally he was approaching the door of her office, guarded by the standard Chunnin.
At first they ignored him, but when he gazed at them pointedly, they snapped to attention bowing, "Uchiha-san."
"I'm here to see the Hokage." He announced.
"I'm sorry Uchiha-san, but the Hokage specifically told us that no one could be allowed to see her at present. She is very busy", they replied.
Shaking his head he said, "Alright, I guess I'll have to come back later."
Walking away, turning the corner he made a few hand-signs, channelling his chakra and the next moment he poofed into the Godaime's office. There he saw she was indeed busy, but not with her official duties. Instead she was drinking a cup of sake and scratching lottery cards.
Some things would never change. Sighing he moved forward making his presence known.
"Hitting the booze this early Baa-chan, I'm appalled."
Tsunade's head snapped up and froze for a moment only to regain awareness and scowled, "Shut up gaki. And where the hell have you been anyway?"
Though her tone was harsh, but her concern and worry was apparent.
Needing to put one of his last remaining precious people at ease he replied, "Around. And who the hell made you my baby-sitter, you old hag."
Fuming she took out her anger by flicking him in the forehead sending him flying backwards. He could have dodged, but he endured it for old time's sake.
"That's for your disrespect, gaki."
Gingerly Naruto stood up rubbing his brow, "Can't give a guy a break."
"So what pleasure do I owe this visit, it's been awhile."
"I know," his face became solemn. "I need to talk to you."
"About what?" she questioned, but in her gut she could feel that this was no ordinary call, not in the least.
"Tsunade-sama," he began; now she officially knew something was wrong. Bracing herself she took a deep swing of her sake and turned back to him.
"As the village Hokage I am placing a petition to you for a divorce."
Tsunade upon hearing this she began to choke and sputter on her drink. She couldn't believe what she was hearing; she knew in-depth how much Naruto loved Sasuke and though she personally disliked the boy, she saw how happy Naruto was because of the raven and so gave her blessings. But this news had sent a chill down her spine.
Then she saw, she truly saw the boy in front of her; she recognised his pain, his suffering, and most of all his heartbreak. She knew these feelings all too well and she would never wish them on anyone, but to see the blond going through such turmoil, wounded her deeply.
Then before he could continue; she arose from her seat and giving in to her maternal instinct she enveloped him in a consoling embrace, holding him close to her bosom and allowed him to take comfort in her clasp.
Tsunade felt it, it was subtle the quivering, but soon his entire body was shaking uncontrollably and all she could do was hold him close. She knew intimately no matter how hard she tried she would never be able to take away his apparent suffering and it hurt her.
Naruto was unravelling before her in a way she had never seen before. The boy, no man, who had restored her faith in Konoha, who had opened her heart, who had saved the Village and its occupants' everyday was falling apart and she couldn't stop it.
He who was so strong for everyone else and who had rarely shown weakness even in the face of adversity was totally, utterly vulnerable. His emotions were out in the open, all his pretences and masks were broken and he wept for the first time in ages.
His hot, salty tears were incessant, his sobbing was mournful; the sounds he made were reminiscent of a wounded animal. The very atmosphere was affected, it felt as though someone had died and everything was falling to pieces. Naruto could not control his grief and for once let it consume him wholly, not even putting up a fight.
It seemed like days before his crying died down and even then Tsunade continued to hold him, cradling him in her arms. His tears had soaked through their clothing; the air felt heavy and stifling. The blond shed tears for so many things, the list was endless.
His feelings had been so bottled up inside him without release that he had finally exploded; it as if a dam had broken and his emotions came flooding out in torrents. Feelings so powerful and violent that at the very peak of his suffering he let out a earth-shattering wail that echoed throughout Konohagakure and so the entire Village was cast into gloom because of this lone boy's anguish.
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A/N: I'm very sorry for the delay, but life just caught up with me and writing this story seems to take a lot out of me emotionally. I guess I'm trying to convey Naruto's pain and suffering as realistically as possible so that you, as my readers, can sympathise and becomes engrossed by the characters, especially Naruto. I truly hope you liked this chapter and I will try my best to update soon.
Please review.
Sincerely,
CharmGirl24.
