So I suck at college and writing. I was actually doing really well and thinking about getting a chapter up of my rewrite of chapter two every week then release the actual newest chapter the week of Christmas, and I actually had several rewrite chapters only needing a read-through and two next chapters done with the third in the middle of being written...then college happened hard. But I have two parts of the rewrite left and the third newest chapter is further along so without any more wait here is the first part of the chapter 2 rewrite and there is hope that the rest of the rewrites will become coming one every day.
The next day Kurt and Puck were both anxiously waiting for the bell to ring and their teacher to start the class. They sat alone together on opposite sides of the choir room each sneaking glances at the other every so often when they thought the other wasn't looking.
Puck noticed that Kurt had dark circles around his red-tinged eyes and his heart felt like a lead weight in his stomach at the thought of why. Puck had had a lot of time to think in juvie so he knew he had royally fucked up his relationship. Hell he knew that before he even went to juvie. But it wasn't until he came back and Kurt's eyes had shone with a pure happiness directed at him before turning dark with sadness as he remembered how Puck had broken his heart that he really knew just how truly he had fucked everything up. It wasn't hard for him to spiral into anger at himself then a fearful depression at not knowing how to fix things, and it got worse every time he saw the signs of how much Kurt was hurting because of him. Which was why last night after his mom had left for work around eight he had spent three hours screaming his anger and agony while kicking, throwing, and punching anything and everything he could reach in his room. He had successfully destroyed over half of his room by the time he was done and put on some music to block his thoughts from spiraling anymore while he cleaned up. Later as he lay in bed trying to sleep he pulled up the last picture he had taken of him and Kurt together before they broke up on his phone and silently cried himself to sleep clutching it to his heart like a lifeline.
On the other side of the room, Kurt couldn't help noticing the scrapes and bruises on Puck's hands and forearms. He was sure those hadn't been there yesterday. The grey rings under his eyes had been but Kurt was sure they hadn't been as dark. 'Hmm, so Puck didn't slept either'. He wasn't really sure how to feel about that. Part of him was sadistically glad he wasn't the only one still being caused pain but the other part, the side that was still in love with Puck, wanted to calm the tornado of wild, irrational, and angry depression he knew would no doubt be the state of Puck's mind that makes him impulsive and destructive to himself and those around him. But Kurt hadn't had a good night either, so just knowing Puck's current state of mind without a doubt or even a second of thought made his heart constrict painfully hard in his chest. Last night he had broken down crying three times while trying to get through a rehearsal for his song today. On the third time he had finally just given up and curled up on his bed his knees pulled up close to his chest and his arms wrapped around himself as tightly as they could be like he was physically trying to hold himself together. Around eight he made himself look presentable and put on a smile through dinner, but when he was back in his room he once more attempted to get through his song without breaking down. As Kurt went to bed that night well after everyone else in the house, he too pulled his picture of himself and Puck from their last date together out of the hidden box under his bed and clutched it to his heart as he once more cried himself to sleep. So Kurt said nothing, avoiding the other teens gaze opting instead to just stare at the door hoping for someone to enter soon.
Kurt's wish was granted soon after, as the rest of the Glee club slowly made their way into class, oblivious to the two males that had been awkwardly sitting alone together in the silent choir room.
"Okay guys, who's got a regret ready?" Mr. Schue had barely finished his sentence when Kurt's hand meagerly rose in the air. "Yes, Kurt?" the teacher looked at him curiously.
"I have a song I want to sing." Kurt rose from his seat and purposefully ignored the slight confusion on his fellow glee-clubbers, as well as his teacher's, faces.
"Right, start us off then." Mr. Schue moved to sit at the piano as Kurt handed the band some sheet music then stood in the center of the room.
"I'm not really sure how to introduce the song I want to sing. It's not really one particular regret more of a culmination of regrets." Kurt glanced at Puck regretfully for a brief moment as he spoke hoping no one noticed before he quickly looked away towards the band; however, one very curious Latina noticed and she looked at her friend to show her confusion only to see him starring rivetingly at Kurt as he started to sing.
I walked through the door with you, the air was cold,
But something 'bout it felt like home somehow.
And I left my scarf there at your sister's house,
And you've still got it in your drawer even now.
Puck stared at Kurt as he sang the first lines not really knowing the song but knowing exactly where it was going.
Kurt walked through the door into Noah's house for the first time. Noah's truck had broken down in the school parking lot earlier that week and he couldn't get a ride home, so Kurt had offered to drive him. Originally his offer had been a one-time thing (it wasn't like they were really friends or anything) but as they had talked on the way there and gotten to know a little about each other they had started to discover how much they actually had in common. In just that initial fifteen minute drive, Noah had found out Kurt was secretly a big Nintendo gamer and Kurt had discovered Noah's secret love (bordering on obsession) with the Harry Potter series. Their new tentative friendship had only grown after Kurt offered to give him rides until he could get his truck fixed that weekend. Though their interaction at school hadn't changed much (which Noah argued with a little but Kurt insisted it was better this way, at least while the friendship was still so new), as soon as both doors had shut it was as if they hadn't just spent an entire eight hours of school apart. Every drive they learned something new about each other. At first it was little things, such as Noah being more of a reader than he let on at school or Kurt's weakness to anything strawberry flavored, but by Thursday morning Kurt was telling Noah about how he had had his mother's favorite heart-shaped perfume bottle made into a picture frame for the last picture taken of the two of them after she died. Noah smiled saying it was understandable and actually kinda cool before he then returned the gesture by telling Kurt about how after his father left he became the man of the house, looking after his sister without much complaint and often cooked dinner for his ma so she didn't have to come home from her day shift to a bunch of house work and two unhelpful children just to go to her night job right after putting Sarah to bed. Kurt smiled back and told Noah his being a good son to his mom wasn't a bad thing and he thought that was very admirable and sweet of him.
It was now the end of the day Thursday and as Kurt pulled into the driveway of Noah's house he was surprised when Noah invited him to stay a while in thanks. "Alright, but only if I get to see that collection of Harry Potter stuff you told me about yesterday." Noah glared playfully but nodded and led him into the house then up to his room. The two started with Noah showing Kurt his fairly large collection of Harry Potter stuff. He had a copy of both the American and the British printing of the first book, a replica of Draco Malfoy's wand, a stuffed Hedwig, Hogwarts Express bookends, figures of almost all the main characters from the golden trio to Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas, and even a painting of Luna Lovegood with her Quibbler magazine and glasses.
"Wow. You weren't kidding when you said you had a big stash of fan stuff," Kurt teased with a smile. "I think it might almost be as bad as Hagrid and his creatures just less destructive." Noah laughed loudly at that and grinned before replying.
"I reckon' ya got about the right idea ther' with that'n" making Kurt laugh as well.
"Oh no. Now I'm picture you with Hagrid's long hair and beard." They both made a face before laughing harder at the mental images. "So why Draco's wand? I would have thought you'd like Ron or Seamus more."
"I do like Seamus don't get me wrong. He's funny and kinda adorable throughout the series. Ron's okay but I always thought he was more of a clueless git then anything else. I have Draco's though cause I've just always felt more...connected to him, I guess? In the beginning of the series he's a huge ass, sure but as it goes along and you get more into his character you find out why he is that way. What kid wouldn't turn out like that with the way Lucius Malfoy is. He's such an abusive, hateful coward. And Narcissa doesn't do much to help. She's a bit more caring towards Draco, especially at the end when Voldemort is back and putting Draco in danger but she's still just as prejudiced as her husband. Being raised in a house like that you're bound to grow up with certain ideas about the world and your place in it, but when he goes to Hogwarts and when Voldemort comes back he starts to change. He may still not be the nicest person but there's an understanding that what he's been taught and known his whole life is not the way things actually are.
"If you really think about it, his whole life he was taught that Voldemort was the lord supreme or whatever and that everything he said and did was perfect and necessary but when he actually gets involved with the other death eaters he sees what they're doing and how wrong it is. In the sixth one when he gets the order to kill Dumbledore we see how much he's struggling with that and how much he's struggling with everything. All of his life values have just been upturned and thrown around like a tornado or something." Noah finally looked at Kurt and realized he was not only rambling but going way more into his explanation than he had intended to. "So yeah, I've always connected with Draco for that reason."
"Because you used to be a jerk and now you're not." Kurt said with a smile, though it came off a little more like a question.
"Kinda. But….to be honest with you, now that I look back, I've never bullied you because you were gay. I never would have cared if it hadn't been for the way my old man raised me before he took off. He was one of those people to always talk about what real men were, how if you weren't that way you weren't a man, and how a woman should act and where they belonged. It wasn't until I joined glee that I realized how wrong he was."
"Well I'm certainly glad you decided to join then" Kurt responded with a smile. After a thankful smile back from Noah he added, "thank you for telling me all of that. I think you would make a great Gryffindor." Noah started to protest but Kurt shot him a look that dared him to try. Badass or not, if Noah had learned one thing about this week it was not to argue with that look. So instead he just smiled shyly and gave a quiet thanks.
Noticing Noah becoming oddly shy Kurt quickly changed topics. With a quick glance around the room he noticed the Nintendo system under the small TV and challenged the Mohawked teen to a round of Mario kart. With a grateful smile Noah nodded then as if nothing had happened he gave Kurt a confident smirk and comment of, "hope you're ready to eat my dust, Hummel, cause I'm about to kick ass at this game," as he set it up.
"Hope you're ready to go back to school, Puckerman, cause I'm about to teach you the difference between winning and losing." Noah couldn't help falling sideways with laughter as he heard the countertenors comeback.
"Dude, that was so lame! Go back to school? Teach me a lesson?" Noah clutched his side in his laughter while Kurt gave him a playfully sharp look.
"Oh yes because 'eat my dust' is so new and original," he deadpanned before laughing along. And yet they continued using as many old and horrible burns on each other as they selected their characters and started the race.
They played several rounds, each more competitive than the last, for the next hour. Somewhere near the end of their fifth round Kurt and Noah were neck and neck for first place when Noah managed to get control of his controller with one hand and used the other to reach over and pull on the thin, black scarf Kurt had worn that day off successfully distracting Kurt into falling behind and running into a wall, while Noah continued on over the finish line and into first place.
"Ha! Suck it, Hummel. Told you I would beat you!" he hollered with an childlike jump up and dance.
"Suck what, Puckerman?" Kurt turned to face Noah's smiling face with a good natured glare before he continued speaking. "You didn't win anything, you cheated." It shouldn't have been, but the tiny pause between Kurt's two sentences were enough to get Noah thinking of that question in a different, more sexual, way. Hey, Kurt was pretty damn hot so could you blame him when a question like that was posed to him in a position of him standing over a kneeling Kurt while said kneeling male was looking up at him with a tiny pout on his full lips.
Though it felt longer to the mohawked teen, Noah's pause was only a few seconds long before Kurt brought him back to the moment by tugging on his scarf that was still in Noah's hand to make him lean forward. Then with a gleeful smile swiped his leg under the unsuspecting teens. With a yelp Noah fell backwards and landed on his ass. Kurt started laughing so hard he fell forward onto Noah's chest. "I never realized you could make such a high squeak of noise, Puckerman. Guess you're not as much of a badass as I thought if that's how you react to a simple trip up."
Noah glared at the still laughing teen on his chest. "You questioning my badassness, Hummel?" Noah sat up and forced Kurt up with him where they stared each other down.
"Yeah, I am, Puckerman. I mean what real badass needs to cheat to win a silly video game race."
Noah growled teasingly back. "I didn't cheat. Simply used my surroundings to my advantage. It's called thinking outside the box" he answered as he waved the thin, black scarf in Kurt's face. He laughed falling back a bit then reached out and took the article from him. "And I don't need to cheat cause I'm the biggest and hottest badass there is!"
Kurt just smirked at him before responding with a, "I don't know about hottest badass, but you do have a sexy ass," as he flicked the scarf as best he could at the jock's ass sitting on the carpeted floor. Noah's eyes widened in surprise as he just stared at a frozen Kurt. When Kurt finally looked up to meet his eyes, Noah didn't even hear the stammered start of an apology before he lurched forward to soundly kiss him. Kurt was frozen in shock as Noah's lips met his in a searing kiss. When Kurt finally leaned forward and slowly moved his lips gently against his, Noah moaned softly.
Brittany had been right when she talked about how amazing of a kisser Kurt was. He furthered this confirmation in his head as his arms wrapped around Kurt's waist and pulled the countertenor to straddle his lap. Kurt's kisses were gentle as if he was unsure of himself and yet he responded with a fiery passion. His touch was soft were one hand grazed through Noah's mohawk and the other curled around his neck. And yet, he was so assuredly there and electrifying to all of Noah's nerve ends. Noah let his hands roam all over the male's body moaning at the softness of his skin and the feel of the hard, toned muscle hidden under a lean exterior. To Noah, the light bit of toned muscle was not only hot for what Kurt could do with it, it also served to remind him that Kurt wasn't fragile. Noah was so used to holding back and not fully giving in to the pleasure because of the possibility of hurting his partner, but with Kurt he could finally lose himself completely in the feelings both of the electric energy surging between them and the way getting rougher in the way he gripped and pulled at Kurt just made it all more real.
After a particularly rough grip and pull on his hips to get him closer, Kurt got more sure of himself and started giving back just as good as he got. The hand that was curled around his neck moved over his shoulder and down his chest to tug at Noah's nipple ring through his shirt. His other hand tugged the sparse hairs of Noah's mohawk. Noah moaned loudly and bucked his hips awkwardly off the ground. Kurt pulled back suddenly and Noah looked at him to see shock and, was that a sliver of fear in his eyes? His cheeks were tinged bright pink and as he moved off Noah's lap it looked as if he was trying to curl in on himself.
"Umm….sorry I….I didn't mean to.…" Kurt muttered not looking up at the other male. Noah was suddenly right there next to him with his arms wrapping around Kurt's waist in a reassuring hug.
"Hey, it's okay. I kissed you alright. I started things getting heavier. I'm sorry if I pushed you too far. I won't make you do anything you don't want to." Kurt finally looked up from his shoes and his blue-grey eyes met chocolate brown.
"You're not...freaked out a fairy kissed you?" Kurt asked hesitantly but with a touch of bitterness when he used one of the more favored nicknames from the bullies.
He jerked suddenly when the soft brown eyes hardened in anger as Noah growled out, "don't call yourself that." Kurt nodded and muttered a quiet "sorry". Noah sighed and forced himself to calm down. "Sorry, I just...I hate that I ever treated you that way, and I wish I could make the other idiots stop. You're amazing, Kurt. You're so much fun to talk to. And you're so smart, brave, strong, caring, beautiful, kind, and sexy. I really liked kissing you."
Kurt's head shot up to meet Noah's eyes in shock, his mouth agape. "You...you think I'm...I'm sexy?" Noah chuckled and gave a small smile as he nodded. Kurt watched him for a moment before he snorted in disbelief. "Yeah, right. You don't have to lie to cheer me up. I know I have the sexual appeal of a baby penguin." Noah outright laughed at that, loud and real making Kurt glare with anger and sadness.
"I'm sorry babe I didn't mean to laugh it's just...I must be super in to baby penguins cause you are without a doubt the sexiest person I've ever met." Kurt looked like he wanted to argue but Noah cut him off saying, "Kurt you have legs that go on for miles, your skin is so smooth and soft, you're lithe and curvy, you have just the right amount of muscle for your body, and you have the greatest ass. That's not to mention how expressive your eyes are with the gorgeous way the color changes with your emotions. Or how the paleness of your skin is ethereal instead of just being pasty like most people. Or how you're so flexible in ways that just beg to give me dirty thoughts about you." Kurt's blush darkened from bright pink to red and Noah smirked leaning down to kiss each cheek and feel the hot flesh beneath his lips. "Plus your so damn innocent it endearingly sexy."
"Oh. but I thought you were as straight as they come?" Kurt asked leaning his head away from Noah's lips that had started venturing down from his cheeks.
He pulled away with a sigh and shrugged. "I never really thought about it. My first crush was a girl and I found girls attractive so I never put much thought in anything else. I am the person who has continuously made comments about 'any holes a goal' and my being an equal opportunity sex shark, but I always just assumed it was about the cougars I've been with or the chicks that weren't always the hottest."
"What changed?" Kurt was struggling to keep away the grimace but he really was curious. Noah gave a thoughtful smile and a small chuckle.
"Whenever Ma works a late shift and Sarah and I are alone for dinner, we take turns picking a movie to watch. About a week or two before your little 'straight phase' it was Sarah's turn so she picked Twilight. The sparkly vampire guy was shirtless showing the pasty chick his sparkles and Sarah made a comment about him being super-hot. Without any hesitation and not even thinking before I said it, I looked at the guy and told her I thought the skinny nerd kid was hotter." Kurt's eyes widened but he didn't say anything since Noah continued. "I didn't even realized what I had said until I told my sister to stop staring at me and she muttered something about 'idiot brother' and 'no eyes'. I really don't know how I shook something like that off but I didn't put too much thought into it until a week after your Mellencamp week when Brittany started dragging me to glee club and raving about you." Kurt cocked his head to the side with a cute look of confusion on his face that made Noah smile and softly peck the tip of his nose. "She was so grateful she got to be your girlfriend even though it was very short. She told me she was so happy to be the only girl that would get to be with you like that, and I just had to ask her what she meant cause I got really curious thinking she had had sex with you which seemed super weird and impossible. She smiled at me with this dazed and dreamy and happy look and told me you had some seriously amazing make out skills and it was even better that you were super-hot too." Kurt smiled in awe.
"She really said that?" Noah nodded and Kurt gave a light, airy laugh. "Wow, well, I will just have to thank her with some of my rainbow cookies she loves at lunch tomorrow." Noah laughed and smiled nodding once more. Kurt smiled back then had a thought. "Why did that change things though?"
"After the way Brittany talked about you when we got to glee and I saw you walk through the door like you owned the place it was like a lightbulb clicked on or something. I couldn't not notice you or the way I was thinking about you or my body was reacting to you." Kurt blushed again but smiled this time which Noah took as an improvement. "I started really thinking about things and everything just kinda clicked, you know? I knew I wasn't gay cause I still like chicks, but I obviously was attracted to guys too so I did some google searching and porn watching," a darker blush from Kurt, "and I found out I'm actually pansexual." Kurt looked up at him with an adorably confused look.
"Pansexual?"
Noah nodded explaining, "it's like, bisexual people are attracted to both genders differently. Pansexual is just pretty much not giving a shit. Pansexual people are attracted to everyone no matter the biological sex, the gender, or identity."
"Okay, I think that makes sense. Can I be honest with you? I've always just believed bisexual was a made up term for gay kids to make their parents believe they might find a girl eventually." Noah's face fell a bit and Kurt reached out to cup his cheek in reassurance. "But with you it just makes sense, and the way you explained it helps me understand it more." Kurt laughed at Noah's wide, bright smile leaning forward to peck his lips sweetly.
Kurt stood and reached a hand down to Noah, who took it and stood, then lead him over to the bed. He sat the taller teen on the edge of the bed then gave a light push to make him lay back. Once Noah was comfortable and watching him closely confused, Kurt shyly climbed up to straddle Noah's waist. Kurt leaned down to kiss Noah but hesitated slightly from the quite sexual position.
"Kurt?" Noah's hand cupped Kurt's cheek and made him look up so his brown eyes could see the ever constant emotion shining in the now pale blue. "Hey, we don't have to do anything like this if you don't want too. I'm good just laying here and talking." Kurt smiled gratefully and laid down more comfortably at Noah's side with his head resting on the bigger man's broad chest. Noah's arm wrapped around Kurt's waist while the other intertwined his fingers with the hand resting on his chest. "Kurt?" He continued when the smaller male hummed to show he was listening. "Will you….I mean would you want to...maybe be my boyfriend? I wouldn't make you hide or anything either. I don't care if people know I'm pan or dating a guy, I only didn't say anything cause I don't think it's that big of a deal and it was even less of a deal when I wasn't with another guy so as far as anyone else knew nothing had changed and I really need you to answer me or something cause I don't think I can stop this verbal vomit on my own." He finally stopped talking when Kurt gave a light laugh and leaned up so he could look at the jock.
"Yes, Noah, I would be glad to be your boyfriend, but…." he hesitated here and Noah gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "I think keeping our relationship secret would actually be a good idea. Not because I'm ashamed or don't want everyone to know or anything ridiculous like that but….Noah the bullying has been getting a little worse lately. Nothing I can't handle," he placated when Noah's eyes turned a muddy brown in anger, "just harder and more frequent locker shoves, tossing derogatory notes at me during classes, and more words being thrown around in the hallways. But if you suddenly came out as dating me, they would be awful to you, and blame me. I wouldn't honestly be surprised if their first reaction would be to 'beat the gay' out of you, and you know they'd do worse to me since it would be my fault to them. I just want to protect us from that." Noah sighed but nodded.
"Alright, I don't like it cause now that you've told me how much worse they've gotten all I want to do is beat them around a bit and scare them into backing off of you…." Kurt got a nervous look in his eyes like he wanted to tell Noah not to cause trouble but was afraid of the reaction he would get if he did. "But I get it and you're right," Noah added to ease his boyfriend's worry. Kurt smiled and kissed the corner of Noah's mouth before laying back down.
"Thank you. I like that you want to defend me and protect me but I can manage on my own. Plus this way it's safer for both of us. Now I can protect you for a change. So, thanks, Noah." Noah wanted to argue that he was the most terrifying badass in that school and didn't need protecting, but he didn't knowing that Kurt was right. He knew it made the smaller man happy to be able to protect his bigger boyfriend, so Noah let him have it knowing things like that wouldn't happen very often.
For the rest of the afternoon into the evening the two just laid there cuddling, kissing, talking, and eventually Noah got up and put a couple movies in. Sooner than they would have liked Noah was walking Kurt out to his car and giving him a kiss goodnight.
After Noah had watched Kurt pull away and gone back to his room, he noticed a black lump of fabric on his floor. Picking it up he smiled as he realized it was Kurt's scarf.
Puck smiled at the memory and noticed as Kurt did the same. He couldn't remember exactly but he didn't think the soft accessory had left his hands at all the rest of the night.
Kurt noticed Puck's lips quirk in a smile and couldn't help as his did the same thinking about the same memory. Kurt never did get that scarf back.
Wow that beginning got really depressing for a moment...whoops. Well I hope you all liked it and it is and will continue to be worth all the wait.
